Eating Disorder and Entering Seminary

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I think I have an eating disorder. I’m overly obsessive with calorie counting and burning calories via exercise in order to maintain or even lose weight when I know I don’t have to. This is causing great anxiety in my life as it is all I think about and is ruining my relationships with my family, especially my mother. She runs sometimes and on days where she runs and I don’t I get really mad at her to the point where I even curse at her, which is something I used to never do. When she cooks dinner, which is really good nutritious and healthy food, and I don’t know the calories/planned to eat something else, I get really mad at her for “ruining my day”. This has turned into daily arguments with her.

This anxiety has also contributed to daily mood swings and even instigation of fights with other family members. Before, I was always calm, relaxed, loved to pray and go to Mass. Now, on days that I don’t exercise, eat too much, or have a heavy weigh-in when I weigh myself on my scale (daily), I become this completely different, cold-hearted person.

The problem is, I’ve always wanted to enter seminary. Arrangements have been made between me and my spiritual director and it is very likely that I will enter this August. However, I am worried that this eating disorder will interfere with my road to fulfilling God’s vocation, whether that be becoming a priest or not. I do not want to go to seminary like this. I have been praying and praying for God to help me deal with this issue, but I am wondering if I should see a therapist. Despite my yearning and belief that I am called to be a priest, I fear that I will never be able to become one because of this disorder. What do I do?
 
I would imagine that such activity as you describe would get one screened out of a seminary very quickly. However, that is a minor issue compared to your health. See a doctor as quickly as you can before this problem gets any worse.
 
Since this is causing you significant distress and straining your relationships it sounds like it would be good for you to seek help from a counselor or therapist. In addition, be open about these concerns with your spiritual director and continue to pray, receive the sacraments, and do not give up or give in to discouragement in your efforts to overcome this problem.
 
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You absolutely MUST get this sorted out before you enter the seminary. I was in a monastery for over two years and developed an eating disorder when I was there – it was hell.

The thing you need to face is that these eating disorders aren’t about food or weight or size. They are about something much deeper, and that is what needs to be addressed. Religious life removes distractions from your life – the freedom to watch a movie, or play a video game, or go hang out with friends.

Whatever is causing your eating disorder will only be exacerbated by your life in the seminary. And that’s why you need to address this first.

Appointments with a physician, a therapist, your spiritual director would all be in order.

There is hope. Be at peace.
 
If I had to guess, it sounds exactly like OCD, which can manifest itself in many ways. It is most certainly treatable. However, as others have mentioned, you must conquer this before thinking about seminary. Talk to father. Talk to doctor.
 
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I think you need to move away from home and be your own man for a time. Think of all the people you will be helping when you’re older. You absolutely need life experience in order to help them. Your mother may be very patient, but you are not speaking to her correctly.

Yes, you need all the counselling and spiritual help possible that the others are suggesting. But you also need to spread your wings and travel. If I were you, I’d go to Italy and visit Rome. Your thoughts have shrunk to the size of calories, and travel will help you focus on other things, such as hiking and meeting friends, and studying history.
 
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Hello Konrad,
Eating disorders are serious, but psychological problems, like this disorder should not be a hindrance to your vocation.

First and foremost, inform your spiritual director and the vocations director of this disorder. You cannot hide this from them. Each diocese has its own rules. They may ask that you delay a year and receive counseling for the disorder before you enter or may have you in a counseling program as part of your formation through philosophy. Even if the diocese denies you, religious orders are still open to you. In fact, religious orders are more geared towards addressing individual issues like this eating disorder through a more personalized formation plan.

When I entered my Order, I had an intense social phobia, severe panic attacks and sporadic depression. It was through the support of my community and the grace of God I received through my formation that allowed me to overcome all these things. I still must be conscious of them, but they no longer infringe upon my enactment of my vocation. This can be worked through in formation, wherever that may be.

Never be afraid to admit you need help and never allow pride to keep you from accepting that help. That is my advice. The vocations and spiritual directors have been doing this for a long time. Trust them.

If you have a vocation and you pursue it, it will come to fruition, wherever that may be. If God wills it, it will be done. I will be praying for you.

God Bless,
Br. Ben, CRM
 
I don’t know how to answer except I was like this too as a teen. Then I decided to hold fasts and replacing dieting with abstaining from food and combining it with prayer have had a reverse result in my crankiness with my parents (who aren’t religious and my mom had an issue with me holding fasting too but dedicating it all to God and making Him an intermediary between me and mom, me and my body, me and my weight really brought a spirit of kindness and patience and tolerance between all these relationships). Talk also with your spiritual director about the anger issues (cursing your parents is not okay, ever, not even when they are wrong and you are right) and how to solve them.
I pray for you that may God soothe your heart.
 
konrad1198 said:
and is ruining my relationships with my family, especially my mother.
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konrad1198 said:
I get really mad at her to the point where I even curse at her, which is something I used to never do.
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konrad1198 said:
I get really mad at her for “ruining my day”. This has turned into daily arguments with her.
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konrad1198 said:
daily mood swings and even instigation of fights with other family members.
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Konrad, your eating disorder is only part of your problem. Look what you’ve written here. You have an anger control problem. As others have already said, counseling or therapy of some kind for your eating disorder is certainly a good idea. But your anger problem is a separate issue. You need to stop fighting with your family, even before you start counseling or therapy for your eating disorder. As far as the priesthood is concerned, I would suspect that your inability to live in peace with the people around you is quite likely a more serious obstacle to your plans than your food problem is. Pastoral work calls for great—even superhuman—kindliness and patience. You’re going to need to interact in a friendly, helpful, constructive manner with people who are struggling to overcome much more serious challenges than not being able to calculate their calorie intake as accurately as they would like to.

A smoker and a nonsmoker can live together as husband and wife, year after year, without ever quarreling about it. If they can do it, you can do it.
 
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I think you should be completely open about the eating disorder to your spiritual director. They cannot properly help you discern if you are not.
 
Gertabelle said:
You absolutely MUST get this sorted out before you enter the seminary. I was in a monastery for over two years and developed an eating disorder when I was there – it was hell.

The thing you need to face is that these eating disorders aren’t about food or weight or size. They are about something much deeper, and that is what needs to be addressed. Religious life removes distractions from your life – the freedom to watch a movie, or play a video game, or go hang out with friends.

Whatever is causing your eating disorder will only be exacerbated by your life in the seminary. And that’s why you need to address this first.

Appointments with a physician, a therapist, your spiritual director would all be in order.

There is hope. Be at peace.
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Really great response. My brother has been struggling with this in the past. It takes work and dedication to deal with this and doctors. My brother has done all of this including a 12 step program. Hold on to your dream, but get things sorted out and be in a strong place before you begin. Just my .02

Pax Christie
 
I spent some time in a convent myself while discerning my own vocation and in that time battled bulimia. It does make a difference. I am not saying that it means you do not have a vocation, but an eating disorder is a mental illness. It needs to be addressed.

Religious life does remove a lot of distractions from your life. Fancy clothes, jewelry, expensive cars, makeup, relationships with the opposite sex. You don’t get the freedom to come and go as you please anymore.
You answer to the church and your superiors.

You may well find that the thing that is driving you to your eating disorder is suddenly smack dab in front of your face, and that you have no choice but to address it at this point. Things because much clearer without all the noise of the world.

I knew that I was not suited to life in the cloister after my eating disorder flared up in the convent. Everyone is different. Counseling, seeing a doctor, and discussing things with a spiritual director will make it much clearer to you after you address your present need for healing, how god is calling you to make a difference in this world.

It may still well be the priesthood, later on. Or it might be something else, like it was with me. I live a single life in the world and have made a private vow of celibacy. Im considering a secular institute or consecrated virginity.

You will be able to clearly discern god’s will when you put all the cards on the table, and hide nothing.
 
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