Dual-religion home; raising children questions

[LittleHalo]

Hello,
I am a Catholic, and my boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage, and children. Since we are two different religions it is a topic we are trying to figure out and are willing to put in the effort. We currently attend each other’s church, and enjoy supporting one another in the journey together to be closer to God.

**Are there parents who have raised children (or you as the child) with parents with two separate religions? **
**How has religious understanding come out in the end? **
**Can you raise them in both churches according to the catholic church? (Id rather give the child a chance) **

My hope and opinion is that; the children focus on the fundamentals that both denominations share as small children, attend both churches, and maybe some camps / summer schools. So there is no confusion of what the bible says. Then when they are older they may see the differences, and are given the chance to ask more questions and learn the divide. I know it sounds scary but knowledge is important to me. When the child is older they may choose what religion is best for them. And I can be a strong example of what the church as to offer.

I know this sounds like a set up for a higher risk of a falling away. But the way I see it now, people raised in a solid catholic family still have the same risk of falling away. I’ve seen it in my extended family.

If two people coming together who love each other raise kids in a loving home, and have faith in God, and live in accordance to the scriptures, I see more potential for success than failure. “For whoever is not against us is for us.” Mark 9:40.

But I would like to hear what you have to say from experience, respectfully. It’s an in-depth topic for sure, and I’m reaching out to the community for support.

Thank you
Mary

 

[His_helpmeet]

If you plan to marry in the Catholic Church, you will be obligated to raise the children Catholic. That’s part of the requirement for a Catholic marriage. Your boyfriend will need to be made aware of your requirement. “Raising them in both churches” is not really an option.

Does your boyfriend also know that artificial contraception is sinful? Is he prepared to go along with NFP?

 

[TheLittleLady]

Kids are smart. They see through the fog of “mommy and daddy believe opposite things and BOTH are right” very quickly.

The studies that have been done show that children who are raised in a mixed faith household follow the faith of their father if they follow anything.

 

[TC3033]

Hi @LittleHalo

Are there parents who have raised children (or you as the child) with parents with two separate religions?

Yep, my wife is Catholic I’m non-denominational. We’ve been together 15 years and have 3 kids. We also don’t see it as “different” religions, we’re both Christians.

How has religious understanding come out in the end?

Our kids are pretty young, so there isn’t an “end” yet per se. They go to RE at the Catholic church up the street.

Can you raise them in both churches according to the catholic church? (Id rather give the child a chance)

According to the Catholic church, no…but we also go to church as a family, whether it be mine or her’s. The parish does “family” home classes, so we do have control of the monthly lessons.

Please, feel free to PM as well if there are questions that you may not want or feel comfortable about asking about “mixed” marriages on the board.

 

[1ke]

Can you raise them in both churches according to the catholic church?

No.

As a Catholic, when you request permission to marry a non-Catholic you make promises to raise your children in the Catholic faith.

There is no such thing as raising a child as “both” Catholic and something else.

When the child is older they may choose what religion is best for them

You need some spiritual counsel from your pastor if you think this is OK. It’s not OK. It sounds like maybe you have fallen for the false ideas of relativism.

We have an obligation to the truth and to raise our children in the Catholic faith. You don’t let children ‘decide’ whether they brush their teeth, go to school, whether they want to go to the doctor or not.

A Catholic has an obligation to baptize their child in the Catholic faith and raise them Catholic.

 

[kptrs]

We also don’t see it as “different” religions, we’re both Christians.

You are different religions.

Catholics and non-denominationals are indeed both Christians (believe in Jesus Christ) but both are different in many very significant ways.

I don’t want to sound presumptuous but based on your post, your wife is not likely a very serious Catholic. If she were, she would not be attending her church sometimes and yours other times, nor would she be considering both of your religions to be essentially the same. I don’t mean this in a way that’s derogatory — just simply as an observation.

 

[kptrs]

Everything 1ke said.

 

[TheLittleLady]

You are different religions.

Not exactly, Christianity is one religion. They are different branches of Christianity.

Mixed religion is Christian + Buddhist or Christian + Muslim or Christian + Jewish, etc. Mixed Faith is Baptist + Church of Christ or Assembly of God + Catholic.

 

[kptrs]

Not exactly, Christianity is one religion. They are different branches of Christianity

There is a big difference between the branches.

A Catholic attending a non-denominational church service on Sunday does not fulfill the obligation to attend Mass on Sunday. Non-denominational churches do not believe in the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist. They do not believe Mary was conceived without sin. They do not believe in Purgatory and praying for the dead. They do not fast or abstain from meat on Fridays of Lent. They believe contraception is morally okay.

Yes, they are both Christians, but the branches of Christianity to which they belong are very, very different.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Those things are correct, however, in a world where people are losing the idea that words have specific meanings, it is important to keep our terms defined

 

[TC3033]

You are different religions.

That’s your opinion, and you’re welcome to it. That isn’t ours.

Catholics and non-denominationals are indeed both Christians (believe in Jesus Christ) but both are different in many very significant ways.

Yes, but we are also similar in many ways. For us, our similarities far outweigh any differences.

I don’t want to sound presumptuous / I don’t mean this in a way that’s derogatory

You know what they say when you need to qualify something before you say it…

@LittleHalo Honestly, the only problem that we’ve ever run into is how unwelcome I am (and it’s starting to turn into we) at her parish. From what I hear, not every parish is this way, so YMMV.

Apologies for your thread getting hijacked a bit, like I said…if you have questions you’d rather ask via PM, I’ll get back to you and answer as best I can.

 

[kptrs]

You know what they say when you need to qualify something before you say it…

I’m glad everything is working out well for you and your wife. Both of you are entitled to your beliefs, as are the rest of us.

The fact of the matter is that going to a non-denominational church does not meet the Catholic obligation to attend Mass. There is a big difference between believing that the bread and wine are symbols of the Body and Blood of Christ and believing that the bread and wine are actually the Body and Blood of Christ. The Catholic Church is not okay with raising children in both faiths. The Church says one thing, your wife does another. Just an observation on my part.

No one has hijacked the thread. All of this is relevant to the OP, even if it’s not what she wants to hear.

 

[TC3033]

TC3033:

You know what they say when you need to qualify something before you say it…

I’m glad everything is working out well for you and your wife. Both of you are entitled to your beliefs, as are the rest of us.

The fact of the matter is that going to a non-denominational church does not meet the Catholic obligation to attend Mass. There is a big difference between believing that the bread and wine are symbols of the Body and Blood of Christ and believing that the bread and wine are actually the Body and Blood of Christ. The Catholic Church is not okay with raising children in both faiths. The Church says one thing, your wife does another. Just an observation on my part.

No one has hijacked the thread. All of this is relevant to the OP, even if it’s not what she wants to hear.

Why are you saying this as if it’s something that we don’t know…?

Remember that whole thing of not wanting to sound presumptuous…

 

[kptrs]

Why are you harping on this as if it’s something that we don’t know…?

Remember that whole thing of not wanting to sound presumptuous…

I’m not harping. I’m clarifying what I meant. I’m going to bow out now, as I see we are not likely to have a productive discussion about this without you becoming unnecessarily defensive. God bless.

 

[TC3033]

I’m not becoming unnecessarily defensive.

You’ve brought up the same point twice in the thread and have been presumptuous towards our situation. If you’re going to do that and try to qualify your statements by saying “I’m not trying to sound ___ or just an observation” I’d be prepared for some sort of reply. That’s not being defensive, that just part of the discussion ¯_(ツ)_/¯

If I’m coming off defensive, it’s not purposeful. We take and hear a lot at my wife’s parish which can put us both on the defensive once in a while.

 

[kptrs]

I’m not becoming unnecessarily defensive.

You’ve brought up the same point twice in the thread and have been presumptuous towards our situation. If you’re going to do that and try to qualify your statements by saying “I’m not trying to sound ___ or just an observation” I’d be prepared for some sort of reply. That’s not being defensive, that just part of the discussion ¯_(ツ)_/¯

It is not presumptuous to state the facts.

The Church teaches one thing. Your wife does another. That’s a fact, not a presumption.

I explicitly stated both of you are entitled to your beliefs. I am simply stating that those beliefs do not line up with the beliefs of the Catholic Church.

 

[kptrs]

Those things are correct, however, in a world where people are losing the idea that words have specific meanings, it is important to keep our terms defined

Thank you for clarifying the terminology for me.

 

[TC3033]

The Church teaches one thing. Your wife does another. That’s a fact, not a presumption.

I explicitly stated both of you are entitled to your beliefs. I am simply stating that those beliefs do not line up with the beliefs of the Catholic Church.

Can you please clarify how you came to this fact with the little I posted about our how our highly successful marriage is working?

 

[kptrs]

Can you please clarify how you came to this fact with the little I posted about our how our highly successful marriage is working?

You said “we go to church as a family whether it be mine or hers.”

I took this to mean that sometimes she and the children are going to the non-denominational church on a Sunday and not going to Catholic Mass. If this is not a correct interpretation, I apologize.

 

[TC3033]

I would consider that an incorrect interpretation. I probably go to my church 4-5 times a year, the rest we just go to the Catholic church (even though they’re making it harder and harder to do so…)