I have been struggling with this vice continually for the past 10 years. There are moments, when giving in, that I consciously hear in my mind “just get it over with” or I push away the thought that try to tell me to stop what I’m doing. It’s as if I know what’s right, but I don’t care at that moment. I do not want to lose who I am to fantasies which I know are wrong. Constant memories of what I have seen seem to linger on when I want to move on in my life.
My faith and spiritual relationship with God is a staple in who I am. If anyone has had more success in staying away, please help me to find a solution. I truly do want this gone from my life. I’m well aware that constantly putting my soul into jeopardy will ultimately lead me to “a fate worse than death.”
I found that an important part of the process is to admit that you will never be free from the temptation itself. This requires vigilance on the part of the person, and a constant reminder that our conscience must always remain on guard. If you admit that the problem will never completely go away, then you must also admit that you can never let your guard down, lest you give in to temptation.
For me, my most vulnerable moments were at night, when I was tired, and when I was alone for extended periods. As such I have made it a point to be so tired that I fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, and wake up with just enough time to get ready for work. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I have a conversation with my wife, or the baby starts crying. Whatever works.
Daily prayer, but for husbands and fathers, leading the family in prayer is a big help. I had a priest tell me once that I cannot be the spiritual head of the family if I am involved in grave sin. It will not work. That was a real wake up call, and I needed to hear it like that. I’ve started out with a decade of the rosary every night, until all my kids get the hang of it, and then I’ll go from there.
I go to confession every other week. Even when this is not the reason, I go anyways. A serious, regular examination of conscience will allow to see other areas in your life that need attention. Perhaps they are related.
If you are married, tell your wife. You would need her help to break any other bad habit or addiction, and this is no exception. Tell you that you want and need her help. If you are serious about doing the right thing, she will know and will likely be willing to help save you.
If you feel discouraged about how long this has afflicted your life, all I will say is that while it is not impossible, it is definitely not easy. It does become easier the older you become, but it will always require effort on your part. Don’t give up, and don’t forget to pray everyday, even if only for a few minutes.
For the geeks among us, I recommend the Laudate app from the IPhone and Android markets. They have daily meditations that are refreshing for the soul.
