Engagement customs/formalities help

[k3yzf600r]

Hello,

My name is Mark.
I am a recently engaged Catholic who will marry a Catholic girl in about 8months. I have no idea what are the traditional formalities of a Catholic engagement, and will be marrying a traditional Catholic girl. This is an issue in my immediate situation in that I had no idea that it is customary to take the future bride’s family to dinner to announce the engagement. Ooops, these are things I just don’t think about. Is there a resource available that can walk me through every custom that I must know and follow. I have searched and found nothing. PLEASE advise, it will save me many headaches.

 

[BlestOne]

There are customs of families and customs of nationalities but there are no customs that are specifically Catholic except to prayerfully discern marriage before and after you ask her…

Maybe what you need to do is to ask her what the customs of her family and nationality are. She would be the one who would know or be able to ask her family members what is expected.

In some families, it is still the custom to ask the father before you ask the bride. In other families, a formal announcement is the norm. In my family for example, the couple goes to the father and tells them the intention to marry and the family throws an engagement party for the couple and helps with the planning of the wedding… except for cases where the couple live far away from the family.

 

[puzzleannie]

traditional customs surrounding engagement will have more to do with culture and ethnicity than Church law. As far as the Catholic Church is involved, you must see your priest right away if you want to marry in 8 months, no later than 6 months in most parishes, to get your date on the calendar, and to make time for pre-Cana. This is marriage preparation and is much more essential than picking the band or the hall, where you prepare for marriage and life together, not the wedding.

In this diocese you will meet with the deacon, supply paperwork (proof of baptism and other sacraments, and in the case of non-Catholic parties, applying for the necessary dispensations). You will take a Foccus test, the answers will be scored and you will meet with the deacon to discuss results. This test is intended to bring out areas of disagreement that should be addressed now if you want a happy union (different views on finances, children etc).

The initial interviews will also uncover an impediments to marriage (previous bond and the like) which must be addressed, and will ask for attestations of witnesses who know you that you are free to marry.

You will meet with sponsor couples for several weeks to discuss various issues and concerns that relate to marriage, and be referred for NFP training (natural family planning) with of course suitable instruction on morality, families and marriage itself from the Catholic POV.

You will also make the practical arrangments for the wedding, and be told how and when to get the license (this is probably your job). You will not of course be jumping the gun and claiming any privileges that belong exclusively to marriage, for the very good reason that this will almost certainly seriously damage your prospects for a happy marriage, and raise your probability for divorce exponentially higher.

 

[ohioszo]

amazon.com/Catholic-Etiquette-About-Rites-Wrongs/dp/0879735902

I have a book about Catholic etiquette, and it has a chapter on engagements: America Catholic Etiquette, Newman Press, 1961, by Kay Toy Fenner. It was very helpful to me in planning a 50th anniversary; as any book on etiquette may be. Still, when I invited our Pastor, I should have asked him ahead of time if he might say a prayer before dinner instead of popping it on him at the moment! He forgave me, I think.

 

[k3yzf600r]

Thank you for your responses. Yes, my lack of understanding is particularly with the engagement/marriage traditions of the latino culture. My fiancee is a native of Morelos and I would like to act on the traditions of her culture. Thanks again for your help.