E
eafan
Guest
I wrote this a few years ago and thought others here might enjoy it.
How To Be A Non-Denominational Christian
Things I’ve learned since attending non-denominational charismatic Christian churches and being set free from the traditions of the Catholic church.
Switch churches often. They are all pretty much the same anyway, so it doesn’t matter. Some will think you are a church hopper, but you know you are just going where you are led to and where you can progress. 2-3 years per church is max.
You can only listen to CCM (Contemporary Christian) music! It’s OK to say you “used to like” other types of music, but always refer to that as during your “pre saved” life.
CCM concerts contain much more talk than music. Don’t complain about this. It’s “ministry’!
At church meetings, always stay as late as possible. Don’t try to leave anytime before the guest speaker is gone and the pastor is waiting for you to get out so he can turn off the lights and lock up. It will impress your friends if you hang out with them in the parking lot even after the pastor has left for the night.
Give money monthly to rich TV evangelists. They have taxes.
Forget about the fact Jesus used real wine at the last supper. Always use grape juice. Get mad at people who say Jesus used real wine at the last supper. Consider churches pagan that do so for communion.
There is no presence of God in communion. It’s just a symbol. Like the fish on your car.
As a Christian, you MUST have an indication on your car. This may be by fish, bumper sticker, or other “decorative” indication. Bumper stickers of Christian radio stations are acceptable.
Even though your car is “Christianized” by the previous indication guideline, you can drive like an absolute maniac. Jesus understands.
There are only 2 sacraments. Only! Just 2: The Lord’s Supper and Baptism. That’s it! Never mind the rest the early church named as sacraments to begin with.
Although the non-denominational churches are autonomous, we all have the same Statement Of Faith, including, God: eternally existent in 3 persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit; The inspiration of the scriptures; Jesus Christ: His virgin birth, His sinless life, etc. Just don’t confess the Apostle’s Creed, although it spells out everything we believe. If you feel compelled to say it, however, you may, just be absolutely sure you replace the word “Catholic” with “Christian”!
Never, ever drink a drop of alcohol! Ignore the fact that Jesus turned water into wine (not grape juice) and Paul advising Timothy to “take a little wine” for your stomach’s sake in the NT.
Smoking is out of the question. However, if you do smoke and still want to be a Christian, be sure to only smoke in private.
If you have any problems in your life, you need to a book about it found in the Christian Living section of your local Christian book store.
The words “family” and “gospel” are synonymous.
Give 10% of all your gross income to your church, and then some. Every pastor of these types of churches calls this “tithing” which is clearly part of the OT law. It is not required, encouraged, nor taught in the NT. Jesus told the Pharisees to tithe in the gospels, during the OT times in which he was living on earth. He also told people he healed to “go show yourselves to the priest” and to “make an offering in the temple for your cleansing”. But, never mind this scriptural guidance, because all the local pastors believe tithing is for today, and what they call tithing is what “they believe” is giving 10% of your total gross income to their local church. You are expected to do this, plus give more at your discretion which they call an “offering”. To neglect this will keep you out of favor with church leadership in these churches. So, pay up, or get out!
The only way to get saved is to answer the altar call by coming up front and repeating “the sinner’s prayer”. Of course, a person will lead you to do this.
There are only 2 types of people: saved and lost. Being a Christian, only you have the right to say who’s in and who’s out, so don’t let anyone call you narrow minded nor judgmental!
How To Be A Non-Denominational Christian
Things I’ve learned since attending non-denominational charismatic Christian churches and being set free from the traditions of the Catholic church.
Switch churches often. They are all pretty much the same anyway, so it doesn’t matter. Some will think you are a church hopper, but you know you are just going where you are led to and where you can progress. 2-3 years per church is max.
You can only listen to CCM (Contemporary Christian) music! It’s OK to say you “used to like” other types of music, but always refer to that as during your “pre saved” life.
CCM concerts contain much more talk than music. Don’t complain about this. It’s “ministry’!
At church meetings, always stay as late as possible. Don’t try to leave anytime before the guest speaker is gone and the pastor is waiting for you to get out so he can turn off the lights and lock up. It will impress your friends if you hang out with them in the parking lot even after the pastor has left for the night.
Give money monthly to rich TV evangelists. They have taxes.
Forget about the fact Jesus used real wine at the last supper. Always use grape juice. Get mad at people who say Jesus used real wine at the last supper. Consider churches pagan that do so for communion.
There is no presence of God in communion. It’s just a symbol. Like the fish on your car.
As a Christian, you MUST have an indication on your car. This may be by fish, bumper sticker, or other “decorative” indication. Bumper stickers of Christian radio stations are acceptable.
Even though your car is “Christianized” by the previous indication guideline, you can drive like an absolute maniac. Jesus understands.
There are only 2 sacraments. Only! Just 2: The Lord’s Supper and Baptism. That’s it! Never mind the rest the early church named as sacraments to begin with.
Although the non-denominational churches are autonomous, we all have the same Statement Of Faith, including, God: eternally existent in 3 persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit; The inspiration of the scriptures; Jesus Christ: His virgin birth, His sinless life, etc. Just don’t confess the Apostle’s Creed, although it spells out everything we believe. If you feel compelled to say it, however, you may, just be absolutely sure you replace the word “Catholic” with “Christian”!
Never, ever drink a drop of alcohol! Ignore the fact that Jesus turned water into wine (not grape juice) and Paul advising Timothy to “take a little wine” for your stomach’s sake in the NT.
Smoking is out of the question. However, if you do smoke and still want to be a Christian, be sure to only smoke in private.
If you have any problems in your life, you need to a book about it found in the Christian Living section of your local Christian book store.
The words “family” and “gospel” are synonymous.
Give 10% of all your gross income to your church, and then some. Every pastor of these types of churches calls this “tithing” which is clearly part of the OT law. It is not required, encouraged, nor taught in the NT. Jesus told the Pharisees to tithe in the gospels, during the OT times in which he was living on earth. He also told people he healed to “go show yourselves to the priest” and to “make an offering in the temple for your cleansing”. But, never mind this scriptural guidance, because all the local pastors believe tithing is for today, and what they call tithing is what “they believe” is giving 10% of your total gross income to their local church. You are expected to do this, plus give more at your discretion which they call an “offering”. To neglect this will keep you out of favor with church leadership in these churches. So, pay up, or get out!
The only way to get saved is to answer the altar call by coming up front and repeating “the sinner’s prayer”. Of course, a person will lead you to do this.
There are only 2 types of people: saved and lost. Being a Christian, only you have the right to say who’s in and who’s out, so don’t let anyone call you narrow minded nor judgmental!