Duty to care for parent as they age?

[_Gemma]

I come from a non-Catholic family, divorced parents, my dad remarried and lives in another state but my mother lives with me. I have 1 other sibling who lives close by but only visits every other week.
My mother is unemployed and she is only in her 50’s but I’m wondering is it my duty to stay living with her to keep her company, financially support her and eventually care for her as she gets older?
My desire was to become a nun but I’m starting to think that this will never happen due to having a duty to care for a parent.
Is this the case?

 

[_Gemma]

Thank you Monicad!

 

[Blue_Goose]

God bless you, I am sorry for the stress you are feeling.

Most curious to me is WHY you feel this way. Most parents encourage their children to venture out on their own. Why are you worried that you have to give up your life? You are young still and so is your mother!

Yes, there is a commandment to honor your parents, and yes, under certain circumstances you would be encouraged to make sure that your mother had reasonable access to the basic essentials in life as she ages. However that does not mean you are to forfeit your entire life or vocation in order to take care of an unemployed middle-aged woman.

First of all your duty depends on the capability of your parent. Is your parent capable of taking care of themselves? Is their life in a shambles because of irresponsibility or bad choices? Are they capable of working, paying rent and buying groceries? If so then their lives are their OWN responsibility. If your mother were older and incapable of working it would be your job to do the best you could to try and find help for her, if she were incapable of finding the help on her own. That is to say you would not be obligated necessarily to have her live with you, but if she were in danger of being homeless: as a good Christian you should try and make phone calls or try and get help for her with a social-service agency, charity or church.

I wonder that you don’t feel trapped at the moment and you are starting to panic? Indeed if you were to move out your mother would have to make changes. That is okay, if you are being called to a vocation then Jesus has plans for you and He has plans for your mother too! God bless.

Well stated. I agree.

 

[year14]

umm, as you have only been baptized for about a year most religious communities would have you wait at least another year before considering you as a candidate. In the meantime you could slowly, but gently move toward a more independent life. Encourage your mother to be out and about and make new friends or do volunteer work. Most mothers are happy to cut the strings as their children mature. Anyway, that is my 2 cents. Praying for you.

 

[Deana83]

Is your mom disabled? I’m asking because I’m pretty darn close to 50 and can’t imagine expecting my two sons to take care of me. They have their own lives at this point. I’m married though but even if I weren’t I could still earn a decent living. I work now and with the way social security is I probably won’t retire for another 20 years. I don’t know the situation with your mom but unless she has some mental or physical disability you shouldn’t have to be responsible for her. Live your life! If she does have problems and needs assist, make some phone calls, and get her some assistance but don’t give up your own life. I would never expect or want my children to do that.

 

[_Gemma]

Is your mom disabled? I’m asking because I’m pretty darn close to 50 and can’t imagine expecting my two sons to take care of me. They have their own lives at this point. I’m married though but even if I weren’t I could still earn a decent living. I work now and with the way social security is I probably won’t retire for another 20 years. I don’t know the situation with your mom but unless she has some mental or physical disability you shouldn’t have to be responsible for her. Live your life! If she does have problems and needs assist, make some phone calls, and get her some assistance but don’t give up your own life. I would never expect or want my children to do that.

No but she is very socially isolated. I’ve tried helping her and encouraging her to get out, make friends, join groups or do sports/activities or volunteer work but she refuses.

 

[_Gemma]

umm, as you have only been baptized for about a year most religious communities would have you wait at least another year before considering you as a candidate.

I’m aware of this since I’m in contact with a community I’m interested in.

 

[Sunbreak]

Unless your mother is disabled in some way, she is responsible for taking care of herself. When she is elderly, maybe she will require more help, but now you shouldn’t be required to provide all her needs. If she refuses to do social activities, you are not responsible for meeting her social needs.

 

[Bklynguy]

I come from a non-Catholic family, divorced parents, my dad remarried and lives in another state but my mother lives with me. I have 1 other sibling who lives close by but only visits every other week.
My mother is unemployed and she is only in her 50’s but I’m wondering is it my duty to stay living with her to keep her company, financially support her and eventually care for her as she gets older?
My desire was to become a nun but I’m starting to think that this will never happen due to having a duty to care for a parent.
Is this the case?

I wouldn’t say you are obligated per se; however, if you have the means to do so and you don’t have a spouse to care for, go for it! I wouldn’t think of it as your duty, though.

 

[Demetra2]

If you have a possible vocation to become a nun then you should continue to explore that idea. Since your mother is still relatively young and should be able to work, both of you should make plans for her future living arrangements and to bring her into the job market. This may take some time but it is best to reveal your plans to her as soon as possible so that she will get used to the idea. Do you have any family such as aunts or uncles that she can live close to when and if you enter a convent. Talk to your parish priest for guidance also.