It’s not a question of “which parish should I belong to?” because a parish is a territory, not a building. Technically, it is the people living in a given territory.
You are welcome to go to Mass anywhere you choose.
But your actual parish of membership is defined by where you live.
Here’s an example from the secular world. Let’s say that you happen to live near a state line. How would you determine which one is “your” state (I mean legally, not emotionally)? The answer is quite simple. It would be determined by which side of that state line you actually reside. You are free to do your grocery shopping anywhere you choose. You can feed the pigeons at the park anywhere you choose. You can socialize on either or both sides of the state line. Etc. etc. However, when it comes time to renew your drivers license, or time to vote in an election, you can do so only in your state of residence. You can’t go to a polling place in the other state and say “I spend so much time here, I want to vote for governor
here instead of the state where I live.” Can’t do it.
Catholic parishes are territories. Most people think of parishes in terms of a building. By that I mean that if someone asks “where is St. Mary’s parish?” the usual answer would come out something like “the corner of Main and Market.” But that’s not how it works. St. Mary’s parish is actually the territory bordered by the river on the west, the city limits on the east, 52nd Street on the south, and the old railroad tracks on the north. That’s how parishes are defined–territories.
A parish is not something that one actively “chooses” but a parish is pre-determined by where you actually have a home. You can change parishes anytime you want, but the only way to do it is to gather your things and move into that parish territory by setting up a new residence.
Even though you don’t realize it, you actually are a member/parishioner of the parish where you live, regardless of where you go to Mass, and completely independent of whether or not you are “registered” anywhere or nowhere.
This misunderstanding is worsened by the concept of registration. Parish registration actually means nothing other than the fact that your name and some information is on a piece of paper or in some database. Registration does not make a Catholic a member of any parish. So, there’s nothing in canon law that requires a Catholic to register in his proper parish, and there’s nothing preventing a Catholic from registering in a parish other-than his own proper parish. This holds because registration itself is meaningless in the end. Registration doesn’t make one a parishioner any more than attending an ice cream social makes one a parishioner.
There are indeed times when ones proper parish and proper pastor are very relevant indeed; times like baptisms, weddings and even funerals. For example, when you die, you have a right to be buried in your own proper parish church (ok, corpses don’t have rights but you get the point–lest someone jump all over me for that). You have a right to get married in your own proper parish (your children do/will). You “might” be able to do these things in another parish; but then again, you might not. There are no guarantees that when the time comes, you will be able to make use of the parish church if if isn’t your own parish church.
A lot of folks here at CAF like to respond to questions like yours (and this comes up on a fairly regular basis) with something like “it doesn’t matter” or “I do as I please, and I’ve never had any problems” None of that will actually change canon law.
The exception to the above is what the Church calls “personal parishes.” No, that doesn’t mean “private property” but it means that a parish is defined by the “persons” rather than the territory. We usually see this in ethnic parishes, or more recently in the Extraordinary Form (Latin Mass) parishes. These are the exception to territories, and provision is made for this in canon law itself. Sometimes (though rarely) parish territories might even overlap a bit.
I’ll quote your original concluding question: “Are we violating canon law by not belonging to the parish where we live?” The proper response is actually that the question itself doesn’t make sense. You already “belong to” the parish where you live, even though you might be attending or even registered at, the parish other-than the one where you are a member. No, attending there doesn’t violate canon law. You do need to be aware that even though the situation might not cause any problems at the present, sometime in the future when it comes to something that requires you to go to (or through) your own proper parish or your own proper pastor you might very well encounter some difficulties.
If you need to see them, I can post the relevant canons. I’ve posted them so many times here on CAF that I’m about ready to just save them as a word processor doc to save some time
