Emtional Cheating (3 months married) help!

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So he I said you either stop talking to her and put our marriage first or I am leaving you.
He than said he would go to a marriage consoler and if they said that he shouldn’t talk to her, than he won’t.
 
I did ask him about if he loves me more than the other women. He did says yes. I think the marriage consoler will help him identify his feelings that they won’t work in a marriage and he needs to fix them ect. and take action.
 
Thanks for all the answers, I’ll keep it posted of what happens as I think it is valuable for anyone in a situation like this.

I glad I didn’t wait a week to bring up the subject again.
 
peaceful88 said:
I did ask him about if he loves me more than the other women. He did says yes. I think the marriage consoler will help him identify his feelings that they won’t work in a marriage and he needs to fix them ect. and take action.
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I don’t remeber if you said, but you must be pretty young by which I intend no insult I assure you. He does not need to love you more than this other woman. He needs to LOVE YOU ALONE… period. What is this emotional polygamy this guy is engaging in? I don’t wanna come across the wrong way, but I think you have a real large problem here. Make no mistake, he HAS committed adultery already with her in his heart. He absolutely must get away from her and seek the Lord to teach him to love you like Christ loves the church.
 
I just wonder if it is possible for him to break these feelings.
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All things are possible with God. Do not lose hope, and do not let him lose hope without a fight. The sacrament of confession always infuses me with hope to break my sinful habits. He has chosen to give himself to you. That means doing things he hates, like losing a good friend, for your sake, his beloved.
 
Is it not possible to love your friends though? It just you should love your wife in a different way.
 
peaceful88 said:
There is no way he can quiet his job for a number of reasons. Nor would I actually want him to because it makes him happy.

I just wonder if it is possible for him to break these feelings. Given our very good history togther the great future he has with me and the fact he knows that the girl isn’t right for him.Those feelings arnt gone.

Which even though he still is talking to the girl I still feel like I need to back off because there is nothing I can do for him.

It just is furstrating that I have to go through this becuase I can’t understand why it even happened.
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peaceful88,

I realize that there are many terrifying prospects involved with the idea of your husband quitting his job, and looking for a new one. But I think that the risks aren’t so much, when you consider what is at stake. In the here and now, nothing less than your marriage, in the here after, nothing less than your husbands immortal soul. I realize that for many, this may seem as if it’s a melodramatic response of some sort, but the fact of the matter is that these are the stakes.

Now your husband has told you openly, that he will never rid him self of these feelings. There is no way for us to know (or even you) if this is because he just feels it so strongly right now (hopefully, because that can be worked with), or if it is because he simply doesn’t wish to.

I would seriously consider the options, see if there is some way to get him away from that woman. If he’s serious about his marriage, and the salvation of his own soul then he would do whatever it takes to prevent such a sin from occuring. Change offices, change jobs, change assignments, whatever. Get away from this woman, or as another poster says it will get worse, not better.

His temporal happyness with his job right now is really the least of your guys concern right now, you have bigger fish to fry. Saving your marriage is the most important thing, don’t let it slip. Please don’t just trust he’ll refrain from cheating!!! As a man I can tell you right now that concupiscence is a tough enemy, it takes a lot of prayer, it takes realigning yoru will to God, it takes beggging Christ to empty your self of you, and replace it with him, for many, frankly, it can even take mortifications.

You have to know for a fact that your husband is that dedicated to you to trust him in that situation, and honestly he’s in a very weakend spiritual state.
 
peaceful88 said:
So I said you either stop talking to her and put our marriage first or I am leaving you.
He than said he would go to a marriage consoler and if they said that he shouldn’t talk to her, than he won’t.
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Congratulations! You did the right thing.
He must be pretty immature. He has promised before God and the community that he would remain committed to you only, and needs to follow through. Submitting himself to temptation is not smart.
Your marriage comes before any happiness in the job. If he can’t keep his distance from her at work, he needs to be out looking for another job. And you implied that his fellow workers are encouraging this temptation – he needs to separate himself from them also.
Your marriage is not yours alone – you represent Christ and the church before the world. You need to work to preserve your marriage for the sake of all the church.
God bless.
 
Peaceful88, did you read my post?
im not sure if you read it, but please do!

i have seen this happen so many times, im telling you, itll get worse if he doesn’t give the girl up. PLEASE worry about your future with this man. he does not look like hes a good life partner. i mean your 3 months in the marriage, and hes already messing it up!?!
its unnacceptable!! Please read my post up above.
 
peaceful88 said:
Is it not possible to love your friends though? It just you should love your wife in a different way.
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Not in a circumstance like this. I will give him some credit for being forthright about this with you. Like has been said. Anything less than ruthless and decisive dealings with this attraction he has, no matter what that might that turn out to mean, will not be enough.

If I were counseling him I’d tell him to take all the responsibility with her himself. Write her a note (and get it to her without seeing her) saying something like "I hope you can forgive me for leading you into a sinful relationship with a married man. It was unfaithfulness to my wife and unfair to you. Regardless of how you respond, which is in God’s hands, this will be the last communication to ever take place between us. I pray that the Lord Jesus will draw you into fellowship with Himself and provide for you a wonderful man who will be much more faithful to you than I have been to my wife. I do not hate nor am I angry with you, but I will not respond to ANY attempt you may make to speak to me. I have a responsibility to God first and my young loving wife along with our future children to take all necessary steps required to repair and maintain our holy covenant relationship.
Regretfully and repentant,
He would be absolutely required to stand by that no matter what else it meant as if the Lord God almighty had a spiritual gun to his head which in a very real sense He does. Sexual temptation, especially for young people and even more so for young men is a beguiling and overwhelming enemy that CANNOT be defeated if engaged. Hence the apostle Paul’s command to FLEE!!!, Get outta there!!! You cannot win. God will not provide the means beyond the conviction to flee or we would be told about it. Any talk of “I can handle it” and “we’ll be just friends now” is the next step in his inevitable affair if he keeps it up.
 
I deffinitly do understand these situations don’t turn out well.

Also he goes to a pscyhogolist that when he described his problems said he has out grown our relationship. That being said my husband thought this was highly wrong in that we both agree you can go through stages were you may not have as strong of a connection but the love you have for the person and wanting that person to be the one you get through life with is why you stay married.

I also misinturpted what he said about phyiscal cheating. he said that he never thought about it and it makes him sick to feel that way. That is an exteremly truthful statement for him.

He just honestly believes that he let his feeling get out control for that girl. He said he honestly means nothing by his flirty comments to her and that I should have the confidence that he would always pick me because he loves me.

He doesn’t seem to understand that thesituation he has himself in is only asking for trouble. Which I think he will see once we get marriage consoling.
 
Both his best friend and sister can’t believe that he is acting the way he is. They also say that he is ridicliously stubborn once he gets his mind set a certain way.I have also seen this.

He said though to he is firstrated with me obessing over negative thoughts and feelings. I wholely admite that I do this which another reason I was going to talk to the deacon. This to him just seems like another one of my obessions. This lessens my impact on say this situation can’t continue.
 
I pray to God that this is just a way of making our bad traits come out that lead us both to sin. That we are going t confront then and get over them as a couple. I feel like it is the evil one that is taking our heads and emotions and twisiting them.

If any thing good that is coming out of this I am gettig help for an obessive personailtiy and healing with my past relationships from my long time x boyfirend to my mother. Both have hurt me so badly that I need the help healing.
 
peaceful88 said:
I also misinturpted what he said about phyiscal cheating. he said that he never thought about it and it makes him sick to feel that way. That is an exteremly truthful statement for him.
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He almost certainly lied. Guys don’t nurse feelings for woman who aren’t their wives and not “think” about physical cheating. sorry to hear about this.
 
PPeterson said:
He almost certainly lied. Guys don’t nurse feelings for woman who aren’t their wives and not “think” about physical cheating. sorry to hear about this.
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I know when he is losing to me. He doesn’t give one indication of this being a lie.

I think he is just being immature with this situation and relizing what he is getting himself invoked in.
 
You 2 need help that isn’t going to come from an internet forum. I don’t think either one of you even has a grip on what to report about this situation. At least I hope that’s what it is on his part (which I can’t help doubting). I can’t shake off the feeling (and that’s all it is) like this other guy says, that he’s deceiving you, but then why tell you at all?

Then we have you who confesses to being overly suspicious and untrusting, but is ready to believe his somewhat unbelievable explanations for what’s goin on here? Listen to what I’m about to say. Regardless of anything else he MUST get away from this girl. It is inconceivable that any good can emerge from his remaining in contact with her and it takes about 3 seconds to envision disaster if he does.

Any version whatsoever of him not expunging her from his life or even being hesitant to do so is a unacceptable in my view.
 
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