Embarrasment in Confession

  • Thread starter Thread starter ultramontanist3
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
U

ultramontanist3

Guest
Hi there. I struggle sometimes with sins of impurity - both in my mind and sometimes manifested [edited].

I go to confession regularly and Mass and pray to avoid temptation etc. The problem is I’m finding it increasingly awkward to admit these sins in confession. I’m a female in my 20’s and though I understand the whole anonimity of the confessional I cant kid myself that my confessor does not know its me - especailly as once or twice he has asked me about other stuff (rotas for various things in the church etc) after I’ve confessed. He is a fantastic confessor, but to be honest I am just embarrased - I mean I would not dream of discussing sins like that in front of my best female friend never mind a man. I know they have to be confessed but can anyone point me to any specific ways of phrasing things and any specific prayers I could pray before making my confession so I can have the grace not to fall into the sin of witholding sins in confession

Thanks.
 
Please don’t be embarrassed. Remember you are not talking to just the Priest, but Jesus is there! Jesus already knows what we have done, but we just need to confess and own up to it. I am sure the Priest has heard this sin confessed so many times before, so he will not be surprised. Also remember that the Priest is human also and I am sure he has challenges and struggles of his own, so I am sure he understands your struggles with sin.

Before I examine my conscious, I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me during this. Before I enter the confessional, I again ask the Holy Spirit to guide me during the confession and to help me to have a good and sincere confession. I have a problem with being scrupulous and sometimes I can get myself all tied up in thoughts before I enter the confessional. I usually become very anxious and worried. I find when I ask the Holy Spirit for help, I feel calm and I am able to make a good confession.

As far as these particular sins, I fall to them also. I just say I had impure thoughts, and I was impure with myself X number of times. If the Priest is unsure of anything he will ask for more information.

Hope this helps and remember that when we leave that confessional, we are now clean and we receive graces that help us with our struggles. Also you can offer up your embarrassment to Jesus! I am sure in time you will be able to free yourself of these sins!

God Bless!
 
In addition to what Mustang said, I would add that if you have concerens that the priest is referring to previous confessions, then simply say so.

I will add that we all need to remember that a confession is only valid if we truly intend not to repeat the sin. Impurity is a serious struggle for many in this day and age, but we must honestly resolve to not repeat sins we confess.

Rather than be embarrassed, there is another way to look at what your priest is asking. Perhaps he is trying to help you find the way to better hekp ypou resist these difficult temptations.

Again, as Mustang said, do not be embarrased and PLEASE do not let that make you hesitate to go to confession.

I will add that some priests, perhaps motivated out of a misguided sense of mercy, might tell you that it is okay to reciece Holy Communion if you have succumbed to the temptation of impurity. Do NOT. If your conscience leads you to question whether you should receive Holy Communion, then please, for the sake of your immortal soul, DO NOT receive.
 
Did he ask about rotas in the Confessional? If so, then you need to let me know not to do that, both for yourself and for him! That’s why I don’t like Confessing face-to-face (though it does have its benefits), because I don’t want to put the priest in that awkward situation of knowing who is confessing, and him remembering my sins afterwards.

What you could do is try other priests (if they are available), instead of the same one. So, instead of going to Father A, try Father B this week. Next week go back to Father A. I love going to different Priests, because it keeps things from getting mundane (it’s always a different kind of penance with a different severity).
 
ultramontanist3 said:
Hi there. I struggle sometimes with sins of impurity - both in my mind and sometimes manifested in masturbation.

I go to confession regularly and Mass and pray to avoid temptation etc. The problem is I’m finding it increasingly awkward to admit these sins in confession. I’m a female in my 20’s and though I understand the whole anonimity of the confessional I cant kid myself that my confessor does not know its me - especailly as once or twice he has asked me about other stuff (rotas for various things in the church etc) after I’ve confessed. He is a fantastic confessor, but to be honest I am just embarrased - I mean I would not dream of discussing sins like that in front of my best female friend never mind a man. I know they have to be confessed but can anyone point me to any specific ways of phrasing things and any specific prayers I could pray before making my confession so I can have the grace not to fall into the sin of witholding sins in confession

Thanks.
Click to expand...
Why not ask and pray for MORE embarrassment so that can help you stop?
 
agapewolf said:
Why not ask and pray for MORE embarrassment so that can help you stop?
Click to expand...
That’s horrible! Embarrassment as a key to stop doing something? It’s embarrassing situations that keep people out of the confessional. The confessional isn’t about being embarrassed, heck it’s not even about no longer committing the sin (though it is an important point). Confession is about reconcilliation first and foremost. G-d does not want us embarrassed when we seek forgiveness. If yoou have children, and they come to you when they’ve done something wrong, are you going to embarrass them so that they no longer do it? No, you’re not.
 
ultramontanist3 said:
Hi there. I struggle sometimes with sins of impurity - both in my mind and sometimes manifested in masturbation.

I go to confession regularly and Mass and pray to avoid temptation etc. The problem is I’m finding it increasingly awkward to admit these sins in confession. I’m a female in my 20’s and though I understand the whole anonimity of the confessional I cant kid myself that my confessor does not know its me - especailly as once or twice he has asked me about other stuff (rotas for various things in the church etc) after I’ve confessed. He is a fantastic confessor, but to be honest I am just embarrased - I mean I would not dream of discussing sins like that in front of my best female friend never mind a man. I know they have to be confessed but can anyone point me to any specific ways of phrasing things and any specific prayers I could pray before making my confession so I can have the grace not to fall into the sin of witholding sins in confession

Thanks.
Click to expand...
Do you have a priest in your area with whom you normally have little or no contact?

I’ve had times in my life when the best thing was to go for confession regularly to a priest who didn’t know me outside the Confessional, and with whom I had no reason to be in contact or speak to, other than in the Confessional. (ie: not a priest who works in the same office with me, and not a priest whose church I go to Mass, etc.)
 
jmcrae said:
Do you have a priest in your area with whom you normally have little or no contact?

I’ve had times in my life when the best thing was to go for confession regularly to a priest who didn’t know me outside the Confessional, and with whom I had no reason to be in contact or speak to, other than in the Confessional. (ie: not a priest who works in the same office with me, and not a priest whose church I go to Mass, etc.)
Click to expand...
I’ve done the same. And there is now shame in that. Sometimes it can be very helpful.
 
bmadamsberry said:
That’s horrible! Embarrassment as a key to stop doing something? It’s embarrassing situations that keep people out of the confessional. The confessional isn’t about being embarrassed, heck it’s not even about no longer committing the sin (though it is an important point). Confession is about reconcilliation first and foremost. G-d does not want us embarrassed when we seek forgiveness. If yoou have children, and they come to you when they’ve done something wrong, are you going to embarrass them so that they no longer do it? No, you’re not.
Click to expand...
Actually, no, its not horrible at all. There are many reasons we have the sacrament of reconciliation- one of them accountability. Having to confess something is a starting point in motivation to not do it. Its not the END ALL by any means…we should continue to move our hearts so conform to the will of God so that we don’t desire the sin anymore, but as a starting point, especially when trying to break a habit, it is a good help. It isn’t horrible at all.

Its not about the priest making a person feel embarrassed…its about the person putting the embarassment on themselves

The op is asking the wrong question…how to make confession more comfortable. Well, confession isn’t meant to be comfortable…thats the whole point.
 
agapewolf said:
Actually, no, its not horrible at all. There are many reasons we have the sacrament of reconciliation- one of them accountability. Having to confess something is a starting point in motivation to not do it. Its not the END ALL by any means…we should continue to move our hearts so conform to the will of God so that we don’t desire the sin anymore, but as a starting point, especially when trying to break a habit, it is a good help. It isn’t horrible at all.

Its not about the priest making a person feel embarrassed…its about the person putting the embarassment on themselves

The op is asking the wrong question…how to make confession more comfortable. Well, confession isn’t meant to be comfortable…thats the whole point.
Click to expand...
No, that’s not the whole point. Confession should be mirrored on how we think Christ would treat us if we went to confession (actually, we do go to confession with Christ). I totally disagree with your assurtion that confession shouldn’t be comfortable. Now, by comfortability I do not mean easy, nor do I mean painless (in the sense of sadness, like for one’s actions). It should be, though, a nonembarrassing, loving experiance.

Your line of thinking is a few old one, though. And that’s one reason why confession was changed from a public display to a private one.
 
bmadamsberry said:
Did he ask about rotas in the Confessional? If so, then you need to let me know not to do that, both for yourself and for him! That’s why I don’t like Confessing face-to-face (though it does have its benefits), because I don’t want to put the priest in that awkward situation of knowing who is confessing, and him remembering my sins afterwards.
Click to expand...
The priest ought not to say anything during the confession to indicate that he even knows you, even if he thinks he does. Especially in an anonymous confessional, he might think he knows who is confessing and be wrong.

It goes without saying that he must not say anything outside the confessional about the confession, even to the penitent.
 
even though you know intellectually your confession is completely confidential, if it is becoming an issue for you that even might prevent you from confessing when you need to, go to another priest or parish for your own peace of mind, whatever helps you take advantage of this wonderful sacrament. In time your own understanding will mature, but don’t let anything erect a barrier between you and Christ.
 
bmadamsberry said:
No, that’s not the whole point. Confession should be mirrored on how we think Christ would treat us if we went to confession (actually, we do go to confession with Christ). I totally disagree with your assurtion that confession shouldn’t be comfortable. Now, by comfortability I do not mean easy, nor do I mean painless (in the sense of sadness, like for one’s actions). It should be, though, a nonembarrassing, loving experiance.

Your line of thinking is a few old one, though. And that’s one reason why confession was changed from a public display to a private one.
Click to expand...
Pain is not comfortable. You are confusing terms here.

Where do you get to say what confession “should be” as a non-embarrasing comfortable experience? that is impossible with a conscience that God has given us. It should be embarrassing to admit that we have sinned. We should be ashamed of sins.

CCC 1451 Among the penitent’s acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again.
 
agapewolf said:
Pain is not comfortable. You are confusing terms here.

Where do you get to say what confession “should be” as a non-embarrasing comfortable experience? that is impossible with a conscience that God has given us. It should be embarrassing to admit that we have sinned. We should be ashamed of sins.

CCC 1451 Among the penitent’s acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again.
Click to expand...
No, you are confusing terms. I base my assertion that confession should be non-embarrassing because Confession is confessing to Christ/Priest. I, and I bet you, can’t see Christ embarrassing us in the Confessional.

You’re problem is that you’re confusing comfortablity with… well I don’t know exactly what. You can be “sorrow(ful)”, have “detestation for the sin committed” and have “the resolution not to sin again” and NOT be embarrassed.

Your CCC quote proves nothing. It states nothing about embarrassment.

Either way, what I want is this conversation to end. It does not answer the OP’s question, and I’ve seen discussions that you’ve taken part in before, and this one will just result in a “yeah-huh” “nu-uh” situation.

G-d Bless.
 
bmadamsberry said:
No, you are confusing terms. I base my assertion that confession should be non-embarrassing because Confession is confessing to Christ/Priest. I, and I bet you, can’t see Christ embarrassing us in the Confessional.

You’re problem is that you’re confusing comfortablity with… well I don’t know exactly what. You can be “sorrow(ful)”, have “detestation for the sin committed” and have “the resolution not to sin again” and NOT be embarrassed.

Your CCC quote proves nothing. It states nothing about embarrassment.

G-d Bless.
Click to expand...
Again, if you have read what I have written, I’m not saying Christ or the priest would do the embarrassing, as if it takes someone else to do the action upon the penitient. THIS is what you are getting backwards. The embarrassment is from the penitent him/herself. the shame and sorrow and contrition for sins. “shame” is similar to embarassment. As I stated the first time, which you have ignored, is that this is a starting point for motivation to stop. This is what “imperfect contrition” means. Its not the ending place, but the starting point. It’s a great motivator to not sin when you realize you have to confess it later.

Having a conscience and being ashamed is another way of saying “embarrassed”. Especially in the context that the OP has stated it.

You are saying it should be comfortable, but not painless. Sorry, but that is impossible. Pain is not comfortable. This is confusing the terms. Comfort was my term anyway, not the OP.

The fact that the OP is finding it “increasingly awkward” to confess it might be God trying to tell her something.
 
agapewolf said:
Why not ask and pray for MORE embarrassment so that can help you stop?
Click to expand...
that’s what I am going to say. If you are ashamed to confess it, then don’t do it (the sin).

And trust the priest, as you trust the Trinity during your confession.
 
agapewolf said:
Again, if you have read what I have written, I’m not saying Christ or the priest would do the embarrassing, as if it takes someone else to do the action upon the penitient. THIS is what you are getting backwards. The embarrassment is from the penitent him/herself. the shame and sorrow and contrition for sins. “shame” is similar to embarassment. As I stated the first time, which you have ignored, is that this is a starting point for motivation to stop. This is what “imperfect contrition” means. Its not the ending place, but the starting point. It’s a great motivator to not sin when you realize you have to confess it later.

Having a conscience and being ashamed is another way of saying “embarrassed”. Especially in the context that the OP has stated it.

You are saying it should be comfortable, but not painless. Sorry, but that is impossible. Pain is not comfortable. This is confusing the terms. Comfort was my term anyway, not the OP.

The fact that the OP is finding it “increasingly awkward” to confess it might be God trying to tell her something.
Click to expand...
It seems to me that if a person does not feel shame for their sins, perfect contrition is considerably more difficult to achieve. Shame and embarrassment are simply different expressions of guilt. It is also the sign of a well-formed conscience.

Embarrassment and shame have always been among the most effective motivators a person can experience. I think agapewolf has it right here. I will add that to to claim it is somehow wrong for a person to feel shame or embarrassment is to apply misguided 20th century values on what is a critical human need to achieve salvation and can actually interfere with Christ’s call to repentance.
 
I think shame and guilt can be helpful, but they need to be kept in check. I am scrupulous and the guilt is usually what gets me. It can become a run away train that just leads one to despair. There were a few times where I felt like I will never be “good enough” for God and just wanted to give up. By the grace of God I was able to stay strong and move beyond that.

When a sin has become a habit, we need to realize that it will take some time, lots of prayer, and many trips to the confessional to break the habit. I have fallen to the same sins as the OP has. They became a habit and I have been working on breaking free of them. It has been a slow process, but I am making progress. I am not trying to diminish the seriousness of these sins. I just think that if we expect too much of ourselves then we are likely to fail and give up.
 
This is my first post, so bear with me if I am not doing this right. I am not so much addressing “Embarrasment in Confession” but instead, that God can give grace to overcome habital sin–I am speaking from experience. It is good to pray to avoid temptation, but the truth is that in this world, there will always be temptation. I would suggest to pray that God give you the grace to realize how wrong the sin is–and when you do, you will be appalled. When you look at the cross, and realize how much Jesus suffered for your sins, you won’t want to ever commit them again. It is only by the grace of God that anyone of us stays away from serious sin.
God bless you, and fill you with many, many graces!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top