Encouraging Disscussion in Youth Group?

[LaMusicaSenior]

Hello to all!

I am a senior in higschool, and belong to a youth group for homeschoolers. Every other Wedensday, we get together at one of our houses and participate in a bible study, as led by one of the dads of a member of the group.

We are currently doing the Catholicism study by Fr. Barron - which if anyone is wondering if they should do this study, it is definatly a good one, very beautiful showing of the Catholic faith and our beliefs.

Here’s the issue: Besides myself, another senior, and three to four others of the 13-15 participants, no one participates in discussion questions before and after the video.

Last time we had bible study, 2 weeks ago, myself and the other senior answered 80% of the questions because no one would talk. When bible study is over though, there is an explosion of talking…so it’s just when we are talking about the faith that everyone is quiet…

All these kids (13 - 18) are practicing Catholics, and homeschoolers, and I know they have been taught religion, and have an opinion…but it gets frustrating when there is no discussion, just three or four of us carrying the weight of the conversations beteen us because no one wants to talk.

I’ve decided that tonight I’ll say: “Hey guys, just a thought, last time myself and [the other senior] answered about 80% of the questions. It’d be great if we all participated equally in conversations, and we’d have a better bible study.”

I know I’m going to college in 2013, and I wished these kids would realize that the enviroment that they are in this youth group is such a blessing - an opportunity to share opinions and share their faith with those who share common morals and standards.

Is my response a good one, and what do you reccommend?

Thanks and God bless,
Chloe M.

 

[SamH]

Hello to all!

I am a senior in higschool, and belong to a youth group for homeschoolers. Every other Wedensday, we get together at one of our houses and participate in a bible study, as led by one of the dads of a member of the group.

We are currently doing the Catholicism study by Fr. Barron - which if anyone is wondering if they should do this study, it is definatly a good one, very beautiful showing of the Catholic faith and our beliefs.

Here’s the issue: Besides myself, another senior, and three to four others of the 13-15 participants, no one participates in discussion questions before and after the video.

Last time we had bible study, 2 weeks ago, myself and the other senior answered 80% of the questions because no one would talk. When bible study is over though, there is an explosion of talking…so it’s just when we are talking about the faith that everyone is quiet…

All these kids (13 - 18) are practicing Catholics, and homeschoolers, and I know they have been taught religion, and have an opinion…but it gets frustrating when there is no discussion, just three or four of us carrying the weight of the conversations beteen us because no one wants to talk.

I’ve decided that tonight I’ll say: “Hey guys, just a thought, last time myself and [the other senior] answered about 80% of the questions. It’d be great if we all participated equally in conversations, and we’d have a better bible study.”

I know I’m going to college in 2013, and I wished these kids would realize that the enviroment that they are in this youth group is such a blessing - an opportunity to share opinions and share their faith with those who share common morals and standards.

Is my response a good one, and what do you reccommend?

Thanks and God bless,
Chloe M.

Hate to say it - but isn’t that how it works in school too? I know even in college a few members of each class would drive the discussion while the rest sat and listened.

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

Hate to say it - but isn’t that how it works in school too? I know even in college a few members of each class would drive the discussion while the rest sat and listened.

I know…unfortunatly I have already experienced this in my college credit classes that I have taken…I was one of the few who would participate in “class” discussion.

But at least in college youth groups, the kids are there because they want to be, not because their parents are driving them there.

 

[1ke]

When I participated as facilitator in bible study, I found that building trust was key to opening up and that took time. The longer we were at it, the more people participated.

As for the actual study questions that we had for the bible study, we made it a practice to rotate through the questions. So, each person was responsible for reading the question and starting the discussion-- and then others could chime in after they had given some sort of answer. We also allowed the answer to be “I’m throwing this one out to the floor” if they truly did not have an answer but they at least had to read the question.

These were adults, and there were some who were very quiet-- but that doesn’t mean they weren’t learning.

Also, some introverts like to have their thoughts prepared ahead of time, so do you allow time for people to think about or write down short answers before you begin discussing?

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

When I participated as facilitator in bible study, I found that building trust was key to opening up and that took time. The longer we were at it, the more people participated.

As for the actual study questions that we had for the bible study, we made it a practice to rotate through the questions. So, each person was responsible for reading the question and starting the discussion-- and then others could chime in after they had given some sort of answer. We also allowed the answer to be “I’m throwing this one out to the floor” if they truly did not have an answer but they at least had to read the question.

These were adults, and there were some who were very quiet-- but that doesn’t mean they weren’t learning.

Also, some introverts like to have their thoughts prepared ahead of time, so do you allow time for people to think about or write down short answers before you begin discussing?

We do - we send the questions and readings out before the study (about a week before we meet).

 

[cmscms]

There is nothing wrong with suggesting everyone speak up, I just would not hold high hopes about it changing anything.

There are various reasons people don’t speek up, from extreme shyness to only being there because their parents forced them.

I think this is just one situation in life where you will perhaps need to accept things as they are

CM

 

[Cat]

I would say not to worry about it. People are who they are. Many people are just “quiet,” and they don’t want to “discuss.” As long as they are given the opportunity to speak, if they choose not to speak, don’t worry about it.

Always remember that quite often, it is the people who choose not to speak, but to listen, who are learning the most. I have learned that the hard way, as I am an extrovert who has an opinion on everything and is always willing to speak out. But my quiet husband is the one who comes home and actually learned the information.

I agree about trust issues, but I still think it’s best not to try to force quiet people to talk. The Bible study shouldn’t be turned into some kind of Group Therapy Session, and it’s not meant to be a workshop in group dynamics, public speaking, etc. It’s a Bible study.

I personally don’t like the “go around the circle and everyone answer a question” format. It’s uncomfortable for introverts and annoying for extroverts. I would say that the facilitator should open the floor for discussion and make it clear that everyone is welcome to participate. After an appropriate length of silence, the facilitator should go ahead and call by name those who generally like to speak. The speakers should make sure to include the introverts as they look around the circle and make eye contact with all the participants.

 

[EasterJoy]

Perhaps, too, they have their own take on Scriptures:
*Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you realize that we will be judged more strictly, for we all fall short in many respects. If anyone does not fall short in speech, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body also. If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we also guide their whole bodies. It is the same with ships: even though they are so large and driven by fierce winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot’s inclination wishes. In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze. The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. *James 3:1-8

Some people are very practical about these kinds of discussions. They have an opinion, but if someone else has already voiced essentially the same thing, they don’t see a point in repeating what has already been said. If they speak first, though, they know someone else will feel a need to repeat what they just said. Better to let those who can’t restrain themselves do the talking, and wait to see if they leave any unspoken words as crumbs for the others to pick up. Others are very much cognizant of the traditional view that there are dangers involved for those who love talking. At any rate, realize that there are dangers in trying to force someone to talk when he does not have anything to say. Others are just uncomfortable speaking to more than one or two other people at a time or in anything like a formal setting.

Having said that, you could have the discussion start with a different person for each question. All the first person needs to do is either make an open-ended comment that invites others to respond or ask a question with the same goal in mind. It doesn’t have to be a “good” question. It can be an obvious question or an off-the-wall question or a barely-related comment. It only needs to be a question where they’d want to hear what someone else has to say about it.

Of course, the most radical idea is that the facilitator could ask the people who aren’t speaking up much if any of a particular list of reasons contains the reason they aren’t speaking up much and how they feel about that. I would not ask an open-ended “why”, because the expected answer is “I dunno”. I would also encourage the person asking to do so where the person can answer anonymously, lest their true sentiments be unflattering to one of their peers. IOW, I think that inquiry is a job for a discrete adult or at least a trusted and respected older peer.

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

So should I continue to express my opinions, but reduce the times I respond?

Or in the silence when no one wants to respond, simply say, “I’ve already answered some questions tonight, so I’ll leave this one open for someone who hasn’t gotten the chance to express their opnions.”

What should I do? I know that the discussion starters should come from the adult - and I should only be the participant, not the leader.

I guess it’d be nice to participate in a group where I don’t feel like I’m talking to myself

 

[Em_in_FL]

I agree with the others in that there are certainly various personalities that are going to be present. Some people take in a lot more by just listening, others have more to share… that’s very natural and normal.

I’m curious… how is it structured?
Does the adult leader just simply ask the questions to the group at large? If so, consider just holding your breath for a few seconds… see who else chimes in on their own? I sympathize… I get antsy and uncomfortable if a question is hanging open. I just want to answer and move on. However, others take time to really reflect on the meaning, and by the time they have an answer the question has passed them by. So, sometimes just hold your breath a second (and suggest this privately to the other “participant” as well) and see who else may chime in.
Also, another method may be to just select a FEW questions and have EVERYONE speak on it, around the room. Fewer (more poignant) questions allow you to not feel rushed, and going around the room would give everyone a chance to say something.

ENJOY this time!

 

[dconklin]

I teach religious ed to teens. If you want to get everyone talking during the bible study, cause that “explosion of talking” to happen before the bible study - to get things warmed up. An important thing to remember is the success of a bible study is not and should not be based on the number of people talking. Many people only need to be there and absorb. Some of us have no trouble talking (you’ll be a great catechist someday) and God uses to reach the others.

 

[cmscms]

What should I do? I know that the discussion starters should come from the adult - and I should only be the participant, not the leader.

I guess it’d be nice to participate in a group where I don’t feel like I’m talking to myself

I think you should go to the leader of the group and politely say you don’t enjoy being one of the few talkers and ask him if he is willing to do something to get others talking. If he says ‘no’ or he tries but it doesn’t work, then I would simply just accept the situation as it is. If it is really annoying you that you are the only person talking, then just make a firm decision to not talk some evening and see what happends. And if you can not sit in the silence it means either 1-) it does not bother you that much or 2-) you have an issue with silence you need to look at

CM

 

[EasterJoy]

So should I continue to express my opinions, but reduce the times I respond?

Or in the silence when no one wants to respond, simply say, “I’ve already answered some questions tonight, so I’ll leave this one open for someone who hasn’t gotten the chance to express their opnions.”

What should I do? I know that the discussion starters should come from the adult - and I should only be the participant, not the leader.

I guess it’d be nice to participate in a group where I don’t feel like I’m talking to myself

Your facilitator would probably rather that you don’t get all quiet, too! Having some students who get the ball rolling can be very valuable. Keep up that good work! You can try waiting for a specific period of time–maybe just a slow count of five–before jumping in, just to see whether someone with less confidence is willing to talk rather than deal with the silence, or if they were waiting to see if they could get away with someone else doing the conversational heavy lifting. The “practical” people will want to get the ball rolling, so the group can “get through” the questions and get to social hour, so the silence just might pull them in on occasion, too.

You can also try making a comment by throwing out what you think is your single best idea, and then finishing right there with an open-ended question, like “have you found that to be true?” or “I could go on, but you get the picture…what do you think?” or “is that how you heard it?” Then see where things go, because you’ve left something your could have thought to say unsaid. If the conversation flags, throw another idea that you had out–the other thing I thought about it was X or does anybody think that Y–and see if that goes anywhere.

Also, try to be encouraging of other people’s comments by reacting positively to what they say and asking clarifying questions that encourage them to go on. That might work to get them to believe that they have something to say that you would like to hear.

You may just have a group that is socially comfortable and academically shy. That is not at all uncommon, particularly in the age group. Don’t let that worry you too much. I have had discussion groups that were impossible to get to talk without one or two talkative students. You may fear that you are “monopolizing” the floor, but you talkers may be the only thing that is saving that group from stone silence!

 

[Pink_Lemonade]

I think you really should just let the leader of the group deal with leading the discussions. Making a comment suggesting that those who are listening are not participating “equally” is not helpful. If you must, discuss your concern with the group leader and ask him if he has any suggestions.

Please do remember that, as some other posters have pointed out, some people just do not feel comfortable addressing a group. Listening and reflecting is also participating. Also, some who are introverted can become a little overstimulated being in a group and often think of intelligent things to say after the discussion is over. It may feel as though you are doing all the “work” by talking, but group discussions are not the way many people learn best.

Do you ever form smaller groups? This can be much less intimidating, and you could all come together and have a “spokesperson” from each group share the smaller group’s ideas.

Don’t assume that your peers are getting nothing out of the bible study. Perhaps the group needs a little restructuring, but making the others feel badly about not speaking out when they are uncomfortable doing so is only going to make them quieter and quite possibly reduce the enjoyment and knowledge they do get out of the study. Be respectful of everyone’s learning style and personalities, and everyone benefits.

 

[Greg_N]

I think you’ll just end up making it uncomfortable by pointing out that some people aren’t getting “involved” in discussion.
Short “getting to know you” activities can be good for establishing some dialogue and relieving some of the tension (if that’s a factor).
You could also maybe just give everyone the silent treatment and see where the conversation goes without you answering anything.

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

Hello to all again,

Following the suggestions of everyone, tonight I hung back, didn’t answer near as many questions, affirmed and encouraged participation, commented on others comments, and guess what …everyone participated. That was the best bible study I have had in a very long time, thanks for all the suggestions!

God bless,

Chloe M.

 

[EasterJoy]

Hello to all again,

Following the suggestions of everyone, tonight I hung back, didn’t answer near as many questions, affirmed and encouraged participation, commented on others comments, and guess what …everyone participated. That was the best bible study I have had in a very long time, thanks for all the suggestions!

God bless,

Chloe M.

Good job!! Congratulations!