Effectiveness of NFP

[amandamay83]

After hi-jacking another thread for a bit, I decided that it might be best to start another thread about this.

Some background: my husband and I have been together for 8 years (married for 3 months). We have two children, 18 mo. and 5 mo. I was on the pill for most of our relationship, and in June got an IUD. Since then, I’ve had what you might call a conversion and a desire to come back to the church. Naturally, an IUD is about as far from the church as one can get. I have always been interested in NFP. My husband…not so much.

We both agree that we want more children (8-10 is what we’re thinking, but we’ll see, right?). I wouldn’t mind if we had another now, but there are many reasons that this is not ideal. Number one, we’re living in a two bedroom apartment. At this time, there is simply not room for a third child.

Aside from that, my husband and I have a fundamental disagreement as to when we would like to have another. I’d like to start trying in January. He’d like to wait 2-4 years. Clearly this is something we need to discuss further. But this brings me to my fundamental “issue” with NFP.

I NEED to know that it WORKS. I went to confession last night (first time in 10 years; yay me!) and discussed it with the priest. He pointed out that I don’t need hubby to “go along” with NFP, as I can practice it myself. Good point. Nevertheless, I don’t think dh is going to be happy if we get pregnant in the first two months of NFP (and given our prior history, I don’t think that is out of the question; we seem to be exceptionally fertile).

I keep hearing about the trinity, and letting God take control, God knows better than me, etc… I get that, really I do. But to me, that’s very romanticized. I’m going to have an awfully hard time accepting that God knows more than me when I’m trying to fit a third crib into an already cramped bedroom.

I guess I’m asking two things here:
1.) Does NFP really work? I’m not talking clinical, theoretical effectiveness. What is the real life effectiveness of NFP?
2.) Can you sell me on this? It may not seem like it, but I’m about 80% there. But I don’t want my dh to feel like I’ve done a bait-and-switch on him. I don’t want to convince him of the 99% effiacy of NFP, only to get pregnant after two months.

Please help

 

[Jennifer_J]

It’s as effective for spacing babies as you make it (barring any medical condition that may make your fertility a bit harder to track). You have to follow the rules and during the learning phase, there is a lot of abstinence. You have to chart faithfully and really pay attention to your body. Various rules will depend on the method
STM=symptothermal–basal temps, mucous and cervix observations cross check each other npfandmore.org or ccli.org

Billings=mucous only boma-usa.com

Creighton=medical standardized mucous only creightonmodel.com

Marquette= stm or mucous plus a fertility monitor

You can use the methods for both avoiding and acheiving pregnancy. You can decide on a month by month basis (and should) whether to avoid or try to acheive. Actual effectivness is hard to ascertain for most couples, as those who use it are often more open to having a larger family. I know there are a few posters on here that have to use it for life and death situations and have done that for many years with no trouble. I hope they post of their experiences for you.

God bless

 

[gardenswithkids]

Since then, I’ve had what you might call a conversion and a desire to come back to the church. …I went to confession last night (first time in 10 years; yay me!) and discussed it with the priest…

I don’t have time to post right now, but I wanted to quickly say “Yay you” :clapping: for going to confession and welcome back to the Church.

 

[MomaMary8]

After hi-jacking another thread for a bit, I decided that it might be best to start another thread about this.

Some background: my husband and I have been together for 8 years (married for 3 months). We have two children, 18 mo. and 5 mo. I was on the pill for most of our relationship, and in June got an IUD. Since then, I’ve had what you might call a conversion and a desire to come back to the church. Naturally, an IUD is about as far from the church as one can get. I have always been interested in NFP. My husband…not so much.

We both agree that we want more children (8-10 is what we’re thinking, but we’ll see, right?). I wouldn’t mind if we had another now, but there are many reasons that this is not ideal. Number one, we’re living in a two bedroom apartment. At this time, there is simply not room for a third child.

Aside from that, my husband and I have a fundamental disagreement as to when we would like to have another. I’d like to start trying in January. He’d like to wait 2-4 years. Clearly this is something we need to discuss further. But this brings me to my fundamental “issue” with NFP.

I NEED to know that it WORKS. I went to confession last night (first time in 10 years; yay me!) and discussed it with the priest. He pointed out that I don’t need hubby to “go along” with NFP, as I can practice it myself. Good point. Nevertheless, I don’t think dh is going to be happy if we get pregnant in the first two months of NFP (and given our prior history, I don’t think that is out of the question; we seem to be exceptionally fertile).

I keep hearing about the trinity, and letting God take control, God knows better than me, etc… I get that, really I do. But to me, that’s very romanticized. I’m going to have an awfully hard time accepting that God knows more than me when I’m trying to fit a third crib into an already cramped bedroom.

I guess I’m asking two things here:
1.) Does NFP really work? I’m not talking clinical, theoretical effectiveness. What is the real life effectiveness of NFP?
2.) Can you sell me on this? It may not seem like it, but I’m about 80% there. But I don’t want my dh to feel like I’ve done a bait-and-switch on him. I don’t want to convince him of the 99% effiacy of NFP, only to get pregnant after two months.

Please help

Hi Amanda!

I hope I can help you out a bit. I, too, am an exceptionally fertile woman!

I think painting NFP with the same brush as contraception is where we fail as Catholics in teaching the purpose of NFP.

The beauty of NFP is partly due to the fact that one person of the couple is no longer the “gate keeper” of the fertility. Its not “her fault” if she forgets to take the pill, its his fault if the condom broke, etc. I was dumbfounded when the dean of the department announced his wife’s new pg. “Its her fault. She forgot to take her pill!” Were his words. This is a direct cause of the contraceptive mentality that pregnancy is bad and avoidance is good. Babies come from a man AND a woman and gifted to us through God. Seperating these is horrible. NFP unites the three together.

Now for your circumstances, you want to avoid so that you can keep your head above water. Yes?? I have eight myself and trying to figure out where to put the crib for my 3 mo old. He’s too big for the craddle, so we need to put the crib in somewhere! So, I can sympathize! We also had a child who was very sick for the first 2 or so years of his life. I could not take the demands of a new baby and his health, so we prayerfully discerned to avoid conceiving.

NFP has taught me to track my ovulation. I know when I ovulate and know if I could possibly get pg if we choose to embrace. We succesfully avoided over 2 years until his little sister came along. Our son slowly got better and healthier. His needs and demands upon me (special diet for him and me, doctors visits, meds, special cleaning regiment, avoidance of social settings, etc) became less and less needed. Then one month DH and I realized we could handle another. We no longer needed to avoid. We closed our eyes and let things happen. I conceived, and miscarried which was a tremendous heartache. It made me feel like a fool to have avoided conceiving. I am now fully aware of how small I am in God’s large plan I had assumed I could get pg whenever I wanted and every pg would be a baby to hold. I now know better and cherish them all a bit more. I’ve healed and now have 2 more children after my sick little ds.

Once you get a clear track of your fertility signs (I was taught Creighton long ago) it becomes second nature to understand your fertility signs. When ever my DH approaches me and I know we haven’t discussed a new baby, I’ll say something sassy to him like :sure honey! I’d love to try for a baby girl tonight!" LOL If he’s not 100% ready to have a baby, he simply backs off! LOL And in reverse, I will tell my DH if I don’t think I could handle being pg that month. We never go into a pg blindly. The more children I have, the harder my pgs have been. My DH must be in full agreement for the extra load of work that will come his way, when I’m off my feet.

If it wasn’t for NFP, DH and I would have had to fully abstain during those 2 years of our sons illness. What a gift NFP was for us! I won’t lie. It can be difficult at first, trying to get a full idea of your signs, and learning to trust. A good instructor will help you through this struggle. In time, it does get easier.

I usally stay out of discussions of NFP because too many want to use it as contracetion (contraceptive mentality) and see me with my 8 kids and think I’m a failed example of NFP. I think I am a wonderful example of NFP, the gift of children, and the fruits you receive when you trust God. I just hope others see me the same way, lol!

 

[nfpworks]

I have used NFP successfully for almost 12 years now.

Our first 2 are 19 months apart (we wanted them to be 18 months apart.)

After #2, I just wasn’t ready for a third so soon. So, we used NFP successfully to avoid for a little over 2 1/2 years. The month we decided to try again, we got pregnant with #3.

After #3, we talked about having another one real close. While it was hard, we just saw so many benefits. So, while we would have wanted them a little farther apart, #3 and #4 are 15 months apart. #4 was 6 weeks early . . they were supposed to be closer to 17 months apart.

With #4’s birth, there was lots of trauma. . . medical issues. So, he will be 5 this year, and we are still prayerfully avoiding pregnancy.

How? We follow the rules very conservatively.

 

[nfpworks]

There is an amazing story about the Billings Method and its effectiveness, specifically in China. I have to check if I can find the story and post a link. I’ll look.

But, in a nutshell, the last I read, there are over 48,000 trained Billings teachers in China teaching and there are over 3 1/2 million fertile couples learning it and using it.

In 2001, there was a study in China, and the effectiveness rate for avoiding pregnancy was 99.5%.

Now, based on the restrictions of the government, the motivation of the Chinese population is high to use the method to avoid a pregnancy.

With your situation, you have a good and valid reason to avoid a pregnancy at this point in your marriage.

When you really want it, you will be more apt to follow the rules carefully.

 

[dancergal]

I’m also interrested in learning NFP. My husband is still not completely convinced of its effectiveness, either. But I would like for both of us to be able to work together to make it work for us.

Right now, we have a 2 year old, and we’re expecting our second child later this month! At this point, though, we simply do not have the income to support a third baby, so we want to be comfortable with the birth control method we choose. And we need something that will be reliable during breastfeeding. I’m curious about NFP’s reliability during breastfeeding… anyone have any experience with that?