End-of-pew blockers

[grasscutter]

Wow. I should be chagrined at offering my own opinion in this thread. I like to sit up front and the end of the pew because I can see without people in front of me. If someone indicates that they would like to also sit in the pew I will either stand up and let them go past or slide over. It depends on what I observe (infirm, elderly, parent with small child, etc.) I don’t think anyone has a right to a certain spot but if I have my own preference that shouldn’t be seen as unequal to the preference of another who has arrived after me.

In any case, it’s an apparently irritating but (really!) minor issue. God bless everyone here and let’s keep each other in our prayers!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I happen to believe that people are a lot more claustrophobic than is generally understood to be the case. Sitting at the end of a pew makes them feel less confined.

I’m one of those. The older I get, the worse my claustrophobia gets, too. I used to think it was all about small places, but it’s really not, it’s about being trapped. Doesn’t matter how cavernous the place is, if I can’t get OUT when I want to, I will panic and chew off my arm to get out. My worst thought is being in a submarine - small and WAY under the ocean…

As for the Pew Problem…I do get to church early, usually, and I sit on the end if I can. I will get up and let someone go through, but I do not understand why I should give up my seat to someone who comes later. This doesn’t happen anywhere else - do the front-row people at a play get up and move back if someone comes and waits at the end of their row? No. I understand, that is usually a reserved seat, but what if it’s early-arrival, best seating?

There have been times when we’ve gotten to church late - usually on a Big Day such as Christmas or Easter, and then we are the ones climbing over others to get to the middle so we can at least sit down. I don’t complain or moan that the others should have moved in, I am just grateful that there IS a place for us!

 

[Lormar]

Slide to the left,
Slide to the right,
Stand up, sit down
:slapfight:

The OP has left the building.

And we’re still fighting!

God have mercy on us all! What He has to put up with!!

 

[babochka]

When I was a kid, my mom informs me I was a little angel who sat perfectly still and quiet during Mass. We never had any issues getting the end of the pew as we left early for Mass.

That is so incredibly unhelpful to struggling parents of young children. I’m sure all your siblings were angelic as well. I was also a little angel (so I’m told). I have two kids who behave very well in church and two who don’t do so well. The little one is too young to know. One of the benefits of having multiple children is that it prevents too much arrogance. If I had only had my 1st and my 4th children, spaced 5 years apart as they are, I would think I was a very good parent, indeed. I thank God for all my children, especially what I have learned from my more challenging children.

 

[grasscutter]

I’m one of those. The older I get, the worse my claustrophobia gets, too. I used to think it was all about small places, but it’s really not, it’s about being trapped. Doesn’t matter how cavernous the place is, if I can’t get OUT when I want to, I will panic and chew off my arm to get out. My worst thought is being in a submarine - small and WAY under the ocean…

As for the Pew Problem…I do get to church early, usually, and I sit on the end if I can. I will get up and let someone go through, but I do not understand why I should give up my seat to someone who comes later. This doesn’t happen anywhere else - do the front-row people at a play get up and move back if someone comes and waits at the end of their row? No. I understand, that is usually a reserved seat, but what if it’s early-arrival, best seating?

There have been times when we’ve gotten to church late - usually on a Big Day such as Christmas or Easter, and then we are the ones climbing over others to get to the middle so we can at least sit down. I don’t complain or moan that the others should have moved in, I am just grateful that there IS a place for us!

I should add, in all honesty I am also a bit claustorphobic (sp?) which is why I make that seating choice for myself. However, if someone were to say to me that they need to sit at the end I would happily accommodate them out of compassion because I would assume it was necessary.

 

[LucyLight]

But why the need to necessarily scoot over. One can politely move out of his or her place to let others in.

Well someone with a handicap might find it less burdensome to enter and leave the pew if they are on the end.Same thing with someone who is elderly. Families with young children on the other hand need to be able to exit the pew quickly and quietly if a child starts to cry or has to use the bathroom. Which is almost guaranteed to happen at least once and on a bad day several times. It’s pretty hard when you have an infant in your arms and your trying to leave the pew with a 3 year old who has to go to the bathroom.

Like I said earlier, I didn’t realize that this was an issue until I had kids myself, so I don’t expect that others realize this either. Now when I go to Mass by myself I’m aware of the issue and I try to be considerate of others who’s Mass experience is made easier by having the end seat.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This has been a very interesting thread for me. After reading some of the responses, I’ve kind of changed my opinion about the matter. I will no longer be upset if my family of 7 has to climb over you to get into the pew. I also ask that you not be upset when I have to climb over you to escort my 3 year old to the bathroom, nor when I return. I ask you not to grumble or glare when I have to walk to the back of the church with my fussy toddler. I might have to leave in the middle of the Eucharistic Prayer, maybe even right during the words of Consecration. I do know that it is the most important moment in the Mass, but it can be very difficult to make an unobtrusive and quick exit when there is no easy way out of the pew. Don’t worry, I won’t return until after the prayer is finished.

By the way, I am, barring an emergency, always on time for church. Occasionally we arrive a few minutes early, but I try not to enter the pew until just before Mass begins. I have very young children, and they get restless sitting in church. If we arrive 10 minutes early for “good seats” , that’s 10 minutes less that they’re going to last before we need to remove them. Sometimes, my husband will go in with the older children in order to pray and recollect themselves before Mass beings, but we usually avoid that because we need to sit together and consider it rude to ‘save seats’ at Mass.

If I ever see a family of 7 kids at church, not only will I slide over, I will GIVE you my whole pew if I can, and try to sit directly behind you so I can make faces at your little ones and make them giggle! Ah, the memories of trying to wrangle little ones at Mass…

:getholy:

 

[RyanBlack]

Ryan,
I try to get to mass early enough to get an aisle seat. I will gladly get up and let you by, but I have a medical condition and sometimes have to leave church abruptly. It is less disruptive if I am on the aisle. I don’t want this condition, but I have been blessed with it and live day to day.
Bless you for getting your children to church. My parents had the same challenges, getting 4 unruley kids to church who really didn’t want to go was an enormous burden. But they did it and will be well rewarded and blessed for it as you will.
Keep It up, and I will gladly give up my pew for you, but please try to understand, things arent always as they seem.’
love,
Mitch

I’m not asking anyone to give up an aisle seat for me and my family. For us, it’s really a non-issue. My wife and I attend a very small Eastern Catholic parish. When we do go to a RC Mass at my father-in-law’s parish, we generally sit in the cry room (not because I prefer to, but honestly, it’s easier and we don’t have to worry either chasing him around the church or nasty looks from people who unrealistically expect a toddler to keep completely silent and entirely still). If we go to a RC Mass at a church where there’s no cry room, we sit where we can. If it’s on the aisle, that’s better, but if it’s not we take what’s available.

 

[babochka]

My parents did not regularly take me to Mass until I was about six years old. (I was the oldest.) My parents took turns.

At some point the family did start attending Mass together. At age seven or eight I think I was considered old enough to assist with caring for younger siblings. I do remember that about the time I was in the third or fourth grade I was in charge of accompanying my younger sister on bathroom breaks.

It is very nice for your parents that they had someone to stay home with the little ones so that they could go to Mass. Not everybody has (or wants) that.

I think this is very cultural. I remember reading St. Therese’s Story of a Soul many years ago and being surprised to hear that she did not attend Mass until she was 5 years old. I do know that my own grandmother (in the 40s and 50s) took her 8 children to Mass with her from the beginning, even when my grandfather did not attend. Some cultures have always had an expectation that children will be an everyday part of family life and others have more separation from early ages. At our local Greek Orthodox church, the moms stay in the church, while the dads hang out in the back with the babies and toddlers. In my own church, it is almost always (but not always) the moms who take the little ones out.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

lol! Yes. Everyone I know, myself included, has had to eat our words and put our tails in between our legs once we had kids. We thought we would be much better parents than the ones we currently saw. Everything seemed so cut and dried. I was always overly prepared for everything and thought I was perfectly prepared for parenthood. Guess what, I found out that you are never prepared enough. You get better at it as you go along, but almost everything I thought was the “right way” pre-children is just a joke once you have them. I think having children is God’s way of humbling us. I always picture Him saying warm-heartedly, “Ha! Ha! Sarabande. You thought you knew it all when it came to raising children. It’s a lot different from watching your siblings or babysitting. Just throw most of what you thought out the door and welcome to the realities of actual parenthood.” God has a good sense of humour. I’m laughing now as I think about my naivete and ignorance going in.

Boy ain’t that the truth! I thought it was all due to my parenting that my first was such an :getholy: Ha ha ha! He was a mild child, somewhat introverted, a good sleeper and napper, and cautious in temperament. Then his brother was conceived. I knew when he was inside me that I was in for an interesting time. He was about 3 x as active as the first one. Yes, he was a wild child, and stubborn to the max. High-energy, low-sleep-need, and dropped his naps before he was 2, except he still needed them physically, so it was hell for quite a spell.

Anyway, I realized that I couldn’t take all the blame for HIS temperament and personality, so neither could I take all the credit (in fact, none) for my 1st son’s temperament and personality. It wasn’t my parenting that had made my 1st so easy, it was God!



Kids are great no matter what!

 

[grasscutter]

It is very nice for your parents that they had someone to stay home with the little ones so that they could go to Mass. Not everybody has (or wants) that.

I think this is very cultural. I remember reading St. Therese’s Story of a Soul many years ago and being surprised to hear that she did not attend Mass until she was 5 years old. I do know that my own grandmother (in the 40s and 50s) took her 8 children to Mass with her from the beginning, even when my grandfather did not attend. Some cultures have always had an expectation that children will be an everyday part of family life and others have more separation from early ages. At our local Greek Orthodox church, the moms stay in the church, while the dads hang out in the back with the babies and toddlers. In my own church, it is almost always (but not always) the moms who take the little ones out.

That’s very interesting and I’m glad you shared that. When I was about 6 years old and able to behave appropriately I asked my parents (who preferred the middle of the church - not great for a small child) if I could go ahead and sit up at the front. They said okay. It was so much more informative and visually rewarding for me to see what the Priest was doing. I was actually able to pay attention to the Mass. I suppose nowadays parents would be seen in a negative way for allowing that?

 

[babochka]

If I ever see a family of 7 kids at church, not only will I slide over, I will GIVE you my whole pew if I can, and try to sit directly behind you so I can make faces at your little ones and make them giggle! Ah, the memories of trying to wrangle little ones at Mass…

:getholy:

it is so nice to have people like you in church, and thank you for remembering how it can be. I hope I never get convenient amnesia when my children are wrangling their own children in church! That’s actually my biggest problem with 2 of my kids right now. My 9 year old daughter is fantastic with her 2 year old brother, but she doesn’t know how to entertain him without making him laugh out loud (which means I have to leave the church).

 

[RyanBlack]

My neighbor has EIGHT children, my cousin has five, and I’ve never heard anything from either of them about their NEED to have special consideration at church or anywhere else.

There is no NEED, it’s desire. I WANT what I WANT I am using my children as an excuse to get it rather than make any effort on my own.

The church seating is just one minor symptom of a larger problem of entitlement. Those without children and those whose children are grown are just simply not as important as those parents who think they’re the first to ever bear or raise children.

Your neighbor and your cousin are not everyone else. Whether or not you are aware of it, there are some families, that because of the needs of the children, do need special consideration. If you re-read my post, you will see that it was the children, not the parents, that I said need special consideration. Furthermore, how do you, in any particular situation involving a family with young children that asks for some sort of special consideration that there is no need, that it’s only desire? You don’t. You’re making a judgment.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

it is so nice to have people like you in church, and thank you for remembering how it can be. I hope I never get convenient amnesia when my children are wrangling their own children in church! That’s actually my biggest problem with 2 of my kids right now. My 9 year old daughter is fantastic with her 2 year old brother, but she doesn’t know how to entertain him without making him laugh out loud (which means I have to leave the church).

And children laughing out loud in church is a problem? I’m so sorry! I’d rather hear a toddler laugh out loud than just about anything! It is a joyous sound! “Let the little ones come to me,” said Jesus!

 

[LucyLight]

If I ever see a family of 7 kids at church, not only will I slide over, I will GIVE you my whole pew if I can, and try to sit directly behind you so I can make faces at your little ones and make them giggle! Ah, the memories of trying to wrangle little ones at Mass…

:getholy:

I wish I had you sitting behind me and my kids at Mass. That would make things so much easier.

 

[RyanBlack]

If the priest needs to make an announcement about it on more than one occasion, then it is happening too frequently.

Why don’t you ask the priest" How can you be all stressed and tense when in the presence of Jesus?" That’s what you asked the OP on the first page of this thread. I mean, in the presence of Jesus, why should a priest be bothered by a few shouting children?

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Why don’t you ask the priest" How can you be all stressed and tense when in the presence of Jesus?" That’s what you asked the OP on the first page of this thread. I mean, in the presence of Jesus, why should a priest be bothered by a few shouting children?

Gee, I don’t know. When you’re acting in persona Christie and about to do the most important aspect of your vocation, and you can’t hear yourself pronounce the words the make Jesus present on the Altar, it’s kinda a big deal, and little Johnny and Mary-Sue crying, screaming, and kicking the kneeler down would be a tad distracting. On the other hand, sitting in the pew isn’t really that big of a deal.

 

[tabycat]

This was a custom that ought never have arisen in the first place, in my opinion. I do not believe that this is healthy. For families with a number of children, it can mean that husband and wife do not attend Mass together literally for years. Also, in some places, it’s totally impractical. If my wife and I were to do this, it would mean that we would have to attend different parishes, since our church is nearly thirty miles away and has more than one liturgy only twice per month. Even on the Sundays when there are two liturgies, one is a Melkite liturgy and we are totally lost with the Arabic, and it wouldn’t work anyway, without having one of us drive one car to the 10AM liturgy, the other stay home with our son and drive, with our son, to the 12 noon liturgy, and hand off our son to the one who went to the 10AM liturgy. It’s just ridiculous that we would be expected to do such a thing, and until a few months ago, we only had one Sunday Divine Liturgy every week, which is generally the case with Eastern Catholic parishes.

Also, I believe that children should be brought to Mass/Divine Liturgy regularly, beginning in infancy. My son went to DIvine Liturgy for the first time when he as not quite three weeks old, and he about six weeks premature. He has attended on weekly basis (with a few exceptions of course) ever since. So for him, going to church is second nature. He expects it. He does not try to get out of going. And in our Eastern Catholic tradition, he receives Holy Communion, and has since he was baptized and chrismated at two months of age.

I have some idea what you mean. I don’t have children myself (never married) but I do not mind even infants at church. If their not in church when little (under 2 or 3) they will not have a chance to learn to behave in church. I was taken to church (Latin Rite) from the time I was baptised and the only time I “misbahaved” bad enough for my mom to bregin it up, I was about 3 and my family and a family from down the street sat in the pew in frount of us, and me and the second girl (also 3) played ‘peak-a-boo’ under the pew! PS I perfer the end of the pew of a handicap.

 

[Faithdancer]

How is sitting on the end of the pew “blocking” it, necessarily? It’s easy enough to stand up and let several people in, or shift one’s legs to the side so they can squeeze past.

I sit on the ends, partly to avoid being caught in the middle of the frantic Sign of Peace handshaking contest. I will start sitting on the outer ends of the aisles, though (nearest the nave side-walls), and unless people are walking up the outsides of the pews there shouldn’t be a big concern.

Again, the OP answered his own question in part- get there earlier, especially if you have a group to seat. No excuses to be chronically late.

 

[acarlson]

Perhaps you should try to consider why these people are sitting at the edge, as you could see by reading the posts before mine. It’s very inconsiderate of you to assume they do so just to spite everyone else. If you ask them to move and they don’t, then live with it. If you don’t ask them to move, then there’s really nothing for you to be upset about. I’d suggest praying on why people sitting on the edge upsets you so much.