Dumb convalidation question

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I will be having my marriage convalidated soon. Thse seems like a dumb question but, do you pay the priest or give him a gift or anything for this? I seriously have no idea how these things work.

What is customary in this situation? We are not having a big to do, just a short ceremony after mass.
 
A gift of $ to the priest is nice. No different than if you were having a “wedding”. It all depends upon how involved the priest has been in your coming to this point in your lives as to how much you might want give him. My husband put money in an envelope with a lovely thank you card. I don’t know how much he put in the envelope, but the Deacon smiles every time he sees us.

Congratulations, God bless!

Mom of 5
 
if you are reserving the church for any length of time for an elaborate ceremony with bridesmaids, photos etc. you will pay the same as for a regular wedding, whatever the going rate is, and offer a donation to the priest or deacon who officiates. You can ask what a usual amount is in your area when you make the arrangements. The groom or best man usually hands an envelope with the donation to the presider.
If you have organist, soloist etc. they will tell you what they charge. It is nice to tip altar servers if there are any $5-10 each.

If you are having something much simpler such as exchange of vows after Mass for instance, there should be no charge for use of the church, but a donation for the priest or deacon is customary. again, ask when you make arrangments. $50-100 is usual around here. bear in mind it is not mandatory and is not a fee, just a donation. also, before someone asks, yes it is reported as income to IRS, unless the priest opts to give all such donations to the parish general fund.
 
My parents, yes parents, put money in an envelope and gave it to the priest. I don’t know how much it was, but I was told to not pay him that they would take care of it.

Congratulations on your Convalidation 👍 👍
 
We had our marriage convalidated last spring. Our priest spent some sessions counseling us, and he made time for us even though his schedule was really busy. We gave him a monetary gift with a nice note. We did not have a big event, just the priest, the two of us, and our daughters in the chapel on a Saturday morning. (We gave him $100, and I assume that was ok!)
 
I have a question about the donation itself. Is it going to the Priest or Deacon personally or are they in turn handing it to the Church ?

My wife and I are having a Convalidation as well and we are a little confused as to who to give the money to. Our Deacon has done all the work on our behalf so we wanted to thank him in some way. If we give him a donation is he assuming this is for him?

Thanks in advance.
 
I gave $100 for our convalidation. I tried calling the parish office and asking what the customary donation was, but was not given an answer, so I just guessed.
 
billchechel said:
Is it going to the Priest or Deacon personally or are they in turn handing it to the Church ? … Our Deacon has done all the work on our behalf so we wanted to thank him in some way. If we give him a donation is he assuming this is for him?
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If it’s for the parish (donation/gift), for the deacon (gift), or for the priest (gift), make it clear. Annotate that on the cheque, once in the “Pay to the Order of” section, and once in the “Memo” section. If you’re not paying by cheque, tell the deacon when you give him the card that, “the contents are for you, not the parish.” Be discreet, but be clear.

God bless!
 
Thanks for the reply.

We were thinking of putting extra in our regular envelope on Sunday(so that I get my tax deduction from those thieves in Washington) and give the Deacon gift certificate for dinner for him and his wife.

But now I think that maybe cash to the Deacon would be better. I just dont want to come off as buying his services. Maybe he would be offended. Or maybe I am thinking about this way too much.
 
maternus said:
I will be having my marriage convalidated soon. Thse seems like a dumb question but, do you pay the priest or give him a gift or anything for this? I seriously have no idea how these things work.

What is customary in this situation? We are not having a big to do, just a short ceremony after mass.
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We had the church on Saturday, with an organist. I was baptized & confirmed & everything all at the same time 😃 Barring any financial difficulty, our priest asked for $100, and $50 to the organist. I am so glad he was up front about it. I tend to be a bit dense about stuff, and don’t think of things like that. Him stating the amounts made it so much easier for us.

Congrats to you and your spouse! 🙂
 
Thanks again for your response.

I guess my original question is still unanswered.

When you give the Priest or Deacon the donation is it for the Church or the person doing the ceremony?

I see that the Priest will ask for a specific donation but I am assuming if he is asking it is to cover the expense to the Church.

I think it should be different for a Deacon than a Priest due to the fact that a Deacon is unpaid and is sacrificing his private time to help someone out. I understand that he made the commitment but I think it is a little different.
 
Let me think about this in the context of giving money to a priest…

We give stipends to priests to augment their humble income. So, if the deacon has another job and is self-sufficient in this regard, go ahead and give him the gift certificate. If the deacon, however, is performing his ministerial duties full-time, I would recommend money.
 
billchechel said:
Thanks again for your response.

I guess my original question is still unanswered.

When you give the Priest or Deacon the donation is it for the Church or the person doing the ceremony?

I see that the Priest will ask for a specific donation but I am assuming if he is asking it is to cover the expense to the Church.

I think it should be different for a Deacon than a Priest due to the fact that a Deacon is unpaid and is sacrificing his private time to help someone out. I understand that he made the commitment but I think it is a little different.
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It was my understanding that the money was for the priests time, not for the use of the church. I figured that was covered in our regular donations 🤷 FWIW, our parish doesn’t have a deacon, only 1 priest. So I can’t help you there.
 
billchechel said:
Thanks again for your response.

I guess my original question is still unanswered.

When you give the Priest or Deacon the donation is it for the Church or the person doing the ceremony?

I see that the Priest will ask for a specific donation but I am assuming if he is asking it is to cover the expense to the Church.

I think it should be different for a Deacon than a Priest due to the fact that a Deacon is unpaid and is sacrificing his private time to help someone out. I understand that he made the commitment but I think it is a little different.
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You are giving the money to the person who witnesses your wedding on behalf of the church – whether it is the priest or deacon. The parish can tell you what is customary. A fee for the church is a separate item, and would probably not be charged in the case of a simple convalidation after Mass.

Congratulations!
 
billchechel said:
When you give the Priest or Deacon the donation is it for the Church or the person doing the ceremony?
Click to expand...
If you hand it to the priest or deacon, it is for him. The church’s donation is handled through the office.
 
My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony last year. We’re making it all official with the church in September and are getting married in the church. At the same time, I’m also pregnant and having our first baby in August. We spoke with our priest, and we are going to have both our marriage and the baby’s baptism done during a Saturday evening mass in early Sept… Our church doesn’t have any required amount that we’re supposed to pay either the church or the priest, nor is it even suggested anywhere that we do. However, we feel as though we should… but are unsure of how much we should give the priest. He has been exceptionally helpful, and has gone above and beyond in making this all happen… What do you suggest?
 
Congratulations on both events!!! Give what you can afford. If you feel that you cannot afford cash, volunteer to help the parish in some way. Give Father a nice note of appreciation. Good luck and God bless!

Mom of 5
 
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