Etiquette around a Priest

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What is proper Etiquette around a Priest, I came across a website, which I can no longer find that had all sorts of rules I was not familiar with.
 
Chris in Mich:
What is proper Etiquette around a Priest, I came across a website, which I can no longer find that had all sorts of rules I was not familiar with.
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Whattaya need to know? The first rule of etiquette is, if you invite a priest to dinner, do not serve “variety meat.” 😃
 
Congrats, you win for fastest reply to any of my posts.

I saw something a while back, some was obvious (address him as Father) some others are not always practiced like to allow a Priest to sit or stand first, how to approach a Priest in public etc.
 
Chris in Mich:
Congrats, you win for fastest reply to any of my posts.

I saw something a while back, some was obvious (address him as Father) some others are not always practiced like to allow a Priest to sit or stand first, how to approach a Priest in public etc.
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I think it is important to remember that if you see a priest in public remember that he may be going to visit a sick person and may be carrying the Eucharist, if he does not wish to stop and chat. It’s nothing personal.
 
Who sits first or who stands first is of no importance whatsoever.

Priests, unfortunately, are often WAY too busy to just stand and chat. As much as they really would like to.

If you have something (like a bible or a medal or a rosary) with you that you want him to bless, go ahead and ask him. He’ll stop and bless it.

I wouldn’t regale him with the smarmiest dirty joke you’ve ever heard, either. Give the poor guy a break!

Remember… priests are people like you and me. They just have a different call for their lifetime vocation than you or I have.

And please, if you’re having lunch or dinner with him, don’t let him pay for it. Remember, he’s got that vow for poverty as well as celibacy and obedience. He does NOT personally own that car… or anything at all.

Unless it’s a personal gift that you’ve given to him.

And always, ALWAYS tell him that you’re praying for him! And do so, too!

Priests are ALWAYS thankful for knowing that someone is praying for THEM, personally.

Like us, they need prayers.
 
Veronica Anne:
And please, if you’re having lunch or dinner with him, don’t let him pay for it. Remember, he’s got that vow for poverty as well as celibacy and obedience. He does NOT personally own that car… or anything at all.
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Um, I think that the regular old parish priest type is usually a priest with the diocese, and isn’t a religious order priest. The diocese kind don’t have to take a vow of poverty around my parts. They actually have money they can give to charity, etc. Not sure if they want to spend it on dinner though. 🙂
 
Chris in Mich:
I saw something a while back, some was obvious (address him as Father) some others are not always practiced like to allow a Priest to sit or stand first, how to approach a Priest in public etc.
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The old rule was that a priest is treated like a lady – perhaps with the exception of pulling out his chair and seating him at table, though he should be seated to the right of the hostess. Open doors for him, stand when he enters the room, if outdoors, remove your hat when speaking to him, introduce people to him rather than introducing him to people: “Fr. Jones, may I present Mrs. Smith?”

My experience with most priests is that they have been schooled neither at their mother’s knee nor in seminary in anything that could pass for social competence in what used to be called polite society. (When was the last time you received a thank-you note from a priest?) I wouldn’t worry about the more arcane delicacies of etiquette.

A few years ago, however, we made the acquaintance of an elderly Priest who had in his youth defected from a well-to-do Park Avenue Episcopalian family. He had been raised on caviar and debutante balls. We always enjoyed starching the table linen, shucking the oysters, and polishing the grape scissors when he came to dinner. 🙂 Unfortunately, he died not long ago.
 
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mercygate:
The old rule was that a priest is treated like a lady – perhaps with the exception of pulling out his chair and seating him at table, though he should be seated to the right of the hostess. Open doors for him, stand when he enters the room, if outdoors, remove your hat when speaking to him, introduce people to him rather than introducing him to people: “Fr. Jones, may I present Mrs. Smith?”
.
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I must be old fashioned because this is still how I treat God’s Anointed.
Maybe some of the younger generation of priests want to be your buddy; take off their collar and let it all hang out, as it were…
That said, I have found that with human nature, people tend to live up to what you think of them…:hmmm:
.:twocents: Annunciata:)
 
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Annunciata:
I must be old fashioned because this is still how I treat God’s Anointed.
Maybe some of the younger generation of priests want to be your buddy; take off their collar and let it all hang out, as it were…
That said, I have found that with human nature, people tend to live up to what you think of them…:hmmm:
.:twocents: Annunciata:)
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Welcome to the old-fashioned club.

I emphatically disagree with the comment: “Who sits first or who stands first is of no importance whatsoever.” It’s simply common courtesy – perhaps not so common, or Chris would not have raised the question.
 
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mercygate:
A few years ago, however, we made the acquaintance of an elderly Priest who had in his youth defected from a well-to-do Park Avenue Episcopalian family. He had been raised on caviar and debutante balls. We always enjoyed starching the table linen, shucking the oysters, and polishing the grape scissors when he came to dinner. 🙂 Unfortunately, he died not long ago.
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Isn’t that fun? We have a couple of priests that we invite to dinner pretty regularly. It is so worth it having them be delighted in the small details you do for them. However, our one friend said that he couldn’t come back to our house until all the menudo was gone (hence the “variety meat” comment).

Now, if you go to visit a priest for anything, it is a Polish custom to always bring a loaf of bread (or cookies/pies/cakes). I presume this arose that since the priests gives you the Bread of Life, you should remember him with earthly bread.
 
Hi, I definitely agree with what everyone is saying. I definitely treat my priests with the utmost respect I can think of while in their presence. I, too, am old fashioned. However, are priests aware of how they should be treated? If one is unaware of the etiquette or proper ways… does a priest recognize this or expect it? I suppose they’re all different but in the position that they hold… even if they come to expect it… would they be bothered to not have that utmost courtesy and respect that you describe?
 
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mercygate:
My experience with most priests is that they have been schooled neither at their mother’s knee nor in seminary in anything that could pass for social competence in what used to be called polite society. (When was the last time you received a thank-you note from a priest?) I wouldn’t worry about the more arcane delicacies of etiquette.
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In defense of our pastor, we received a lovely thank you card with a short personal message thanking us for the specific gift we had given him for his 40th ordination anniversary, and thanking me for giving my time to the parish in music ministry. The party in his honor at the parish was quite well attended, and I imagine he ended up sending out several hundred of the cards.

Our priests are both very professional men, but are quite friendly and a bit informal when dealing with parishoners, which is nice because it sets everyone at ease. They’ll both attend our choir parties, serve themselves a plate of food and a drink, and mingle with everyone else. My impression is that they haven’t forgotten that they’re priests (obviously), but don’t want everyone else to be intimidated by the fact. (Come to think of it, I’ve only met one priest who seemed to enjoy intimidating people with his office.)
 
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Pug:
Um, I think that the regular old parish priest type is usually a priest with the diocese, and isn’t a religious order priest. The diocese kind don’t have to take a vow of poverty around my parts. They actually have money they can give to charity, etc. Not sure if they want to spend it on dinner though. 🙂
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Not only that, but have a parish credit card, and puts all his expenses on it, so the dinner is paid for by the parish.

His housing is covered; food, health care, retirement, fica. Only thing he pays for himself is his property (car, golf clubs) and his vacation (Rome, Mexico, Alaska). A friend of mine looked at all the perks associated with diocesan priest and determined they had the highest pay in the diocese.
 
I would add that women should dress modestly around them. They’re men and frequently tempted, I’m sure.

—KCT
 
I’ve got Confirmation coming up. What’s the proper form of address for a Bishop?
 
In a formal setting, it’s “Your Excellency.” If you know him and feel a bit less formal, you can’t go wrong with just calling him “Bishop.”
 
Veronica Anne:
And please, if you’re having lunch or dinner with him, don’t let him pay for it. Remember, he’s got that vow for poverty as well as celibacy and obedience. He does NOT personally own that car… or anything at allQUOTE]

I go to dinner with my priest quite a bit and he NEVER lets anyone pay for him… he’s so stubborn. But we love him. 🙂

I wish I could recall something I read once that St. Francis of Assisi said about priests - about how fascinated he was by them, … wish I could remember, really demonstrated his respect for them…Help, anyone?.
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Annunciata:
I must be old fashioned because this is still how I treat God’s Anointed.
Maybe some of the younger generation of priests want to be your buddy; take off their collar and let it all hang out, as it were…
That said, I have found that with human nature, people tend to live up to what you think of them…:hmmm:
.:twocents: Annunciata:)
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I’ll join the old fashioned club with you, for years we bowed our head even when we would walk by the priest a nod hello, or a sign of reverence I was never sure, but I still do that, and my sister in the convent boy she gave it to me when I touched the priest’s arm, she said never touch a priest, but it was funny because I told her working in the diocese there hugging and kissing everyone, so I did not mean any sign of disrespect, but they are God’s Anointed and should always be treated so.
I have a really hard time with some of the clothing women will wear and walk up to a priest, to me that is even a sign of disrespect. I treat them as if they were standing in the place of Christ.
 
With a Greek Catholic (or Byzantine) priest, when one approaches it is proper to say “Father, Bless!” and hold the hands palms up and crossed together (in the same manner that communion is often received in the West).

The priest will form his hand into an acrostic symbol of ICXC and make the sign of the cross over you, then put his hand in yours. You bend down to kiss the hand.

Of course, if you don’t feel comfortable with this don’t go out of your way to avoid an Eastern priest. He will know you are unfamiliar with the practice if you do not address him in the traditional way.

Believe me, Byzantine priests are delighted to be addressed with Old World respect. And they are encouraged to know that there are people in the world who regard the priestly vocation as a holy calling.
 
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Toni:
I’ll join the old fashioned club with you, for years we bowed our head even when we would walk by the priest a nod hello, or a sign of reverence I was never sure, but I still do that, and my sister in the convent boy she gave it to me when I touched the priest’s arm, she said never touch a priest, but it was funny because I told her working in the diocese there hugging and kissing everyone, so I did not mean any sign of disrespect, but they are God’s Anointed and should always be treated so.
I have a really hard time with some of the clothing women will wear and walk up to a priest, to me that is even a sign of disrespect. I treat them as if they were standing in the place of Christ.
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Toni,
I worked for the Church for many years and came in close contact with the clergy so I know what you mean… I always kept in mind first and foremost, this is God’s Annointed!
As a parish secretary you are exposed to a lot…I used to get very embarrassed at the way some of the women would come dressed or lack thereof…to the Rectory. You are correct about showing proper respect for them not only in dress, but word and deed. We Must Pray For Our Priests Always! Blessings, Annunciata:)
 
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