Thank you for reading our site. I did want to answer a couple of questions which you posed in your response. I am sorry that this is so long.
First, the perpetrator may appear to have gotten away with her crime. But our faith teaches us that our final judgment comes from God. I believe that if the abuser does not face punishment in this life, punishment will come. And it may be worse than anything I could have thought of.
Second, your concern about recognizing sociopaths. I really recommend reading the book which I cited on the website. But you are not alone in your concern about recognizing those who exhibit these characteristics. Even psychologists and psychiatrists have the same difficulty. It appears that these individuals reveal themselves over a period of time. Unfortunately, sociopaths don’t have a mark on their forehead. We probably won’t recognize them when we meet them.
My sisters and I, while trying to live our faith, befriended and cared for the abuser. Doing this blinded us to what she was doing. As you stated when your friend behaved badly, you made excuses for her, overlooking behavior that you found confusing or inconsistent.
Our mother told us that the caregiver was mean to her. Mother has had dementia for years and is often paranoid. So we overlooked what our mom had said, for we had experienced her paranoia before. We also knew that mom had a difficult time expressing what she really meant, so we tried to guess what she really meant to say. We thought that mom didn’t like some other woman in the home and that was the cause of her complaints. Given what happened, we should have believed our mom and fired the caregiver.
We now believe that it is most important not to befriend an employee. Somehow that crosses a line which tends to blinds us. Dr. Stout says that normal people are often confused about sociopathic behavior. She believes that is our intuition speaking to us.
When it comes to trust, which was your third question, we don’t trust any of the caregivers who take care of mom. Although we are kind and considerate with them, we always check what they say. We don’t take any of their statements as fact. We no longer leave medications in the home. There are only enough medications for a week at a time, and we personally give mom medicine which we believe could be abused. And we have installed cameras and a sound system, so we can see and hear what they are doing. And the caregivers know that we have prosecuted an abuser and will prosecute anyone who hurts our mom.
Good luck in your work. It sounds as though you are in a position of authority or that you work with other caregivers. It is a blessed calling to care for the ill. Thank you again for responding.
