A
Adrienne5678
Guest
Hi, I’m making this thread because I have no one to really vent out my feelings to. And I need to. I need to so badly I dreamed about it last night.
I went to a weight loss doctor. A really good one. She said a lot of things can affect your weight one of them is your feelings. So she took out a piece of paper she called a “Feeling Wheel” and told me to close my eyes. She then read words like “Hostile, stupid, upset, scared” etc. She told me if I had to think about one of those words, even for a second I had to repeat it back to her. Because it was my subconscious grabbing on to that word. Out of the 25 words she said I repeated 4. She said they were all pointing to one emotion: sadness.
“Adrienne, why are you sad?” She asked me. “Um, I…don’t…know” I responded. I had noticed that I had begun to grow sadder and I really had no idea why. "Then it’s time to do “Evog” she said. “What’s that?” I asked nervously. “It’s when we tap into your subconscious mind. You see, your brain only holds so much information. Your subconscious remembers 9 days after your 2nd birthday things like that, that you don’t remember. It holds EVERYTHING.” “How do we do it?” I asked. “I give you headphones and you listen to relaxing music and I give you these special glasses, you have to close your eyes while wearing them and you will see bright lights. I want you to think about why your sad, and your subconscious will take you there.” “Ok I’m ready.” “Then lets begin.”
So I put the headphones and glasses on and my subconscious came alive. I went back in time to all the times my dad screamed at me. You don’t know my dad, when he screams the chandelier shakes and the foundations of the house tremble. I’m not kidding. So I went back to all the times he verbally and emotionally abused me. I even remembered the time I was 4 and I pee’d in my pants because he screamed at me for forgetting to but one lego away. But I mostly remembered the time 3 months ago today, I’m still 13, and I was late to watch a family movie so he got up and (my door was closed not locked) and he kicked the door down and exploded, calling me a bit** and a piece of shi*, to name a few, and screamed at me that I wasn’t part of this family. Then he left my room leaving me with a broken down door and a broken heart. It was the first time I didn’t cry after one of his explosions. It was 3 moths ago. I held it in. I forgave him and lived on, acting like I was strong and ok, not knowing my mind had reached full capacity of the abuse it could take. At that moment the lights went out and the music stopped my time was up 7 minutes had passed. I was back in the present in my doctor’s office.
“What did you see?” she asked gently. As I recovered from what I had relived I tried to tell her and when I opened my mouth to speak a sob tore from my throat. And my control vanished and I began to sob and cry and I just completely broke down. “What you’re feeling, Adrienne, is absolutely perfect. It’s just what your suppose to feel. Everyone goes through this when the go through an Evog session.” I looked up and told her what I had relived. She told me that none of it was my fault and that it was him, and him alone who was at fault. She asked if I knew anything of my dad’s past that might have an impact of his behavior. I told her that my dad’s mom (my grandma) had raised him based on books. She read books on how to raise children and followed them chapter by chapter. She had an explosive temper and screamed at him everyday. My doctor told me that I was going to do another Evog session and this time watch my dad explode like I was watching a movie or a train go by. And while he screams think about his childhood and feel love and pity while he explodes so I went back in, and my subconscious came alive.
I went right back and did as she said and the love and pity did come and after seven minutes, I felt better. I was beginning to heal.
I went to a weight loss doctor. A really good one. She said a lot of things can affect your weight one of them is your feelings. So she took out a piece of paper she called a “Feeling Wheel” and told me to close my eyes. She then read words like “Hostile, stupid, upset, scared” etc. She told me if I had to think about one of those words, even for a second I had to repeat it back to her. Because it was my subconscious grabbing on to that word. Out of the 25 words she said I repeated 4. She said they were all pointing to one emotion: sadness.
“Adrienne, why are you sad?” She asked me. “Um, I…don’t…know” I responded. I had noticed that I had begun to grow sadder and I really had no idea why. "Then it’s time to do “Evog” she said. “What’s that?” I asked nervously. “It’s when we tap into your subconscious mind. You see, your brain only holds so much information. Your subconscious remembers 9 days after your 2nd birthday things like that, that you don’t remember. It holds EVERYTHING.” “How do we do it?” I asked. “I give you headphones and you listen to relaxing music and I give you these special glasses, you have to close your eyes while wearing them and you will see bright lights. I want you to think about why your sad, and your subconscious will take you there.” “Ok I’m ready.” “Then lets begin.”
So I put the headphones and glasses on and my subconscious came alive. I went back in time to all the times my dad screamed at me. You don’t know my dad, when he screams the chandelier shakes and the foundations of the house tremble. I’m not kidding. So I went back to all the times he verbally and emotionally abused me. I even remembered the time I was 4 and I pee’d in my pants because he screamed at me for forgetting to but one lego away. But I mostly remembered the time 3 months ago today, I’m still 13, and I was late to watch a family movie so he got up and (my door was closed not locked) and he kicked the door down and exploded, calling me a bit** and a piece of shi*, to name a few, and screamed at me that I wasn’t part of this family. Then he left my room leaving me with a broken down door and a broken heart. It was the first time I didn’t cry after one of his explosions. It was 3 moths ago. I held it in. I forgave him and lived on, acting like I was strong and ok, not knowing my mind had reached full capacity of the abuse it could take. At that moment the lights went out and the music stopped my time was up 7 minutes had passed. I was back in the present in my doctor’s office.
“What did you see?” she asked gently. As I recovered from what I had relived I tried to tell her and when I opened my mouth to speak a sob tore from my throat. And my control vanished and I began to sob and cry and I just completely broke down. “What you’re feeling, Adrienne, is absolutely perfect. It’s just what your suppose to feel. Everyone goes through this when the go through an Evog session.” I looked up and told her what I had relived. She told me that none of it was my fault and that it was him, and him alone who was at fault. She asked if I knew anything of my dad’s past that might have an impact of his behavior. I told her that my dad’s mom (my grandma) had raised him based on books. She read books on how to raise children and followed them chapter by chapter. She had an explosive temper and screamed at him everyday. My doctor told me that I was going to do another Evog session and this time watch my dad explode like I was watching a movie or a train go by. And while he screams think about his childhood and feel love and pity while he explodes so I went back in, and my subconscious came alive.
I went right back and did as she said and the love and pity did come and after seven minutes, I felt better. I was beginning to heal.
