Engaged/Married women, I have some questions for you

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Princess Abby is right on target to recommend Mass and adoration- daily even!

My fiance and I knew early on. Everything just fell into place. Both of us received individually a great deal of spiritual confirmation in our relationship that I won’t get into here.

Things have been a little rough lately, especially with a long distance engagement and dealing with some baggage. I haven’t had the ‘no doubt at all’ experience that some have, but all I can ever come back to is how right we are for eachother in every way despite and also because of our differences.

I can’t say enough how much prayer together in front of the Blessed Sacrament will help you discern. My job with the campus ministry allowed us access to the chapel when we could speak privately about how we were keeping God in our relationship without disturbing others who might be praying.

Consecration to the BVM daily really helped us too.
 
Mom of one:
My son is 7. He’s praying that this man and I fall in love, believe or not. 😃 But, if my son wasn’t happy with this, it’d would be completely different. He comes first.
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This worries me. What can a 7 year old really understand about love and marriage and all that will mean for the future?

** I think he is acting like a typical 7 year old…he just wants mommy to be happy. If he thought that you falling in love with and marrying Santa Claus would make you happy he would pray for that too;).**

What happens, let’s say two years into your marriage, when your little boy decides this isn’t working for him and he wants his mommy back to himself? What would you do in such a pickle? And what will he feel like if you have another child with this new man?
** There are ramifications here that most people don’t look far enough ahead to see…please don’t be blinded by emotion and the fact that your son appears ok with this right now. Really take your time, pray, and discern what will be right forever because marriage is forever.

Malia
 
Mom of one:
Ladies, I have met an absolutely wonderful Catholic man. It’s only been a short time that we have known each other, but what I am learning about him is exceptional. (Plus, he comes with high recommendations from 2 of the members of this forum. One of the members introduced us. Thanks, Lisa! Love ya!)

For those of you who are engaged or married, when did you know that you were in love with that man? When did you know that he was “the one” that God had planned for you to be with? I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I’m a little on the nervous side, having had some very bad relationships in the past, and even though there has been alot of counseling and alot of prayer in being healed emotionally, I’m not used to good relationships and I don’t want to jump the gun or destroy this. He’s too wonderful a man.

And anyone else who wants to respond, feel free.
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In my heart I knew that I was going to marry my fiance from the first week we started dating, but some questions that helped me intelectually decide…

does he help you grow in holiness?

does he truely desire your eternal salvation and seek that out in all his interactions with you?

meditating on 1 Corinthians 13:1-13; does his attitude towards you fits the Bible’s definition of love (and whether he would be willing to help you out when you fall short)

Is he faithful to the Church’s teaching on the meaning of Holy Matriomony and the duties and obligations that come with it? (it sounds like he is!)

Do you both have the same hope and ideas about raising a family, how to spend money, what to do when arguments or problems crop up, how to spend your time?

Do you place the same (/similar) value on things?

and finally, I notice you are a mom of one…how does he feel about helping you raise your son/daughter?

I write these points as questions, but I’m not asking for an answer, they are just some questions that other people posed to me and I found that they helped me, and they may be of benefit to you.

God Bless
 
Feanaro’s Wife said:
This worries me. What can a 7 year old really understand about love and marriage and all that will mean for the future?

I think he is acting like a typical 7 year old…he just wants mommy to be happy. If he thought that you falling in love with and marrying Santa Claus would make you happy he would pray for that too;).

What happens, let’s say two years into your marriage, when your little boy decides this isn’t working for him and he wants his mommy back to himself? What would you do in such a pickle? And what will he feel like if you have another child with this new man?

**There are ramifications here that most people don’t look far enough ahead to see…please don’t be blinded by emotion and the fact that your son appears ok with this right now. Really take your time, pray, and discern what will be right *forever ***because marriage is forever.

Malia
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My son has been wanting a husband for me for a long time. His father is married, so my son is used to a parent being with a spouse that is not his other parent. As for having a child with another man, my son will be thrilled. He has a half sister that he absolutely adores and another on the way. (But another child may not be in the cards anyway—I’m getting old!!! 😉 )

And, of course I will pray, as will this wonderful man.
 
Thanks to everyone who has posted so far. Great advice from everyone.

I have been doing some thinking about the “bad relationships” that I have had and now I can see that those bad relationships have been and are being used by God for my good. I have been made a better person. They have helped me grow in my faith. They have helped me to know what I want and don’t want, what I will accept and what I won’t. And, they have helped me develop an ability to pick up on the “red flags” very quickly, which I was not able to do before—at least for a long time into the relationship. I have not detected one yet, which is a very good thing. That doesn’t mean that this is a sure thing, but, it does mean I know I don’t have to run far, far away.

He is terrific and I really, really like him alot. I respect him, I’m attracted to him, we’re comfortable with one another, I have fun just talking to him, and it seems we really understand one another, and that’s saying alot because I’m such a goofball. 😃 I can honestly say that I have never met anyone as wonderful as he is. I’m definitely blessed by God.
 
I am very happy for you. I hope things continue to go well.

Often, the best people to tell you about your man are other men in your life. Brothers, in-laws, and so forth. It’s not even close to 100 percent accurate, but you can learn a lot about a man by asking other men in your life what they think of him.

Women know other women. Men know other men.
 
When I met my hubby, I knew right away. It was one of those moments Tom Hanks talks about in Sleepless In Seattle. I was thrown off at first by the magical feeling upon being introduced, but it kept me intriged and I needed to discover more about him. We did wait 8 months before getting engagged and then another year before the wedding (the Navy had something to do with that too! a 6 month deployment!)

We are now coming up on 10 years and I still think I am soooooo lucky! When we met we were in our 20’s and had had our fair share of dating, so we knew what we really wanted deep down in our relationship. Once we discovered how much we agreed on the important things of life, it was an easy decision to make.

Good Luck and pray to God! He will let you know!
 
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