Email Relationship Disaster. PART 1. THOUGHTS?

[89ARIES]

More than anything, I want to marry a good Catholic girl and be a father. Well,
I want to be happy in what God wants, but I have “felt” called to marriage. I was in a 9 month email relationship with a devout Catholic girl in Ohio I hadn’t seen in 13 years. Even as our email relationship fell apart, I clung to the hope that true love
and a closeness to God could save it, but I gave up permanently after
this horrible experience for these reasons. Yes, she dumped me, but here
are the circumstances that led up to it that proove to me beyond a shadow
of the doubt that I would be foolhardy to consider her a marriage partner.

1. She never wanted any type of commitment, much less talk to me on the phone.
   I thought I could work with that and give her time. I thought I could be Prince Charming
   and proove to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was the one woman loved and adored, as Christ loves and adores His church. Unfortunately, I became impatient
   and ended up challenging her on a few things. One was her talking to my brothers on the
   phone, but not me. She felt belittled and accussed when I called her on certain things.
2. She dated for dating’s sake in previous years, and not to get married. When we had the one phone call after the fatal fight that merely ended the relationship, she told me she flat out never wanted to marry, ever, but had dated for lonliness sake. She said she was perfectly content, and I had told her are you sure, and I could tell she was very self-conscious about my direct questions, boing.
3. She sent emails of topics in reference to love and marriage, and we were emailing
   everyday, so naturally I felt I could be open with her about my struggles and spiritual life.
   I did everything I could to be open with her and try to brighten her day. On more than one occasion I tried to sympathize with her and even offered to send her a gift, but she flatly refused. She was, according to her, open with me about herself. She was, but not entirely.
4. She did not have the courtesy to respond to half of my questions, and her emails became shorter and shorter, and less open. Our one big fight ended any openess on her part completely.

 

[Francie3]

Hi, I think what remains is for you to process this realization and recovery from a nine-month relationship that was going nowhere, and no wasn’t very honest if she knew your intention to find a marriage partner. In not talking to you but only your brothers she was avoiding having a direct conversation that would soon reveal the truth. Until it became more uncomfortable for her through facing truth and hard questions, she was willing to string you along for her own purposes in keeping a friendship in which another person was invested, to satisfy her own need for contact without responsibility.

I think you know all that now. I hope you process this painful sense of loss and betrayal and recover soon because she never was your future wife, nor would she be suitable as your wife as you already now know.

My prayers for you that you will find find a good Catholic woman who will be a loving and devoted wife.
God bless you.

 

[Qwestions]

Hi, 89ARIES. The next move is yours. Do you want to take it and move forward, beyond this negative experience? Or do you want to spend yet more time hashing over an ended relationship (according to her words, and yours, too)? What do you hope to achieve by discussing this defunct relationship? Only you can provide those answers.

Are you hurting and wanting commiseration in order to build yourself up so that you’ll have the courage to try with some new girl? Are you wanting to move forward in order to establish a loving relationship with another woman with whom you might marry and wanting advice as to what to change about yourself, based upon the progression (or lack of it) with the good-bye girl? Again, you must answer those questions. Good luck to you.

 

[89ARIES]

Thankyou. I think its both things you said, really. I really did go into these relationships trying, I thought, to be the best friend possible, but things always went south. It then makes me question everything about myself, obviously.