Effect of Inter Faith marriages on the Church

[Hope070408]

What a neat story! That’s the kind of support I want to give my future husband.

Good to know that one can join the choir without being a member. I’m in the band in my church. Sadly, my church is 40 minutes away, so getting to choir each week is just too much. I miss it!

 

[BamaRider]

Inter Faith marriages are not the only reason for failed marriages, but can be lumped into the bag of assorted causes why Catholic marriages fail, and in the process cause many Catholics to lapse.

The inter Faith couple must face how the non Catholic deals with Church doctrine concerning, BC, children, and even sex.

One must have a firm grasp of the life agenda, to deal with these issues. Heck, some otherwise good *Catholics *struggle with those them, how ya reckon a Protestant is gonna cope??

When a partner goes off duty (sexually) several days a month because of NFP, can cause the non Catholic to think twice. In the europhira of wedding planning, these issues are somethimes regualted to “Oh, not that big a deal, I can deal with it,” but several years later, the reality of Church Doctrine sets in, and so can frustration.

Lets face it, being a “good” Catholic is not easy, but the reward is eternal happiness.

The inter faith can work, but when all things are equal, by their nature have to be a little less. I don’t mean to upset anyone with that notion, but I think we all can agree having a Catholic partner is better than not.

 

[CountryMom27]

Just for a bit of perspective…

My grandfather (maternal) converted from Lutheran to Catholic to marry my grandmother. But the bigger issue was that he was German and she was Irish - and it was the 1910’s.

My mother converted from Catholic to Congregational when she married my father in the 1950’s. It caused a bit of a ruckus with Mom’s family. She said for her, it was clear - she wanted the whole family to attend the same church.

I married my husband, who is Catholic, and we had our wedding in the Congregational church, co-officiated by my minister and his priest. It was an absolutely beautiful wedding - we chose passages and hymns celebrating the common Christian faith and values. We decided to raise our two boys Catholic, and last year, after much prayer, I decided to convert and become Catholic. I think my mom, if she were alive, would find it humorous that we’ve gone back and forth across the generations!

I don’t think interfaith marriages are the problem with Catholics lapsing. I think that there are lots of reasons why people fall away from the Church. First, I don’t think that many local churches have enough involvement in the community and with promoting family life. My old church had singles groups, bible study, nursery care for little ones during church (VERY helpful with encouraging attendance when you have babies and toddlers!). They had progressive suppers, family retreats, bible camp in the summer, and they didn’t charge for Sunday School. They had a children’s choir, a junior choir, a high school choir, a senior choir (adults), a bell choir (adults & teens) and a string group. Mom’s groups, playgroups, lectures, speakers, and a library.

Now I’ve visited our cousin in Maryland, and her church is so big there that they have five priests! and two churches. They have a lot of the social programs my old church had. My current parish has hardly anything. People want their churches to be part of the core of their family life. They want more than just going to Mass - they want to have a chance to meet others like them, to integrate their faith and practice into their daily life.

Just a few thoughts from an “outsider”

 

[Flopfoot]

I’m sure I posted about this elsewhere, well anyway,

Pretty sure that ultimately the only “real rule” is that the non-Catholic has to be okay with the children being raised Catholic, and be supportive of that objective.

If that is met I don’t see the problem.

(Those of you who remember me from years ago might be surprised, I used to advocate that we should only be looking for Catholic partners, I guess I’ve learned a bit more since then).

 

[Phemie]

I’m sure I posted about this elsewhere, well anyway,

Pretty sure that ultimately the only “real rule” is that the non-Catholic has to be okay with the children being raised Catholic, and be supportive of that objective.

If that is met I don’t see the problem.

(Those of you who remember me from years ago might be surprised, I used to advocate that we should only be looking for Catholic partners, I guess I’ve learned a bit more since then).

While the Church requires that the Catholic party promise to do all in his/her power to have the children baptized Catholic and raised in the faith, it also recognizes that the non-Catholic has just as much right to pass on his/her faith to the children so they need only be informed of the promise. That is a change from when I got married and DH had to promise that the children would be raised Catholic. He had decided that on his own years before we decided to get married, after consulting his aunt who told him that children should be raised in the faith of the parent whose faith was strongest. Bless you aunt Bea! Put in that perspective there was no doubt they would be raised Catholic.

His dear aunt was the one who, the weekend of his grandfather’s funeral, made sure that he took me to the Cathedral for Mass since “going to the Anglican Church with us didn’t meet her obligations as a Catholic.” I was only 19 and that was one time I wouldn’t have made the effort to get to Mass, feeling odd about asking since I was the only Catholic among the dozens of people in residence that weekend and feeling that they had enough on their plate.

 

[SeekerJen]

The first situation sounds like there’s a lot more to it than just a difference in faith - to me, it sounds abusive. I would hope that that is not normal for mixed marriages!

No, it is not. My mother was not Catholic when she and my father married in his Catholic parish. 37 years later, they’re still happily married after sticking it out through some rough times. My mom didn’t convert until I was 5, but there was never a question that I would be raised a Catholic from day one.

My husband is also a non-Catholic. He knew when we started dating that my faith and religion were non-negotiables, including the sacramental marriage in my parish with all dispensations granted and all preparations approved by the archdiocese. We’ve been happily married for five years.

Over the years, I’ve seen marriages between two Catholics split up in really ugly divorces. I’ve seen devout Catholics marry lapsed Catholics because at least the lapsed Catholic was still a Catholic, only to have rude awakenings once the honeymoon was over. I’ve seen friends and acquaintances from the most devout Catholic families I could imagine lapse into the most secular lifestyles possible upon reaching adulthood. And if it’s true that 90% of married adult Catholics are using artificial birth control- many of those marriages are between two Catholics. The truth is that there are at least two generations of Catholics that have been very poorly educated about their religion. Whether these Catholics marry other Catholics or not, the damage is done. Banning mixed marriages is only going to solve a small part of the big problem.

 

[EDKidd]

I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule regarding inter-faith marriges and this has been shown by the responses on this thread.

My Anglican Wife was deeply against my converting to Catholicism and although is still troubled by it, she is starting to accept it.

I think many problems can be exacerbated by having children. I have 2 children that have not been baptised as my Christianity at the time was very Fundemental and I considered infant baptism uneccessary. Things for me are different now and my childrens’ baptism has become an issue for me; this will cause problems between my Wife and me because whilst she has become somewhat accustomed to my conversion, she still shudders at the thought of our children at Mass, never mind being baptised in the faith.

All in all, it is difficult to try and understand the will of God. Some inter-faith marriges will work whilst remaining inter-faith, whilst some will lead to a conversion - which can obviously have a positive impact on the Church. Others will be a terrible trial for both parties. I suppose prayers and faith are the answers.

 

[BamaRider]

Which returns us to the problem at hand. There are *2.5 million * lapsed Catholics in America. Lots of reasons for those numbers. But safe to say, alot of that can be placed on failed marriages, for whatever reasons. They can be inter faith issues that could not be resolved, they could finances, infidelity, career paths etc.

I think we have to do a better job helping our fellow Catholics in this situation. If you know someone like this, reach out to them and advise they have options, and perhaps their problem can be resovled, and they can return to their Faith.

 

[perfectpeach]

If my husband did not marry someone outside his faith, I would not be Catholic right now… so they can be a blessing.

 

[Sina]

IMHO, the Church should revert to its prior canon law stance on mixed marriage.

Mixed marriage is a serious, serious issue.

I see what you are all saying, but if canon law were to change, then there would be a lot of “fake” conversions. People would convert to the faith in order to marry their fiance/és. I know going through RCIA and Easter Vigil would be difficult if you faked it, but conversion really requires sincerity and I think this change would break that down.

I am sure a certain percentage of marriages would be saved ( and grief ) with the change in law as well, not to discount that idea.