J
JHFamily
Guest
Never compromise! God will provide in HIS time.
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F
FloridaCatholic
Guest
I’m going to piggy back off what you said.
I think playing mommy to this man will just have him resent her. It kind of emasculates him. And then she’ll resent him because he’s not doing this on his own. Problems a brewin
I think playing mommy to this man will just have him resent her. It kind of emasculates him. And then she’ll resent him because he’s not doing this on his own. Problems a brewin
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C
chessnerd321
Guest
A relationship that isn’t going to result in marriage unless the other person changes is eventually going to leave you disappointed and him very hurt.
I honestly can’t discourage you from going after this guy enough.
I’m sure some people who have been long term interfaith married will be here to report how hard it is. Please listen to then if not to me.
I honestly can’t discourage you from going after this guy enough.
I’m sure some people who have been long term interfaith married will be here to report how hard it is. Please listen to then if not to me.
Q
QwertyGirl
Guest
You have to decide if him masturbating is a deal breaker for you. Most Catholics masturbate at least some of the time. Non-catholics? All of the time because they understand it to be a normal and healthy thing to do. Don’t believe you can convince him otherwise. Since it is generally a private activity, you will only know what he tells you. You don’t want him to be in a position of feeling like he has to lie to you to keep you happy.
R
resolute
Guest
20 years ago I was like you - naive, hopeful, taking people at their word.
The advice I wish I had gotten and taken? Run, don’t walk, RUN!
You shouldn’t have to be your boyfriend’s mother. You shouldn’t have to form his conscience. You shouldn’t have to question the relationship to this point. Your gut, a.k.a. the Holy Spirit, has given you a warning. The check engine light of this relationship is lit. Only keep with this if you are into projects. Because this guy is going to be a long-term project. Only you know if you are up for that.
My advice? Find a man who has put away childish things. On his own, of his own volition.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” 1 Corinthians 13:11
The advice I wish I had gotten and taken? Run, don’t walk, RUN!
You shouldn’t have to be your boyfriend’s mother. You shouldn’t have to form his conscience. You shouldn’t have to question the relationship to this point. Your gut, a.k.a. the Holy Spirit, has given you a warning. The check engine light of this relationship is lit. Only keep with this if you are into projects. Because this guy is going to be a long-term project. Only you know if you are up for that.
My advice? Find a man who has put away childish things. On his own, of his own volition.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” 1 Corinthians 13:11
S
Sim0n
Guest
I can appreciate why you are hesitant to throw away an otherwise functioning relationship, but by your own word this is an important issue (and I’m sure most people reading would agree) You may wish to dwell on whether masturbation is symptomatic of not being a Catholic; for one thing he’s not exposed to the same messages of it being wrong as you and I, secondly, conversely speaking, he will have very modern views fed him about it being normal, healthy and harmless.
Judging by what you have written in the posts on this board, you are well placed to find a good guy. Do you live near a city by any chance? At least in the UK, the chances of finding someone more sincere and firm in their faith rests more assured with big cities as the multitudes mean you are more likely to find very decent people if you get involved with church based groups. I think it is much harder to find people out and across the country in small communities (not that you can’t of course!) but young people congregate in cities and those who practice their faith are more likely to be connected with the church anyway, others simply because they appreciate it’s familiarity, if they happen to come from abroad. There is a lot to be said for the Catholic Church being the universal church, it virtually promises values and attitudes you hope to find if not come to expect.
If you bite the bullet and decide to end things, take courage and know you are now worse off, for the reasons suggested by others, you may very well have saved both you and your boyfriend from a troubled future.
My apologies if I sound preachy or overly-opinionated, take what I say with a pinch of salt if you like.
Judging by what you have written in the posts on this board, you are well placed to find a good guy. Do you live near a city by any chance? At least in the UK, the chances of finding someone more sincere and firm in their faith rests more assured with big cities as the multitudes mean you are more likely to find very decent people if you get involved with church based groups. I think it is much harder to find people out and across the country in small communities (not that you can’t of course!) but young people congregate in cities and those who practice their faith are more likely to be connected with the church anyway, others simply because they appreciate it’s familiarity, if they happen to come from abroad. There is a lot to be said for the Catholic Church being the universal church, it virtually promises values and attitudes you hope to find if not come to expect.
If you bite the bullet and decide to end things, take courage and know you are now worse off, for the reasons suggested by others, you may very well have saved both you and your boyfriend from a troubled future.
My apologies if I sound preachy or overly-opinionated, take what I say with a pinch of salt if you like.
B
Bluebright
Guest
Well there is the worrying thing… you can’t really expect to make a relationship by talking once a month… I mean between him and Jesus…so it’s not really surprising and I am agreeing with your worry that he is doing things just for you. In my experience and I am a little older than you (double, lol) that won’t last… just my humble opinion! But for someone to change it needs to come from the core , which is sounds like you know, hence you being concerned that he is just giving up porn and masturbation just cos you want him too. Which is a very very valid concern. I am just saying, if he doesnt have a real relationship with Jesus that is why he doesnt see anything wrong with masturbation (or porn) and that’s why he is just giving it up for you…we call it lip service… or hypocrisy whatever. and you are right to worry, it is all nice now while you are in the honeymoon phase but when you are living on 2hrs sleep and a crying baby or one child is sick or one of you is unemployed or some other calamity ie real life, then it doesnt tend to be so easy to do nice things for someone if you think the reasons for them are dumb or even just if you dont get them, especially if you lose your sex drive for a bit after having had a child which can be fairly normal. I don’t know that person you spoke of but good luck.
This was what i was thinking of I think.
This was what i was thinking of I think.
M
minniesavio
Guest
That’s very true. I don’t think it’d be hard at all to find a Catholic dude my age. But I heard another user on a different thread (I’m sorry, I forget which), being Catholic isn’t a guarantee. I’ve already been on a few dates with Catholics in the past, and they were far less virtuous than my current boyfriend. Even if I find a Catholic, I feel I’d still be settling for imperfection, no matter how close to perfection they might be. So how do I know how close to perfection I can get? And then how do I judge where my current boyfriend is on that scale? That’s what makes this discernment so difficult for me. I know settling is unavoidable, but I don’t know how much I’m settling with the dude I’m currently with, and how much settling I can do away with if I date someone else.You’re 21. It’s not THAT hard to find someone. I don’t think anyone should enter into marriage because they’re settling
He’s already making strides in that department, but I’m not certain if he’ll improve further or even last. There’s no way of knowing for sure at this time whether or not it will be for 30, 40, 50 years. But it’s definitely something to keep in mind.Being mommy and overseeing him for 30, 40, 50 years, will that be the sort of marriage you want?
T
TheLittleLady
Guest
Two human beings were perfect, neither of them is in the dating pool.
Every person is imperfect, including you and me! You should never marry someone you are “settling for” or who is “settling for” you.
Every person is imperfect, including you and me! You should never marry someone you are “settling for” or who is “settling for” you.
M
minniesavio
Guest
Update:
I talked to him about it last night, and we both agreed that the overall goal we need to work toward right now is doing things out of love for the other, and not out of obligation. He acknowledged that he’s too scared right now to be there, but he wants to get there as soon as he can. He looked into the NoFap Challenge, and said he’s interested in trying it. It’s been about five months since he’s looked at porn (and he gave that up easily because he could agree that it’s not the best for our relationship), and he’s been going, on average, three weeks between masturbations, so he’s willing to try to go the full 90 days. At the very least, he wants it to help break his addiction to it.
These things alleviate the stress, but the problems are still there. He’s still a more passive person and I’m still a very active person, so I’m not sure if we’re really the best fit for each other. We could adapt to each other, but would we be adapting too much? I still welcome advice and prayers.
I talked to him about it last night, and we both agreed that the overall goal we need to work toward right now is doing things out of love for the other, and not out of obligation. He acknowledged that he’s too scared right now to be there, but he wants to get there as soon as he can. He looked into the NoFap Challenge, and said he’s interested in trying it. It’s been about five months since he’s looked at porn (and he gave that up easily because he could agree that it’s not the best for our relationship), and he’s been going, on average, three weeks between masturbations, so he’s willing to try to go the full 90 days. At the very least, he wants it to help break his addiction to it.
These things alleviate the stress, but the problems are still there. He’s still a more passive person and I’m still a very active person, so I’m not sure if we’re really the best fit for each other. We could adapt to each other, but would we be adapting too much? I still welcome advice and prayers.
F
FloridaCatholic
Guest
You sound very mature for your age. I just wanna tell you that.
The only advice I can give right now is to pray about it and pray often. Maybe ask your priest what you should do
The only advice I can give right now is to pray about it and pray often. Maybe ask your priest what you should do
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