D
Denise_R
Guest
“Bob & Mary Smith” were our neighbors for years (we moved about 5 miles away 6 years ago) and we developed a neighborly friendship through those years that developed into a social relationship (mostly from their invitations). However, for quite awhile now I have gone from not really enjoying their company from trying to find ways not to accept invitations to socialize with them at all.
First, they are Lutherans and have anti-Catholic views. Most of their comments are ignorant and I’ve tried to politely correct them many times. They don’t really care about learning the truth about the teaching of the Church and I just try to avoid the subject so as not to sound like they do about Lutheranism.
Second, they are pro-choice. I assumed early on that since they were church-going people who profess to be godly that they would be pro-life. Assume nothing. Through the years I’ve been able to plant seeds without getting into many arguments. One night out for drinks (my husband was talking with some people he knew from work) they decided it was a good time to bring up abortion. Bob tried to make points from a biblical perspective but I said a quick silent prayer to the Holy Spirit and was able to hold my own. Mary came at me with her arguments from a woman’s perspective and I was still able to hold my own. My husband walked over into the middle of it and we politely cut the evening short.
Third, their philosophy is not only pro-choice but pro-eugenics. Bob and Mary have said on more than one occasion (when we are discussing politics or an item in the news) how eugenics makes sense. At first I thought they were being fecitious but soon came to realize they are dead serious. Mary even wrote a paper on it in college.
When talking on the phone with Mary yesterday about the recent octuplets situation she said the woman should not have been allowed to carry all 8 babies to term to which I responded (with scarasm) that it was her choice. If she has a legal choice to kill her kids then she should have the choice to give birth to them. A couple weeks ago I tried to send the point home to them that is what happens when we try to play God with IVF, etc.
The choice comment kind of gave her pause for a second but then she changed the subject slightly by saying, “That’s like the people who think it’s OK for people with Downs Syndrome to marry and have children. Pretty soon we will all be walking around with club feet and nearsidedness.” I was apalled and could only respond by saying, “It’s not contageous.” Then I had to find a way to hang up quickly. She also knows I teach CCD to a girl with Downs who is the sweetest person I have ever met. I have developed a friendship with her mother, who is also one of the nicest peole I know.
I am now trying to figure out if I can end the “friendship” with Mary (Bob and Mary since we do things as couples). My husband is the quiet type and has a live-and-let-live philosophy and doesn’t really get into the politics as much. He understands why I’m upset with Mary and knows I’ve been uncomfortable in our relationship with the Smiths for years because of these views as well as the general arrogance they always display. He doesn’t really enjoy their company that much either but thinks we should continue the friendship (doesn’t like confrontation either).
Until now, I’ve tried to be a good example and not cause waves but I just don’t know if I can let the recent comments stand. If I ignore them and continue on with the friendship, then am I really being a good example or am I being a doormat?
If I do end the friendship, how would I do it? I would want her to know many of the reasons without sounding judgemental but explaining that it would be like being friends with a known Nazi. Would I send an email or letter? I’m better at expressing myself by writing. She is the stronger personality (college-educated and well-read confidence) and I wouldn’t be able to adequately explain my thoughts verbally.
We are dog-sitting for them for 2 weeks when they go on their annual Mexico trip at the end of February. Should I so something now (possibly ruining their trip – they don’t like people not to like them) or wait until they return and deal with it then? Is it even moral to remain friends with them?
Any comments are appreciated.
First, they are Lutherans and have anti-Catholic views. Most of their comments are ignorant and I’ve tried to politely correct them many times. They don’t really care about learning the truth about the teaching of the Church and I just try to avoid the subject so as not to sound like they do about Lutheranism.
Second, they are pro-choice. I assumed early on that since they were church-going people who profess to be godly that they would be pro-life. Assume nothing. Through the years I’ve been able to plant seeds without getting into many arguments. One night out for drinks (my husband was talking with some people he knew from work) they decided it was a good time to bring up abortion. Bob tried to make points from a biblical perspective but I said a quick silent prayer to the Holy Spirit and was able to hold my own. Mary came at me with her arguments from a woman’s perspective and I was still able to hold my own. My husband walked over into the middle of it and we politely cut the evening short.
Third, their philosophy is not only pro-choice but pro-eugenics. Bob and Mary have said on more than one occasion (when we are discussing politics or an item in the news) how eugenics makes sense. At first I thought they were being fecitious but soon came to realize they are dead serious. Mary even wrote a paper on it in college.
When talking on the phone with Mary yesterday about the recent octuplets situation she said the woman should not have been allowed to carry all 8 babies to term to which I responded (with scarasm) that it was her choice. If she has a legal choice to kill her kids then she should have the choice to give birth to them. A couple weeks ago I tried to send the point home to them that is what happens when we try to play God with IVF, etc.
The choice comment kind of gave her pause for a second but then she changed the subject slightly by saying, “That’s like the people who think it’s OK for people with Downs Syndrome to marry and have children. Pretty soon we will all be walking around with club feet and nearsidedness.” I was apalled and could only respond by saying, “It’s not contageous.” Then I had to find a way to hang up quickly. She also knows I teach CCD to a girl with Downs who is the sweetest person I have ever met. I have developed a friendship with her mother, who is also one of the nicest peole I know.
I am now trying to figure out if I can end the “friendship” with Mary (Bob and Mary since we do things as couples). My husband is the quiet type and has a live-and-let-live philosophy and doesn’t really get into the politics as much. He understands why I’m upset with Mary and knows I’ve been uncomfortable in our relationship with the Smiths for years because of these views as well as the general arrogance they always display. He doesn’t really enjoy their company that much either but thinks we should continue the friendship (doesn’t like confrontation either).
Until now, I’ve tried to be a good example and not cause waves but I just don’t know if I can let the recent comments stand. If I ignore them and continue on with the friendship, then am I really being a good example or am I being a doormat?
If I do end the friendship, how would I do it? I would want her to know many of the reasons without sounding judgemental but explaining that it would be like being friends with a known Nazi. Would I send an email or letter? I’m better at expressing myself by writing. She is the stronger personality (college-educated and well-read confidence) and I wouldn’t be able to adequately explain my thoughts verbally.
We are dog-sitting for them for 2 weeks when they go on their annual Mexico trip at the end of February. Should I so something now (possibly ruining their trip – they don’t like people not to like them) or wait until they return and deal with it then? Is it even moral to remain friends with them?
Any comments are appreciated.