Embarrassing mass stories?

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That reminds me of all the stories about the little round ball on the head of the aspergillum flying off and into the congregation, when the priest is going around blessing the congregation and flinging holy water. I’ve noticed many priests use a piece of palm leaf for this now instead of the aspergillum.
 
Whoa, that would hurt to get hit with that! Never knew there was a name for it. Tis, you are a font of knowledge. 🙂
 
I was calling it the “Holy Water Flinger” until a few months ago when someone on here corrected me, so I thought I better use the proper term to avoid that happening again. 🙂
 
I was at a wedding some years ago, and the church that we were at still rung the bells when the Holy Spirit was called down. So the alter boy rings the bells and then all of a sudden a little boys says (fairly loudly) “Hello!?” 🙂 :phone:
 
dochawk said:
Within a week of buying my Miata, I’d ground a hole through the floor mat with my heel from shifting gears (I’m more than a bit tall for such a car . . .)

So I took to driving with my shoes/boots off (due to circumstances, I occasionally wore eastern dress shoes at the time).

SO one day I got to church and . . . found myself serving and processing in socks!
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A side funny. My son bought a Miata a few years ago (an older version) and he let my husband and I take it for a spin with the top down. We decided to go visit my sister in law who has a sloped driveway. We thought we were so cool as we drove in with neighbours etc watching us. Then when we tried to get out of the car, neither of us could. The bucket seats had us firmly held and trying to open the heavy door on the upward slope was impossible. Anyway everyone was in hysterics as we kind of played it up a bit flopping and fumbling around. In the end we backed onto the level street, but it was still a bit of a chore to get out!
 
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I quite literally could not have fit in an earlier one, and could only get the '06 because it got a bit longer that year --and the fact that my legs are short for my height. Of the 70k miles before the third major failure, less than 1k were with the top up–the roof is to my forehead, making the driving position awkward . . .

but it sure got lower and smaller every year . . . .

(now it sits by the house waiting its turn, as there are other projects before it gets a new motor . . .)
 
Last three Sundays, literally every single Eucharistic minister has touched my tongue with their hand. This hasn’t happened at ALL in the two years I’ve so far been Catholic, and now it’s happened three times in three weeks.

I think this is because they’re all brand-new EMHCs and aren’t fully practiced up yet? (One woman literally was already looking back down at the ciborium for another host, to offer Communion to the next person, while she was still in the process of ministering Communion to me. And her hand lingered in my mouth. It was bizarre.) But maybe as the common denominator, I’ve just lost the ability to use my mouth properly? 🤷‍♀️

What I really hope it isn’t, but have wondered about, is if they’re trying to discourage receiving on the tongue, by being as awkward as possible. But I hope it’s not that, and I plan to keep receiving on the tongue anyway.
 
My son was probably a preteen or in his early teens when we were at Mass, and he wasn’t feeling well. I don’t remember if he had told me he wasn’t feeling well and I refused to let him stay home, or if he didn’t tell me. Anyway, about halfway through Mass, I look at him, and he is all pale. I tell him that if he is feeling queasy he should go to the bathroom, don’t just sit there. He left. He is gone for a while, and all of a sudden I smell something funny. Sure enough I find out after Mass that he didn’t make it to the bathroom and threw up all over the back of the church!

After that anytime he complained of feeling sick, he was free to stay home, no proof necessary.
 
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MNathaniel said:
Last three Sundays, literally every single Eucharistic minister has touched my tongue with their hand.
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I don’t think this is anything intentional on the part of the EMHCs.
One reason I switched to Communion in the hand many decades ago is that a lot of the EMHCs were not good at putting the Host on someone’s tongue without getting their fingers in your mouth. This was at the time when everyone received on the tongue, and I had been taught how to open my mouth properly and been doing it that way for some years. The priests knew what they were doing and never got a finger in my mouth because (I assume) they were very well practiced at giving out Communion. I also noticed that the priests used a very different technique (underhand) than most of the EMHCs who were trying to do it overhand and sort of going at it like putting a coin in a slot.

Many EMHCs are simply not trained well enough and/or don’t give Communion on the tongue enough to do it properly. That’s my take.
 
One time, as I always receive on the tongue, the priest touched my tongue during Communion. That was kinda awkward…
 
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When my son was 3 he decided to join the children’s liturgy group while my wife & I were at mass. The children’s liturgy was held in a room inside the church.

They bring the children back just before communion.

My son had a picture of Jesus which he brought back from the children’s liturgy that he was happily colouring in.

It was around Easter time and he had been seeing all sorts of Easter Eggs everywhere & was getting excited. So he was coloring Jesus in with a brown pen because it looked like chocolate to him.

In the middle of the Eucharistic prayer my son all of a sudden starting singing very happily “This is the way we chocolate the Jesus, early in the morning”.

It got some laughs. It got some stern looks. I’m quite sure the priest heard because he took pause & looked down, I think trying to re gather himself. He didn’t seem to mind - he waited at the door after Mass to find my son & ask about his chocolate Jesus.
 
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When I was in high school I had been practicing for cheerleader tryouts, so basically a lot of repetion of quick, defined movements.

When I went to Mass during this time and went up to communion my muscle memory kicked in. The routine, if you will, when receiving on the tongue was to step to the side, consume the host, make sign of the cross before walking to your pew.

When I stepped to the side, as I brought the host to my mouth I placed my left fist on my hip in a very dramatic way made the sign of the cross, then turned sharply to walk back to my pew.
 
Bruised_Reed said:
When I stepped to the side, as I brought the host to my mouth I placed my left fist on my hip in a very dramatic way made the sign of the cross, then turned sharply to walk back to my pew.
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Well, at least you didn’t precede or follow that with, “Gimme a J, gimme an E…”
 
I was a kid, maybe seven or eight years old back in my tiny Town who was given the role of Mary in our Christmas play.
First time I was Mary we used a real newborn for the baby Jesus. So I’m holding this baby and suddenly they start waking up to nose around. So my seven year old self is sitting there awkwardly with a baby who very obviously wants to breastfeed. Thankfully the real mother picked them up before they got too fussy and quickly switched out for the Fisher Price version of baby Jesus.

Second time around I still have no idea how to hold this baby, and I’m sitting on the floor awkwardly with my knees drawn up. Problem is, though I thankfully had opaque leggings on underneath, I’m also wearing a skirt. I couldn’t understand what my mom was angrily gesturing to me until after.
That is, after the newspaper lady for our tiny town newspaper took our photo and me and my very visible leggings were put on the front page for our entire town to see.
 
It was my Baptism 10 years ago. I had come without learning how to receive First Sacrament in the right way because I was too busy with work. I was a busy Japanese salaryman. Also, I had hard time listening to the last minute instruction. So I decided I would do exactly the same that the person next to me would do. Then the ceremony began. I stood almost at the head of the procession. As the priest blessed the wine, and he handed over the cup to the person to drink wine a little from the cup to be handed to the next person, I thought the person next to me drank all from the cup. Then, she handed the chalice to me but I got confused that the cup had still small amount left. So, I drank all wine and emptied the chalice. The priest was stunned, and with a smile and slightly shaking head he went back to the altar, poured wine and blessed it again to continue. A few in the front pew saw it, and muttered and laughed a little. Afterward, I felt like I got more blessed from Baptism than other people.
 
I remember a lady saying she had taken a bill (back when department stores used to send little self-addressed envelopes for payment) and accidentally put that into the collection basket instead of her church envelope. (I don’t know what she did to rectify the situation, but it had to be embarrassing, whatever it was.)
 
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I have a two year old gran-daughter, and my daughter and her husband take her to church each week. One day, I guess my son in lay passed gas quietly, but my granddaughter got “wind” of it from the smell and decided to proclaim “Daddy Pooped!” loudly. My poor son in law was mortified.

Another time, same granddaughter heard someone behind her quietly burp… I guess she looked at this person and said very loudly “Say Excuse me!”
 
How about, “Make a joyful noise?” I know, I’m odd.
Dominus vobiscum
 
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