Dreading marriage because of sexual intercourse

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Amphigoree

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I dread marriage becauseI think sexual intercourse is gross although I know otherwise.

I know that it’s a gift from God and that it’s sacred.
I’ve read the book “The truth and meaning of human sexuality”

Here are some quotes:
“Love is a gift from God nourished by and expressed in the encounter of man and woman.”

“it makes them capable of the greatest possible gift, the gift by which they become cooperators with God for giving life to a new human person.”

So my point in posting this thread, is that I would like some help changing my point of view.

Say a couple decide not to have sex and adopt children, would that be wrong? Because the book also states: “When human sexuality is not regarded as a great value given by the Creator, the renunciation of it for the sake of heaven loses its meaning”
 
Perhaps you are not called to the married state? 🤷

(Are you engaged to be married at the moment? Also, are you very young? It may simply be that you are not yet sexually mature.)
 
Soren_Itenu said:
Could you be called to the religious life?
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Yes, I’ve been considering that choice not because I think sexual intercourse is gross but because I want to give up everything for God. My friend who insists that he loves me and wants to marry says that I’m very selfish for becoming a nun instead of being more open to the choices God gives me.
 
I don’t think a person can be ‘talked into’ not being grossed out by sex. That is something that may change either with good experiences of it, or a God-gifted change of heart. Experience is obviously out of the question morally for the unmarried, so the only solution is to pray for the latter.

To appreciate that it is a gift of God is different to feeling grossed out by it. A lot of women would say that childbirth is a pretty gross and unpleasant process while one is going through it, but still appreciate the blessing of a child that comes from it.

I DO think such an attitude to sex is a sign that a person is almost certainly not called to marry. Particularly for men - it may well produce impotence, which if permanent is a bar to a valid marriage.
 
Amphigoree said:
Yes, I’ve been considering that choice not because I think sexual intercourse is gross but because I want to give up everything for God. My friend who insists that he loves me and wants to marry says that I’m very selfish for becoming a nun and being more open to God’s will.
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Still, you DO think that it is gross. I think your friend deserves a wife who does not find the marital act repulsive.

You are being the opposite of selfish in pursuing a religious vocation rather than marriage in your circumstances.
 
jmcrae said:
Perhaps you are not called to the married state? 🤷

(Are you engaged to be married at the moment? Also, are you very young? It may simply be that you are not yet sexually mature.)
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I’m 18 years old. I’m not getting married yet but there’s this friend of mine who’s trying to convince me to marry him (not now perhaps when we’re older)

Actually I; ve hadsome “lust” problems but I’ve already overcome them. So I think I’m sexually mature.
 
Amphigoree said:
I’m 18 years old. I’m not getting married yet but there’s this friend of mine who’s trying to convince me to marry him (not now perhaps when we’re older)

Actually I; ve hadsome “lust” problems but I’ve already overcome them. So I think I’m sexually mature.
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That doesn’t make sense. Lust is an inordinate desire for sexual pleasure - why would anyone have an inordinate desire for something they find to be gross?
 
Well…

Could be several reasons for this…Are you Male or Female…
It’s been my experience in my short 60 years that there are many non sexual people…
Have not the slightest interest in it… my first wife had no interest after a couple years of marriage… not good at all…

Think you should speak to a professional counselor about this issue before you are faced with a great problem…
 
LilyM said:
I don’t think a person can be ‘talked into’ not being grossed out by sex. That is something that may change either with good experiences of it, or a God-gifted change of heart. Experience is obviously out of the question morally for the unmarried, so the only solution is to pray for the latter.

To appreciate that it is a gift of God is different to feeling grossed out by it. A lot of women would say that childbirth is a pretty gross and unpleasant process while one is going through it, but still appreciate the blessing of a child that comes from it.

I DO think such an attitude to sex is a sign that a person is almost certainly not called to marry. Particularly for men - it may well produce impotence, which if permanent is a bar to a valid marriage.
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Thank you very much for your response. I’ll pray then not only for this problem but also forr my vocation.
 
LilyM said:
Still, you DO think that it is gross. I think your friend deserves a wife who does not find the marital act repulsive.

You are being the opposite of selfish in pursuing a religious vocation rather than marriage in your circumstances.
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Thank you for confirming the I’m not being selfish.
My friend says I should think about him and my possible children whom I’d deprive of life if I don’t marry. He also says he wouldn’t marry if the wife isn’t going to be me.
 
Phil_Marinus said:
Well…

Could be several reasons for this…Are you Male or Female…
It’s been my experience in my short 60 years that there are many non sexual people…
Have not the slightest interest in it… my first wife had no interest after a couple years of marriage… not good at all…

Think you should speak to a professional counselor about this issue before you are faced with a great problem…
Click to expand...
It is only a problem if she wants to get married. She has indicated that on the contrary she wants to pursue a religious life (for reasons unrelated to her attitude to sex). In which case no problem and no counselling required.
 
LilyM said:
That doesn’t make sense. Lust is an inordinate desire for sexual pleasure - why would anyone have an inordinate desire for something they find to be gross?
Click to expand...
I used to have an inordinate desire. But now I find it gross.
 
Phil_Marinus said:
Well…

Could be several reasons for this…Are you Male or Female…
It’s been my experience in my short 60 years that there are many non sexual people…
Have not the slightest interest in it… my first wife had no interest after a couple years of marriage… not good at all…

Think you should speak to a professional counselor about this issue before you are faced with a great problem…
Click to expand...
I’m female and I’m 18 years old.
I don’t think I can discuss this problem with anyone outside the internet.
 
You went the opposite direction. I see. Well, just pray for discernment about your vocation.
 
Amphigoree said:
Thank you for confirming the I’m not being selfish.
My friend says I should think about him and my possible children whom I’d deprive of life if I don’t marry. He also says he wouldn’t marry if the wife isn’t going to be me.
Click to expand...
Marriage takes two people who both want it. He is not called to be married to someone who is uninterested in marriage.

Forever is a long time, especially for a young man. If he is indeed called to be married it may be to someone else.

Or perhaps, like Pope Francis, he is called to the priesthood and you can help him figure it out as His Holiness’ girlfriend who he dated before seminary did for him.
 
LilyM said:
Marriage takes two people who both want it. He is not called to be married to someone who is uninterested in marriage.

Forever is a long time, especially for a young man. If he is indeed called to be married it may be to someone else.

Or perhaps, like Pope Francis, he is called to the priesthood and you can help him figure it out as His Holiness’ girlfriend who he dated before seminary did for him.
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He is also considering priesthood. He even has an application form but he said I’m his first choice.
 
Amphigoree said:
I used to have an inordinate desire. But now I find it gross.
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Uh huh. So yesterday you had an inordinate desire, today you find it gross. Tomorrow, if you were to marry, you might well rediscover why you inordinately desired it in the first place 🤷

Not that my advice would change even so - your present attitude does not speak to me of someone called to marriage.
 
If you are not drawn to marriage (which would include sexual intimacy) then you should not marry. If you are interested in exploring the religious life, speak to your pastor, or ask him who you should be talking with. It is also okay for you to remain single without joining the religious life.
 
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