Either/Or Thinking, Despair, Salvation Unlikely

[scrupulousrvrt]

I just Indulged in Either/Or thinking again, even though i probably shouldn’t have and as a result started to Despair/become depressed. It seems as if everything is a near occasion of sin for me and the few things i hold dear seem to be the ones that bother me most, even though I can improve upon them so that they aren’t. I began thinking that “If you don’t do x, y, z then you’ll be committing Idolatrah!” when in reality almost EVERYTHING is idolatry, then my next confession would be invalid and I’d just be sending myself to hell anyway. it just doesn’t seem to enough to be willing to do something, you must do it otherwise my chances of salvation are nill and I don’t even know why i even bother trying. It appears that I must live a life of boredom, depression and deprivation if i’m going to see any hope of salvation. I’m starting to reconsider going to Confession today because these thoughts are overwhelming and I’ve never been more depressed since High-School. These “Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t” situations are becoming out of control;
Examples of my thinking patterns: “If you don’t love the Lord 100%, but only %99%, you will be damned for that 1%”
“Everybody goes through lukewarm periods, you just better hope you don’t DIE during one of them”
“If you don’t live strictly for God, you have nothing to live for”
“man, why do some of the Saints shake gory locks at people?”
“I sometimes wish i wasn’t part of the Catholic Faith”
“The narrow ““road”” isn’t actually, a road, in fact it’s microscopic!”

and it just goes on and on until my Will breaks. I’m starting to reconsider going to confession until i do “x, y, z” as a prerequisite.

 

[thistle]

I just Indulged in Either/Or thinking again, even though i probably shouldn’t have and as a result started to Despair/become depressed. It seems as if everything is a near occasion of sin for me and the few things i hold dear seem to be the ones that bother me most, even though I can improve upon them so that they aren’t. I began thinking that “If you don’t do x, y, z then you’ll be committing Idolatrah!” when in reality almost EVERYTHING is idolatry, then my next confession would be invalid and I’d just be sending myself to hell anyway. it just doesn’t seem to enough to be willing to do something, you must do it otherwise my chances of salvation are nill and I don’t even know why i even bother trying. It appears that I must live a life of boredom, depression and deprivation if i’m going to see any hope of salvation. I’m starting to reconsider going to Confession today because these thoughts are overwhelming and I’ve never been more depressed since High-School. These “Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t” situations are becoming out of control;
Examples of my thinking patterns: “If you don’t love the Lord 100%, but only %99%, you will be damned for that 1%”
“Everybody goes through lukewarm periods, you just better hope you don’t DIE during one of them”
“If you don’t live strictly for God, you have nothing to live for”
“man, why do some of the Saints shake gory locks at people?”
“I sometimes wish i wasn’t part of the Catholic Faith”
“The narrow ““road”” isn’t actually, a road, in fact it’s microscopic!”

and it just goes on and on until my Will breaks. I’m starting to reconsider going to confession until i do “x, y, z” as a prerequisite.

Talk soon to your priest/spiritual director.

 

[puzzledtoo]

May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.
I believe it way Meister Eckhart that said something like-- All God wants of man is a peaceful heart. No worries right? Please speak to your priest/spiritual director or a therapist and get some help letting go. Be well.