Engagement to marriage

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Albany

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Hello all,
My boyfriend of 3 years recently asked me to marry him. It was very romantic. I told him I was happy with a cheap small wedding and he seemed happy. Everything I suggest for the wedding (and they are all extremely reasonable and low budget) he doesn’t want and makes me feel stupid for suggesting it. I ask him what he wants and he gets right grumpy.
I honestly think I’m better just staying boyfriend and girlfriend.
Any advice ?
 
I think if you’re not ready to plan a wedding, you’re not ready to get married.
 
Albany said:
Thanks Pensman. I will break the engagement.
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Feedback from one random person who doesn’t know either of you and you state you will break your engagment?

I hardly think a few sentences adequately describes what is going on in your relationship. You don’t say if this is out of character for him, you don’t say what you’ve suggested and what your idea of a small and cheap wedding is, how old you are, how far off the wedding is, or much of anything to go on.

Perhaps you should engage the help of an older couple you both admire or your pastor to help you sort through things.

It seems like you were just looking for an excuse to break the engagement, as quick as you were to jump on that.
 
Albany said:
Hello all,
My boyfriend of 3 years recently asked me to marry him. It was very romantic. I told him I was happy with a cheap small wedding and he seemed happy. Everything I suggest for the wedding (and they are all extremely reasonable and low budget) he doesn’t want and makes me feel stupid for suggesting it. I ask him what he wants and he gets right grumpy.
I honestly think I’m better just staying boyfriend and girlfriend.
Any advice ?
Click to expand...
do not break it off yet. How about you ask your parish priest instead and he will guide you from there tell him how long you known each other and such matters. make a meetign with him to be able to explain him more information. that way he sees the whole picture and then he will advise you from there.
 
How about you two sign up for the Engaged Encounter weekend, and after that, make your choice? It has helped couples in their discernment for marriage (apart from getting the marriage preparation certificate that is required by the parish for those who are marrying).

They have a website.
 
You mentioned that your boyfriend “makes you feel stupid” for having your opinion. A boyfriend, let alone a fiancé, shouldn’t be “making you feel stupid” for having your own opinions. That is a red flag to me. Also you seem like you are just looking for a way out of this, being willing to end the relationship on the first word of advice and caution that you heard here. That also is a red flag that this might not be the best fit for you. Just a few thoughts. I wish you the best in whatever you decide, but make sure it’s what you really want, don’t simply just “settle.”
 
“making you feel stupid” is a huge red flag in a relationship.

you are not married yet. and you are planning a wedding. imagine getting married and making big decisions and he does not let you have a say/shoots down your ideas…

please talk about this with him. if you still feel unsure, leave him. if he is serious about you, he will feel sorry and will try to accommodate you. It is YOUR wedding too. If he gets angry, run. Honestly. The marriage will be extremely difficult-be prepared for him to treat you as if you are stupid, someone who is not his equal…and so on…

when I was engaged,a priest told me that planning a wedding is the ‘first (or last) major test’ to see if you should get married 🙂 planning my wedding was difficult…wife wanted a small wedding, I wanted a big one. We worked and worked and we managed to agree on things. By the time we are done planning our wedding, it feels as if we were married for years 😃
 
Yeah, at this point the wedding planning friction is secondary to the fact that you’re ready to drop your engagement at the encouragement of a stranger.

Albany, if you’re having cold feet now, don’t get married to the guy. The odds of your union being healthy and long-lasting under such circumstances are not great, and it will cause INFINITELY more pain to both of you to separate while married. It is kindest to him, and to you, to cut him loose ASAP.

I don’t know what your ultimate relationship goals are, or how he’ll react to your breaking the engagement. I dated in order to find a suitable husband, and if your goal is to do the same, it would be best for you to break off entirely with your boyfriend even if he wants to stay with you. Don’t stay with someone if you’ve ruled him out as a spouse!

Best wishes.
 
matthewww said:
“making you feel stupid” is a huge red flag in a relationship.

you are not married yet. and you are planning a wedding. imagine getting married and making big decisions and he does not let you have a say/shoots down your ideas…

please talk about this with him. if you still feel unsure, leave him. if he is serious about you, he will feel sorry and will try to accommodate you. It is YOUR wedding too. If he gets angry, run. Honestly. The marriage will be extremely difficult-be prepared for him to treat you as if you are stupid, someone who is not his equal…and so on…

when I was engaged,a priest told me that planning a wedding is the ‘first (or last) major test’ to see if you should get married 🙂 planning my wedding was difficult…wife wanted a small wedding, I wanted a big one. We worked and worked and we managed to agree on things. By the time we are done planning our wedding, it feels as if we were married for years 😃
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Right, this is the kind of thing I meant.

If the OP doesn’t want to marry the guy, then she shouldn’t marry him. However, that could mean a longer engagement for discernment as well, not just breaking up.

I think a great many things could be solved if we just spoke clearly to each other.
 
pensmama87 said:
Right, this is the kind of thing I meant.

If the OP doesn’t want to marry the guy, then she shouldn’t marry him. However, that could mean a longer engagement for discernment as well, not just breaking up.

I think a great many things could be solved if we just spoke clearly to each other.
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Eh…if she doesn’t want to marry the man after 3 years of dating, I don’t think this relationship has a very good future.
 
Albany said:
Hello all,
My boyfriend of 3 years recently asked me to marry him. It was very romantic. I told him I was happy with a cheap small wedding and he seemed happy. Everything I suggest for the wedding (and they are all extremely reasonable and low budget) he doesn’t want and makes me feel stupid for suggesting it. I ask him what he wants and he gets right grumpy.
I honestly think I’m better just staying boyfriend and girlfriend.
Any advice ?
Click to expand...
Who cares about what strangers on the internet think? It’s about what YOU think and you think it is better to call off the wedding and stay friends. That sounds like really good (of your own advice) to me. Someone who makes you feel stupid or gets grumpy when you ask his opinion is not good husband material.
 
heidi_storage said:
Eh…if she doesn’t want to marry the man after 3 years of dating, I don’t think this relationship has a very good future.
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That’s my gut too. But as 1ke said, there’s a lot of info missing that would help fill in the story.

Ultimately, though, yep - if you don’t want to, you don’t want to.
 
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