Embracing the single life

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Costner

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I suddenly lost any interest in women and trying to get a girlfriend. I think the time is not right and I’m honestly tired of chasing women who don’t give a damn about me. For years I’ve been trying to get a girlfriend but with no luck. For the next few years or so I think I’m going to just fix the problems I have now and maybe pick up a hobby or something. It’s funny because a few months ago I was going around trying to talk to attractive women now I sort of don’t care anymore.The next few years of life will be interesting. Is there anyone else out there who has given up dating?
 
I’ve pretty much given up dating. I’ve been date-free for more than a year now.

That said, I haven’t lost interest in women and dating. I’ve just kind of lost hope. I know that people will tell me that the only way to find a woman interested in me is to keep asking around, and they’re absolutely right. It’s just, how do you make yourself try something you don’t think will work? Why would you go somewhere when you don’t think you will be welcome?
 
JorduSpeaks said:
I’ve pretty much given up dating. I’ve been date-free for more than a year now.

That said, I haven’t lost interest in women and dating. I’ve just kind of lost hope. I know that people will tell me that the only way to find a woman interested in me is to keep asking around, and they’re absolutely right. It’s just, how do you make yourself try something you don’t think will work? Why would you go somewhere when you don’t think you will be welcome?
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Experiment. Try something new and if doesn’t work out what is there really to lose?
 
Costner said:
Experiment. Try something new and if doesn’t work out what is there really to lose?
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Time. Time I could spend doing something I actually enjoy. Time I could spend with people who don’t make me feel completely worthless as a human being.

Also, to be frank, when it comes to trying something new, after 30 years I’m out of ideas.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
Time. Time I could spend doing something I actually enjoy. Time I could spend with people who don’t make me feel completely worthless as a human being.

Also, to be frank, when it comes to trying something new, after 30 years I’m out of ideas.
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I say you give catholic dating sites a shot. Have never tried it but it’s something I would use as a last resort. You, me, and every other Lonley guy out there are bound to find someone eventually. Have faith.
 
There is an old saw: Don’t marry for money. Hang around with rich people, and marry for love.

Don’t spend your life chasing women in the places where women go in order to be chased. Spend your life doing things that are important to you and with people who are important to you. If you meet someone, you’re likely to meet someone with similar values who has friends with similar values. If you meet no one to marry, though, you’ll have spent your time more profitably, both for your sake and for the sake of others.
 
Costner said:
I say you give catholic dating sites a shot. Have never tried it but it’s something I would use as a last resort. You, me, and every other Lonley guy out there are bound to find someone eventually. Have faith.
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I appreciate your optimism, but I have tried Catholic dating sites, secular dating sites, paid dating sites, ad supported dating sites, asking out friends, friends of friends, casual acquaintances and complete strangers. Now, I’m done.

At the end of the day, you can’t catch no fish if you ain’t got no bait, as the saying goes.
 
Trust me, work harder at getting married. If not, become a priest, at least you’ll do something worthwhile. I was in the same situation as you. In fact, i stopped asking women out at 30 with the condition if that someone asked me out, I would go.

No one asked. Well, no women asked. There were women who acted interested, but wouldn’t ask. The fact is that at 50 I have no family and am very alone. It;s surprising how many friends abandon you when they’re married and your single. Unlike married couples, you’re probably not going to be included in any kind of family function with friends, e.g., birthday parties, graduations. You will be called when your friend’s wife “gives him Saturday off,” but that’s pretty much it.

Because of my situation, I seriously question why I wake up in the morning. Except for marriage, I am very successful. Masters Degree, good job. I go to work everyday and am saving for retirement, but what is foremost on my mind is how I will die being without any family.

While I don’t believe in “true love” or finding “the one,” I do believe it’s a numbers game and you have to try until you find someone that clicks. I could go on, but the short answer, don’t stop looking. Trust me.
 
EasterJoy said:
There is an old saw: Don’t marry for money. Hang around with rich people, and marry for love.

Don’t spend your life chasing women in the places where women go in order to be chased. Spend your life doing things that are important to you and with people who are important to you. If you meet someone, you’re likely to meet someone with similar values who has friends with similar values. If you meet no one to marry, though, you’ll have spent your time more profitably, both for your sake and for the sake of others.
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They say that the secret to a happy marriage is fourfold:
  1. Find a woman who loves you and will keep you romantically satisfied
  2. Find a woman with a lot of money who will keep you in the lap of luxury
  3. Find a woman who is a good housekeeper who will cook and keep house for you
  4. And finally you must make sure these three women never meet.
 
My first, last, and only “offical” date was 13 years ago.

I, too, have given up hope that anyone on this planet would ever be interested in me, romantically or otherwise. I struggle to embrace being entirely alone without friends, family or anyone to talk to outside of work. If anyone has any advice about how to live each day without seeing a soul, I’d love to hear it.

Louise.
 
Sounds like your mind is made up so I a, going to pray for you to find peace in your life!
 
Trust me, work harder at getting married. If not, become a priest, at least you’ll do something worthwhile.
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I have to disagree.

The priesthood is in no way a fallback for unmarried men.

Although in the Roman Church, the call to marriage normally precludes a call to priesthood, “the lack of A does not imply B.”

And as much as people do not want to hear this, God nowhere in Scripture or elsewhere promises everybody a mate.

The 2 best human beings who ever breathed (our LORD and the BVM) lived virginal lives; nor was our LORD a member of the liturgical priesthood of HIS day.

OP, I feel your pain. There comes a point where continuing to play humiliating flirt games no longer seems worth the trouble. So concentrate on building a life for yourself and forget the flirting.

If God does have someone for you, you will not need to play flirting games to find her; be open to her if she does show up.

ICXC NIKA.
 
EasterJoy said:
There is an old saw: Don’t marry for money. Hang around with rich people, and marry for love.

Don’t spend your life chasing women in the places where women go in order to be chased. Spend your life doing things that are important to you and with people who are important to you. If you meet someone, you’re likely to meet someone with similar values who has friends with similar values. If you meet no one to marry, though, you’ll have spent your time more profitably, both for your sake and for the sake of others.
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Funny!
 
As a practical measure for people who are still interested but have given up hope, I would suggest doing a schedule of dating season and non-dating season, so that you’re not facing rejection all the time. You could, for instance, date six months, do a six month off season where you’re mainly doing your stuff, date six months, do six months off, etc. Or one month on and three months off–whatever you feel up to.

If you do it like that, it might improve and conserve your stamina. Of course, if it’s successful, you’ll have to go off the schedule.

In any case, make sure you have close enough relationships with women (friends or relatives) that you can get feedback as to your appearance and behavior. For instance, “You’ve got Niagara-like dandruff” or “You never look at women above the neck.”

Good luck!
 
Xantippe said:
As a practical measure for people who are still interested but have given up hope, I would suggest doing a schedule of dating season and non-dating season, so that you’re not facing rejection all the time. You could, for instance, date six months, do a six month off season where you’re mainly doing your stuff, date six months, do six months off, etc. Or one month on and three months off–whatever you feel up to.

If you do it like that, it might improve and conserve your stamina. Of course, if it’s successful, you’ll have to go off the schedule.

In any case, make sure you have close enough relationships with women (friends or relatives) that you can get feedback as to your appearance and behavior. For instance, “You’ve got Niagara-like dandruff” or “You never look at women above the neck.”

Good luck!
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The non-dating season should be the 6 months through February 14. That way you’re off the hook for gifts through the holidays and Valentines day!
👍
 
GEddie said:
I have to disagree.

The priesthood is in no way a fallback for unmarried men.

Although in the Roman Church, the call to marriage normally precludes a call to priesthood, “the lack of A does not imply B.”

(…)

ICXC NIKA.
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Yes! The priesthood, diaconate, religious and consecrated life are vocations, not consolation prizes if marriage isn’t an option or isn’t happening when someone thinks it should.
 
LouiseHine said:
My first, last, and only “offical” date was 13 years ago.

I, too, have given up hope that anyone on this planet would ever be interested in me, romantically or otherwise. I struggle to embrace being entirely alone without friends, family or anyone to talk to outside of work. If anyone has any advice about how to live each day without seeing a soul, I’d love to hear it.

Louise.
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Join a social group in your town. meetup.com would be a good start. They have various groups in every city.
 
Groo said:
The non-dating season should be the 6 months through February 14. That way you’re off the hook for gifts through the holidays and Valentines day!
👍
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Funny!

That’s actually not a bad idea, because Christmas and Valentine’s can be a minefield for new relationships.
 
Xantippe said:
Funny!

That’s actually not a bad idea, because Christmas and Valentine’s can be a minefield for new relationships.
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Every once in a while I stumble into a good idea. Actually, you didn’t say ‘good’ just ‘not bad.’. I am going to go ahead and take credit anyway.
 
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