"Encouraging" A Guy to Talk to You

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OdetteOdille said:
I think if I didn’t say my prayers after mass I could…but I don’t think it would be a good idea to not say my prayers just to talk to a guy. :o I don’t know where he goes after mass but he’s gone.
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Perhaps if you did once or twice he would start waiting around for you to finish. And if not, you would know he’s not interested.

Besides, maybe he is the answer to your prayers. 😉
 
I was once a very shy man who felt completely unable to act on my own with girls that interested me. While men generally take the first step it is actually the women who send the “signal”, sublimely or otherwise, that spur a man on to act. It can be eye contact, or a smile or even feigned indifference when they have the attention of a man they are interested in.

In the case of a very shy man the best approach in my opinion would to smile and be engaging, but certainly not in a very public forum as us shy guys are very aversive to being rejected in public, even if it is a blaring green light telling us to go! 🙂

Best of luck and God bless you!
 
OdetteOdille said:
I think if I didn’t say my prayers after mass I could…but I don’t think it would be a good idea to not say my prayers just to talk to a guy. :o I don’t know where he goes after mass but he’s gone.
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You have plenty of time to devote to prayer, but it seems only a slim window of opportunity to beat this guy out of church and say hi. Just do it.

As others have touched on, the best way is to just approach him and start a conversation. For many guys, other forms of encouragement may be too subtle or simply too scary. There’s nothing wrong with women taking the initiative, and there are many very nice but shy guys out there who may be lost if expected to be the one’s to take the initiative.
 
felsguy said:
Perhaps if you did once or twice he would start waiting around for you to finish. And if not, you would know he’s not interested.

Besides, maybe he is the answer to your prayers. 😉
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Touche! 😃
 
BrassAnkles said:
I was once a very shy man who felt completely unable to act on my own with girls that interested me. While men generally take the first step it is actually the women who send the “signal”, sublimely or otherwise, that spur a man on to act. It can be eye contact, or a smile or even feigned indifference when they have the attention of a man they are interested in.

In the case of a very shy man the best approach in my opinion would to smile and be engaging, but certainly not in a very public forum as us shy guys are very aversive to being rejected in public, even if it is a blaring green light telling us to go! 🙂

Best of luck and God bless you!
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Thank you. I will really make an effort to send him a signal.
 
underacloud said:
You have plenty of time to devote to prayer, but it seems only a slim window of opportunity to beat this guy out of church and say hi. Just do it.

As others have touched on, the best way is to just approach him and start a conversation. For many guys, other forms of encouragement may be too subtle or simply too scary. There’s nothing wrong with women taking the initiative, and there are many very nice but shy guys out there who may be lost if expected to be the one’s to take the initiative.
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Thank you for the tough love. 😃
 
I think God will understand if once or twice you abbreviate your time of Thanks Giving to grab him after mass and talk to him once or twice.

I would do that.
 
Just in general. For me it would be much easier to approach a women after holy mass, if she shows signals of course and stands waiting around in front of the church and does nothing, instead of rushing home. Also praying very long after mass might look like you do not care about anyone.

In your case I have no idea.
 
Andre1000 said:
Just in general. For me it would be much easier to approach a women after holy mass, if she shows signals of course and stands waiting around in front of the church and does nothing, instead of rushing home. Also praying very long after mass might look like you do not care about anyone.
In your case I have no idea.
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Thank you for your perspective. Although I never pray more than maybe 5 minutes after Mass, I see your point. I will try something a little different the next time.
 
Update: I did manage to catch him in the narthex before mass. I walked up to him and started talking 😃 He’s definitely a little awkward–actually, I’m not sure if he’s really shy or just awkward around women. Anyway, I’m not really sure what to make of our conversation, if anything. 🤷

So, do I continue being friendly and making small talk? How many tries do I give it before it’s clear that he isn’t interested? I’m not even sure he’s someone I would want to date–don’t know enough about him. I just don’t want to come off as if I am “chasing” him.
 
OdetteOdille said:
Update: I did manage to catch him in the narthex before mass. I walked up to him and started talking 😃 He’s definitely a little awkward–actually, I’m not sure if he’s really shy or just awkward around women. Anyway, I’m not really sure what to make of our conversation, if anything. 🤷

So, do I continue being friendly and making small talk? How many tries do I give it before it’s clear that he isn’t interested? I’m not even sure he’s someone I would want to date–don’t know enough about him. I just don’t want to come off as if I am “chasing” him.
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I would say continue. If he is not interested you could still have another friend, and who knows things could change from there.

Also, some guys, and I am speaking from experience, have this narrow perception about what they believe their ideal wife needs to be, looks and all, which is often times not even “realistic” and sometimes it isn’t until they have more interactions with female that they realize their perception of what they want in a wife were really off the mark. Also, keep the chat light and positive so he feels no pressure and just sees what happens. Don’t worry, God has a plan for you so don’t be discouraged.
 
OdetteOdille said:
Update: I did manage to catch him in the narthex before mass. I walked up to him and started talking 😃 He’s definitely a little awkward–actually, I’m not sure if he’s really shy or just awkward around women. Anyway, I’m not really sure what to make of our conversation, if anything. 🤷

So, do I continue being friendly and making small talk? How many tries do I give it before it’s clear that he isn’t interested? I’m not even sure he’s someone I would want to date–don’t know enough about him. I just don’t want to come off as if I am “chasing” him.
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Hi Odette,

Well, it’s really hard to say, I would give this general advice as this person behaves almost exactly how I do, or would prefer to say (have in the past). Yes, it’s true, you might not like him or be interested once you do get to know him. One has to take the time and take a chance to find out and see what he’s like. Some of us are wounded in some way and so we are quite guarded, quite socially anxious perhaps, and pretty awkward though we don’t want to be. If you are still interested in spite of this, it would be nice, cause people like “us” have a lot to offer, but we are a bit like porcupines… lol.

I would give it a chance…I myself would warm up eventually but It might take 3 or 4 times and some very obvious hit me over the head 2 x 4 type hints before I get the picture. As I’ve gotten older, I’m a little better but still pretty “challenged” in a way.

You might really like him…I would give it a try, but you may have to really be patient, but it’s ultimately up to you. There is a girl I like, for example, but I’m deathly afraaid to approach her, but I might anyways. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. " Right? Well, my social skills are a bit lacking, but I should try. So yeah, it’s up to you, what you decide to do, of course, I would take a chance and keep praying about it.

God Bless!
 
BrassAnkles said:
I would say continue. If he is not interested you could still have another friend, and who knows things could change from there.

Also, some guys, and I am speaking from experience, have this narrow perception about what they believe their ideal wife needs to be, looks and all, which is often times not even “realistic” and sometimes it isn’t until they have more interactions with female that they realize their perception of what they want in a wife were really off the mark. Also, keep the chat light and positive so he feels no pressure and just sees what happens. Don’t worry, God has a plan for you so don’t be discouraged.
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I’m open to having a new friend and seeing what happens, if anything. Thanks for the encouragement.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Hi Odette,

Well, it’s really hard to say, I would give this general advice as this person behaves almost exactly how I do, or would prefer to say (have in the past). Yes, it’s true, you might not like him or be interested once you do get to know him. One has to take the time and take a chance to find out and see what he’s like. Some of us are wounded in some way and so we are quite guarded, quite socially anxious perhaps, and pretty awkward though we don’t want to be. If you are still interested in spite of this, it would be nice, cause people like “us” have a lot to offer, but we are a bit like porcupines… lol.

I would give it a chance…I myself would warm up eventually but It might take 3 or 4 times and some very obvious hit me over the head 2 x 4 type hints before I get the picture. As I’ve gotten older, I’m a little better but still pretty “challenged” in a way.

You might really like him…I would give it a try, but you may have to really be patient, but it’s ultimately up to you. There is a girl I like, for example, but I’m deathly afraaid to approach her, but I might anyways. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. " Right? Well, my social skills are a bit lacking, but I should try. So yeah, it’s up to you, what you decide to do, of course, I would take a chance and keep praying about it.

God Bless!
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Thanks again. I am willing to try again, if the opportunity presents itself. As a shy person, I get it. I feel socially awkward in some settings. I can see he is as well. . .

Anyway go for it with the girl you are interested in! Good luck 🙂
 
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