Engaged to a non-Catholic

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Adam,
You’re right. Another thread for that stuff.

I am sorry to the OP for not addressing your immediate question…I got distracted by all the wayward thoughts on here. Forgive me.

Beachieca,
I was once in your very shoes. Born and raised Catholic…very staunch Catholic parents and grandparents. Ever spinning my wheels in an effort to be the GCG (good Catholic girl)…'til at some point I found myself lost…spent years in the darkest pit…and somebody was praying for me, 'cause the Lord dropped quite a few hints to me along the way, but I was thick-headed and not willing to change…long story short. I found myself dating a non-Catholic. In fact, when we first met, he was basically an atheist.

We wed in the Catholic Church my parents were wed in (I did this to honor my mother and father)…and we convinced my one remaining grandma that he was “converting”…and each time we said this, I knew in my heart, I meant “to Christianity”…

Here’s the part you want to know:
We were largely unequally yoked at the start, and we did face serious trials, but through the prayers of friends and family, and through a wonderful Missionary Alliance and then Evangelical Free pastor – two men who were mightily used of God to speak to our hearts, we both eventually made commitments to Christ (I almost 3 years ahead of him). And now we have a beautiful family (both biological and church), and we know the peace and joy and hope of the Lord that is inexpressible.

Seek the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength…devoting yourself to the study of His Word, that you might walk in the likeness of Christ.

Find a church that teaches the Word of God. One that has a spirit-filled pastor who clearly lays out the message of Christ.

I’ll keep you lifted in prayer that you are protected from the evil one, who hates all marriage, especially those dedicated to the Lord.

Come to know His voice, and He will lead you and bless you.

Gripped By His Greatness!
D.
 
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beachieca:
I just recently got engaged to a non-Catholic (Protestant) and we have come to an obstacle as to where we are going to get married. My family assumed it would be in a Catholic Church…however, we had decided that we wanted to marry in a non-Catholic church before we were engaged. Now, I’m being torn apart with my family. I was raised Catholic and my family are devout Catholics. What do I do? He doesn’t want to marry in the Catholic church because I would have to agree that our children would be raised Catholic and he doesnt’ want that. We both want a family that believes the same things and practices Christianity together. I know that there is a solution…any advice or thoughts?? Thank you
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My grandmother faced this same dilema 85 years ago. She chose the man she loved. I know for a fact that she never regreted her decision for a minute.

Although she did not baptize my mother in the Catholic church or take her to Mass, she taught my mother Catholic prayers, on Fridays they only ate fish, and everything else Catholic. It was very subtle, but she taught my mother all she knew about religion and that just happened to be Catholic.

Fast forward 80 years. My mother and I have joined the Catholic church. My grandmother had such a profound influence on me and it was the result of her Catholic upbringing. It has been the greatest gift she could have given me.
 
Doreen said:
**Dear friend, the Truth shall set YOU free. And salvation comes from the acceptance of Christ as your Lord and Saviour. The Holy Spirit will then keep you from sinning ** and then “Presto-chango” like Saul became Paul and Jacob was named Israel…God will begin a good work in you and He will be faithful to complete it!
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Doreen:
JClaire,
I hope you will find peace in knowing that worshiping our creator is simple and sweet, and once you do so, He will show Himself to you personally. Read the New Testament for yourself, then when you have a good grasp of Jesus, go find out about your Creator by reading the Old Testament. How can we serve Him if we do not know Him? You will find He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and He loves you with an everlasting love, regardless of your religious acts. The New Testament is about the New Covenant in which we are covered by the Blood of our Saviour Jesus.** And so, we need not jump through doctrinal hoops, but simply to surrender and trust.**

God Bless You, jclaire, for sharing your compassion with Lisa.

I pray all these things for Lisa, too. But I can tell, she has already figured all this out based on the fact that she’s been quiet, and not trying to argue with this “angry mob”.

In His Incredible, Awesome, Unfailing Peace,
D. Gibbs
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Doreen:
Beachieca,
I was once in your very shoes. Born and raised Catholic…very staunch Catholic parents and grandparents. Ever spinning my wheels in an effort to be the GCG (good Catholic girl)…'til at some point I found myself lost…spent years in the darkest pit…and somebody was praying for me, 'cause the Lord dropped quite a few hints to me along the way, but I was thick-headed and not willing to change…long story short. I found myself dating a non-Catholic.
We wed in the Catholic Church my parents were wed in (I did this to honor my mother and father)…and we convinced my one remaining grandma that he was “converting”…and **each time we said this, I knew in my heart, I meant “to Christianity”… **
…through the prayers of friends and family, and through a wonderful Missionary Alliance and then Evangelical Free pastor – two men who were mightily used of God to speak to our hearts, we both eventually made commitments to Christ (I almost 3 years ahead of him). And now we have a beautiful family (both biological and church), and we know the peace and joy and hope of the Lord that is inexpressible.
Seek the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength…devoting yourself to the study of His Word, that you might walk in the likeness of Christ.
**Find a church that teaches the Word of God. One that has a spirit-filled pastor who clearly lays out the message of Christ.**I’ll keep you lifted in prayer that you are protected from the evil one, who hates all marriage, especially those dedicated to the Lord.
Come to know His voice, and He will lead you and bless you.
Gripped By His Greatness!
D.
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I take it you don’t think Catholics are Christians, then? Sure doesn’t sound like it. I think I was more than charitable to Bea.
 
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RCCDefender:
I take it you don’t think Catholics are Christians, then? Sure doesn’t sound like it. I think I was more than charitable to Bea.
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I surely did NOT say that. I am saying that God can meet us where we are at (“while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”) which means, I believe she’s not committing a mortal sin by not marrying a Catholic. She will likely run into trials, but all in the process of bringing her to Christ, since it’s clear from her posts that her heart truly desires to know the Lord. And I trust Him to be gracious about the details.

You won’t agree with that because you feel that there is no salvation outside of the Catholic doctrine. I am supporting her in saying that I have the assurance of salvation and I am no longer practicing Catholicism.

This does NOT imply that I think Catholics are not Christian…I trust God to meet Catholics where they are at, too. 🙂 See my latest post on the “Protestant argument for the Eucharist” to get a better grasp on what I think about our differences.

I just stated on that thread that I feel our differences are exacerbated by the evil one when we are very close to being on the same page, and if we can pursue Christ while loving one another, as commanded, we have a good shot at being united as brothers and sisters…verses falling into the trap of letting some differences divide us.

Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” (oh, and how cool…the next line is perfect for the thread re: Eucharist.)
Verse 20 “Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food.”

Once again, He has answered my cry.
<><
D.
 
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Doreen:
I surely did NOT say that. I am saying that God can meet us where we are at (“while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”) which means, I believe she’s not committing a mortal sin by not marrying a Catholic.
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Hi, Doreen! Nice to see you over here in this thread too.

I just wanted to point out that the Catholic Church does not consider marrying a non-Catholic a sin of any sort, mortal or venial. I can’t tell from your post if you think the Church does teach it is a sin, but in case you do, there is no such teaching.

I should also add to the rest of you reading this that from what she’s written in other threads, Doreen definitely does consider Catholics to be Christians.
 
Beach,

Just a couple of things to consider…
What happens if you start attending your husbands church and you realize that something is missing? You decide to go back to the Catholic church and grow in your faith and decide that the Catholic church actually had it right. That the ‘extra’ things that the Catholic church adds are real and so important. You decide that you children should receive the full experience of the Catholic faith? Would your husband accept that? I throw these question out because that is my experience (except my wife goes to the non-denom) church. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

You were right to visit with your Priest. One other suggestion… find a time when you are not busy, go to the Church and sit before the blessed sacrament, realize that you are truly in the physical presence of Jesus. Just sit in the peace and quiet and let Him speak to you (he will give you rest)

Good luck with you decisions, they are the most important decisions of your life. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
Kay Cee:
Hi, Doreen! Nice to see you over here in this thread too.

I just wanted to point out that the Catholic Church does not consider marrying a non-Catholic a sin of any sort, mortal or venial. I can’t tell from your post if you think the Church does teach it is a sin, but in case you do, there is no such teaching.

I should also add to the rest of you reading this that from what she’s written in other threads, Doreen definitely does consider Catholics to be Christians.
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Hey Kay Cee,
Thanks for the warm welcome into this community of Christians! 🙂

Yeah, you caught me…I’m seeking answers in all kinds of venues on here. A person could get LOST in here…and FOUND all at the same time! :cool: Figure that!

Thanks for the supportive words.
Your Sister in Christ,
D.
 
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beachieca:
I just recently got engaged to a non-Catholic (Protestant) and we have come to an obstacle as to where we are going to get married. My family assumed it would be in a Catholic Church…however, we had decided that we wanted to marry in a non-Catholic church before we were engaged. Now, I’m being torn apart with my family. I was raised Catholic and my family are devout Catholics. What do I do? He doesn’t want to marry in the Catholic church because I would have to agree that our children would be raised Catholic and he doesnt’ want that. We both want a family that believes the same things and practices Christianity together. I know that there is a solution…any advice or thoughts?? Thank you
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Hi beach, your post caught my interest because almost a couple of years ago I was in your situation. So here are somethings that you might want to know.

First is you are bound by canonical law as a catholic to be married in the church unless you get a dispensation from the bishop. I don’t know if your bishop will give it to you or not but please take the risk of getting it. Next, the church doesn’t put the burden on the other party to raise the kids as catholics. It is your duty to raise them catholics and do everything in your power to see that they do.
I would be willing to compromise because I am not sure about the Catholic faith anymore. My fiance has pointed out things that when he explains it makes perfect sense to me. To me, Christianity and Catholicism DO have their differences, but not so much that it should keep me from marrying someone I love. I don’t feel like I would be turning my back on God or that I would be missing out on anything. I know that that may sound wrong, but it’s how I feel. I know that the Catholic Church now recognizes Protestant marriages as valid or “real” marriages. I just wouldn’t be able to re-marry in the Catholic Church. For any future children, I would want them to have a strong background, belief and morals in Jesus Christ, know that he died for our sins, and obey the ten commandments. Of course, that isn’t all it entails, but for a beginning. It doesn’t say anywhere in the Bible that not being a Catholic is reason to not get into heaven. Christians are saved just as Catholics are, correct?
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Your compromising attitude somehow bothers me(I don’t mean that in a judgemental way). Compromising some things are nice but I don’t think compromising your childrens salvation is a good thing. You say that your fiance’ has pointed out somethings about the catholic church that makes sense to you but did you bother to check out what the catholic church says about it? I hope you did. Marrying somebody who is not a catholic is not turning aways from God but turning away from His church is, especially when you know that the Catholic church is the Church founded by Christ 2000 years ago. Teaching your children good morals and right conduct is nice but it is not everything. You’ll realize this more when and if you go deeper into your catholic faith. You’ll realize that the sacraments are very important especially the Eucharist. You’ll find yourself being uncompromising because it is the truth. This is something that I struggle everyday and I have been blessed by our Lord so as not to face it yet. I give this advice so as not to let you go through what I am going through. I hope that you consider what I have just said. May our Lord give you the peace and show you the way HE want you to walk. God Bless and I’ll be praying for you.

P.S.
If you have questions about the Catholic Church try to find your answers within and not from without and if you want to discuss this further feel free to send me a PM.
 
Well this can a be a problem. When you’re younger and may be away from the Church it may seem like your partner’s religion is unimportant. But what happens if you get serious about the Catholic Church as you get older? And then your wife insists on going to Lutheran Church, and raising your kids Lutheran? It can be problematic.

My wife was Lutheran, but luckily I am getting her to convert to Catholicism. Before we married, even though I wasn’t really practicing, I made her assure me we would raise our kids Catholic. I would avise doing the same.

As far as your wedding, well it’s your life man, your parents and family love you, they’ll get over it.
 
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beachieca:
Lisa-
Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. This weekend we are going to talk to a Catholic Priest as well as a Pastor. Hopefully this will help things. He has been great about this whole thing…he’s open to talk about both religions, read scripture from the Bible, go and talk to a Priest…he’s great. I honestly do not have a problem getting married in a Christian church…nor raising any future children in the Christian church. I know people that have done it and were successful at raising a healthy family. A family friend of ours was Catholic and married a Protestant and things went great. I believe that the situation would be different if he were Muslim or Mormon, but that is not the case. Our faiths have many things in common…not everything, but the basics. I’m willing to do this beacuse I love him and I don’t think that we would have gotten this far if we weren’t supposed to be together. Maybe that sounds dumb…but it’s how I feel. Like I think I said earlier…I am not turning my back on God or anything like that. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I was doing something to that extreme.
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I was in the same boat as you 14 yrs. ago. My husband is Church of Christ. He told me the first time he met me that he would NEVER get married in the Catholic church…well guess what? He did. 😃 We married in the Church but did not have the Full Mass. He did NOT have to agree to raise the children Catholic because he is not Catholic. This was what he wanted to make sure before we married.

Good Luck,
TJBJ
 
I have been where you are and I know how you feel. And whatever happened to the custom of marrying in the bride’s church? The bride’s parents foot the bill, right?

If your fiance won’t give on this situation, surely you don’t expect that he will give on others that may be important to you. Are you really willing to give your children over to another church and another doctrine that is in opposition to what you know to be right?

I married out of the church, have recently returned and I thank God every day that I lived long enough to make things right. When I receive Communion, it brings tears to my eyes when I realize how close I might have come to dying in a state of mortal sin.

My husband is a better person than I am and he does not object to my going to Mass and fulfilling my obligations–now that he is older and has mellowed. I once dated a guy (not my husband) while I was in college who liked me better than I liked him and he spent lots of time “educating” me on the fallacy of the CC, and believe me, his arguments were very persuasive–but then so is the devil.

What I am trying to say, not in the most charitable way, I know, is that I pray you will rethink your willingness to compromise your principles and your relationship with God. I realize that at your age, hormonal influences hold sway, but I grieve to see anyone make the same mistake I did, and perhaps not have the time to make it right with God.

God bless you.
 
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beachieca:
I would be willing to compromise because I am not sure about the Catholic faith anymore. My fiance has pointed out things that when he explains it makes perfect sense to me. To me, Christianity and Catholicism DO have their differences, but not so much that it should keep me from marrying someone I love. I don’t feel like I would be turning my back on God or that I would be missing out on anything. I know that that may sound wrong, but it’s how I feel.QUOTE]

Trust me on this, THESE FEELINGS WILL ALL CHANGE WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN!!!
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Marquette:
Trust me on this, THESE FEELINGS WILL ALL CHANGE WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN!!!
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This is what we see in our church ALL THE TIME: luke-warm or even stone-cold Catholics who haven’t darkened the doors of their local Catholic church in YEARS…but as soon as they have children, they feel the ‘pull’…Yes, I think this is very true!

Anna x
 
You have to decide how important the Church is to you. If you live a Catholic life, then it’s probably best to part ways. Someone above asked if your boyfriend isn’t willing to compromise on something that is very important to you, what be next. If you’re asking this question now, you will have no doubts when you have children. You won’t be willing to compromise, then.

I’m seeing a difficult sitation unfolding in my RCIA class. My sponsor’s son is engaged and sponsoring his fiance in RCIA. Since he’s been attending RCIA classes with her, he’s had a new awakening of his Catholic faith, but in the past month she’s starting to resist converting (she’s Lutheran). She starting to make dumb excuses to miss Mass and RCIA class. One Sunday, she missed 11am Mass because she had to get ready for a Super Bowl party (5pm) and the other Sundays, she over sleeps. She missed an RCIA class because of a very sudden illness before class started.

The Church is very important to him. His father converted 45 years ago when he (the father) married his mother and the son feels this is the only alternative to marrying a Catholic girl. He has his heart set on having a Catholic Mass wedding.

Last Thursday during the prayer before RCIA class, he requested that we pray for he and his fiance’s engagement. That said it all.

I find myself wanting to pray that they go their separate ways.
 
Leah, Yes it sounds like the Lutheran gal in RCIA does not want to convert and that is okay. However, they clearly have a communication problem that must be addressed before they proceed any further with RCIA or the engagement. They must be HONEST and not say what they think the other WANTS to hear. This will come back and bite them.

My wife has not converted because I told her it is not required and you MUST BELIEVE it for yourself and not for me. If I die I want her to go to Mass the next Sunday without my pushing it. She is a social Christian and we have far too many of those in the CC. For now the PCUSA can have her.
 
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LeahInancsi:
I find myself wanting to pray that they go their separate ways.
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Been there, felt the same, resisted the temptation. I prayed for those involved and that whatever happened, God’s Will would be done.
 
My son is in the reverse position. His non-practising Christian girlfriend of 2+ years is suddenly she does not want to get married in a Catholic Church, nor does she want their eventual children to be brought up Catholic.

He is willing to compromise on the church if he can get a dispensation, but will not compromise on the children’s Faith. He has told her they have to sort this out now, not leave it until the children arrive.

If it had been me I would not marry a man who would expect me to change my beliefs. Countless saints have given their lives rather than do so.

The Catholic Church is not just another Christian denomination, it is either 100% RIGHT or we are literally worshipping a piece of bread every time we go to Mass.
 
It appears that you are on the fence about your Catholic faith and your fiance has ever so gently been nudging you away from the Church. That is too bad. Have you spent time trying to teach him the faith of the Catholic Church? Perhaps you should both join an RCIA class and read some Catholic apologetic liturature. (there are some excellent books about protestants who have converted to Catholicism) If your fiance refuses to do some of these things, you’ll know what is in store for you as a wife. Compromise is terrific in a marriage, but not if you are the one who is doing all the compromising.

When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic and they want to worship together, someone is most likely going to have to give up their faith. You should give great care to truly educating yourself about your Church prior to giving up your faith and definately prior to this marriage. The fact that you even posted this question on Catholic forums should tell you something as well. 😉

I’ll be praying for you.
 
I’m afraid I just don’t have the time to read all 90+ posts, but I wanted to make sure that two very practical points are made, if they have not already.
  1. If you marry outside the Catholic church without dispensation, your marriage is NOT recognized, and you may not continue to receive communion. Basically, you have to choose whether you want to remain Catholic.
  2. Assuming you got a proper dispensation, or got married in the Catholic church, there would still be the question: HOW WILL WE RAISE THE CHILDREN??? If you are both firm in your respective beliefs, there will be horrendous grief and argument about it. If one of you are only nominal and insincere about your belief, then it won’t be a problem since the person with the stronger faith will simply insist on the children being raised their way. If both of you are nominal, then it really doesn’t matter that much, since your children will learn from their parents not to care about religion.
 
Well marriage is given to us by God. He will only give us the best in life. Whether anot you’re a catholic or protestant. WE ARE GOD’S KIDS…We are all believer practising christianity. We plan our journey, but god give us direction…Pray to him to seek the truth.

I’m staying in a country well there are many different religion, the problem you folks facing are not really that difficult. I have a friend who hates the catholic so much, simply because he does not want to convert himself to a catholic, his GF left him…so to him as a non believer, he find christian people are practising a selfish religion. Even my mom thinks that way…sign!!!

1 corinthians 12-14 = If believer marry a non-believer, and if the non-believer choose to stay with him/her. Their partner will be make holy by them and their kids will be accept by god.

So as Christian if we are allow to marry non-believer, then two believer coming from different denomination shouldn’t be facing much problem. Are we telling God, we have doubt on what he have given to us, because one cannot compromise on which church to hold their marriage, or are we telling God we do not want the marriage he given to us, because we rather choose someone who can agree to which church i want to hold the marriage? Love is not about forcing someone to accept what you want or what your practise are, if that’s the case i wonder what is the purpose of marriage?? Then might as will marry someone coming from the same denomination but is a loveless relationship, so that the church problem can be avoided…God did not give a loveless marriage to anyone. Is we human the one who cannot understand the purpose and start to question God’s giving that make everything turn sour.
 
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