Engaged to a non-Catholic

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Lisa-
Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. This weekend we are going to talk to a Catholic Priest as well as a Pastor. Hopefully this will help things. He has been great about this whole thing…he’s open to talk about both religions, read scripture from the Bible, go and talk to a Priest…he’s great.
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Praise God!! I’m very glad to hear this. That’s vital.
I am not turning my back on God or anything like that. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I was doing something to that extreme.
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I know you’re not; I can “hear” it in your “tone.”

No, you’re right. You are both Christians. The difference is kind of like this (if I may so indulge your time): All my life as a Christian (which began at age 6 for me when I accepted Christ as my personal Savior) I feel like I have been “lighting candles in a dark room.” The candles were Bible study, going to church, prayer, etc, or in other words…growing my relationship with my Lord. This continued for me for 35 years, all the time lighing another candle and growing closer. The room was ablaze with light! Or so I thought. Then one day, during the time that I was trying to come to grips with understanding my husband’s faith (so we could be on the same page), I was listening to Catholic apologist Steve Ray (also a convert) and it was if all of a sudden someone entered that “room” and said to me, “Why are you sitting here lighting candles? The ‘light switch’ is right here!” And they flipped it on and WOW!!..the “room” is huge! And there’s a “treasure box filled with precious jewels” in the corner that I couldn’t see before.

That’s the “difference,” if you will, that I would hate to see you leave without knowing about it first.

I will be praying for you both as you go to talk with the priest and the pastor. I’m glad you are doing that.

Lisa 🙂
 
beachieca,

Catholics ARE Christians. Not all Christians are Catholic, but ALL Catholics are Christian. As great as your fiance is, does it bother you that he considers your parents to be non-Christians?

There are arguments against the Catholic faith. Granted. However, there are more than ample reasonable, historical and SCRPITURAL defenses to all these arguments. One should give their own faith the benefit of the doubt and research one’s own faith’s explanation and ponder it. If I told you bad things about your fiance would you take me at my word or give him a chance to defend himself? Have you given our faith the same courtesy?

Your fiance does not want you to be a practicing Catholic. Otherwise, he would not have a problem obtaining the proper dispensations. You as a Catholic are already obligated to raise your children Catholic whether you are married in the Church or not. The promise I made in my mixed marriage request was a verbal declaration of an already existing duty; to do all in my power to baptize and raise my children Catholic. All in my power is a subjective term, but a real duty nonetheless.

You probably could get the dispensation and that might appease your parents. But you are an adult and need to be responsible for your faith and life. Take the time and read one book, Catholicism and Fundamentalism by Karl Keating, for yourself, your parents and your fiance. Read it through all the way and do not talk about it to anyone; priest, faince, parents.

AFTER you have done that see if any of the arguments against the Church have been answered. If not make an honest examination of your beliefs and determine whether you believe the Catholic Church is the one founded by Christ. If yes then you will know that you will have to have a talk with your fiance about the marriage, the wedding and faith. Mixed marriages can work but being in one for 12 years it is not something I would recommend.

If you decide that you do not believe that the Church has the FULLNESS of truth, then do not get the dispensation. Formally join your fiance’s congregation and marry there. If you stay Catholic in name only and marry there without dispensation then you would be free to have a Catholic wedding for your second marriage, should you end this one in divorce. That is not fair to your fiance. Marriage is for life and one should not have built in escape clauses.

You are getting married and it is time to stand up and be accountable. Don’t let Mom and Dad’s frustration that you are not a practicing Catholic deter you. Be warned though God will pass judgement on your decision.

Hopefully, God’s mercy will be found by those of us who leave the Church because of the better music and Bible studies. There is no truth without love but likewise there is no love without truth.

Religion is a truth game. One does not pick a religion based on taste like one does a spaghetti sauce. This is not something to compromise on. Don’t go along to get along. Find out what the Church teaches and see if you believe it. You are worth knowing the truth, that’s why Christ died for you and gave you his Bride the Church and himself in the Eucharist.
 
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beachieca:
I don’t see why a compromise in inappropriate. Marriage is full of compromises…I understand where you’re coming from but I just don’t see it that way. question…what do you mean when you say that " unless a proper dispensation is granted by the bishop?"
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Certain things we can compromise on: IE: where we live, what kind of car to buy, where we go eat, etc. We should never compromise on matters that could potentially put our or our children’s salvation in question. As it has been previously stated the Catholic Church has the fullness of truth and Protestant denominations have varying degrees of truth thus they also contain error. A compromise between truth and error is still error. To knowingly recognize the truth of the Catholic Church and to reject her is objectively grave matter (serious sin) and this is not worth anything in this world. To knowlingly compromise the truth to our children would appear to be on the same level. To compromise on God’s grace is to say to God I don’t need all of you, and only a part of you is good enough for me. The Father gave us his fullness in his Son, Jesus Christ who did not hold back anything and continues to guide his Church through the Holy Spirit. We should not hold back anything either.

Larry B.
 
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beachieca:
I have listened the the Church…I know that I have to be fair on all sides of this issue. Together we have read scriptures that are meant to support things such as purgatory, papal infallibility and Mary the Mother of God. But the more I read it and think about it the more I see that it may not have been meant to be interpeted the way the Catholic church does.
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The Catholic Church was inspired by God to write and canonize the Bible, so it also makes sense that they would also be inspired to interpret it.

I was raised in a Protestant Church, and I found it to be greatly lacking in many areas. From my experience, Catholicism is a far more spiritual and philosophical faith than Protestant Christianity. In my former Church, all one had to do to get salvation was say a prayer and presto-chango, you’re saved. It didn’t matter what you did after that. Most people thought they could live immoral lives without consequece because they were “saved” and had a get-out-of-hell-free card. They talked the talk but didn’t walk the walk, and I found it very hypocritical. Most of the Protestants I know have a very shallow faith and go to Church primarily for social reasons. I was not impressed.

Catholicism has had many great mystics that I look up to, while there are no great mystics in the Protestant Church. I think that indicates Protestantism it isn’t as close to the Truth as the Catholic Church. The Church interprets the Scriptures based on Tradition and the direction of the Holy Spirit, while Protestant Churches each try to understand it individually. Each Protestant Church has a different interpretation of the Scriptures, while the Catholic doctrine is the same worldwide. I found answers in Catholicism that I never found in the Protestant Church. What finally convinced me was the realization that the Church who wrote the Bible should be the one who interprets it.
 
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beachieca:
I have listened the the Church…I know that I have to be fair on all sides of this issue. Together we have read scriptures that are meant to support things such as purgatory, papal infallibility and Mary the Mother of God. But the more I read it and think about it the more I see that it may not have been meant to be interpeted the way the Catholic church does.
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I don’t think you have the whole story. If you truly believe that scripture “may not have been meant to be interpreted the way the Catholic Church does” why don’t you throw that open for debate here? (And BTW, how do you know your fiance’s interpretation is the correct one?) I sense in you a reluctance to hear everything the other side has to say. But I also sense a reluctance to leave the faith (otherwise, why would you have posted here in the first place?)

You say you have listened to the Church. How did this happen? Was this just listening to a few people or studying the Church’s teachings in *depth? *What apologists have you read? Have you read the Catechism? I’ve been studying the Church’s teachings for over a decade, and I’m still learning.

Please don’t throw your Catholicism away without realizing what you are getting rid of–like receiving Christ, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity–in the Eucharist. Like having your sins completely and totally washed away in Confession. Like raising your children in the Church Jesus Himself founded.

You said, “I know that I have to be fair on all sides of this issue.” Then be fair. You will get more information a lot more quickly by beginning threads here on any problems you have with the Church than by relying on what you have already heard or by spending an hour talking to a priest.
 
All you have to do is pray about it and God will tell you where to go,and to get married.
I was rasied Pentescostal and tonight I will attend my second RCIA class to become Chatolic.
People ask why and I say God made me do it.
So with a little prayer God will tell you where you should get married ,beleive me he will tell you alot of things all you have to do is listen and follow your heart .
 
My girlfriend came from a non-denominational background. She was very devout, her father is a minister, she went to Church, had her KJV of the bible and had a, “once saved always saved” attitude. However, She decided on her own that if we were going to get married we would be married in a Catholic Church. We have entered RCIA together and she loves the classes and now fully embraces the faith. She even went out and got a pendent of Mary that she wears around her neck and prays to the rosary :eek: and her, formally being a devout protestant, I never thought I would see the day. Maybe if you were to just show him what the Catholic faith is about, then maybe he would understand a little bit better. Because I have to tell you, if my girlfriend, who was protestant to the bone, can see the truth about the Catholic Church anyone can.

Im not trying to be rude but you talk about marraige being filled with compramises but why in this particular situation does it have to be you who is the only one doing the compramising? Maybe he is also compramising, I dont know. It just sounds like he has put his foot down and is saying he wont marry you in a Catholic Church.

Sorry this has become an issue for you, God bless.
 
You must decide who you love more, Jesus or your fiancee? I vote for Jesus myself. Your choice is for you.

I married a Protestant in a Protestant church. I was Protestant for 26 years before I found out that Jesus is His fullest in the Catholic Church, the Church HE established in 33 A.D. John Smyth established the Baptist sect in c. 1609. A big diference there. I’ll take the one Jesus established 2,000 years ago myself.

My wife and I have problems with her faith vs my Faith. She follows what ever she wants and believes whatever she wants. Protestant to the core. I follow Jesus and obey Him and ALL He commanded. Catholic to the core. I don’t pick a church because it has a big youth group, fun parties, pin ball games or an X-box in the youth center. I pick a Church because He established it and protects it.

Why did your fiancee pick his church? Which Bible does he use and does he know where it came from? Does he Love Jesus? Does he want to obey Jesus or just look for a fun church? Have you discussed issues like faith alone, sola scriptura, siblings of Jesus, abortion, birth control murder, etc???

Teach him about your Faith vs his faith. Do you know your Faith? Can you explain it to him? Do you know the errors in his?

My wife nearly divoraced me when I crossed the Tiber and came home to Rome. All our Baptist “friends” told her to divorace me before I took our family to hell. Now that was Christian of them wasn’t it? I found Jesus in the very last place I expected to find Him. He is in the Catholic Church. Protestant love Jesus, Catholics Have Jesus, He is the Eucharist. Has your fiancee read St. John 6? About the first followers of Jesus that left Him because of the Eucharist and still they turn their back on Him today over it?

Do your soul a favor. If you fiancee won’t let you raise your children Catholic, find another fiancee. First witness the truth to him and let him take some scales of his eyes and see the truth that is the Catholic Church, Christs visible body on earth!

What sect is he with by the way? JW? Mormon? SDA? Baptist? Methodist? Etc…?
 
You asked someone else on this forum about their experience in a split faith home. Here is mine. My mother married my father and they had 4 kids together (I am #3). We were all raised Catholic and my dad is Lutheren. But the longer they were married, the more his irrational beliefs about our faith became apparent. He belittled my mother and us constantly and finally left us all. I married a man who shared my faith and have had a very good marriage. We don’t disagree about faith, so we can have a unified focus. My sister married a non religious man (never baptized and raised in a anti-church home). He supports her marginally when it comes to raising the kids Catholic, but can’t be the faith leader of the family. This puts a lot of pressure on my sister trying to raise 3 young men, and has caused problems in the marriage.
I guess I am saying, sur you could marry a man with a different religious upbringing than you, but faith is a really big comprimise.
 
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beachieca:
I don’t see why a compromise in inappropriate…
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By the way, where did Jesus say to compromise our Faith in Him?

You need to read your Catechism on the subjects like Purgatory, Mary, etc. and then go and read the references listed for each topic. You will see the Church is right, if you study the source.

Read a few books too like these:

Rome Sweet Home
Crossing the Tiber: Evangelical Protestants Discover the Historical Church
Catholicism and Fundamentalism: The Attack on “Romanism” by “Bible Christians”

Many more out there too. Try watching the Journey Home on EWTN if you have that channel. It’s on DishTV.

Check out the Comming Home Network too. Click here to listen to the stories of numerous Protestant clergy that have become Catholic. More conversions. And more stories here too.

Anyway, if Jesus founded a Church don’t you think that is the one you should be in? If we have 40,000 Protestant sects in the world which one is right? Using logic only one denomination can be right since they ALL claim something different. No matter how close some may be, only ONE is right. Some are way off base too! NOT ALL Christians are the same. Study them and you’ll learn that too. Some Christians are barely Christian at all.

By the way, if you ever do read the Catechism you will find out Purgatory is a name given to a process in the Bible. Just like Catholics gave the name “Trinity” to describe what the Bible said. Don’t let your fiancee tell you what he thinks Purgatory is, find out what the Catechism tells us the word means. It may surprise you.
 
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Lischou:
I feel like I have been “lighting candles in a dark room.” … Then one day, … it was if all of a sudden someone entered that “room” and said to me, “Why are you sitting here lighting candles? The ‘light switch’ is right here!” And they flipped it on and WOW!!..the “room” is huge! And there’s a “treasure box filled with precious jewels” in the corner that I couldn’t see before.
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Lisa,
That is exactly how I felt when I came “back” to the Catholic Church! 😃

beachieca,
You sound a lot like me when I was younger. I grew up Catholic and married a Protestant (although he doesn’t practice his religion). But I was a weak Catholic, not knowing a whole lot about my faith. I quickly drifted away from the Catholic church for 15 years. During that time I got cancer, then depression and alcoholism. And I was having a terrible time trying to find out what was wrong with our daughter (severe emotional disabilities). Eventually I lost all hope and felt like I was literally being pulled down into Hell.

Thank God at that point I cried out to Jesus and He saved me in a huge way! I was on Cloud 9! :love: My Protestant friends said I had finally been “saved.” My husband didn’t really care one way or the other. (He’s a wonderful guy, just very wary of religion)

My Protestant friends each tried to get me into their respective churches but I was so confused. There were SO many different denominations!! :confused: So I just prayed and prayed for guidance and to my surprise the Holy Spirit kept leading me back to the Catholic Church. Once I accepted that for some reason God wanted me to be Catholic, I felt totally at home in the Catholic Church! I have thanked God ever since! (By the way, I lost one Protestant friend who said I was now going to Hell)

Please don’t give up your Catholic faith so quickly. I agree with everybody else that you should learn more before leaving all of the treasures of the Sacraments. There is an emptiness in us all that can’t be filled except by Jesus in the Eucharist. I will add my prayers to everybody else’s for you.

HollyAngel
 
I would definitely take a step back and re-evaluate this situation. This man is asking you to give up your lifelong faith (no matter how strongly you believe it), not marry in your church and not pass your faith on to your children. These are huge compromises to be making; I’d advise to seriously pray over this matter and really think about what you are doing.
 
Hum? He says ALL Christians are the same? So you have to join his sect because he won’t join yours, is that fair? A double standard? It looks like you’re the only one compromising here?

Lets do an experiment. Tell him you will leave the Catholic Church if he leaves his. Together you will both find a “Christian” sect you are happy with. But first you will both research the sect to see what they believe untill you can agree on one. Start with the Jehovah Witness’, Mormons, Seventh Day Adventists, Branch Davidians, etc… See what his reaction will be? Make sure you go to services for each of those sects too and invite them over to discuss what they believe with you.
 
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beachieca:
I have listened the the Church…I know that I have to be fair on all sides of this issue. Together we have read scriptures that are meant to support things such as purgatory, papal infallibility and Mary the Mother of God. But the more I read it and think about it the more I see that it may not have been meant to be interpeted the way the Catholic church does.
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Is that your interpretation or his coaching?

You still haven’t told us what sect he belongs too and what he believes. Well, what he believes today anyway.
 
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beachieca:
I just recently got engaged to a non-Catholic (Protestant) and we have come to an obstacle as to where we are going to get married.
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this will be the first of many disagreements based on religion so prepare for a life of conflict in an area that should be an essential basis of agreement in marraige. It will affect all areas of life, especially with regard to children. If you think a marriage based on conflict will succeed, go ahead.

you stated you already decided to get married outside the Catholic Church because your fiance does not agree to raise your children Catholic. If that is your position as well, you have already abandoned the Faith, and one of its essential laws. If you are not raising your children Catholic, and have rejected Church laws on marriage, then you have already made your decision. It only remains for you to communicate that decision to your family.
 
I am sure that if you have already made up your mind, as you seem to have done, then why ask for our advice or (name removed by moderator)ut? I can only tell you from sad experience, that you will come to regret what you are planning to do. Since you are a Catholic, and your fiance knew this, he is either ignoring your feelings and desires, or you have lead him to believe your Church is not important to you. When the bloom of young love is over, and it will be, and you have to live your life in regret (and you will), it may not seem so exciting to you. It is hard to have things in common with your spouse as you grow older if you don’t experience the most important thing together–the love of Mother Church and the people who are part of that church.

It will do no good, I am sure, but please think about what you are doing. I sincerely believe you will live to regret it.
 
Christianinty, Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, they believe in Jesus. I sometimes go to Catholic Church and never feel offended with the difference. The difference is not that much.
Good luck, Sis.

Neverland
 
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Neverland:
The difference is not that much.
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The focus of the Catholic Liturgy is the Holy Eucharist. Symbolic Lord’s supper compared to the “Real Presence”, is a monumental difference.
 
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Neverland:
Christianinty, Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, they believe in Jesus. I sometimes go to Catholic Church and never feel offended with the difference. The difference is not that much.
Good luck, Sis.

Neverland
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the difference is fundamental and monumental. The Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ, all protestant denominations were founded by men. The Catholic Church preserves the fullness of the Truth revealed by God, protestant denominations retain some truths, reject others, and misrepresent the rest. A fundamental difference, which colors everything else, is the essential view on the nature of man. Catholic theology sees man and all created things as essentially good, but flawed and broken through sin, but capable of redemption through Jesus Christ. Protestant theology of the Reformation, no matter what sects developed from it, sees man as essentially evil, cabable only of having this evil covered by Jesus, but never completely removed.
 
My Catholic mom married a protestant christian…and although they were happily married, in time she stopped practising her Faith and read her prayer-book in secret…I really don’t think this sounds good! As a Catholic you have to raise your children Catholic, and if you do not get permission off the Bishop to marry outside a Catholic church, your marriage will be considered invalid. Basically, I’d urge you to really STUDY the Catholic Faith, not by listening to what your boyfriend tells you, but actually go to RCIA in your local parish and really FIND the richness of the one Church that Jesus Himself founded through Peter…chances are that if you do that you will want to get married properly, in a Catholic church and raise your chuildren in that one true Faith! But I think you’re afraid your boyfriend will break off the engagement if he finds out you’re all of a sudden serious about your religion…and you think that if you just do things his way it’ll make less waves. I don’t think it’ll work…sooner or later it’ll lead to trouble!

Anna x
 
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