Emotionally stressed

[Firebug]

Thanks so much everyone!
The reason I have taken on such a huge responsibility of homeschooling my sister and that stuff, is because I promised my mother I would take care of her. Thus the reason I would be hesitant to go away to college, or even remotely move out. I plan on attending a local community college, but that won’t be happening for a year at least (waiting for something to go through).
I have read a book about the grieving process, ironically, before my mother died. It is an awesome book, written by a catholic and it’s called A Grief Unveiled. I can’t remember the author right now (and I’d look but it’s in the bookshelf in the livingroom, but everyone’s asleep still, and I’d rather not stir them).
Last night I broke down (not in front of anybody, I prefer to be left alone-- they didn’t know anyway). I don’t know if it’s sinful or not, but I got mad at God for a little bit, and then got mad at my mother. I, of course, came to my senses, and KNOW that it’s not God’s fault nor is it my mother’s fault. It’s nobody’s fault that this happened. It was just meant to be. I just feel sad because I was so close to my mother, it was unreal. I get angry, and wonder why did I lose my mom? Why couldn’t it have been someone else, like those who contemplate killing theirs?
Thanks for the hugs you guys! I won’t kill you.

 

[mercygate]

Firebug:

Thanks so much everyone!
The reason I have taken on such a huge responsibility of homeschooling my sister and that stuff, is because I promised my mother I would take care of her. Thus the reason I would be hesitant to go away to college, or even remotely move out. I plan on attending a local community college, but that won’t be happening for a year at least (waiting for something to go through).
I have read a book about the grieving process, ironically, before my mother died. It is an awesome book, written by a catholic and it’s called A Grief Unveiled. I can’t remember the author right now (and I’d look but it’s in the bookshelf in the livingroom, but everyone’s asleep still, and I’d rather not stir them).
Last night I broke down (not in front of anybody, I prefer to be left alone-- they didn’t know anyway). I don’t know if it’s sinful or not, but I got mad at God for a little bit, and then got mad at my mother. I, of course, came to my senses, and KNOW that it’s not God’s fault nor is it my mother’s fault. It’s nobody’s fault that this happened. It was just meant to be. I just feel sad because I was so close to my mother, it was unreal. I get angry, and wonder why did I lose my mom? Why couldn’t it have been someone else, like those who contemplate killing theirs?
Thanks for the hugs you guys! I won’t kill you.

You are an exceptional young lady; cyber-hug coming your way and a prayer that you will weather all of this and be blessed by it.

 

[wOoKiE]

Firebug:

Thanks so much everyone!
The reason I have taken on such a huge responsibility of homeschooling my sister and that stuff, is because I promised my mother I would take care of her. Thus the reason I would be hesitant to go away to college, or even remotely move out. I plan on attending a local community college, but that won’t be happening for a year at least (waiting for something to go through).
I have read a book about the grieving process, ironically, before my mother died. It is an awesome book, written by a catholic and it’s called A Grief Unveiled. I can’t remember the author right now (and I’d look but it’s in the bookshelf in the livingroom, but everyone’s asleep still, and I’d rather not stir them).
Last night I broke down (not in front of anybody, I prefer to be left alone-- they didn’t know anyway). I don’t know if it’s sinful or not, but I got mad at God for a little bit, and then got mad at my mother. I, of course, came to my senses, and KNOW that it’s not God’s fault nor is it my mother’s fault. It’s nobody’s fault that this happened. It was just meant to be. I just feel sad because I was so close to my mother, it was unreal. I get angry, and wonder why did I lose my mom? Why couldn’t it have been someone else, like those who contemplate killing theirs?
Thanks for the hugs you guys! I won’t kill you.

as i am terrible with words and have nothing I can add to what was already written:

mega-hugs coming your way
+
praying for you

keep your chin up girl!

 

[MomTo2]

Firebug:

Thanks so much everyone!
The reason I have taken on such a huge responsibility of homeschooling my sister and that stuff, is because I promised my mother I would take care of her. Thus the reason I would be hesitant to go away to college, or even remotely move out. I plan on attending a local community college, but that won’t be happening for a year at least (waiting for something to go through).
I have read a book about the grieving process, ironically, before my mother died. It is an awesome book, written by a catholic and it’s called A Grief Unveiled. I can’t remember the author right now (and I’d look but it’s in the bookshelf in the livingroom, but everyone’s asleep still, and I’d rather not stir them).
Last night I broke down (not in front of anybody, I prefer to be left alone-- they didn’t know anyway). I don’t know if it’s sinful or not, but I got mad at God for a little bit, and then got mad at my mother. I, of course, came to my senses, and KNOW that it’s not God’s fault nor is it my mother’s fault. It’s nobody’s fault that this happened. It was just meant to be. I just feel sad because I was so close to my mother, it was unreal. I get angry, and wonder why did I lose my mom? Why couldn’t it have been someone else, like those who contemplate killing theirs?
Thanks for the hugs you guys! I won’t kill you.

I could have written this back when my dad died. Why him? He was a wonderful man, never had an enemy in his life. He had a family who needed him.

My mom actually had me talk to a priest to get some of my emotions in order, since I couldn’t sit through a Mass without losing it. I told him I didn’t know how to feel or what to do, because I couldn’t be angry at God. He floored me when he asked “why not?” I couldn’t fathom being allowed to question God or be mad at Him. He explained that we should see Him as our Father and need to allow ourselves to have feelings for Him- because after I expressed my anger, I was sad and He could then comfort me. I also felt better when he talked about suffering and how our Blessed Mother suffered, Jesus suffered, so that I was in good company. Those things helped me to be more at peace with God.

Don’t feel bad about expressing anger- it is natural and normal. It’s very good to get it out, so you can progress in the grieving process. Moving past the anger is one of the most difficult things to do, but when I was ready to let it go, I was finally at peace. I’m still sad and miss him terribly. At my wedding and when I had children, I really missed him. He would have been the BEST grandfather. But, I’m at the point in my life where I can hold fast to the good memories I have of him and relive them when I tell my children of him.

Prayers and big hugs coming your way!!!

 

[Firebug]

MomTo2–

Your words about how you felt when you got married and had kids is another thing that saddens me. I know that I’m going to miss her, and that she’s not ever going to know the family I have. I’m scared because she was who I always went to when I needed advice or help. I’ll never know if she’d approve of the man I’ll marry (you might think this a weird thing, but you know, I like opinions); I won’t have her to call in the middle of the night asking her what to do to make the baby quit crying…They won’t know what a wonderful person she was, and they won’t know just how much she meant to me.
I know that it’s true, because she had lost her father when she was a young teenager, and she loved him, like I her. I don’t know him, she always talked so fondly about him, and he’s probably had an impact on my life in some aspect. I have never been able to confide in anybody besides my mother. She knew everything that was going on with me.

 

[allhers]

God is good and will put someone in your life that He wants there.
You just keep right on telling Him how you feel, what you need, etc…Have you ever gone to Eucharist Adoration? Just go and pour your heart out to Him, since it’s silent Adoration, you can cry there and no one but Him and you will know. (unless of course, there are other people there and you get real loud about it) I’ve done that before, at first it’s kind of embarressing but then, I don’t know, God just kind of “covers” it and no one seems to even know, or they have done it before too and they just sit there and pray for you.
In the meantime, just keep talking to us here, at least it’s better than not saying anything to anyone, I mean gosh, I went into a two week depression after my father died and I couldnt talk about him for five years without crying. It’s been 16 years now, I have only good memories of him, I loved him so much, now I just say things like, “hey daddy, could you ask God to help me go through this”? (whatever it is that I am going through at the time.) Same with my mother, its been 5 years since she passed over and I talk to her sometimes too, at Mass is the best time and just everyday when I am praying, I ask her for her prayers, just as I did when she was where I could call her. I don’t believe they ever really leave us.

 

[MomTo2]

Firebug:

MomTo2–

Your words about how you felt when you got married and had kids is another thing that saddens me. I know that I’m going to miss her, and that she’s not ever going to know the family I have. I’m scared because she was who I always went to when I needed advice or help. I’ll never know if she’d approve of the man I’ll marry (you might think this a weird thing, but you know, I like opinions); I won’t have her to call in the middle of the night asking her what to do to make the baby quit crying…They won’t know what a wonderful person she was, and they won’t know just how much she meant to me.
I know that it’s true, because she had lost her father when she was a young teenager, and she loved him, like I her. I don’t know him, she always talked so fondly about him, and he’s probably had an impact on my life in some aspect. I have never been able to confide in anybody besides my mother. She knew everything that was going on with me.

Ironically, my father lost his mother when he was around my age, too. I grew up never knowing her, but got a sense of who she was from hearing stories, etc. This of course is not what I wanted for my children, but it has to be this way. I wanted them to know the man who was such a big part of my life. My husband has never known him either, and I know they would have been great friends. As for your mother’s approval, you’ll know- trust me. When my husband came into my life, there was no question that he was the right one, and I had previously felt as you do about wondering if my dad would approve. When my hubby came into my life, it was more like “my dad would have LOVED you!”

I can remember planning for my wedding, I would get teared up just thinking about how to remember him at the wedding and wondering how I would possibly get through the ceremony without losing it. When the day finally came, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and joy. I still missed him being there, but I felt his presence and was amazed at how collected I was able to be. I had some dear friends of mine say a short prayer and light a candle for him before the ceremony- it was very touching. Looking back, I feel like I spent too much time dreading that day because I thought I would grieve him all over again. I approached the day with many prayers, and it seems they were answered. God gives us the strength and grace to get through anything, if we just ask for it.

Since I’ve had children, I struggle a bit with wanting to see my dad bouncing them on his knee, etc. He wasn’t able to see my greatest accomplishments in life, but again there is a strong sense of peace about me. I no longer go back to the feelings of despair I used to have when thinking about these things. Just know that you are in a grief process that will end- you’ll always miss your dear mother, but the hurt and anger will dissolve into acceptance and peace.

I don’t know what steps you’ve taken in the healing process yet, but I remember when I had gone to a counselor she gave me some things to do when I felt especially low. She was into visualization, so she had me think about the pain as a dark hole. Then, she had me imagine tiny angels each bringing a little light to fill the hole. I spent time in prayer while visualizing this and sometimes it helped, although it sounds a little hokey. I also wrote letters in a journal to my dad. It helped to have somewhere concrete to put my thoughts instead of just thinking them. I’m sure there are many many more ways to outlet your feelings, but these are just some of the things I remember that helped me when I felt depressed.

It takes time, but eventually it will get better. Try to spend time in prayer every day- pray for your mother and for the strength to get through this difficult time. The rosary always helps to bring peace and comfort. God bless!

 

[Firebug]

I’ve not gone to see a counselor, and really, I don’t plan on it (once again, it’s the whole confidence thing…just can’t do it with most people). I have been writing little letters and poems to and about my mother, and afterwards, I feel so much better. I pray to and for her every chance I get. I haven’t gone to Eucharistic Adoration in such a long time, but I have felt the urge to go.
I don’t cry very much at all anymore, but will get those breakdowns that make up for the times I didn’t. At my mother’s rosary, I only cried 3 short times, and at her funeral, none. Everybody kept telling me “It’s okay to cry”, I knew that, but couldn’t bring myself to do it (can’t force me to cry…just doesn’t work that way).
About 3 weeks before she passed away, I was taking her to a doctor’s appoinment. I told her that I had a dream that she died, and that I got so mad at God, that I hated him, stopped going to church and praying to Him. I have dreamed this same dream about a year ago, and it never failed to upset me so much, that I’d lay awake crying. I felt that I knew that I wouldn’t stop crying if she ever did die. She told me that morning, that she didn’t want me to feel that way when the time did come. If it weren’t for that talk in the car, I think I’d be in total dispair where God was concerned. I am SO glad that I haven’t felt that way, God is everything to me, and I know that He won’t ever leave me, decieve me, tell my secrets–anything.

 

[allhers]

My mother prayed the rosary everyday of her life, since she was old enough to pray out loud, the last two months of her life, we prayed it together everyday. The night she died, I was sitting next to her holding her hand, and …I don’t know how to explain this, but,it was as if I could feel Jesus come right out of her and take her soul with Him, and left me with such peace and love. There is a verse in the Bible that says something about the peace that surpasses all understanding. It was like that, I had honestly thought that when she died that I would just totally lose it and never be the same again. Well, I didn’t lose it but I have never been the same, I have such joy and love and peace like I have never known, perhaps your Mother passed that on to you as well.
It isn’t that I never cried, its just that when I did, it wasn’t the hysterical kind that I thought it would be, just silent tears rolling down my face.(which reminds me of another Bible verse about how God see’s every tear and then one about how He will wipe every tear from our face.) Poetry is such a great way to express yourself too.

 

[Michael038]

I’m sorry about your Mother. I have lost some close relatives myself these past two years so I know that it is very hard to deal with. What I did was turn to our lady. Prayed the rosary, prayed the Mother of perpetual help novena, and the chaplet of divine mercy. Also, when I felt really stressed I would just sit in front of the tabernacle in church before and after mass. God loves you and he will never give you more than you can handle. Keep praying and know that you and your family are in my prayers.
God Bless You!
M