Drinking in Church at a Wedding

[LVP]

Hello -
I am a wedding coordinator in my Church and had a big problem this past weekend. The groomsmen brought in a cooler of bottles of beer and began drinking as soon as the wedding was over in the vestibule of the Church. There were 275 people at this wedding - so the vestibule area was full (only the 12 groomsmen were drinking). The priests in my parish were either in the confessionals or not around. I approached the men and told them that alcohol was not allowed on Church property and they defiantly looked at me and drank. The groom got very obnoxious with me. The bride and groom receive a paper in their wedding packet that says that alcohol is prohibited on Church property and we go over that with them. One of the priests told me I should have pulled him out of the confessional, but, I did not feel comfortable doing that. Any suggestions? Is there anything that I could have done? It was a very uncomfortable situation.

 

[Dicerning]

Hello -
I am a wedding coordinator in my Church and had a big problem this past weekend. The groomsmen brought in a cooler of bottles of beer and began drinking as soon as the wedding was over in the vestibule of the Church. There were 275 people at this wedding - so the vestibule area was full (only the 12 groomsmen were drinking). The priests in my parish were either in the confessionals or not around. I approached the men and told them that alcohol was not allowed on Church property and they defiantly looked at me and drank. The groom got very obnoxious with me. The bride and groom receive a paper in their wedding packet that says that alcohol is prohibited on Church property and we go over that with them. One of the priests told me I should have pulled him out of the confessional, but, I did not feel comfortable doing that. Any suggestions? Is there anything that I could have done? It was a very uncomfortable situation.

I would have called the police. I don’t care if it was someones wedding day. I know of one priest who has a policy at the rehersal in where he warns that if he sees anyone in the wedding party drunk or taking a nip that he would call the wedding OFF. I know of one instance where he called a very large wedding off where he caught the groomsmen “nipping” in the church prior to the wedding. The family was furious with not the groomsmen but the priest. In fact they threatened to sue…evidently the contract gives the priest the right to do what he did.

I know of this one instance for fact and have heard second hand that he had done it another time.

He should be given a medal for sticking to his principles. The groomsmen are the ones who ruined the wedding in this case.

 

[Dicerning]

Hello -
I am a wedding coordinator in my Church and had a big problem this past weekend. The groomsmen brought in a cooler of bottles of beer and began drinking as soon as the wedding was over in the vestibule of the Church. There were 275 people at this wedding - so the vestibule area was full (only the 12 groomsmen were drinking). The priests in my parish were either in the confessionals or not around. I approached the men and told them that alcohol was not allowed on Church property and they defiantly looked at me and drank. The groom got very obnoxious with me. The bride and groom receive a paper in their wedding packet that says that alcohol is prohibited on Church property and we go over that with them. One of the priests told me I should have pulled him out of the confessional, but, I did not feel comfortable doing that. Any suggestions? Is there anything that I could have done? It was a very uncomfortable situation.

Perhaps you should put a clause in the contract that says police will be called and offenders will be prosecuted according to the law. I would also make sure that the bride and groom sign that they are aware of the clause.

 

[jpjd]

The only thing to do when a boor is being obstinate is to stand your ground. Being polite yet extremely firm is what you need to do.

If he persists in defying you, go to the bride. If no help there, go to the parents of the groom/bride. If no help there, call the police.

You are supported in this not only by decency and common sense, but by the fact that you have a policy and they were informed in writing ahead of time. The only thing you could have done better perhaps is that all your policies should be listed on a sheet and they read it and sign the form.

 

[puzzleannie]

I would have called the police. I don’t care if it was someones wedding day. I know of one priest who has a policy at the rehersal in where he warns that if he sees anyone in the wedding party drunk or taking a nip that he would call the wedding OFF. I know of one instance where he called a very large wedding off where he caught the groomsmen “nipping” in the church prior to the wedding. The family was furious with not the groomsmen but the priest. In fact they threatened to sue…evidently the contract gives the priest the right to do what he did.

I know of this one instance for fact and have heard second hand that he had done it another time.

He should be given a medal for sticking to his principles. The groomsmen are the ones who ruined the wedding in this case.

in this parish the wedding couple signed an agreement when they put their deposit down for the (nominal) fee for use of the church, and this is one of the conditions, because of our insurance. If they break the rules, they don’t get their deposit back.

for people who question the idea of a fee for use of the church for a wedding in the first place, this is one of the practical reasons, to make sure church is back in clean usable condition before the next Mass, and that these things aren’t allowed to happen.

took my RCIA group for confession after a wedding a couple of weeks ago, an hour before Mass was due to start, and with them helping me it took almost the whole hour to clean up flowers, ribbons, plastic from the flowers, programs, used tissue (tons of it, somebody was sad about the whole proceedings), holy water fonts tipped over, broken baloons (was this a wedding or a child’s party?) pamphlet racks messed up, gum (what kind of wedding planner lets bridal party chew gum? J Lo would not have done it). the bubbles all over the sidewalks we had not time to deal with (strictly forbidden).

this couple will not be getting their deposit back

 

[MusicMan]

For purely the sake of argument, I could see the rationale on the part of the groomsmen. The wedding was over, they were in the vestibule (I could see the rationale more if they were in a parish hall or gathering space).

However, if the church policy is no alcohol on church grounds and that was clearly spelled out to the couple, then you should have gone to the couple, reminded them, and if they didn’t take action, either get the pastor or call the police.

 

[LVP]

Rationale of the groomsmen? Are you kidding me? They were in God’s house, drinking beer in Church. They had no respect for the Church, for God or for the rules that the Church had given them. The pastor was away on vacation. The other priests were hearing confession. I felt that calling the police would have been a very drastic move and caused more of a problem. I was just wondering if anyone else has ever encounted a situation like this and what they had done. As far as I’m concerned, the only alcohol that should be allowed in Church is the wine that is to be consecrated during Mass. They should have waited until they got into their big wedding bus to start drinking.

 

[1ke]

Hello -
I am a wedding coordinator in my Church and had a big problem this past weekend. The groomsmen brought in a cooler of bottles of beer and began drinking as soon as the wedding was over in the vestibule of the Church. There were 275 people at this wedding - so the vestibule area was full (only the 12 groomsmen were drinking). The priests in my parish were either in the confessionals or not around. I approached the men and told them that alcohol was not allowed on Church property and they defiantly looked at me and drank. The groom got very obnoxious with me. The bride and groom receive a paper in their wedding packet that says that alcohol is prohibited on Church property and we go over that with them. One of the priests told me I should have pulled him out of the confessional, but, I did not feel comfortable doing that. Any suggestions? Is there anything that I could have done? It was a very uncomfortable situation.

Call the police if this ever happens again. And, yes, get the priest if he is available, too.

And, start taking up-front, very large deposits for weddings and then make it clear that failure to comply with church rules will forfeit the deposit. Have them sign a paper stating they are responsible for the actions of all their guests.

 

[1ke]

Rationale of the groomsmen? Are you kidding me? They were in God’s house, drinking beer in Church. They had no respect for the Church, for God or for the rules that the Church had given them. The pastor was away on vacation. The other priests were hearing confession. I felt that calling the police would have been a very drastic move and caused more of a problem. I was just wondering if anyone else has ever encounted a situation like this and what they had done. As far as I’m concerned, the only alcohol that should be allowed in Church is the wine that is to be consecrated during Mass. They should have waited until they got into their big wedding bus to start drinking.

Who was the celebrant of the wedding? That person should have been available to handle the situation. Or, did they bring their own priest from outside the parish?

 

[LVP]

The celebrant was one of our priests. He is the one that told me I should have pulled him out of the confessional. The bride and groom are well aware of the Church policy. The groom’s father was using the “f” word BEFORE they were about to go down the aisle. There are a lot of weddings in my Church and I have never encountered this before. If they didn’t have any respect for the Church and God, they certainly were not going to have respect for me and my requests on behalf of the Church. I was very polite to them, reminding them of the policy and asking them not to drink in the Church. They just kept on drinking. I like the idea of having to give a deposit in case they violate the policy - however, they pay a lot of Church fees to begin with and I’m not sure my pastor would agree with that. I’m just looking for suggestions because I am going to meet with my pastor when he comes back from vacation.

 

[PJM]

Hello -
I am a wedding coordinator in my Church and had a big problem this past weekend. The groomsmen brought in a cooler of bottles of beer and began drinking as soon as the wedding was over in the vestibule of the Church. There were 275 people at this wedding - so the vestibule area was full (only the 12 groomsmen were drinking). The priests in my parish were either in the confessionals or not around. I approached the men and told them that alcohol was not allowed on Church property and they defiantly looked at me and drank. The groom got very obnoxious with me. The bride and groom receive a paper in their wedding packet that says that alcohol is prohibited on Church property and we go over that with them. One of the priests told me I should have pulled him out of the confessional, but, I did not feel comfortable doing that. Any suggestions? Is there anything that I could have done? It was a very uncomfortable situation.

Reply:

A most difficult and serious situtation

I would have either gone for one of the priest, or told them that “stop” or I’ll contact the police. No easy call here. How very sad.

God bless you,
PJM m.c.

 

[Cristiano]

The celebrant was one of our priests. He is the one that told me I should have pulled him out of the confessional. The bride and groom are well aware of the Church policy. The groom’s father was using the “f” word BEFORE they were about to go down the aisle. There are a lot of weddings in my Church and I have never encountered this before. If they didn’t have any respect for the Church and God, they certainly were not going to have respect for me and my requests on behalf of the Church. I was very polite to them, reminding them of the policy and asking them not to drink in the Church. They just kept on drinking. I like the idea of having to give a deposit in case they violate the policy - however, they pay a lot of Church fees to begin with and I’m not sure my pastor would agree with that. I’m just looking for suggestions because I am going to meet with my pastor when he comes back from vacation.

I am sorry to say so, but it looks like that probably you will never have to see any of those people back in your church.

 

[Digitonomy]

If the police came, probably the priest would have been drawn in anyway, so you might as well have grabbed the priest to see if he could defuse the situation before making it a bigger fiasco with the police.

 

[jpjd]

I like the idea of having to give a deposit in case they violate the policy - however, they pay a lot of Church fees to begin with and I’m not sure my pastor would agree with that.

Well, remember that this particular fee would be refundable if there are no problems, so there would be no actual cost if all goes well. If all does not go well, they have only themselves to blame.

Another alternative is, if you have a lot of weddings in your parish and this is the first time you’ve had a problem, you could limit the fee to just this family. In other words, when the time comes that any siblings of the bride or groom wish to marry in your parish, then they have to pay a deposit. And keep someone posted in the vestibule to watch out for coolers coming in, that way you can handle the situation before it becomes a problem.

 

[benedictgal]

I would document what happned and send a letter to the bride and the groom. If a deposit had been paid, I would keep the deposit because they violated the Church policy. Also, in some states, it is against the law to consume alcholic beverages on church property. You can’t even consume liquor in front of a convenience store if you live in Texas.

Sometimes, with these folks, you have to hit them in the wallet.

 

[puzzleannie]

For purely the sake of argument, I could see the rationale on the part of the groomsmen. The wedding was over, they were in the vestibule (I could see the rationale more if they were in a parish hall or gathering space).

.

I can’t see it at all. the geico cavemen have better manners. that is out of place in any setting, let alone a church. if they are not all being driven by a limo I would also call police as soon as one of them gets behind the wheel of a car

 

[MusicMan]

Rationale of the groomsmen? Are you kidding me? They were in God’s house, drinking beer in Church. They had no respect for the Church, for God or for the rules that the Church had given them.

Has it occurred to you that not everyone believes the same things that Catholics do? Has it occurred to you that there are some people out there who have no sense of proper decorum in a church, let alone a Catholic one? Is it possible that other denominations, or even other Catholic parishes don’t mind members of the wedding party having a beer following the wedding?

To properly address and manage a situation like this, you must first understand where other people are coming from.

If these groomsmen weren’t Catholic, weren’t told about the restriction by the couple (and, I hate to say it, but “Don’t bring a cooler to the church” is probably not something most couples think to tell their attendants … I certainly didn’t), it makes perfect sense why these groomsmen would find this to be acceptable. Approaching the situation with that understanding may help diffuse it.

Edit: I was writing this post whilst the Texans posted their thoughts. I had no idea that it is illegal to consume alcohol on church property in Texas. I do not believe such a law exists in Wisconsin, and even if there is, I don’t believe it is stringently enforced. We’re a lot more lenient about alcohol in the state of Wisconsin, which may be while I’m more able to view this from the groomsmen’s POV. Not that I’m condoning their actions mind you, or would consider such a thing…

 

[notsmart]

I like the deposit idea. I think you could toss in the reminder that FURTHER sacraments they wish to recieve after pulling a stunt off like this, will also require a deposit.
I mean, aren’t they worried that when it comes time to have their child’s Baptism that there will even be a priest who will want to let them do it there? I know a priest would not refuse a child, but really- this groom has a ton of audacity!

 

[notsmart]

I missed the part where it was stated the groom was a non catholic.
Even so, I can’t imagine being non catholic would instantly make your common sense shut down.

Has it occurred to you that not everyone believes the same things that Catholics do? Has it occurred to you that there are some people out there who have no sense of proper decorum in a church, let alone a Catholic one? Is it possible that other denominations, or even other Catholic parishes don’t mind members of the wedding party having a beer following the wedding?

To properly address and manage a situation like this, you must first understand where other people are coming from.

If these groomsmen weren’t Catholic, weren’t told about the restriction by the couple (and, I hate to say it, but “Don’t bring a cooler to the church” is probably not something most couples think to tell their attendants … I certainly didn’t), it makes perfect sense why these groomsmen would find this to be acceptable. Approaching the situation with that understanding may help diffuse it.

 

[Digitonomy]

I would document what happned and send a letter to the bride and the groom.

Unless this is the first step in creating a paper trail as a foundation for a change in parish policy (say, instituting a deposit), or if you expect this family to be involved in similar events in the future, I don’t see what this would accomplish. Sounds like effort expended on the OP’s part for no benefit, other than getting it off his chest. If there are any consequences of such a letter, they are not likely to be beneficial, and may well be tedious.