(embarrassed)

[johntkd]

for all i know, i’m writing this in the wrong forum, but whatever. i joined some other Catholic forum and asked my question, but nobody’s answered me, so here i am…

my problem is that i have this crush on a priest. i talked to my shrink about it last week, but he didn’t say anything, so i guess i’ll mention it again this week (or this next week, whatever). it’s really … making me feel bad. i want to be Catholic, i’m in the RCIA class, and yet here i am, thinking that some priest is hot. is there anything that i should do about this???

I have read a couple of the posts here and think they offer some great advice, keep a little extra distance, dont worry that you are bad over how you feel, …But also relize many of the reasons the way you are feeling is because of this mans job and how he acts.
basically he is nice, truthful, treats you with respect the list goes on and on everything a person finds attractive in another person.
why ? because they are “GOOD QUALITIES” so basically give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing these good qualities and finding them attractive, Now take that compliment out in the world and search for a man that is not a priest and has all them same qualities, ( they do exist).

Good Luck and quit beating yourself up.

 

[monroesler86]

Okay, so, I emailed him and told him that I have a crush on him. I saw my shrink today, and after talking it over I don’t feel so bad about it. I explained a lot, probably more than I would tell my friends, and I came to the conclusion that I should accept whatever happens. If I get a court order or whatever telling me to stay away from him, I will gladly do so. I don’t want to hurt him, but I just wanted to be honest with him.

 

[Joya]

Okay, so, I emailed him and told him that I have a crush on him. I saw my shrink today, and after talking it over I don’t feel so bad about it. I explained a lot, probably more than I would tell my friends, and I came to the conclusion that I should accept whatever happens. If I get a court order or whatever telling me to stay away from him, I will gladly do so. I don’t want to hurt him, but I just wanted to be honest with him.

Did Father respond to your email?

I don’t think you will get a court order or anything legal like that. He might talk to you about it though now that he is aware of your feelings. As someone posted earlier, priests receive training in the seminary on how to deal with things like this, so I think he will know how to how handle it.

 

[monroesler86]

Did Father respond to your email?

I don’t think you will get a court order or anything legal like that. He might talk to you about it though now that he is aware of your feelings. As someone posted earlier, priests receive training in the seminary on how to deal with things like this, so I think he will know how to how handle it.

Heh, I missed that part, I guess I read too fast. No, I haven’t had a reply yet, and in all honesty I’m not expecting one. I guess if he talks to me about it must mean that he doesn’t hate me… I hope he doesn’t hate me. He’s, like, only been in the area for three months or something, and I’m already ruining his life.

 

[johntkd]

Heh, I missed that part, I guess I read too fast. No, I haven’t had a reply yet, and in all honesty I’m not expecting one. I guess if he talks to me about it must mean that he doesn’t hate me… I hope he doesn’t hate me. He’s, like, only been in the area for three months or something, and I’m already ruining his life.

He will not hate you trust me, and your not ruining his life,
no matter what he was to do you are not ruining his life.
and you actually may be helping him as well,if he dont stray then he has proven himself through a “test”, if he does stray then maybe he misunderstood his true calling.
either way its not ruining.
I am glad to hear you let him know as well, I am sure he will speak with you privatly on the matter and probably will not respond via e-mail.
he can now do things on his end to help to not throw out what could be considered the wrong signals, yet still be careing and helpful…

Good luck and I say once again **quit beating yourself up over this **noone can help whom they find attractive,get crushes on etc

 

[monroesler86]

He will not hate you trust me, and your not ruining his life,
no matter what he was to do you are not ruining his life.
and you actually may be helping him as well,if he dont stray then he has proven himself through a “test”, if he does stray then maybe he misunderstood his true calling.
either way its not ruining.
I am glad to hear you let him know as well, I am sure he will speak with you privatly on the matter and probably will not respond via e-mail.
he can now do things on his end to help to not throw out what could be considered the wrong signals, yet still be careing and helpful…

Good luck and I say once again **quit beating yourself up over this **noone can help whom they find attractive,get crushes on etc

tilts head That’s interesting, the whole test part. Like, it totally makes sense. (And, yeah, okay, so I just woke up, so we’re lucky that I understand anything at all, lol.) I’m trying to decide how I would feel if he wants to meet in person as a way to prepare myself as if it were my own test, but I am not sure. I will try to stop beating myself up about it ;-).

 

[catechumen08]

for all i know, i’m writing this in the wrong forum, but whatever. i joined some other Catholic forum and asked my question, but nobody’s answered me, so here i am…

my problem is that i have this crush on a priest. i talked to my shrink about it last week, but he didn’t say anything, so i guess i’ll mention it again this week (or this next week, whatever). it’s really … making me feel bad. i want to be Catholic, i’m in the RCIA class, and yet here i am, thinking that some priest is hot. is there anything that i should do about this???

It’s about wanting something you can’t have. It’ll pass with time.

 

[monroesler86]

It’s about wanting something you can’t have. It’ll pass with time.

Actually, this priest (I’m not sure if I’ve said his name on here, and I shouldn’t have if I did) made me feel accepted. I have had several other crushes on men that have made me feel in some way accepted, and this is general was that conclusion that my shrink and I reached in yesterday’s session. I agree, it will pass in time, though of course I am not sure of how much time.

 

[catechumen08]

Actually, this priest (I’m not sure if I’ve said his name on here, and I shouldn’t have if I did) made me feel accepted. I have had several other crushes on men that have made me feel in some way accepted, and this is general was that conclusion that my shrink and I reached in yesterday’s session. I agree, it will pass in time, though of course I am not sure of how much time.

It takes a strong person to accept people for who they really are. I’m just curious, why are you seeing a shrink at the tender age of 21?

 

[monroesler86]

It takes a strong person to accept people for who they really are. I’m just curious, why are you seeing a shrink at the tender age of 21?

I got diagnosed in 2005 through a Personality Assessment Inventory test as being borderline, that is, as having a borderline personality disorder. It is causing a great deal of problems, and through my shrink I can attempt to recover from my disorder. I’m not sure if it takes a strong person, as being understanding seems to play a role in accepting someone as they are.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I’m interested in your need to force the issue and put the priest on the spot after you were advised here to just back off and deal with it yourself. Now he may feel uncomfortable around you, or feel that everything he says can be misinterpreted. He may feel you were propositioning him somehow, or hoping he’d respond that he liked you too.

If he had been a married man, would you feel the need to email him and tell him you have a crush on him? The priest is beyond a married man. A Catholic priest is “ordained a priest forever in the order of Melchizedek.” A marriage between a man and a woman is only until death do they part.

This is a boundary issue. It is not like protestant ministers who are allowed to have wives. Catholic priests are completely off limits.

He made you feel accepted. But now this may be awkward for him, and he may feel that any friendliness on his part may be misread as encouragement. So he may back away, and then you will take that as rejection.

I know you are young. But in life, there are a lot of emotions and feelings that it’s better you keep to yourself. As they say down here: “Always tell the truth, but don’t always be telling the truth.”

You are young, you find nice men attractive. You have a need to give and receive love. You also need to make sure you channel that in the proper direction. I’ve seen situations where priests actually have to take out restraining orders on women who are a little “zealous” in their crushes. You don’t want to join that crowd. Trust me.

 

[catechumen08]

I got diagnosed in 2005 through a Personality Assessment Inventory test as being borderline, that is, as having a borderline personality disorder. It is causing a great deal of problems, and through my shrink I can attempt to recover from my disorder. I’m not sure if it takes a strong person, as being understanding seems to play a role in accepting someone as they are.

I’m sorry to hear that, monroesler86. I do believe that it takes a strong person to be accepting, because it takes strength and character to accept differences and things that you don’t agree with.

 

[monroesler86]

I’m sorry to hear that, monroesler86. I do believe that it takes a strong person to be accepting, because it takes strength and character to accept differences and things that you don’t agree with.

Then from that point of view, indeed it would take a strong person. Thank you for explaining. . If you are sorry to hear that I have a personality disorder, I hope you are … proud? … that I am working towards recovery. I am certainly proud of myself… .

 

[Lovemyfaith]

I’m interested in your need to force the issue and put the priest on the spot after you were advised here to just back off and deal with it yourself. Now he may feel uncomfortable around you, or feel that everything he says can be misinterpreted.

I agree with this. I am not sure what you expect the priest to do with your email.

 

[catechumen08]

If you are sorry to hear that I have a personality disorder, I hope you are … proud? … that I am working towards recovery. I am certainly proud of myself… .

Yup, I’m proud of ya, kiddo! And I even accept you!

 

[monroesler86]

Yup, I’m proud of ya, kiddo! And I even accept you!

Awww, thanks!

 

[monroesler86]

I’m interested in your need to force the issue and put the priest on the spot after you were advised here to just back off and deal with it yourself. Now he may feel uncomfortable around you, or feel that everything he says can be misinterpreted. He may feel you were propositioning him somehow, or hoping he’d respond that he liked you too.

If he had been a married man, would you feel the need to email him and tell him you have a crush on him? The priest is beyond a married man. A Catholic priest is “ordained a priest forever in the order of Melchizedek.” A marriage between a man and a woman is only until death do they part.

This is a boundary issue. It is not like protestant ministers who are allowed to have wives. Catholic priests are completely off limits.

He made you feel accepted. But now this may be awkward for him, and he may feel that any friendliness on his part may be misread as encouragement. So he may back away, and then you will take that as rejection.

I know you are young. But in life, there are a lot of emotions and feelings that it’s better you keep to yourself. As they say down here: “Always tell the truth, but don’t always be telling the truth.”

You are young, you find nice men attractive. You have a need to give and receive love. You also need to make sure you channel that in the proper direction. I’ve seen situations where priests actually have to take out restraining orders on women who are a little “zealous” in their crushes. You don’t want to join that crowd. Trust me.

I distinctly told him in the email that I sent that I am not expecting anything. I do not expect and reply from him either. If I am given a restraining order, than I will accept it and act accordingly; however, I do not visit his parish, go to his office, or follow him around. I’m young? Yeah, maybe compared to half the people here, but I’m certainly more mature than other people my age. I certainly respect people a lot more than other people my age too. I have no desire to hurt this man … I just wanted to tell him because I didn’t know what else to do.

 

[monroesler86]

I am not stalking him. I haven’t seen him since the last time he was saying Mass at the church that I attend. I do not have his phone number. I do not know where he lives.

I emailed him because I wasn’t sure what to do. I told him that I wasn’t expecting anything and that I didn’t want anything. This issue has been causing me a lot of anxiety.

I don’t appreciate anyone thinking that I’m “zealous”.

 

[catechumen08]

I am not stalking him. I haven’t seen him since the last time he was saying Mass at the church that I attend. I do not have his phone number. I do not know where he lives.

I emailed him because I wasn’t sure what to do. I told him that I wasn’t expecting anything and that I didn’t want anything. This issue has been causing me a lot of anxiety.

I don’t appreciate anyone thinking that I’m “zealous”.

Think of it this way, monroesler86, doesn’t matter whether you expect anything out of this, what you’re doing can’t be beneficial to his priestly office, and will only serve as a temptation. If you truly care for this man, then let him go.

 

[Lovemyfaith]

Think of it this way, monroesler86, doesn’t matter whether you expect anything out of this, what you’re doing can’t be beneficial to his priestly office, and will only serve as a temptation. If you truly care for this man, then let him go.

If he shows the email to his pastor, he might just be transferred to another parish, which would be a shame if he is happy where he is.
How would you feel if you got an unsolicited email from a man that you had no interest in telling you he had a “crush” on you and didn’t know what to do. You might be very uncomfortable and wish he never shared that with you, and maybe dealt with it on his own or with his therapist.