Drugs and deciet

[bird79]

I am a 33 year old mother and wife and I have a secret. A few months ago I came clean to my friends about abusing cocaine and having tried heroin. in my heart of hearts I want to be good and feel better with out drugs. I am bipolar 2 which means instead of high highs I get extremely low lows. I attempted suicide last fall, doing so even knowing the hurt it would cause many. My best friend hung herself a year ago this past December. Since the date of her death’s anniversary I stayed clean and started addiction treatment.
I have been having urges. I just want to feel different then I do. If you met me on the street I would look like every other mom and wife in town. When I used. I used by myself and in secret. 2 days ago I waited for my husband to go to bed then snuck out and got cocaine in a city near by. I got it brought it home and used. It wasn’t worth the guilt.
I was suppose to meet with my priest the next day and being so tired I cancelled. I want to be a good catholic but how can I be one with such a war going on in myself?
I am embarrassed to make an other appointment with my priest. I was going to talk to him about all this, then I go and use the night before I am suppose to see him.
Thought I would write and see if any of you had anything to say. considering I am doomed to be flawed. wish I could start over again. feeling defeated even after staying clean. this was a one time mess up. My mental health is far worse using or not. I have had years without using. Never helps the returns of my depressive episode. what happens when we kill ourselves?

 

[1ke]

Please call 800-273-8255 ASAP and seek help locally as soon as possible with a mental health professional.

 

[js_cat3391]

It will be ok. Seek help. Call your priest back. If you are feeling depressed or suicidal call a suicide hotline. Call a therapist. Call just to talk. You do not have to be feeling suicidal to talk to them. They want you to call them. They like to talk to you.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

O Glorious St. Joseph, thou who hast power to render possible even things which are considered impossible, come to our aid in our present trouble and distress. Take this important and difficult affair under thy particular protection. Let it not be said that we would invoke thee in vain; and since thou art so powerful with Jesus and Mary, show that thy goodness equals thy power. Amen.

 

[Evania]

It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have a problem. The road will be long and tough, but you will get there. Just do not give up! Talk to your priest and a counselor. I honestly feel that after you do that, you may want to talk to your husband as well. I’m praying for you!

God Bless!

 

[Margy1948]

I am a 33 year old mother and wife and I have a secret. A few months ago I came clean to my friends about abusing cocaine and having tried heroin. in my heart of hearts I want to be good and feel better with out drugs. I am bipolar 2 which means instead of high highs I get extremely low lows. I attempted suicide last fall, doing so even knowing the hurt it would cause many. My best friend hung herself a year ago this past December. Since the date of her death’s anniversary I stayed clean and started addiction treatment.
I have been having urges. I just want to feel different then I do. If you met me on the street I would look like every other mom and wife in town. When I used. I used by myself and in secret. 2 days ago I waited for my husband to go to bed then snuck out and got cocaine in a city near by. I got it brought it home and used. It wasn’t worth the guilt.
I was suppose to meet with my priest the next day and being so tired I cancelled. I want to be a good catholic but how can I be one with such a war going on in myself?
I am embarrassed to make an other appointment with my priest. I was going to talk to him about all this, then I go and use the night before I am suppose to see him.
Thought I would write and see if any of you had anything to say. considering I am doomed to be flawed. wish I could start over again. feeling defeated even after staying clean. this was a one time mess up. My mental health is far worse using or not. I have had years without using. Never helps the returns of my depressive episode. what happens when we kill ourselves?

yes, you can start over again, all of us fail at something everyday, I respect you for your honesty and your courage and I agree with those who say talk again to your priest, and ask him for the name of a therapist, I don’t think that there are any good Catholics, just Catholics trying to be good like you.
I agree with the other poster, talk to your priest, it will be okay.

 

[ILIKECEREAL]

We all can always grow stronger, there is no such thing as a perfect person. We do get better as long as we try. We all slip up but thats just a minor pot hole. It seems so deep when we are in it and it slows us down but once you push through it you regain your speed and again are better. Dont give up. I know how it feels to be suicidal, but you can get better. Get professional help. They really help.

Call those hotlines to just talk it will help. Sometimes we need another person to just be there even if we aren’t suicidal its natural and normal. They want to talk to you

We are all here for you. If you need to talk or ask anything we are here. We care about you.

 

[bird79]

Thank you all for your support. it truely brings a smile to my face to read such encouraging words. I plan to talk to my priest Sat. during open confession hours. I have a therapist and someone who prescribes meds. i go to 3 addiction treatmenrmt groups a week. that is why it gets so frustrating to find myself like this. wishing I ciuld sleep the world away. I will have to be honest with my conselors and priest. I csn’t tell my husband right now. I will pray on it. if you all think of it, would you pray too?