Equal but not really

[Graceejou]

I would like to add one thing to the answers already given.

In addition to getting clarification from your priest, he may want you to wait because if your husband’s first marriage is not found nul (annulment), that would put you in a awkward position - living as brother and sister for the rest of your life. Maybe that is something you are willing to do and going over the “what ifs” with your pastor will help.
We have had those in similar situations, one spouse previously married/waiting on annulment, to come fully into the Church only to receive a negative decision. With this negative decision, and until they can appeal, you are presented with two things: living as brother and sister OR if you do not do that, you are committing a mortal sin by having relations with is worse.
So, it could be what I just mentioned. I pray that your journey is not interrupted unduly and God grant you the grace to persevere.

Yes this is an important consideration. Due to my health issues, it’s something we’ve agreed to do anyway. We look at it as an opportunity to learn to love each other in a different way, as a compliment to the love we already share. It wasn’t a decision we made lightly. I am not unduly worried about the *if *it will be found invalid. The diocese made it clear and one of the judges on the tribunal goes over the applications before they are ever submitted so those with a poor or weak case don’t ever even get filed. It’s a good plan, I think, because then they can focus on those with merit. I’m more concerned with when because it is keeping me from receiving any sacraments when I need them so, so much. I am typically a patient person who is content to follow the established rules, laws, etc. I don’t rush people, expect special treatment or anything like that. This is very out of character for me and very uncomfortable. But it’s also very important. I feel a strong sense of urgency. I’ve learned to accept the gift of intuition and conscience. That’s why this all feels so - bewildering.

 

[ccmcmg]

You should be allowed to celebrate the Sacrament of Penance a short time before you are received into the Church, in order that you may receive the sacraments worthily. This is standard practice, so if this has not been discussed with you already I would say it seems another red flag that your parish is not operating according to the book.

I think you will be doing the Reconciliation/Penance ahead of time.

 

[felsguy]

You should be allowed to celebrate the Sacrament of Penance a short time before you are received into the Church, in order that you may receive the sacraments worthily. This is standard practice, so if this has not been discussed with you already I would say it seems another red flag that your parish is not operating according to the book.

I think you will be doing the Reconciliation/Penance ahead of time.

Dear friend

Yes, the the National Statutes for the Catechumenate approved by the (US) National Conerence of Catholic Bishops #36 (I list the source here in case someone asks) states 'the celebration of the sacrament of reconciliation with the candidates for full reception is to be carried out at a time prior to and distinct from the celebration of the rite of reception." So then those of you who have already been baptized will be expected to go to confession sometime prior to your reception which,if I understand correctly, will take place at the Easter Vigil. Those who are to be baptized at the Vigil will not since their baptism, as you correctly pointed out, will “clear” them of all their sins.

Also, if I may add, I would not find it that unusual that this all has not discussed yet given the amount of information that has to been shared. In my own parish RCIA program, for example, we will not be discussing the sacrament of reconciliation and the procedure for going to confession until the first week of April. We have seen the benefit of scheduling this shortly before the candidates actually go to confession so that it is fresh in their minds.

 

[Hopey]

Yes this is an important consideration. Due to my health issues, it’s something we’ve agreed to do anyway. We look at it as an opportunity to learn to love each other in a different way, as a compliment to the love we already share. It wasn’t a decision we made lightly. I am not unduly worried about the *if *it will be found invalid. The diocese made it clear and one of the judges on the tribunal goes over the applications before they are ever submitted so those with a poor or weak case don’t ever even get filed. It’s a good plan, I think, because then they can focus on those with merit. I’m more concerned with when because it is keeping me from receiving any sacraments when I need them so, so much. I am typically a patient person who is content to follow the established rules, laws, etc. I don’t rush people, expect special treatment or anything like that. This is very out of character for me and very uncomfortable. But it’s also very important. I feel a strong sense of urgency. I’ve learned to accept the gift of intuition and conscience. That’s why this all feels so - bewildering.

If that is the reason why, which it may very well be, and if you know what could happen, are prepared to do what it takes (live as brother and sister), I would keep knocking of the priest’s door - asking humbly but firmly.
I will pray for you that you receive a positive answer.
We have had so many in your situation that when received a negative, they didn’t want to live as brother and sister and eventually left. He is probably being very cautious as you do not want someone to end up hating God and the Church because their spouse if found to be married in the eyes of the Church to the first spouse.

 

[Hopey]

Yes this is an important consideration. Due to my health issues, it’s something we’ve agreed to do anyway. We look at it as an opportunity to learn to love each other in a different way, as a compliment to the love we already share. It wasn’t a decision we made lightly. I am not unduly worried about the *if *it will be found invalid. The diocese made it clear and one of the judges on the tribunal goes over the applications before they are ever submitted so those with a poor or weak case don’t ever even get filed. It’s a good plan, I think, because then they can focus on those with merit. I’m more concerned with when because it is keeping me from receiving any sacraments when I need them so, so much. I am typically a patient person who is content to follow the established rules, laws, etc. I don’t rush people, expect special treatment or anything like that. This is very out of character for me and very uncomfortable. But it’s also very important. I feel a strong sense of urgency. I’ve learned to accept the gift of intuition and conscience. That’s why this all feels so - bewildering.

Also, if you finish RCIA and his decision is still to wait till you get an answer, ask him if you could come into the Church as soon as possible afterwards. I know things are different and people can come into the Church, esp Christian, outside of the East Vigil. Start making spiritual communions and let God’s consolation pour over you. He knows your desires.
Ask the priest what you should do if you should need the sacraments esp anointing of the sick because they can, in special circumstances, give them to those not fully in the Church. That would give you some peace of mind knowing that in this valley of tears, as you wait, you will not be abandoned.
Be the woman from the Bible who kept asking the judge for a favorable answer; persistent but humble with charity first.

 

[FrDavid96]

The Raccoon Lodge analogy is a good one when you use it with the word reconciliation which I do understand is the name of the sacrament, thank you. You confess to receive absolution and -]then/-] be reconciled, is that right?

Yes. Absolution is what reconciles us to God and the Church. The only difference is that there is no “then” in the sentence.

I guess I was thinking that it would make sense to be “clear” of your sins before being received into the church. I didn’t realize they don’t allow you to do that until you’re already a member /received. Last night I found out that in our class of 20, everyone is baptized validly (mostly Methodist, Lutheran and Episcopalian - there is one Xenos person ghough, I’m not sure about them) except for two people. So the RCIA is being adapted for them (the unbaptized) , which I guess is why we all have to leave mass during the communion. He also told us that those who were going to be baptized didn’t have to go to confession because the baptism fixed it for them to be clear of sin. So I am absolutely clueless as to how those of us who are baptized will be clear of sin before being received since we can’t do reconciliation? It is all so confusing. I understand why priests go to school for so many years, I have graduate education and can’t figure it :nope:

Yes, this is a bit confusing, and sometimes problematic.
The way we solve it here (and most other parishes, in my experience) is that a previously-baptized person who is being received into the Church at the Easter Vigil (assuming it’s done at the Vigil anyway) will go to confession on Holy Saturday morning or afternoon, or even on Good Friday.
In that way, the newly-received can be Confirmed at the Easter Vigil Mass (past sins are not an issue).

There is a conflict because only Catholics can receive the Sacrament of Confession, HOWEVER (as you pointed-out) one must go to Confession before Confirmation. The conflict is there and priests are aware of the conflict, but all pastors have a method to resolve it. I won’t get into the technicalities of canon law and why it’s possible (you’re dealing with enough of that, as I can see). Suffice to say that your pastor has a solution.