F
FormerCreed
Guest
I’m not really sure this is the right place to post this, but traditional Catholicism is the type of religion I’m interested in, so I wanted to hear from some of the “Trads.” If it should be posted somewhere else, please let me know.
I’ve been lurking on this forum for about a year now, and I’m finally getting up the guts to post.
I was once Catholic – Latin Rite. I was extremely devout, and considering religious life. Over time I started to live differently from the way the Church said I should, and eventually left all together.
I joined the Army at a young age, and served overseas twice. It was my experiences in Afghanistan that led me to lose any faith in a God. I saw and experienced things over there that I just couldn’t make any sense of, if there was really an omnipotant, omnibenevolent deity in charge of it all. I recognize that this line of thought isn’t original. In fact, as a Catholic, I had studied theodicies that explained this sort of thing. But somehow, none of that made sense to me anymore in the face of so much human suffering.
Losing my faith was painful and traumatic for me, and I’ve never stopped missing it. But the simple fact is that I just stopped believing, and couldn’t will myself to believe again.
Last week, though, I went to a National Shrine in my area. I’m not really sure why I did, but I did. And while I was there, I…well, I don’t know, exactly…but I felt something there. Something like what I used to call holy.
And while I don’t think that an emotional response to something is evidence that it’s true, I can’t shake this weird feeling.
Another thing: So, six years ago, I gave a child up for adoption. His birth father wanted me to have an abortion, and I couldn’t do it. So I found him a good family who would take care of him. I’m happy with my decision, but it was really, really hard. His birthday is coming up, and that’s always a hard time for me. So, today, while I was thinking about my son, and crying, I did something I haven’t done in many years: I dug through an old box and found my rosary.
I didn’t pray the Creed part, because it would be a lie. I made up a prayer sort of like, “If anyone is up there listening to this, please hear me. Virgin Mary, who lost a son, please give me comfort.”
And then I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries. Again, I don’t really have any faith, but I sort of tried to remember what it was like…
I’m kind of embarrassed by all this, because part of me feels like this is irrational and superstitious. I don’t mean any offense by that. I’m just trying to be honest.
When I was Catholic, the traditions of the Church were so important to me. Now, there’s a church near me that’s very traditional, and I walk by there when they have Benediction, because I know the whole place will be billowing over with Latin chant and incense smoke. And there’s a part of me that feels like reciting the Divine Praises along with them, and another part that thinks, “Come on, it’s just a disk of bread.” I know that sounds disrespectful, but again, I’m trying to be honest.
I can’t really discuss this with my friends, but I thought someone here could give me some advice. Are any of these things good reasons to consider Catholicism again? What sort of things could I do that would leave me “open” to the idea of God if one exists, but wouldn’t be dishonest?
And, well, WHY exactly, do you believe what you do. I mean, I know at some point it boils down to faith, but is there more than that? How do you deal with such tremendous suffering in the world?
Thanks.
I’ve been lurking on this forum for about a year now, and I’m finally getting up the guts to post.
I was once Catholic – Latin Rite. I was extremely devout, and considering religious life. Over time I started to live differently from the way the Church said I should, and eventually left all together.
I joined the Army at a young age, and served overseas twice. It was my experiences in Afghanistan that led me to lose any faith in a God. I saw and experienced things over there that I just couldn’t make any sense of, if there was really an omnipotant, omnibenevolent deity in charge of it all. I recognize that this line of thought isn’t original. In fact, as a Catholic, I had studied theodicies that explained this sort of thing. But somehow, none of that made sense to me anymore in the face of so much human suffering.
Losing my faith was painful and traumatic for me, and I’ve never stopped missing it. But the simple fact is that I just stopped believing, and couldn’t will myself to believe again.
Last week, though, I went to a National Shrine in my area. I’m not really sure why I did, but I did. And while I was there, I…well, I don’t know, exactly…but I felt something there. Something like what I used to call holy.
And while I don’t think that an emotional response to something is evidence that it’s true, I can’t shake this weird feeling.
Another thing: So, six years ago, I gave a child up for adoption. His birth father wanted me to have an abortion, and I couldn’t do it. So I found him a good family who would take care of him. I’m happy with my decision, but it was really, really hard. His birthday is coming up, and that’s always a hard time for me. So, today, while I was thinking about my son, and crying, I did something I haven’t done in many years: I dug through an old box and found my rosary.
I didn’t pray the Creed part, because it would be a lie. I made up a prayer sort of like, “If anyone is up there listening to this, please hear me. Virgin Mary, who lost a son, please give me comfort.”
And then I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries. Again, I don’t really have any faith, but I sort of tried to remember what it was like…
I’m kind of embarrassed by all this, because part of me feels like this is irrational and superstitious. I don’t mean any offense by that. I’m just trying to be honest.
When I was Catholic, the traditions of the Church were so important to me. Now, there’s a church near me that’s very traditional, and I walk by there when they have Benediction, because I know the whole place will be billowing over with Latin chant and incense smoke. And there’s a part of me that feels like reciting the Divine Praises along with them, and another part that thinks, “Come on, it’s just a disk of bread.” I know that sounds disrespectful, but again, I’m trying to be honest.
I can’t really discuss this with my friends, but I thought someone here could give me some advice. Are any of these things good reasons to consider Catholicism again? What sort of things could I do that would leave me “open” to the idea of God if one exists, but wouldn’t be dishonest?
And, well, WHY exactly, do you believe what you do. I mean, I know at some point it boils down to faith, but is there more than that? How do you deal with such tremendous suffering in the world?
Thanks.