Embracing the single life

[Petaro]

I appreciate your optimism, but I have tried Catholic dating sites, secular dating sites, paid dating sites, ad supported dating sites, asking out friends, friends of friends, casual acquaintances and complete strangers. Now, I’m done.

At the end of the day, you can’t catch no fish if you ain’t got no bait, as the saying goes.

As a fairly unimpressive man, I have been surprised in the past at how attractive a good sense of humour, humility, a happy disposition, and a kind heart can be.
I am now twenty years happily married but I spent a considerable number of years on a successful career, and woke up one day lonely. Spent a considerable time looking around at an amazing number of lovely women and a preponderance of no-hopers, divorcees and the down right sleazy I was competing with. No contest. However, at that age it was much harder to find a woman without baggage, who was not after a man for his monetary assets.
But I had been a lawyer for so many years, thankfully I trusted no-one, until a beauty broke through the defenses and I found my pearl of great price.
I put my success down to my prayers to Our Lady and I can only suggest you give it a try.
Good luck and the advice of the wise post suggesting you concentrate on your own interests and helping others. There you will find a woman of quality and kindness (as I did).

 

[Sarcelle]

Yes! The priesthood, diaconate, religious and consecrated life are vocations, not consolation prizes if marriage isn’t an option or isn’t happening when someone thinks it should.

I agree, I agree, I agree

The priesthood is a positive call not a contingent plan in case Plan A, marriage, fails.

It is not a fallback plan or a consolation prize.

I grew up in a huge extended family and for the first time in my life am living my life alone in a strange city. I sympathize, but don’t let the circumstances of life get you down.

Easier said than done, I know, but I find praying the rosary daily helps tremendously. I find it to be a powerful armor not only against evil but against cynicism and bitterness.

 

[Thorns]

And as much as people do not want to hear this, God nowhere in Scripture or elsewhere promises everybody a mate.

Oh really?

“It is not good for man to be alone”

“Go forth and multiply”

The 2 best human beings who ever breathed (our LORD and the BVM) lived virginal lives; nor was our LORD a member of the liturgical priesthood of HIS day.

Jesus was a Rabbi. St. Paul also says its better for some not to marry so they are more readily available to do God’s work.

If someone feels called to marriage but never find a mate, why cant the person instead marry the Church? The qualities which make a good priest are the same qualities that make a good husband and father.

 

[GEddie]

Oh really?

“It is not good for man to be alone”

“Go forth and multiply”

Those are principles, not promises.

No one in Scripture is promised someone to marry. Multiply is a command to human life generally, not a promise that everybody will get to propagate his genes.

Jesus was a Rabbi. St. Paul also says its better for some not to marry so they are more readily available to do God’s work.

He was never formally ordained (the Pharisees opposed Him, He was not one of the boys) and, anyhow, in Judaism, rabbis were expected to have children.

If someone feels called to marriage but never find a mate, why cant the person instead marry the Church? The qualities which make a good priest are the same qualities that make a good husband and father.

Good question.

Possibly because the drive to seek “sexual happiness” is so strong that it is not given up until one is relatively old?

In any case, the Church is not a fallback for those who fail to get married. Never has been.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Luvz2travel]

I suddenly lost any interest in women and trying to get a girlfriend. I think the time is not right and I’m honestly tired of chasing women who don’t give a damn about me. For years I’ve been trying to get a girlfriend but with no luck. For the next few years or so I think I’m going to just fix the problems I have now and maybe pick up a hobby or something. It’s funny because a few months ago I was going around trying to talk to attractive women now I sort of don’t care anymore.The next few years of life will be interesting. Is there anyone else out there who has given up dating?

I’m so there with you it’s not even funny. I couldn’t say it better just don’t care anymore. It’s not worth the trouble. Funny thing is though lately now that I’m not at all interested I’ve had several guys contact me …all way older of course or divorced or just not someone that lives a life style choice I would want to engage in. Only one guy I was and still am interested in but he only took notice as I became inbroiled in my moneypit house issues. I just told him dealing with my house and all it’s junk is all I can deal with at the moment. It’s the trust I can’t deal with a relationship till I get the thing sold and don’t have that pressure anymore of what’s going to break next and how will I pay for it. That on top of my job cutting hours…funny how life works out sometimes. I really don’t mind being single for the most part except it does get lonely from time to time but still not worth the junk guys have handed me to try a relationship now.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I’ve pretty much given up dating. I’ve been date-free for more than a year now.

That said, I haven’t lost interest in women and dating. I’ve just kind of lost hope. I know that people will tell me that the only way to find a woman interested in me is to keep asking around, and they’re absolutely right. It’s just, how do you make yourself try something you don’t think will work? Why would you go somewhere when you don’t think you will be welcome?

I came to the conclusion that GOD wanted me single for whatever reason as nothing I ever tried worked even loosing interest. The guys got progressively worse. Just decided to get off that train. You can’t fight the will of GOD if he wants you single you’ll be single that’s all there is to it I never really had a choice except being a bad relationship and being treated bad or going it alone.

 

[PaulGH]

I suddenly lost any interest in women and trying to get a girlfriend. I think the time is not right and I’m honestly tired of chasing women who don’t give a damn about me. For years I’ve been trying to get a girlfriend but with no luck. For the next few years or so I think I’m going to just fix the problems I have now and maybe pick up a hobby or something. It’s funny because a few months ago I was going around trying to talk to attractive women now I sort of don’t care anymore.The next few years of life will be interesting. Is there anyone else out there who has given up dating?

Thinking back to when I was single, I have some idea of how you feel. You speak of embracing the single life. As a married man, I would give you this advice: When you are married, and especially when you have children, it becomes much more difficult to find time or money to do certain things. Here are some things that I would recommend you consider doing now, most of which will probably be harder to do in the future, if you do eventually marry and have children:

• Get out of debt, if you haven’t already.
• Save as much as you can for retirement.
• Donate your time to a cause that means a lot to you. Maybe this means helping the poor, or praying at an abortion clinic, or getting involved in your parish. You won’t have nearly as much time to donate later, if you marry and have a family, so make the most of your opportunities now.
• Rent a small apartment, or possibly buy a small and inexpensive house. Essentially, make sure that housing is a very small portion of your expenses right now. You may need a medium to large house later if you get married. But for now, live frugally and save money for buying a house in the future.
• Take that big vacation that you have always wanted to take (if you have always wanted to take one). Maybe this is a pilgrimage to Rome or to the Holy Land. Or maybe a trip to Europe. Or maybe three weeks spent driving from one national park to another in the American west. Go with another single friend, or maybe with a group from your parish or diocese (if it is a pilgrimage), and have a great time.
• If there is anything else that you have always wanted to do that might be harder to do after you are married (and have children), then consider doing it now.

 

[Xantippe]

Thinking back to when I was single, I have some idea of how you feel. You speak of embracing the single life. As a married man, I would give you this advice: When you are married, and especially when you have children, it becomes much more difficult to find time or money to do certain things. Here are some things that I would recommend you consider doing now, most of which will probably be harder to do in the future, if you do eventually marry and have children:

• Get out of debt, if you haven’t already.
• Save as much as you can for retirement.
• Donate your time to a cause that means a lot to you. Maybe this means helping the poor, or praying at an abortion clinic, or getting involved in your parish. You won’t have nearly as much time to donate later, if you marry and have a family, so make the most of your opportunities now.
• Rent a small apartment, or possibly buy a small and inexpensive house. Essentially, make sure that housing is a very small portion of your expenses right now. You may need a medium to large house later if you get married. But for now, live frugally and save money for buying a house in the future.
• Take that big vacation that you have always wanted to take (if you have always wanted to take one). Maybe this is a pilgrimage to Rome or to the Holy Land. Or maybe a trip to Europe. Or maybe three weeks spent driving from one national park to another in the American west. Go with another single friend, or maybe with a group from your parish or diocese (if it is a pilgrimage), and have a great time.
• If there is anything else that you have always wanted to do that might be harder to do after you are married (and have children), then consider doing it now.

Very good advice!

The pilgrimage to the Holy Land will sound totally different when you have itty bitty children that need their mommy and daddy!

 

[cecilia97]

Very good advice!

The pilgrimage to the Holy Land will sound totally different when you have itty bitty children that need their mommy and daddy!

Single woman, 38 years old here. I made my pilgrimage to Rome and the Holy Land last summer. Fantastic!

I am not “alone” even though I am single. I have family to take care of and I’m Auntie to some fabulous kids (some blood relations and some not). I have time to volunteer and energy to spend on my professional work caring for others.

It may not be a vocation but it’s the state in life To which I believe God has called me. I tried marriage…turned out that was not God’s plan for me but my own plan for me.

As St. Paul says, Us single people can be relatively free of the worldly anxieties that come with a spouse and kids. We can give of ourselves in other ways and we can focus on God in our own way.

God bless,
Cecilia