Engaged to a non-Catholic

[LittleDeb]

jclaire:

I know exaclty how you are feeling. I feel like I could have written it myself. I am having the same issues with my family, and the same issue with my fiance knowing the bible really well and having doubts/questions about the catholic faith. My fiance was raised pentacostal and his father was preacher. He knows that wouldn’t work for me therefore he has not pressured me one bit to lean that way, even knowing how much it would please his parents. In that case, I feel like I need to have the same respect for him not making a drastic change into something he can’t fully believe in himself. We are trying to make a compromise and visiting many chuches, including catholic just for him to undertsand where I come from. I won’t even step foot in a pentacostal or even baptist chuch, I think says alot that he will go to mine. Also, in the area we live in, I can’t find a parish that I am totally comfortable with and would want to make an impression on my fiance. We are going to talk to my parent’s priest (we are getting married where my parents live now) about our issues so we can get answers about these questions he has brought up, and maybe we can go from there. I know that a catholic wedding may not happen, but I have made my peace with that, I just don’t think anyone else will.

I feel sorry for you being blasted like this on this site by people saying you have picked a man over Jesus. I personally feel in my heart that God has chosen the perfect man for me, and that has made me closer to God, seeing what he is capable of. That is my personal thought, and this whole situation makes me wish that all these religions were not such an issue as long as you are following Christ. Why is worshiping our creator such a confusion? It makes me really sad that the Catholic church has so many restrictions, and that is where my doubt comes from.

Welcome to the forums! I hope you stay awhile and find what it is your heart is truly searching for.

I remember being in your shoes. Boy were they uncomfortable to walk in! I am a very emotional, touchy-feely person and used many of the same terms then that I see here. At that time I would have been just like the OP and would have thought this was a “blasting” too.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that God carefully led me away from the man I “felt in my heart was the man God had chosen for me.” He “knew” more about his church than I did mine. I felt so confused by all the “restrictions” he showed me in Catholicism. (Especially that pesky one that says we have to go to Mass every Sunday, when we all know that some Sundays God wants us to play golf instead, because we can just read the Bible and worship wherever we want to…or so he told me.) I am so glad that God had an incredible Catholic man waiting for me 8 years later. My dear hubby was worth the wait!

If you are having doubts about your faith and don’t understand, ask the Authority, The Church. I cannot personally interpret the Bible. I wasn’t given that authority by God, The Church was. Please seek answers to your questions. The answers are here. His Church, founded by Him, for His greater glory. If you let someone else’s personal authority win out over God’s authority, it leads to unhappiness. Please feel free to PM if you want a private ear.

 

[Vintagecoils]

To beachieca,

It sounds like all the focus on errors in the Catholic church has been on some what I think many would say are non essentials. But hear this, ther are very crucial errors in the Protestant church that it does not seem your fiance has been willing to address or admit. Also why if you claim that both believe that all are Christian is it you who must give in and he not become Catholic. Also are you aware of the thousand of different protestant denominations that exist and most have heresey’s of the very essentials of the faith. What you will face raising your children in that environment is an inability to clearly lead them in the right teachings because you will be in one of thousands. THe most important essentials are often void in the protestant faiths and churches and replaced with their own set of scriptual unfounded teachings.

 Do not be so quick to critizise your faith when it seems you have not really learned about the one you are blindly going to for the sake of feelings of love.  Seek ye first the kingdom of God void of the emotional influence from your fiance. 

If you want Christ to be center in your marriage then he needs to be center of your life first. 

    Lord have mercy

 

[NonDenom]

I just recently got engaged to a non-Catholic (Protestant) and we have come to an obstacle as to where we are going to get married. My family assumed it would be in a Catholic Church…however, we had decided that we wanted to marry in a non-Catholic church before we were engaged. Now, I’m being torn apart with my family. I was raised Catholic and my family are devout Catholics. What do I do? He doesn’t want to marry in the Catholic church because I would have to agree that our children would be raised Catholic and he doesnt’ want that. We both want a family that believes the same things and practices Christianity together. I know that there is a solution…any advice or thoughts?? Thank you

Hi beachieca
My wife and I were in the same position that you find yourself in.
We have been happily married for 16 years, so I am here to tell you that it can work. Someone made the suggestion that if you marry a Protestant that you would going against the will of God, that is just plain wrong and don’t listen to that kinda garbage.
May God bless your marriage.
thanks.

 

[exoflare]

Neverland:

You are really misled by I don’t know who. Nowhere Protestant said that Baptism is not necessary. Not my church.

Maybe not, but I’ve heard of plenty that do. And what’s there to stop them?

Neverland:

I even wonder about Catholic’s rule that Protestants converted to Catholic should be baptized once more, eventhough he/she has been baptized before, in the name of The Father and the Son and The Holy Spirit. Care to explain?

They don’t have to be baptized once more (provided they were baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit in their other church)… where did you ever hear otherwise?

 

[Neverland]

Dear Exoflare,

You said:
Maybe not, but I’ve heard of plenty that do. And what’s there to stop them?

Where did you hear it from? Another Catholic? And what do you mean by stopping? The choice of baptism is personal, but before you join into baptism, you are mere a participant. That’s my explanation.

You also said:
They don’t have to be baptized once more (provided they were baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit in their other church)… where did you ever hear otherwise?

I don’t hear it. It is THE PRACTICE in the town where I used to live. So please don’t just take rumors, but check for yourself.

Neverland

 

[exoflare]

Neverland:

Where did you hear it from? Another Catholic? And what do you mean by stopping? The choice of baptism is personal, but before you join into baptism, you are mere a participant. That’s my explanation.

I know at least one Protestant personally who believes that baptism is not necessary. It would be a simple task for me to find many others if I ever wanted to. What I meant by “stopping them” is that since they won’t listen to any authority outside of their own personal opinion, who do you think they are going to listen to if they are ever told about their errors?

Neverland:

I don’t hear it. It is THE PRACTICE in the town where I used to live. So please don’t just take rumors, but check for yourself.

If they were re-baptizing people like this at a Catholic church then I’m really surprised and I hope somebody speaks up about it. But in any case the fact remains, rebaptism goes against Catholic teaching and that’s not dependent on the personal opinions of anyone else.

 

[Neverland]

Dear Exoflare,

You said:
I know at least one Protestant personally who believes that baptism is not necessary. It would be a simple task for me to find many others if I ever wanted to. What I meant by “stopping them” is that since they won’t listen to any authority outside of their own personal opinion, who do you think they are going to listen to if they are ever told about their errors?

That’s personal view. I myself haven’t been baptised, but not because I don’t think it as important, but due to the feel that I am not ready. Baptism for me is a sacred element in any Christian life (Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, all). And when you have been baptised, you leave your old self and become a new creation. And I am still not ready for that. Still need to reflect more.
IF you believe in Jesus’ Promise, He will give us all the helper to guide us, IF we ask for the helper. If we read the Bible, all is clear. Love is the key and we have Jesus’ life as an example to follow.

You also said
If they were re-baptizing people like this at a Catholic church then I’m really surprised and I hope somebody speaks up about it. But in any case the fact remains, rebaptism goes against Catholic teaching and that’s not dependent on the personal opinions of anyone else.

I believe that’s because of the flaw in our relationship. Basically, Protestant was a part of Catholic, and we have the same history until the separation because of PEOPLE. I think we need to build a new understanding, that in fact the basic of our faith is the same. The essense of Christian’s teaching is Jesus’ teaching and the main point is the salvation through HIS Death and Ressurection. So what is that difference anyway? I see the difference as only in the way the ceremony is held and the organization between Catholic and Protestant. It’s like arguing the way to Rome, when one want to go via Spain and one via Holland.

Neverland

 

[Jocelyn]

I have not read all the replies to your post. Let me write the question that comes to my mind.

Why do you want to trade gold for sand? The Catholic church is gold. The church founded by Christ 2000 years ago. All others may be christian, but they are all branches off of the one true church.

Also, think about your future children and what this one decision may mean for them. This one decision will affect the next generation and all other generations. Let me give you an example. When my friend was 12 years old, his parents left the Catholic church for a bible church. My friend married a Catholic. They have 2 children. Are the babies baptized. NO!! Because my friends parents left the church so many years ago, my friends babies are not baptized. That is so sad. The Catholic faith is a gift that needs to be passed on.

I have a feeling this is bothering you more than you want to agknowledge, because you posted your question on this board.
I think a little voice inside of you is telling you to remain true to your faith. I will say a prayer for you.

Jocelyn

 

[beachieca]

NonDenom:

Hi beachieca
My wife and I were in the same position that you find yourself in.
We have been happily married for 16 years, so I am here to tell you that it can work. Someone made the suggestion that if you marry a Protestant that you would going against the will of God, that is just plain wrong and don’t listen to that kinda garbage.
May God bless your marriage.
thanks.

I know I haven’t posted on here for a while…but I appreciate your post. My fiance and I talked to a Priest and a Pastor and are going to take things from there. I was surprised at how rude and not understanding some people are on here. But what they say is their opinion and all I can do is take what they say into consideration. Anyway, I’m happy that your marriage has gone as well as you say
God Bless

 

[beachieca]

“He who hears you, hears me. He who rejects you, rejects me”. Christ and His Church are one. Rejecting His Church is rejecting Him.

You have been confused by a Protestant boyfriend who does not understand the Catholic faith. YOU do not understand the Catholic faith.

This is a serious issue. I don’t think you even know enough to make an informed decision. The fact that you are willing to listen to your boyfriend over your family and your church basically makes me wonder why you are even here on this forum. Why do you care about our opinions? You seem determined to ignore our advice, your family’s advice, and your Church’s teachings.

Love can be blind, and I think you are being blind and very short sighted. You are willing to give up your Faith for your boyfriend. There are martyrs who chose death over giving up their Faith. You propose that one Christian Church is just as good as another, and this is not true. The Protestant churches contain some truth and much error.

First of all, who are you to say that I am ignoring anyone’s advice? If that were the case, I wouldn’t be on here asking for opinions. Second of all, “giving up” something that you don’t believe in or that you can’t find answers to is not wrong. Asking questions is okay. And tell me one instant where I said that one Christian church is as good as another. If I even hinted at that, what I meant was that a non-denominational church has the basic belief that Catholic’s do; Jesus Christ is our savior and died for our sins. And yes, I do know that there is more to it than that. Also, please point out what, in the Christian non-denominational belief, is “wrong.” Last thing of all, this man is not my “boyfriend.” He is my fiancee and the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. This isn’t some fling that I’m obsessing over. So please be respectful just as I would be to you.

 

[beckyann2597]

beachieca:

I know I haven’t posted on here for a while…but I appreciate your post. My fiance and I talked to a Priest and a Pastor and are going to take things from there.** I was surprised at how rude and not understanding some people are on here. ** But what they say is their opinion and all I can do is take what they say into consideration. Anyway, I’m happy that your marriage has gone as well as you say
God Bless

I agree. I hope I wasn’t too rude, but I was reading some replies and thinking “wheres the bouncer!” I hope that all works out well with you and your sweetheart. God bless you.

 

[beachieca]

You still haven’t told us what sect he belongs too and what he believes. Well, what he believes today anyway.

Non-denominational Christian. Sometimes he goes to the Calvary Chapel. I know that there are bad things heard about the Calvary Chapel, but the one that we have attended is not “Catholic hating” and from what I have learned and from what I know what this Pastor teaches at this church makes sense.

 

[Rgobio]

I have to say that I am a little dissapointed about how beachieca was treated here. It seems to me that people jumped to judge her and in a way repremand her before we took the time to completely understand what her issues were. I have to say this in all honesty; I was in her position a couple of years ago and if I had posted my very similar problem on here, I would have left the Catholic Church rather quickly. Instead I was lucky to meet a very wise priest who took the time to explain to me things and show me where I was wrong and where I was right.
I hope that when people come on these threads, we ( the common members ) are a little less judgemental and a little more helpful. There are many Catholics out there that are lost, or are in need of a little support and maybe a little nudge to come and appreciate what a great faith Catholicism is.
I have sent her a private message in the hopes that she read it and feels that she is not alone in her struggles.

God bless.

Rick

 

[beckyann2597]

Non-denominational Christian. Sometimes he goes to the Calvary Chapel. I know that there are bad things heard about the Calvary Chapel, but the one that we have attended is not “Catholic hating” and from what I have learned and from what I know what this Pastor teaches at this church makes sense.

Yeah, there is a Calvary temple in our town that actually sends the youth group over to vandalize our church occasionally. So when you say “Calvary Temple” I see red. Our Pastor is a very forgiving person and never presses charges, just calls the pastor and asks him to take care of it. Many people on these forums have been victims of religious hatred, so I think that explains, if not excuses, some of the venom you have gotten on this thread.

 

[RCCDefender]

Oh, Bea, honey, honey, honey! Please do me a favor and read John chapter 17. Jesus prayed for unity in belief among Christians. Specifically vs. 20-23, “I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe you sent me. And I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may be brought to perfection as one, that the world may know you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me.” See how Jesus kept repeating the phrase “they may be one”? He stressed unity in our beliefs; he prayed for this. Yes, you may both be Christians, but do you have *this kind * of unity in your beliefs? It doesn’t sound like it…

I have to agree with Della’s statement: Our feelings are the last thing in the world we should trust when trying to seek out what is true.

It’s easy to be blinded by your love for this person. I’m not saying you should go out and dump him today, but the two of you really have some issues to work out. You both will be in my prayers!

As for you, Neverland, you are derailing this thread. We will be happy to discuss the issues you have with the Catholic Church on a SEPARATE thread. The only statment I feel can be addressed here is your statement that:

Jesus said:
When two or three people gather in my name, I am present.
So is it wrong if some Protestants who wants to know about God and Bible gather and pray to God for guidance before reading it and discussing it?

This oft quoted verse from Matthew chapter 18 (in which Jesus was specifically speaking to the twelve), verse 20 is always taken out of context by protestants, but I will be happy to enlighten you as to the verses you “forgot.”
Matthew 18:15-18 “If your brother sins [against you] go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ if he refuses to listen to them, **tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a gentile or a tax collector. ** Amen, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”
(emphasis mine)
So, even Jesus said to defer to the Church in the case of a disagreement…

 

[Lance]

Either get married in a Catholic Church and follow the teachings of the Church or become a Protestant. I was a Methodist who had no plans to convert when I married my wife. I had no problem raising our kids Catholic and I did convert just before our second daughter was born. I converted because after our first child died, I got to know the priest very well and he convienced me to come home to the Catholic Church. Don’t be a CINO, either follow the Church or leave it and become Protestant and be the best that you can at it.

 

[hollyangel]

Dear beachieca,

I wanted to add that my Protestant husband and I were married in the Catholic Church but not at a Mass. It was a marriage ceremony without the Liturgy of the Eucharist. My husband was never asked to sign anything about raising our children Catholic. I did promise to ***try ** * to raise our children Catholic, and was able to do so since my husband didn’t care one way or the other.

I “found” the beauty of the Catholic Church years later but my husband has never had any interest at all in the Catholic Church. We have been married 22 years and even though we’ve had our share of life’s ups and downs, I would never go back and change a thing.

May God bless your upcoming marriage.

 

[Doreen]

Aurora25:

The Catholic Church was inspired by God to write and canonize the Bible, so it also makes sense that they would also be inspired to interpret it.

I was raised in a Protestant Church, and I found it to be greatly lacking in many areas. From my experience, Catholicism is a far more spiritual and philosophical faith than Protestant Christianity. In my former Church, all one had to do to get salvation was say a prayer and presto-chango, you’re saved. It didn’t matter what you did after that. Most people thought they could live immoral lives without consequece because they were “saved” and had a get-out-of-hell-free card. They talked the talk but didn’t walk the walk, and I found it very hypocritical. Most of the Protestants I know have a very shallow faith and go to Church primarily for social reasons. I was not impressed.

Catholicism has had many great mystics that I look up to, while there are no great mystics in the Protestant Church. I think that indicates Protestantism it isn’t as close to the Truth as the Catholic Church. The Church interprets the Scriptures based on Tradition and the direction of the Holy Spirit, while Protestant Churches each try to understand it individually. Each Protestant Church has a different interpretation of the Scriptures, while the Catholic doctrine is the same worldwide. I found answers in Catholicism that I never found in the Protestant Church. What finally convinced me was the realization that the Church who wrote the Bible should be the one who interprets it.

Wow! Too bad you had such a bad experience with the protestant church. I can see you misunderstood a great deal of the teaching …especially your take on the “presto-chango” part. It surely is not that simple. And yet, simple faith is what it is…to love and trust God with all your heart, soul and mind.

What scares me most about your newfound theology is that you give Catholics credit for the writing of the Bible. See 2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness…"

Dear friend, the Truth shall set YOU free. And salvation comes from the acceptance of Christ as your Lord and Saviour. The Holy Spirit will then keep you from sinning and then “Presto-chango” like Saul became Paul and Jacob was named Israel…God will begin a good work in you and He will be faithful to complete it!

God Bless You on Your Search for Truth!
In His Love,
D. Gibbs

 

[Doreen]

jclaire:

I know exaclty how you are feeling. I feel like I could have written it myself. I am having the same issues with my family, and the same issue with my fiance knowing the bible really well and having doubts/questions about the catholic faith. My fiance was raised pentacostal and his father was preacher. He knows that wouldn’t work for me therefore he has not pressured me one bit to lean that way, even knowing how much it would please his parents. In that case, I feel like I need to have the same respect for him not making a drastic change into something he can’t fully believe in himself. We are trying to make a compromise and visiting many chuches, including catholic just for him to undertsand where I come from. I won’t even step foot in a pentacostal or even baptist chuch, I think says alot that he will go to mine. Also, in the area we live in, I can’t find a parish that I am totally comfortable with and would want to make an impression on my fiance. We are going to talk to my parent’s priest (we are getting married where my parents live now) about our issues so we can get answers about these questions he has brought up, and maybe we can go from there. I know that a catholic wedding may not happen, but I have made my peace with that, I just don’t think anyone else will.

I feel sorry for you being blasted like this on this site by people saying you have picked a man over Jesus. I personally feel in my heart that God has chosen the perfect man for me, and that has made me closer to God, seeing what he is capable of. That is my personal thought, and this whole situation makes me wish that all these religions were not such an issue as long as you are following Christ. Why is worshiping our creator such a confusion? It makes me really sad that the Catholic church has so many restrictions, and that is where my doubt comes from.

JClaire,
I hope you will find peace in knowing that worshiping our creator is simple and sweet, and once you do so, He will show Himself to you personally. Read the New Testament for yourself, then when you have a good grasp of Jesus, go find out about your Creator by reading the Old Testament. How can we serve Him if we do not know Him? You will find He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and He loves you with an everlasting love, regardless of your religious acts. The New Testament is about the New Covenant in which we are covered by the Blood of our Saviour Jesus. And so, we need not jump through doctrinal hoops, but simply to surrender and trust.

God Bless You, jclaire, for sharing your compassion with Lisa.

I pray all these things for Lisa, too. But I can tell, she has already figured all this out based on the fact that she’s been quiet, and not trying to argue with this “angry mob”.

In His Incredible, Awesome, Unfailing Peace,
D. Gibbs

 

[Unfinished]

Doreen:

Wow! Too bad you had such a bad experience with the protestant church. I can see you misunderstood a great deal of the teaching …especially your take on the “presto-chango” part. It surely is not that simple. And yet, simple faith is what it is…to love and trust God with all your heart, soul and mind.

What scares me most about your newfound theology is that you give Catholics credit for the writing of the Bible. See 2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness…"

Dear friend, the Truth shall set YOU free. And salvation comes from the acceptance of Christ as your Lord and Saviour. The Holy Spirit will then keep you from sinning and then “Presto-chango” like Saul became Paul and Jacob was named Israel…God will begin a good work in you and He will be faithful to complete it!

God Bless You on Your Search for Truth!
In His Love,
D. Gibbs

zap
Edited out, that topic is for another thread. Stand fast in the truth, Aurora. Stand fast in the Church Jesus Christ established.

As for the original poster, I still say stand firm. Don’t marry anyone that you disagree on about religion.

Adam

(Sorry I felt the need to say all that, and I don’t know why. I will take my own advice and keep this on topic.)