Erections while on Dates

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I was on a date with a lady this evening and I started holding her hand towards the end of the date. I noticed that when I did this, I started to get an erection. While I was experiencing temptations towards lustful thoughts, I got them out of my head as quickly as I could and had no desire to experience the erection at any point. I also did not cease holding hands with the lady but just continued with the hopes that the erection would subside on it’s own. Was there any sin here?

Also, I find that getting erections is a pretty common occurence for me when I first start to date a woman. I find these erections can occur when there’s no deliberate lustful intentions accompanying them (often they will happen when a lady accepts my invitation to go on a first date, or when she smiles at me during a conversation, etc…). Have any other guys here experienced this, and do you have any advice for dealing with it?

Your comments are much appreciated!

Thank you and God bless!
 
MidnightSun12 said:
I also did not cease holding hands with the lady but just continued with the hopes that the erection would subside on it’s own. Was there any sin here?
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“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would. But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are plain: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Gal 4:16-21)

According to S. Thomas Aquinas, **impurity **is what erection in this case consists of, this is a fact of our faith, and those who are saved confess it as a fact and it is a grave matter of sin. You should do all you can to avoid being so close, as purtain as it sounds, it is the true faith that saves.
 
I yawn when others yawn. I salivate when I smell food I like. I blink when a ball is thrown at me unexpectedly. I jump at loud noises. I sneeze when dust blows my way. I get goose-pimply when someone tells inspiring stories. I scratch my nose when someone mentioned itchy noses. And when I was young, and even sometimes since - 😉
 
Cards on the table - I’m not a male, so I’ve never had to deal with visible signs of arousal at awkward moments, which I guess makes me kind of lucky. But I’ve had enough interaction with men to know that what you’re experiencing is nothing out of the ordinary. Fact of the matter is, the body responds to situations the brain interprets as arousing. This doesn’t mean your response is deliberate or premeditated - it’s just the way you’re wired, biologically speaking.

The only time this is a problem is if you excessively indulge the arousal and act upon it when it’s not appropriate. Probably not appropriate on a first date, I might add! And I’d guess it might be potentially embarrassing as well.

What I would say is that there’s nothing to be gained by dwelling on it and giving it greater importance than it warrants. It’s just your body responding to a potentially arousing situation. As the Beatles said, nothing to get hung about. Accept it as a natural response, as a sign that everything is working the way it should, and you can learn to laugh it off. Who knows? Some of your dates may even find it flattering! 🙂
 
While I surely, above all, take what St. Paul had to say to the Galations, VERY seriously, and would apply it to this situation as clearly as possible, as a measure of obedience to God’s Will for us…

I can tell you that while taking care of spinal cord injury patients, and other patients who have no control over the lower halves of their bodies, erections do occur. These patients can initially be quite upset about this, until a quality nurse explains that simple involuntary neurological reactions are part of living in these bodies.

When these events are accepted for what they are: neurological responses that do not require any further attention, they are over as fast as they came. Ignore it and go back to focusing on the attributes of the young lady that caused you to ask her out in the first place.
 
Hokomai said:
I yawn when others yawn. I salivate when I smell food I like. I blink when a ball is thrown at me unexpectedly. I jump at loud noises. I sneeze when dust blows my way. I get goose-pimply when someone tells inspiring stories. I scratch my nose when someone mentioned itchy noses. And when I was young, and even sometimes since - 😉
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This^. I’ve had them happen spontaneously, for no reason. I was on the bus in 9th grade whenever all of a sudden…:eek:!, and it was my turn to get off the bus, so I wore my.backpack over the front, and looked like a complete dork.😊. It’s not wrong
 
Don’t worry you did the right thing by not entertaining lustful thoughts. When I was young I used to get them during exams, in church or even when walking down the street if the wind was blowing. It certainly just did it by itself without any invitation or sexual thought at all. Talking to a pretty girl, same thing.

Dicko…
 
MidnightSun12 said:
I was on a date with a lady this evening and I started holding her hand towards the end of the date. I noticed that when I did this, I started to get an erection. While I was experiencing temptations towards lustful thoughts, I got them out of my head as quickly as I could and had no desire to experience the erection at any point. I also did not cease holding hands with the lady but just continued with the hopes that the erection would subside on it’s own. Was there any sin here?
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See my notes below.
animalis said:
"But I say…

According to S. Thomas Aquinas, **impurity **is what erection in this case consists of, this is a fact of our faith, and those who are saved confess it as a fact and it is a grave matter of sin. You should do all you can to avoid being so close, as purtain as it sounds, it is the true faith that saves.
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I answer that…

While what is said in the first paragraph (by animalis) is completely true (well it is Sacred Scripture) the second is a mix. St. Thomas would if he where here on earth now -and answering in this forum – distinguish.

One must distinguish between unintended and not-consented to reactions.

If a guy holds a girls hand and such occurs – it is not necessarily any sin that it occured. Could it become sinful? Yes. Such as by consenting to it …or the thoughts etc…or remaining in a near occasion of sin etc. (note too that accepting -“oh there it goes again” is not the same thing as giving consent to what happened).

Should he “change” what is going on at the moment? Like start talking with his hands by making gestures while he talks -so he can let go of hers for a moment til things calm down? Such can help and such would be my thought (though usually do not “run away” screaming…not usually helpful on a date).

As to personal sin on the OP part he would examine his conscience as to those moments in time and what he judged etc then. A Priest can assist too in confession.

ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at Theology dept at EWTN …it will be of great help

(One note though on this reading…I would note that when they say “as soon as he begins to enjoy…” under “pure intent”… it would mean before knowing consent…)

also noteworthy – catholicreference.net/index.cfm?id=36447
 
Bookcat said:
See my notes below.

I answer that…

While what is said in the first paragraph (by animalis) is completely true (well it is Sacred Scripture) the second is a mix. St. Thomas would if he where here on earth now -and answering in this forum – distinguish.

One must distinguish between unintended and not-consented to reactions --and that which is intended or consented to etc. (opps forgot to finish the sentence…)

If a guy holds a girls hand and such occurs – it is not necessarily any sin that it occured. Could it become sinful? Yes. Such as by consenting to it …or the thoughts etc…or remaining in a near occasion of sin etc. (note too that accepting -“oh there it goes again” is not the same thing as giving consent to what happened).

Should he “change” what is going on at the moment? Like start talking with his hands by making gestures while he talks -so he can let go of hers for a moment til things calm down? Such can help and such would be my thought (though usually do not “run away” screaming…not usually helpful on a date).

As to personal sin on the OP part he would examine his conscience as to those moments in time and what he judged etc then. A Priest can assist too in confession.

ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at Theology dept at EWTN …it will be of great help

(One note though on this reading…I would note that when they say “as soon as he begins to enjoy…” under “pure intent”… it would mean before knowing consent…)

also noteworthy – catholicreference.net/index.cfm?id=36447
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An unwilled erection under those circumstances is a responce of the autonomic nevous system, and not to worried over.

Sin requires an act of the will, and you have not willed it and so it’s not sin.
 
andrewstx said:
An unwilled erection under those circumstances is a responce of the autonomic nevous system, and not to worried over.

Sin requires an act of the will, and you have not willed it and so it’s not sin.
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Yep. We have no conscious control over the little guy downstairs. 😉

No willful action/thoughts=no sin.
 
Hokomai said:
I yawn when others yawn. I salivate when I smell food I like. I blink when a ball is thrown at me unexpectedly. I jump at loud noises. I sneeze when dust blows my way. I get goose-pimply when someone tells inspiring stories. I scratch my nose when someone mentioned itchy noses. And when I was young, and even sometimes since - 😉
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The reason I made this post is to add an extension to your premise.

The premise here appears to be that an erection is just a physical response to the situation. Just as yawning, salivating, blinking, jumping, sneezing, etc.

This is correct.

To add, in Catholic theology, there are ordered and disordered uses of natural responses. Yawning, salivating, blinking, jumping, sneezing, etc. are ordered towards their natural use. Erection is a natural use that can be used for either ordered (when in marital union & ready to procreate) or disordered use (such as looking at pornography, etc.).

With this said, just because it’s a natural response does not always make the response morally legit.

Thank you & Kindly,

James
 
Men experienced erections before decapatations when they were law. Blood flow response. I would say say don’t worry about it. Believe it or nor some women may interpret the erection (if they see it) as being a sign you find them appealing however embarrassing.
 
johnnyjones said:
Men experienced erections before decapatations when they were law. Blood flow response. I would say say don’t worry about it. Believe it or nor some women may interpret the erection (if they see it) as being a sign you find them appealing however embarrassing.
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I second this notion.

It simply means that your entire being is attracted to her (your mind as well as your body) Guess what? God made your body that way. It may be embarrassing, but don’t sweat it too much.

Ultimately, a sin only arises when there is a choice made: choice is the sine qua non (without which not) of sinning. The best thing to do is acknowledge that you are attracted to her (which is natural), and to not let your mind make her into an object (this tendency is the part where you have to combat the wounded part of human nature).
 
This gives good summary:
ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at Theology dept at EWTN …it will be of great help

(One note though on this reading…I would note that when they say “as soon as he begins to enjoy…” under “pure intent”… it would mean before knowing consent…)
 
Wow, I have the exact same problem as the first poster on this forum. I thought I was alone. I have consulted many priests on this issue and basically none have been able to help me with this problem. One priest said “I don’t know how to help you” The other was also a married Byzantine priest and he was more of a help but still didn’t really know what to say.

These kind of things are REAL problems and I don’t feel like the Church is really helping us deal with them! The Latin priests often have very little dating experience (not that this is necessary to give good advice necessarily) and have not studied these issues and often the Byzantine priests (Ukrainian) may have dated and gotten married BEFORE a conversion and before practicing the faith, so they don’t really know how to advise the practicalities of doing courtship in a Catholic way.

I mean generally the advice is “If it causes an erection, don’t do it.” But what do you do when even talking to a woman on the phone (with a decent just friendly conversation) causes an erection? In order to eventually get married you do need to at least talk on the phone to arrange the dates.

The advice can range from being totally “hands off” during courtship to “just don’t have sex before marriage” (actual advice I received). But from experience I have seen that if a relationship is totally “hands off” (no holding hands, etc), you easily get placed in the women’s “friend zone” and it becomes unclear that there is a clear intention to COURT.

For me I think my current situation is caused by years of living an unhealthy spirituality. I used to be part of a Catholic group that would say to look at the ground at all times and don’t look at women.

I guess this is just something I must suffer until I am actually married. It’s really hell though never knowing if what your doing is “too far” or if it’s just the result of a weak constiution, to constantly second guess yourself when you go up to Holy Communion, and to be told by priests that they just can’t help you. I’ve learned more from these forums than from confessors.
 
Thanks for all your advices !
Now what’s the Easiest way to overcome “Impurity”. How to Love & Respect ? When I look at her … I get my penis erected … I pray the Rosary daily & know the Power … Still need to finding a solution ! Help me if you can. God Bless You All !
 
If you’re dating with the intention of finding a wife, don’t you want this sort of reaction to be recurring? Isn’t it good and healthy?

As long as you don’t consider the erection an arrow, and follow where it’s pointing, I think you’re fine. Well, I suppose you can follow it, but only after the wedding ring! 😉
 
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