Encouragement for singles waiting for marriage

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ChristineML

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I found this going through a file of articles I’ve been saving…

SINGLE

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone: to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says to a Christian:

"No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with loving and being loved by Me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. I love you, my child. And until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you become united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing…one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best! Please allow me to bring it to you.

"Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them. You just keep looking off and away to Me, or you’ll miss what I want to show you. Then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream.

“You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have planned for you is ready…until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me – and is thus perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in one flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy, materially and concretely, the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied…”
 
Wow… I’m going to have to read and reread this a few times and think on it. It’s very profound, and very true… we do have to be at peace with God and His plan for us before we can truly enjoy a relationship with someone of the opposite sex… Thank you for posting this. 🙂
 
i get it i get but can’t he hurry up just a little bit because patience is not a virture that i have!:rolleyes:
 
This is what I believe. It was really nice to see it posted here. Now if I could only act on it. God help me.
 
ChristineML said:
But God says to a Christian:

"No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with loving and being loved by Me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. I love you, my child. And until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.
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It is not known whether God has planned a relationship for the addressee, or a perfect one.
You will never be united with another until you become united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
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People enter into valid marriages even while early on the spiritual path.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing…one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best! Please allow me to bring it to you.
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That view is one of God preparing thrilling plans for us. The plan God has for us is salvation. I don’t think it’s a great idea to talk about thrilling plans for us in the temporal life.
Then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream.
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Or a different vocation.
"You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have planned for you is ready…
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We don’t know if God plans anyone for anyone. We know, however, that we have free will and should make a reasonable choice.

God is loving, God loves us more than a human can, we ought to love God before loving men, all this is correct, but it simply cannot be presumed that whoever feels called to marriage really is, that whoever is really called will actually marry, or that the marriage will be a bed of roses.
 
chevalier said:
It is not known whether God has planned a relationship for the addressee, or a perfect one.

People enter into valid marriages even while early on the spiritual path.

That view is one of God preparing thrilling plans for us. The plan God has for us is salvation. I don’t think it’s a great idea to talk about thrilling plans for us in the temporal life.

Or a different vocation.

We don’t know if God plans anyone for anyone. We know, however, that we have free will and should make a reasonable choice.

God is loving, God loves us more than a human can, we ought to love God before loving men, all this is correct, but it simply cannot be presumed that whoever feels called to marriage really is, that whoever is really called will actually marry, or that the marriage will be a bed of roses.
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EXACTLY.

And as far as “not being ready for a spouse until we are completely satisfied with God”, that would basically bar just about every marriage out there. How many people truly acheive this on Earth? For crying out loud, even Bl. Mother Theresa at times could not feel God’s love, according to her own writings?

And what is the source of that quotation? Is it from a private revelation or is it something that someone made up? If the latter, the author had better be prepared to answer for the crime of putting words into God’s mouth. Otherwise, this is just more theologically suspect nonsense that is just a problem avoidance technique designed to tell single people “shut up and don’t bother me with your problems” and lay a guilt trip for actually daring to desire a better life.
 
Wow guys. The thread was for encouragement, not theological scrutiny.

I do agree that if God has the chance to form an individual, that it will make the marriage better, because they will be able to truly love. Now, I am single and never been on a date, but that’s my two cents.
 
NReily said:
Wow guys. The thread was for encouragement, not theological scrutiny.

I do agree that if God has the chance to form an individual, that it will make the marriage better, because they will be able to truly love. Now, I am single and never been on a date, but that’s my two cents.
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The problem is that those words have the opposite effect, because it makes a person feel they they are not ready for marriage by making him/her think that the reason that they are not married has to do with some fault with their relationship with God. As I implied previously, how many of us can achieve that level of perfection in our relationship with God in this life?

As someone who was robbed of an immediate family early in life and simply trying to restore a family, it is insulting to my intelligence and hard work to watch good Catholic women reject good Catholic men saving it for their wives to run off with fornicating pagan frat-boy types and instead of people calling these brain-screwed on backward types on the carpet they have the nerve to imply that the hard-working Catholic men saving it for their wives are the ones who are not right enough with God. Absolutely sickening.

And I’m sure there are women out there who have the same frustrations.
 
NReily said:
Wow guys. The thread was for encouragement, not theological scrutiny.

I do agree that if God has the chance to form an individual, that it will make the marriage better, because they will be able to truly love. Now, I am single and never been on a date, but that’s my two cents.
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I think a lot of singles feel that they are not valued because the world says that you have to have a sexual relationship to be a fulfilled person. That’s nonsense, of course. As a married person you’ve got to put virtually all your energy into the family. Whilst there are big consolations in that, it is not easy either.

A single person can do exactly what he wants, almost all of the time. If I want to throw in my job and go backpacking round France for six months, there’s no-one saying I can’t.
 
I have another two cents for those about to marry. The key to a lasting marriage is that it is a decision that divorce simply is not an option. You will stay together and keep you word, and viola! Long marriage!

Alan
 
Honestly, she’s not saying you have to be in Heaven, she’s trying to encourage people that God has a plan for them in this life (and He does), that may or may not include marriage (with a love far greater could mean His love in a religious or priestly vocation or consecrated single life). The Bible even says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”

If you cannot learn to be happy as a single, how will you then be happy in marriage, when you have new issues to deal with? Marriage does not automatically guarantee happiness. You have to learn to be happy and content on your own. When others see that happiness, they see that as someone they can be happy with and are attracted to that.

I talked to a Catholic friend of mine a few weeks ago about dating, marriage, etc. We started talking about our dream places to get married then to the kind of spouses we wanted. He told me the girl he wants to marry should be able to take care of herself, meaning she shouldn’t depend on someone else to make her happy, only her own happiness. She should be an individual, her own person, and not be ashamed to be such. He doesn’t want a girl who depends on him to make her happy. He wants a girl who’s already happy. God is the only One who can satisfy our happiness and if we look to Him first, without worrying what others think of our lives, then we can find it.

This is the first time in my life that I’ve been happy to be single (though my chaplain will tell you how she sees something going on between me and a guy, but that’s another thread and I’ve told her it’s not going to happen). I honestly would not want a boyfriend right now. I do like someone and he’s a wonderful Catholic guy but I know that I’m not called to marriage at the present time and he’ll be leaving soon (graduating next year, then possibly going abroad for a couple years) so I wouldn’t want to a) ruin a friendship for nothing or b) start something that will inevitably have to stop because we are going on different paths in our lives. I’d rather have a good friend/older brother type than a boyfriend right now anyway. I got out of a relationship 2 months ago (almost exactly, lol) and I see it as God setting me free. I need to focus on premed, possibly changing my major (from Spanish to International Studies, I don’t know if I’m going to do that or not), finding a way to make money, building my resume, and also exploring my passions. For once in my life, I’ve found a sport I genuinely enjoy playing, I’ve also found that I’m better at singing than I previously thought and I have more opportunity, I now really enjoy socializing with other women (back home, I preferred hanging out with the boys because the girls were catty. I’ve found more like-minded women here at school and even if we have different views, we can still come together as friends), and I’ve also been exploring my spirituality as well. I worry about money at times (college and living in a city are both expensive) but other than that, I’m really happy, because I know God is with me.

No man can complete me because only God can. However, if being with a man will lead me closer to Him, then I will marry. But that should be the reason for marrying, that loving this person enables you to love God more and vice versa. Not because you’re lonely, sexually frustrated, you’re afraid of losing someone, afraid of breaking up, your biological clock is ticking, it’s a societal expectation (even today, people think there’s something wrong with you if you’re not at least “with somebody”).

The Song of Songs tells us repeatedly not to stir or awaken love until it is ready. And there are good Catholics out there! It took leaving my mostly nominally Catholic town for a big city with people of all faiths and a non-Catholic university to find devout Catholics my age, which just goes to show you that they turn up in the most unlikely places.
 
Yes, I agree with what you say for the major part, but the part about plans is a bit risky - we can’t really say we know God’s plans and I can’t find any good grounds for the proposition that God hand-picks our spouses. It’s possible, but the first thing I notice is the focus on just that aspect of God’s activity in our lives and that rings somewhat wrong.
 
Norseman82 said:
The problem is that those words have the opposite effect, because it makes a person feel they they are not ready for marriage by making him/her think that the reason that they are not married has to do with some fault with their relationship with God. As I implied previously, how many of us can achieve that level of perfection in our relationship with God in this life?

As someone who was robbed of an immediate family early in life and simply trying to restore a family, it is insulting to my intelligence and hard work to watch good Catholic women reject good Catholic men saving it for their wives to run off with fornicating pagan frat-boy types and instead of people calling these brain-screwed on backward types on the carpet they have the nerve to imply that the hard-working Catholic men saving it for their wives are the ones who are not right enough with God. Absolutely sickening.

And I’m sure there are women out there who have the same frustrations.
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I’m very sorry to read the implications in your post Norseman. You have my good prayers in your journey. I think the OP may have been comforting and may very well apply to many singles. God clearly spends time purifying us in various ways. Some of us who suffer tremendously probably relate more to Job in everything he lost. But the strength of his faith was very pleasing to God. Like Mother Theresa, he stayed close to God as much as he failed to understand the method. And this proved rewarding for him despite enduring a long, long time of suffering.
 
chevalier said:
It is not known whether God has planned a relationship for the addressee…

Or a different vocation.

We don’t know if God plans anyone for anyone. We know, however, that we have free will and should make a reasonable choice.
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I don’t think because someone feels called to marry and have not reached that point yet necessarily means they should switch vocations. This might be the case if the call was unclear. I know you did not mean it that way, but I just want to clarify for others.

I also understood the OP to encourage patience on the part of those who know their call, just like a priest who may know his call and still struggles in his journey to reach that point.

I did not read it quite so literally, but absorbed the sense that God’s methods are at work, and that patience and trust are virtues we must apply.
 
MarcoPolo said:
I don’t think because someone feels called to marry and have not reached that point yet necessarily means they should switch vocations.
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Neither do I. But I didn’t speak about necessity: I merely pointed at the possibility. Some people become priests at age 30. Some marry after dropping out from seminary. Does it mean their vocation changed or was it just the way they perceived it?
This might be the case if the call was unclear. I know you did not mean it that way, but I just want to clarify for others.
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Okay. 🙂
I also understood the OP to encourage patience on the part of those who know their call, just like a priest who may know his call and still struggles in his journey to reach that point.
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By all means I believe that was the Opening Poster’s goal. I support it wholeheartedly.
I did not read it quite so literally, but absorbed the sense that God’s methods are at work, and that patience and trust are virtues we must apply.
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That and also the fact that the relationship with God is the first and foremost relationship in our lives. We do need to put that one first. With God in the first place, everything is in its own.

It’s just not so sure that God has a specific person for us in mind, or any person at all - it may well turn out our vocation is different, and there’s free will.
 
chevalier said:
…the relationship with God is the first and foremost relationship in our lives. We do need to put that one first. With God in the first place, everything is in its own.

It’s just not so sure that God has a specific person for us in mind, or any person at all - it may well turn out our vocation is different, and there’s free will.
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I believe I first found this article in the context of preparing chastity talks for teenagers, but it also applies to young or even not-so-young adults. Many singles, especially young women I have to say, are so impatient to find “the one” that they flail around going from relationship to relationship trying desperately to find Mr. Right, whom they just KNOW will make them HAPPY and fulfill EVERY emotional need they have. They fail to use their singleness as a season of preparing themselves in many different ways (including spiritual) to be a confident, mature, capable person, not desperate to find someone to “complete” them, but content to rest in God, alone if He would have it so.

Some singles are never still long enough to listen to what God is trying to say to them; we may indeed be mistaken in sensing our vocation is to marriage because we WANT it so much. Maybe that’s when some poor choices in spouses are made, out of desperate loneliness or premature emotional attachment. I think if we can let go of our desperate wanting, we can hear God more clearly. I think if we trust in God that He loves us and wants good things for us, then we can relax and be more patient for Him to make His will known to us, about marriage to this or that person or even about marriage at all.

And in spite of my great romantic bent, I agree that while God knows in advance whom we’ll marry (or even if we’ll marry), I don’t think there’s only one person in the entire world “meant” for us, and if we miss that one person then we’ve just blown our only chance for happiness. I think there are several different people who can bring us closer to God and help us learn the life lessons He wants us to learn here on earth. I think if we second-guess ourselves, “Is he the ONE?” or worse, “WAS he the one, and I just blew my chance?” then we’re just torturing ourselves and failing to just let God be God.

I was really surprised by the negative responses posted here; I completely didn’t read the article that way at all, and so I had to sit back and just digest the negative viewpoints for a while.
 
ChristineML said:
I believe I first found this article in the context of preparing chastity talks for teenagers, but it also applies to young or even not-so-young adults. Many singles, especially young women I have to say, are so impatient to find “the one” that they flail around going from relationship to relationship trying desperately to find Mr. Right, whom they just KNOW will make them HAPPY and fulfill EVERY emotional need they have. They fail to use their singleness as a season of preparing themselves in many different ways (including spiritual) to be a confident, mature, capable person, not desperate to find someone to “complete” them, but content to rest in God, alone if He would have it so.

Some singles are never still long enough to listen to what God is trying to say to them; we may indeed be mistaken in sensing our vocation is to marriage because we WANT it so much. Maybe that’s when some poor choices in spouses are made, out of desperate loneliness or premature emotional attachment. I think if we can let go of our desperate wanting, we can hear God more clearly. I think if we trust in God that He loves us and wants good things for us, then we can relax and be more patient for Him to make His will known to us, about marriage to this or that person or even about marriage at all.

And in spite of my great romantic bent, I agree that while God knows in advance whom we’ll marry (or even if we’ll marry), I don’t think there’s only one person in the entire world “meant” for us, and if we miss that one person then we’ve just blown our only chance for happiness. I think there are several different people who can bring us closer to God and help us learn the life lessons He wants us to learn here on earth. I think if we second-guess ourselves, “Is he the ONE?” or worse, “WAS he the one, and I just blew my chance?” then we’re just torturing ourselves and failing to just let God be God.

I was really surprised by the negative responses posted here; I completely didn’t read the article that way at all, and so I had to sit back and just digest the negative viewpoints for a while.
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Thank you for posting that; it was just what I needed right now. I was feeling disappointed, and despite my telling myself to stop thinking about it, I find myself wondering, just like you said, “is he the one” or “was he the one and I just blew my chance” quite often. That disappointment is intensified when I see people walking across campus holding hands or when I see my friends happy in their boy/girl friends and even in some cases their husbands/wives. And here’s me, never been on a date. So, basically, THANK YOU for posting that; I will post it on Facebook as a reminder for me and some of my friends who aren’t “waiting” until marriage, as one unfortunatly told me what happened this weekend. Hopefully she’ll read the note…
 
sanctamaria17 said:
If you cannot learn to be happy as a single, how will you then be happy in marriage, when you have new issues to deal with? Marriage does not automatically guarantee happiness. You have to learn to be happy and content on your own. When others see that happiness, they see that as someone they can be happy with and are attracted to that.
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That makes about as much sense as telling a cancer patient that he or she needs to be content with their cancer before you will give them chemo, or telling a kid whose stomach is growling from hunger that you will feed him/her only when the stomach stops growling - IT ONLY GETS WORSE!

Maybe it takes someone who has actually discerned priesthood to know that an intricate part of that discernment is determining if you can handle lifelong celibacy - if you can’t handle it, it’s not for you. If I could be happy being single for the rest of my life than that means I can handle lifelong celibacy and I’d probably already be wearing a collar. But I’ve discerned otherwise. I think this lesson of discernment needs to be reasserted more to counter the creeping Calvinism that is infecting our discernment process.

Additionally, for some of us, lack of family IS the issue, and the only way I will get a family is by getting married and having kids.
 
I don’t think that priests can handle it any more than any of us, who have not chosen religious life can handle it. But, God chose them for a particular vocation–He will provide the necessary grace and the man must also align his will with God. I don’t think that someone can know one way or the other if he/she can handle celibacy in discerning religious life…but, most likely what happens is that a person is called to religious life, and he/she discerns that the calling is greater than their desire to not be celibate. That’s my hunch.🤷 Not that they desire to be single, on their own.
 
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