This situation “ED” is a normal part of aging (for some people). Viagra and other drugs along with tv/movies etc. are pushing the opposite, that it is normal if not necessary to have sex basically forever. If the situation can be fixed by improving underlying medical or psychological conditions that’s great. I would be cautious about potentially endangering his health with drugs or supplements.
40s is too young. A lot of men are marrying and fathering children in their 40s, which is good.
It’s the diabetes. The OPs husband needs to deal with this, and I fear that it will be a long road for him and the OP. Diabetes is a disease that kills very slowly, and so a lot of people ignore it or treat it half-heartedly because they don’t have any symptoms and they can’t see the harm that the disease is doing to their body–until they lose a limb, go blind, have a heart attack, or…
Also, there is a lot of denial in diabetics, many of whom insist on saying, “I just have a little sugar.”
If the OP’s husband contracted diabetes in his 40s, he is in all likelihood overweight, and this is really really REALLY hard to deal with. Nowadays, every time you turn on the TV, the “experts” are saying something different. One week they’ll say, “Coffee is good for you!” The next week, “Coffee will kill you!”
And talk about fruits and vegetables! They’re supposed to be good for you, but they often are the culprits in various food-borne illnesses like Cryptosporidium! So someone starts eating more veges and gets sick! No wonder people stick with chips–no one get Cryptosporidium or Listeria from Cheetos!
And some people have various problems with acid-reflux or heartburn for various reasons, and fruits and vegetables literally make them sick (bloating, gas, pain, sour stomach, belching, etc.) This means another med (usually Prilosec or some generic), and so many people are wary of adding meds to their routine. I’m not–Prilosec was and is a God-send for me! Until I started taking it several years ago, I couldn’t eat fruits and veges without getting so sick! No wonder I developed a junk food habit, because junk food didn’t make me sick!
Anyway, one problem with diabetes is depression over the whole overwhelming situation. It just seems so hopeless. The depression can be clinical (chemical) and/or psychological/emotional. It’s so awful to be given this diagnosis. What the OP hears is, “You’re old, and you’ve failed.” No wonder the OP isn’t interested in doing anything about ED–it’s just one more burden.
So my suggestion to the OP is to try to find professionals who do more than just prescribe a “magic pill” and never follow up. Look for a doctor or other health care professional (NOT a quack or a “spiritual medicine man/woman” or a “faith healer” etc.!) who can motivate the husband to deal with his diabetes and make the necessary changes to help him get on the path to wellness.
This is a disease that responds (usually) to lifestyle changes, and can actually be reversed (usually). So there is lots of hope! And the fact that it kills slowly means that there is TIME to deal with it before it kills!
But the patient has to have a doctor/other health care professional who can give him hope and help him to develop and carry through practical and realistic plans to implement lifestyle changes. Sometimes, the doctor that the patient already has is not the best for dealing with diabetes. But there is a person out there who CAN motivate the OP, cheer them up, help them with practical issues, and above all else, give them hope.
I wish the OP and her husband Godspeed. It’s a tough road, but hopefully
