K
kittery
Guest
Hello,
We lost my dad 2 years ago and my parents had been married for 41 years. My mom was 17 when they married and so had never lived alone a day in her life when my dad passed away. After he died, my brother and his family moved into the family farmhouse with the intention of buying it and then putting a hardship mobile home on the property. After a year of my mom living with them, they decided that it was not in the best interests of their family to have her be part of their daily lives and encouraged her to move into a house that my dad had built and my parents kept as a rental. It was more than encouraging I guess- they basically told her she needed to move on and she felt like she was kicked out. My mom is not a good communicator- she is very passive aggressive and will try to run your life. She was an office manager at a school district for the last 25 years of her career and she was used to telling people what to do and they had to do it.
She is also epileptic and cannot drive because medication has not successfully controlled her seizures. She actually had an accident about 18 months ago (just her car, no one was injured). I’m helping her pursue possible surgical options but in the meantime, she absolutely can not drive. Ever since dad died, I have been her main source of transportation- even though the other two siblings live way closer (I was 15 minutes away). But I work nights and evenings as a Peds nurse and so my days were free and theirs were not. Some days mom would run me back and forth and I found it nearly impossible to say no because she would act like she was being totally rejected and abused if she didn’t get what she wanted. She is not content to spend a day at home and wants to go somewhere every single day. I have 3 kids 11 and under- and they are in private catholic school 15 minutes away so I already drive a lot every day. This is been an enormous strain on not only me- but my family as well because I’m usually stressed/tired/grouchy after a day of running her around or spending the day with her. She corrects my kids all the time and tells them what to do constantly when she is here. Makes them do chores and asks them if their homework is done, etc. basically- does my Jo over the top of me because I don’t do it the same way she would.
So, last August, she moved to the rental after doing some updates- paint inside and out, new flooring, upgrade to granite countertops throughout. She lived there for about 6 months and then one day, texted all 3 of us kids and said she’s moving 2 hours south to live with her sister and mom and was leaving that same afternoon. The week prior, she had stayed at our house 4/7 nights. She wasn’t adjusting well to living alone. A week after she moved she told my sister and her husband they could move in to the house for $750/mo even though previously it rented for $1500/mo. And is now fully updated.
Meanwhile, within 2 months, she grew tired of the living situation with her sister and mom because THEY don’t do things right either, so she moved into a house one mile away from me and now has a roommate from her church. She is so close now that it feels like she all but sleeps here. And she tells people that it’s nice to be close to me and have access to my driving schedule. So although she uses our gas, eats meals here, her one contribution is the VERY occasional tank of gas. And she is always teeing me I’m too busy and have too much on my plate, and lists everything I do EXCEPT for the driving her all around part.
So- she sold the family farm to my brother for $100,000 less than it appraised for (35% equity). She lets my little sister rent a super nice house for 1/2 price. And I’m her chauffeur that is raising a family, living paycheck to paycheck and she gives us scraps of gas every once in a great while. I want to honor her and my dad. She is a widow and having a very hard time with the epilepsy and al. But I can’t live like this. My husband actually wants us to move away now that she is a mile away from us. How drastic is that? But if we say something to her- she goes into a really dark place and has panic attacks all he time.
What would you do if you were in this situation???
We lost my dad 2 years ago and my parents had been married for 41 years. My mom was 17 when they married and so had never lived alone a day in her life when my dad passed away. After he died, my brother and his family moved into the family farmhouse with the intention of buying it and then putting a hardship mobile home on the property. After a year of my mom living with them, they decided that it was not in the best interests of their family to have her be part of their daily lives and encouraged her to move into a house that my dad had built and my parents kept as a rental. It was more than encouraging I guess- they basically told her she needed to move on and she felt like she was kicked out. My mom is not a good communicator- she is very passive aggressive and will try to run your life. She was an office manager at a school district for the last 25 years of her career and she was used to telling people what to do and they had to do it.
She is also epileptic and cannot drive because medication has not successfully controlled her seizures. She actually had an accident about 18 months ago (just her car, no one was injured). I’m helping her pursue possible surgical options but in the meantime, she absolutely can not drive. Ever since dad died, I have been her main source of transportation- even though the other two siblings live way closer (I was 15 minutes away). But I work nights and evenings as a Peds nurse and so my days were free and theirs were not. Some days mom would run me back and forth and I found it nearly impossible to say no because she would act like she was being totally rejected and abused if she didn’t get what she wanted. She is not content to spend a day at home and wants to go somewhere every single day. I have 3 kids 11 and under- and they are in private catholic school 15 minutes away so I already drive a lot every day. This is been an enormous strain on not only me- but my family as well because I’m usually stressed/tired/grouchy after a day of running her around or spending the day with her. She corrects my kids all the time and tells them what to do constantly when she is here. Makes them do chores and asks them if their homework is done, etc. basically- does my Jo over the top of me because I don’t do it the same way she would.
So, last August, she moved to the rental after doing some updates- paint inside and out, new flooring, upgrade to granite countertops throughout. She lived there for about 6 months and then one day, texted all 3 of us kids and said she’s moving 2 hours south to live with her sister and mom and was leaving that same afternoon. The week prior, she had stayed at our house 4/7 nights. She wasn’t adjusting well to living alone. A week after she moved she told my sister and her husband they could move in to the house for $750/mo even though previously it rented for $1500/mo. And is now fully updated.
Meanwhile, within 2 months, she grew tired of the living situation with her sister and mom because THEY don’t do things right either, so she moved into a house one mile away from me and now has a roommate from her church. She is so close now that it feels like she all but sleeps here. And she tells people that it’s nice to be close to me and have access to my driving schedule. So although she uses our gas, eats meals here, her one contribution is the VERY occasional tank of gas. And she is always teeing me I’m too busy and have too much on my plate, and lists everything I do EXCEPT for the driving her all around part.
So- she sold the family farm to my brother for $100,000 less than it appraised for (35% equity). She lets my little sister rent a super nice house for 1/2 price. And I’m her chauffeur that is raising a family, living paycheck to paycheck and she gives us scraps of gas every once in a great while. I want to honor her and my dad. She is a widow and having a very hard time with the epilepsy and al. But I can’t live like this. My husband actually wants us to move away now that she is a mile away from us. How drastic is that? But if we say something to her- she goes into a really dark place and has panic attacks all he time.
What would you do if you were in this situation???