L
LAX87
Guest
Hello everyone,
I am a 27 year old man, who has same-sex attraction. I have a bit of funny question for you – not sure if this is the right forum, but it does relate to family life, vocations, etc. in a round-about way.
My background:
I was born into a Catholic family, and continued attending Mass until I was 17 or 18.
From the time I was 11 or 12, I knew I was not attracted to girls, and was much more interested in other boys. I never ‘came out’ and dated girls throughout high school and college.
After college, I went to LA and lived the party, sex, drugs, lifestyle as a gay man. At the beginning of the year, I had a health scare (drug-related), and, while it wasn’t a ‘near-death experience’, it was a ‘near-near-death experience’; it made me re-think my lifestyle.
For the past five months, I have been living clean (no drugs, abstinent), and regularly attending Mass – although not receiving the Eucharist, as I kept wavering on attending Confession, mostly out of a foolish sense of pride (which is probably my biggest failing). Three months ago, I moved, from the LA, where temptation was all too easy to fall into (and, let’s be honest – you can’t own a house in a nice neighborhood there until you are 35!) to a small city in the Southeast. It was here that I began regularly attending Confession, and receiving.
I also recently began seeing a spiritual director, to discuss my faith and the issues that I face. The priest I see for spiritual direction is a very sharp fellow. He is at a different parish in the diocese than the one I attend, so I really only see him when we meet to discuss. He is foreign, very conservative, so he often has a slightly different take on things than most Americans.
In our last meeting, he brought up something which I found a little odd. He said (paraphrasing): I think you are called to a marriage vocation. You are a healthy, masculine man and although you struggle with your desires, you earn a very good living. To not share this with a family borders on the selfish…I think we can introduce you to someone…I was a little taken aback –
When discussing my past, I did tell him that I had dated and been with women before – but, I do not think it is right for me to marry, as I don’t believe I could ever be attracted to a woman. The latter part as well – is it really selfish? Is it sinful for a single person to pursue wealth?
I waved him off, and told him that I didn’t consider marriage very likely. He seemed to understand.
Yesterday, at a diocese volunteer function, he walks over to me, puts his arm around me, and then pulls me over to a woman and says And this is the man I wanted you to meet! to her, grinned, and left.
I wasn’t really sure what to say – we talked, and did the usual ‘job/background/family’ bit. I felt obligated to ask her for a phone number, which she gave me – you can never have too many friends, but I still felt a little uncomfortable about the whole thing.
I don’t see my spiritual director for another two weeks. I am not sure how to approach this – I want to emphasize to him that, at this point in time, what I am really looking for is advice on how to live chastely and soberly. Is it appropriate to express my displeasure with this – or to even ask for (and I hate to say this…) another spiritual director – perhaps one who may have more experience with my issues?
Thanks.
I am a 27 year old man, who has same-sex attraction. I have a bit of funny question for you – not sure if this is the right forum, but it does relate to family life, vocations, etc. in a round-about way.
My background:
I was born into a Catholic family, and continued attending Mass until I was 17 or 18.
From the time I was 11 or 12, I knew I was not attracted to girls, and was much more interested in other boys. I never ‘came out’ and dated girls throughout high school and college.
After college, I went to LA and lived the party, sex, drugs, lifestyle as a gay man. At the beginning of the year, I had a health scare (drug-related), and, while it wasn’t a ‘near-death experience’, it was a ‘near-near-death experience’; it made me re-think my lifestyle.
For the past five months, I have been living clean (no drugs, abstinent), and regularly attending Mass – although not receiving the Eucharist, as I kept wavering on attending Confession, mostly out of a foolish sense of pride (which is probably my biggest failing). Three months ago, I moved, from the LA, where temptation was all too easy to fall into (and, let’s be honest – you can’t own a house in a nice neighborhood there until you are 35!) to a small city in the Southeast. It was here that I began regularly attending Confession, and receiving.
I also recently began seeing a spiritual director, to discuss my faith and the issues that I face. The priest I see for spiritual direction is a very sharp fellow. He is at a different parish in the diocese than the one I attend, so I really only see him when we meet to discuss. He is foreign, very conservative, so he often has a slightly different take on things than most Americans.
In our last meeting, he brought up something which I found a little odd. He said (paraphrasing): I think you are called to a marriage vocation. You are a healthy, masculine man and although you struggle with your desires, you earn a very good living. To not share this with a family borders on the selfish…I think we can introduce you to someone…I was a little taken aback –
When discussing my past, I did tell him that I had dated and been with women before – but, I do not think it is right for me to marry, as I don’t believe I could ever be attracted to a woman. The latter part as well – is it really selfish? Is it sinful for a single person to pursue wealth?
I waved him off, and told him that I didn’t consider marriage very likely. He seemed to understand.
Yesterday, at a diocese volunteer function, he walks over to me, puts his arm around me, and then pulls me over to a woman and says And this is the man I wanted you to meet! to her, grinned, and left.
I wasn’t really sure what to say – we talked, and did the usual ‘job/background/family’ bit. I felt obligated to ask her for a phone number, which she gave me – you can never have too many friends, but I still felt a little uncomfortable about the whole thing.
I don’t see my spiritual director for another two weeks. I am not sure how to approach this – I want to emphasize to him that, at this point in time, what I am really looking for is advice on how to live chastely and soberly. Is it appropriate to express my displeasure with this – or to even ask for (and I hate to say this…) another spiritual director – perhaps one who may have more experience with my issues?
Thanks.
