Drinking beers with the boys... (aka is my girlfriend crazy?)

  • Thread starter Thread starter JimmyQuinn
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

JimmyQuinn

Guest
Is it possible for a Catholic to really enjoy beer, music, and parties? My girlfriend and I (been dating for 4 and a half years, marriage coming very soon) have been arguing. I drink a lot of beer and enjoy having fun, but i have strong morals and never do anything stupid when i drink.

She complains every day that I should be reading spirituality books, instead of hanging out wiht my friends and doing fun stuff. I cant handle it any more…

Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
 
You should prepare yourself to give yourself to your girlfriend, for if you’re going to marry her, than you’re going to belong her and her to you forever. This means you’re going to have to make a lot of sacrifices, perhaps even lose lots of friends. But love bears all things. So stop living for yourself and start living for your girlfriend. If, that is, if you are serious about loving her and wanting to live with her forever. Besides, what is wrong with spiritual books?
 
Keeping in mind that drinking is not a sin but drunkenness is…

It depends - are you drinking lots of beer every day? Every weekend? Are you getting drunk? If you are, it would be wise to cut it out.

If you mean that once in a while you get together with your friends, have good fellowship and some beers - that is different.

Heck, you and your girlfriend might look into Theology On Tap in your area.

About the spiritual books, in order to grow in our spiritual life we must work on our relationship with God. Do you have a prayer life? Go to regular adoration? Maybe you could benefit from joining a mens group at your Parish.
 
Your girlfriend is partly right. You are also partly right.

It does seem clear to me that your GF is concerned about your immortal soul. She is also probably looking for a prayer partner and you, as her future husband, need to fulfill this role.

That does not mean that you cannot have your fun. But I suspect you should probably tone it down a bit.
 
JimmyQuinn said:
Nothing at all, and I do read about spirituality. Although perhaps I give more of my time to sports, music, and my buddies.
Click to expand...
Be sure to read the Bible at least once a day, and not just right before you fall asleep either. Read, pray, and heed the words of the Lord. 😉
 
JimmyQuinn said:
Is it possible for a Catholic to really enjoy beer, music, and parties? My girlfriend and I (been dating for 4 and a half years, marriage coming very soon) have been arguing. I drink a lot of beer and enjoy having fun, but i have strong morals and never do anything stupid when i drink.

She complains every day that I should be reading spirituality books, instead of hanging out wiht my friends and doing fun stuff. I cant handle it any more…

Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
Click to expand...
Uh, don’t drink too much, don’t do stupid stuff under the influence of actually evil music, don’t party immorally, do have fun and if anything is fun which your fiance thinks isn’t fun then it isn’t fun and you should go do fun stuff she thinks is fun instead of what isn’t fun to her and shouldn’t be fun for you either, so go have some FUN!
 
I disagree with trying to change your preferences before marriage. After you get married you have to put your wife/family first and the other stuff second. But just dating you need to be honnest with yourself and your girlfriend. If you would rather drink and hang out with your buddies than be with her then you need to really think about whether you are ready for marriage.
 
royal_archer said:
If you would rather drink and hang out with your buddies than be with her then you need to really think about whether you are ready for marriage.
Click to expand...
False dilemma. This isn’t either-or. It’s both-and. Tomorrow, for example, my friends are coming over for Man Day. We drink beer, play games, insult each other, et cetera. My wife isn’t invited. Neither are the wives of my friends. We do this about twice a month, and it has nothing to do with me not wanting to hang out with my buddies more than with my wife.

– Mark L. Chance.
 
royal_archer said:
I disagree with trying to change your preferences before marriage. After you get married you have to put your wife/family first and the other stuff second. But just dating you need to be honnest with yourself and your girlfriend. If you would rather drink and hang out with your buddies than be with her then you need to really think about whether you are ready for marriage.
Click to expand...
Right on! If beer and the buddies are more important to you than your intended, I would begin to wonder if rather than a life partner you see her as an accessory that a guy has to acquire to round out his life. The odd notion that a guy needs to have frequent nights out with the “boys” after marriage has ended up ruining a lot of marriages. My opinion would be you are not ready to settle down and raise a family and I would think twice about getting into a marriage that you will see as giving up your freedom.
 
mlchance said:
False dilemma. This isn’t either-or. It’s both-and. Tomorrow, for example, my friends are coming over for Man Day. We drink beer, play games, insult each other, et cetera. My wife isn’t invited. Neither are the wives of my friends. We do this about twice a month, and it has nothing to do with me not wanting to hang out with my buddies more than with my wife.

– Mark L. Chance.
Click to expand...
Just act like a Christian man.
  • no drunkeness
  • no swaering
  • no being a bad example to others and leading them to fall … they probably know you are Catholic right? The Bible calls us to be set apart from the rest of the world. … I wonder what you mean by: “insult one another”…
    I think I’d be sad and worried too if I were your gf… But you gotta be honest with your self about if your behaviour is totally worthy of Christ and you are leading your friends to Him or if you are behaving like a man of the world who just goes along…
within a few years you are going to be a dad (probably)… are you going to teach your children that beer parties where you speak foul and where a woman are not welcome - perhaps for some quite bad reasons - is the example of a strong Christian father?

Your gf might worry too much… But only you know in your heart if what you are doing is the right thing.
 
GraceDK said:
I think I’d be sad and worried too if I were your gf…
Click to expand...
Not as worried as my wife would be. bah-dum-ching!
GraceDK said:
within a few years you are going to be a dad (probably)…
Click to expand...
I have two children, one 11, the other 10. I’ve been married for 15 years and counting.
GraceDK said:
are you going to teach your children that beer parties where you speak foul and where a woman are not welcome - perhaps for some quite bad reasons - is the example of a strong Christian father?
Click to expand...
:rolleyes: in light your next quoted statement:
GraceDK said:
But only you know in your heart if what you are doing is the right thing.
Click to expand...
How droll given your wild mischaracterization of my activities. But if makes you feel better or superior to imagine me all beer-y, foul-mouthed, and misogynistic just because I enjoy the company of my male friends even though I’m married, knock yourself out.

👍

– Mark L. Chance.
 
Haha, I think GraceDK mistook you for the OP, mlchance.

Grace: as far as the “insulting eachother” goes, just consider it male affection. 😉
 
CatsAndDogs said:
… do have fun and if anything is fun which your fiance thinks isn’t fun then it isn’t fun and you should go do fun stuff she thinks is fun instead of what isn’t fun to her and shouldn’t be fun for you either, so go have some FUN!
Click to expand...
I am going to assume that I misunderstood this or that you were “having fun” when you typed it. Because, I just know that you didn’t mean to say that whatever the OP’s opinion of “fun” is, he should set it aside and then adopt his GF’s idea of “fun” as his own. 'Cause if you did say that, it’s kinda insulting to guys that we are somehow incapable of determining what is and is not “fun.” I would never presume to hand a woman a rifle and tell her she now should find hunting fun. By the same token, she shouldn’t hand me cross-stitch and say enjoy yourself. 😃
 
“Right on! If beer and the buddies are more important to you than your intended, I would begin to wonder if rather than a life partner you see her as an accessory that a guy has to acquire to round out his life. The odd notion that a guy needs to have frequent nights out with the “boys” after marriage has ended up ruining a lot of marriages. My opinion would be you are not ready to settle down and raise a family and I would think twice about getting into a marriage that you will see as giving up your freedom.”

Give this quote some serious attention. Your GF may be worried about your marriage lasting more than one year! Apparently the both of you are not in agreement concerning these “nights out”.
Seek an “understanding” with your fiancee before you get married. If you get your balance and understanding from these encounters with your buddies then I predict your marriage will be quite rocky. Pray about it.
 
Caesar517 said:
Grace: as far as the “insulting eachother” goes, just consider it male affection. 😉
Click to expand...
Yep, it’s a guy thing.

Lemme take a stab at this… this is a very common thing to experience…guy doesn’t want to let go of his single-guy habbits and wife-to-be wants him to spend as much time as possible with her. That’s issue #1.

Issue #2 is “I drink a lot of beer”. This is a significant statement, methinks. It sounds like this could be trouble. I’d question, why do you drink a “lot” of beer, and how much is a “lot”? Enough to be a potential alcoholic?

I’m not making a judgment here, just throwing it out for consideration. I like beer as much as the next guy, but wonder about the “a lot” thing. I can only go by my experience and the experiences of my friends…but there’s a wide margin in “a lot”. Six beers in an evening for me would be a lot. But I’m a beer snob; I’d prefer one good beer to half a dozen bottles of tasteless swill.

But enough about me.😛 Previous posts are quite on the mark about giving yourself totally to your spouse. There’s compromise in every marriage; you need to consider what you’re willing to give up (or not), regardless of whether her demands (requests) are reasonable or not.
 
JimmyQuinn said:
Is it possible for a Catholic to really enjoy beer, music, and parties? My girlfriend and I (been dating for 4 and a half years, marriage coming very soon) have been arguing. I drink a lot of beer and enjoy having fun, but i have strong morals and never do anything stupid when i drink.

She complains every day that I should be reading spirituality books, instead of hanging out wiht my friends and doing fun stuff. I cant handle it any more…

Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
Click to expand...
If you two are arguing about this every day NOW, wait until you get married! It will only get worse. Been there, done that, and lived through years of hell because of it.

You cannot change each other. You can only change yourself, and any attempt to impose one’s values on another person is doomed to failure. Resentment breeds quickly and can destroy a relationship.

Since you asked, my suggestion is that you re-examine this relationship and do some serious soul-searching before you two make a permanent committment to marriage. And perhaps you need to examine your relationship with alcohol, since you say you drink a lot of it.
 
mlchance said:
False dilemma. This isn’t either-or. It’s both-and. Tomorrow, for example, my friends are coming over for Man Day. We drink beer, play games, insult each other, et cetera. My wife isn’t invited. Neither are the wives of my friends. We do this about twice a month, and it has nothing to do with me not wanting to hang out with my buddies more than with my wife.

– Mark L. Chance.
Click to expand...
Yes but it sounds like in your case it is an occasional activity that is done with your wife’s acceptance. That is different than having a conflict with your wife. it sounded like in the OP’s cas the two had a significant difference of opinion with how much hanging out was going on.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top