Evangelical in-laws trying to kill us, need advice

[eleutheria]

First, have you both written down your Conversion story? If you have, maybe giving them each a copy would be a good place to begin.

Nope, have not done so.

Another thing, since they are very Bible focused, here is a NON CATHOLIC book to give them:

amazon.com/Where-Bible-Debt-Catholic-Church/dp/0895557967/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234885007&sr=8-1
Where We Got the Bible… Our Debt to the Catholic Church (Paperback)

I borrowed that book from a friend a few months ago, and I have to be honest. It’s awful. It’s very Protestant bashing and hateful. Is it really non-Catholic? Because I understood it to be written by a Catholic…

On top of that, there is not one footnote or bibliography, not one piece of information given a source. Sure, the content seems fine to me for the most part, since I already am familiar with it, but I can’t recommend the book to anyone with good conscience.

From the way you describe their Pastor, I’d bet you lunch that they are being coached by him. He is going through a list of “questions that confound those d%^& Catholics” type of document or book. One of the tactics that they use is to shotgun questions, not take one thing at a time, but to pile them on.

Hmm. no. I’m very sure that they haven’t told our old pastor yet. We would know. We’re friends with him, and the family minister married us. We were involved in the church. Plus, we come from a huge church, I simply doubt this is happening. But the shotgun questions… that’s true, that’s definitely what my in-laws are doing, but I would say that’s because most people who don’t know how to sit down and discuss in a logical manner do the very same thing.

Honestly, I would love if it were the pastor talking to us instead of our in-laws. He’s very knowledgeable, logical, rational and patient. lol

 

[MCGar]

This is what I would do.

I would have your husband call before each and every visit that you have to their house and let them know;

1. That you love them and want to go enjoy their company.
2. In order for you two to come over they have to promise to not lecture you two on the need to come over more.
3. They also need to promise not to talk about Catholicism with either of you because you find that they are starting to bare false witness against what you believe.
4. You can all have a nice visit but if they break their promise you two have to leave at that moment.

They aren’t going to like the rules but it really puts the choices in their hands. They can treat you with respect as adults and have a nice visit or they can refuse and miss out. It’s their choice and you need to give them their options so that they know.

p.s. If I explain to people that I don’t worship a priest and then they say, “I don’t understand why you worship a priest.” I would stand up and say, “I told you I do not worship a priest. You are bareing false witness against what I believe. Lies are not from God. So please take back what you said or I will have to go.”
It sounds harsh but I would say it in a very calm and sincere manner. Don’t let people steamroll over you in these sorts of conversations because no one has a right to do that to you.

 

[eleutheria]

Being the only Catholic in a family of Southern Baptists, I sympathize with you. It has been my experience that people like this aren’t interested in hearing anything you say. They just want to convert you to their religion. They will pretend to listen, then after you have finished speaking, will use the same arguments they began with.

It is extremely frustrating to converse with them. Again, their goal is not to listen to you, but to change you. They are not interested in your opinions at all. And yes, it is very controlling behavior.

As I am not good at apologetics, I refuse to discuss religion at all with my family. I find the circular arguments to be exhausting and pointless.

I could use all the sympathy I can get. lol Thank you. I’m not sure how much they’re out to convert, so much as they’re out to make sure that we’re not doing anything to “hinder our salvation”, which in the end, is the same thing, but I don’t think they’re purposely doing the first, if that makes sense.

I think it’s the circular stuff that is the most maddening. I enjoy debating, for the most part and I usually debate with people who have a decent knowledge of what they’re debating. It’s different with people who don’t, because they’ll simply state their opinion over and over again, without actually bringing anything else to the table. It’s almost as if whoever can state their opinion the loudest and most often wins.

 

[swisscakerolls]

Well, I am not married or anything, but here’s what I did.

I was in a nondenominational Church before I converted. My parents didn’t really get it, they thought I was joining a cult and would get lost in the empty ritual, would become legalistic, and probably a bunch of other stuff (They’re still afraid I might become a priest )

I tried explaining stuff to them, but after a while it seemed like I was hitting a brick wall, so I backed off the whole explaining thing, and just lived my faith to the best of my ability.

They were actually kind of surprised. They’ve noticed that I’m much calmer and more relaxed now. When they saw that I wasn’t going off into the weeds on anything, they were a little more willing to ask me questions. They’ll probably never become Catholic, but I think now they respect the Church in a way they didn’t.

One thing I learned, though, is that I most likely will never convince my parents to trust the Church. However, I can convince my parents to trust ME. If I can prove to them that I am growing in Christ, even if they don’t like my specific path, then they will respect that Catholicism is “my (sometimes silly) interpretation.”

My parents aren’t fundamentalists, however, so I couldn’t say how well this would work in your particular circumstance. Best of luck!

 

[rstegeman]

With regards to their interpretations of Biblical passages, I like to remind them of a few things. First, the Bible that they read from is a translated version and there are various ways to translate, literal, overall meaning, etc., plus every language has some words that don’t have a corresponding word in another language. Also, there are often times, multiple words that can be used. Thus, with a translation, you are at the mercy of the person / people doing the translation.

Second, just was we have in our time, I’m sure they had their own manner of speaking back then, things such as cliches, colloquialisms, common expressions, etc. (“he’s such a pain in the neck” or “She’s the bee’s knees” for example). Sometimes these don’t translate so well into written text, not to mention their original meanings getting lost over time. So basically, we are 2000 years removed from the time, several language variations apart and as culturally and environmentally different as could be from the time of Christ.

Third, how often have you interpreted or someone else interpret your email in a way that wasn’t the author’s intent? I don’t know about them, but I’ve encountered this quite frequently. Just browse through some of the millions of forums on the internet and you can easily find posts from people explaining their original meanings. And this comes from people in our own time, our own culture and language and in many instances, people we know personally.

Given all this, how is it that a person some 2000 thousand years removed from the original events and writings can interpret the meaning of the various Bible passages better than a church that relies on a Magesterium, Tradition and Scripture to guide us and to ensure that the original meaning is correctly passed on from generation to generation? How is it that they can, without ever hearing the words spill from Jesus’ lips in person, interpret better than the early Church Fathers, some of whom heard those words first hand and/or received their teaching from the Apostles themselves?

 

[eleutheria]

Well, I am not married or anything, but here’s what I did.

I was in a nondenominational Church before I converted. My parents didn’t really get it, they thought I was joining a cult and would get lost in the empty ritual, would become legalistic, and probably a bunch of other stuff (They’re still afraid I might become a priest )

I tried explaining stuff to them, but after a while it seemed like I was hitting a brick wall, so I backed off the whole explaining thing, and just lived my faith to the best of my ability.

They were actually kind of surprised. They’ve noticed that I’m much calmer and more relaxed now. When they saw that I wasn’t going off into the weeds on anything, they were a little more willing to ask me questions. They’ll probably never become Catholic, but I think now they respect the Church in a way they didn’t.

One thing I learned, though, is that I most likely will never convince my parents to trust the Church. However, I can convince my parents to trust ME. If I can prove to them that I am growing in Christ, even if they don’t like my specific path, then they will respect that Catholicism is “my (sometimes silly) interpretation.”

My parents aren’t fundamentalists, however, so I couldn’t say how well this would work in your particular circumstance. Best of luck!

Ya know… That sounds just about right. I could see this angle working quite a bit more than others. I think you’ve got it. I think they’re most worried about us leaving God, and since it’s quite the opposite, I’m sure that we’re going to change overtime in the same way. I’ve already noticed myself becoming a lot less anxious and fearful about things. I’m sure that will eventually show.

My MIL comes from a Presbyterian background and left that church for the non-denominational church because of rituals and what she perceived to be legalism, so I know they’re thinking that they left legalism for pure Christianity and we’re doing the very opposite.

This actually reminds me of something else… and what just made me laugh. The funny thing about all of this is that my uncle, not my husband’s family, is a hardcore Calvinist who is against Catholicism, but not hateful about it. When I told him that I was going to the Catholic church, he just shrugged and said, “well, I know where you stand in relation to Jesus and I know what you believe and how you think, I’m not worried in the slightest”.

I’m thinking this is where they’re coming from… wanting to not be worried.

 

[Trishie]

Respose to the last two posts…wow!
God’s grace in action!

 

[JPUSC]

Welcome!



http://www.sqpn.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/07/peter_key.jpg

 

[Denise_R]

I haven’t read all the posts but what I’ve read is some good advice. It’s probably been brought up but I’ll add my 2 cents.

They are probably fearful you are joining a cult. Try to ease their fears by finding common ground and keeping them in your lives as much as possible – enough so that they feel you are not abandoning them but not so much that you lose your sanity. I know from experience that when you are newly married you want (you must) set up your own family traditions and home. Parents need to respect that. However, make it a point to spend time with them and include them in your lives as much as possible when appropriate. If you used to have dinner with them every Sunday and now it’s once a month, make sure you initiate contact with them on the weeks you don’t have dinner. Invite them over sometimes.

It sounds from one of your posts that they don’t like to get into heated discussions so recognize that they are probably stressed out about your decision because they don’t understand it. The two of you should let them know how much you appreciate and respect them as parents while asking them to back off on discussions of religion.

It seems like you have both learned a lot about the Church and are enjoying digging deeper intellectually. The more we learn about the Church the more we are drawn to her. Wear your spirituality at all times – not by rituals they can see (you don’t have to cross yourselves when praying at dinner in their home) but in living a joy-filled, happy, contented life in the Lord. By keeping the lines of communication open and living out your new faith, your in-laws will eventually come to learn about the Catholic faith by your witness.

 

[CWBetts]

I come from an evangelical family, and came into the Cuurch last Easter. Though my experience does not seem to be as difficult as yours, I can say that I had to field alot of questions about Mary, the Saints the Eucharist, thew Sacrament of Reconciliation, etc. Hang in there! You will be in my prayers! The questions have subsided, but I stil have to deal with them from time to time, especially from my brother who spent two years at an evangelical university and thinks he knows all there is to know about Christianity. Lent is coming soon, so you are in the home stretch! PM me if you need anything!

 

[whatevergirl]

Let’s be fair. They don’t see it as following Martin Luther. In fact, most evangelical Protestants don’t consider church history at all. I know I didn’t. I thought that I was following a faith that looked physically like the one in the Bible, so I was the closest to it and that’s what most evangelicals believe and seek, a faith that they believe looks like the Bible. And admittedly, even now, at first glance, it does seem like evangelicals look the part more so than Catholics (or anyone liturgical for that matter). However, looking deeper, it’s not true.

But then they look at the Catholic church who appears to them to look like more than the Bible. To them, to me before, the Bible looks very simplistic and it looks like the Catholic church is more complicating, which I totally understand.

Hi;

They are not following Luther, of course, but Protestants, in particular Lutherans, see their leader as Luther. My BIL who converted from Catholicism to Lutheran several years ago…says…‘luther says this or that…’ So, to me, it’s ironic that they claim Catholics are following a man (pope) when they are really following a manmade theology. Luther doesn’t believe in much of what Catholics believe, and thus have taught that certain sacraments are not necessary etc…so, yes, many non Catholics look to Luther for how to follow their faith. The Catholic Church isn’t complicating the Bible, it’s following it IN ITS ENTIRETY. The Reformation took that fullness of the faith, and started to remove the very things Jesus instructed us to follow…so, really the confusion comes in when non Catholics don’t believe that the Papacy came from St Peter, etc…and thus, try to undo or redo history…

Catholics believe that oral tradition is also part of following the faith…the word of God is the foundation, but the Church’s ‘traditions’ are all based upon the Bible…stem from the word of God.

 

[eleutheria]

Welcome!

Thank you!! :extrahappy:

 

[eleutheria]

I come from an evangelical family, and came into the Cuurch last Easter. Though my experience does not seem to be as difficult as yours, I can say that I had to field alot of questions about Mary, the Saints the Eucharist, thew Sacrament of Reconciliation, etc. Hang in there! You will be in my prayers! The questions have subsided, but I stil have to deal with them from time to time, especially from my brother who spent two years at an evangelical university and thinks he knows all there is to know about Christianity. Lent is coming soon, so you are in the home stretch! PM me if you need anything!

Thank you so much! Prayers are always appreciated.

I actually went to an evangelical college, Messiah College in PA, if you’re familiar. Pretty ironic, eh? I credit my Bible studying ability to them and so really, their fault I’m almost Catholic.

 

[Denise_R]

Thank you so much! Prayers are always appreciated.

I actually went to an evangelical college, Messiah College in PA, if you’re familiar. Pretty ironic, eh? I credit my Bible studying ability to them and so really, their fault I’m almost Catholic.

That is a good starting point with your in-laws. Let them know how much you appreciated your college experience and evangelical upbringing and how their love of Jesus inspires you. Reassure them you love the Lord even more deeply (not more than they do but more deeply than you used to) because of your upbringing. They may think you are rejecting your past but in fact all your experiences have brought you to the point that you are now ready to enter the Catholic Church (the fullness of the faith).

 

[joandarc2008]

My dh and I had trouble with my in-laws as well concerning control issues and they are Catholic. It is probably not the religion you are fighting over - just her first born. My dh eventually had to tell his mother that these were the boundaries and if she didn’t adhere to them she would lose a son. She continued on her path and became very coniving and at times violent. She lost her son. The issue is that whatever your dh says is going to happen whether it be leaving a dinner, etc. you have to be willing to stick by AS A COUPLE. Remember that a man leaves his mother and father and that a woman leaves her home and the two shall become one flesh. Good luck.

God bless,

 

[Randy_Carson]

I’m looking for some advice.

My advice is two-fold.

1. Cut back on the number of visits and specify that you are there to socilize only. Let them know that if they bring up anything related to religion during these visits, you will walk out. Walk out in the middle of dinner if you have to, but let them know you mean business.
2. Start reading all the back issues of This Rock magazine which are available on this website for free. (Click on This Rock up above.) Also, buy and read “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating (who founded Catholic Answers). Then give it to your parents.

 

[ready]

Well, I haven’t read any of the prior posts but here goes my opinion:

I believe your evangelical in-laws mean well and think they know what’s best for you so are trying their hardest to help you see things the way they do. They seem irrational, yes. But they are probably arguing their best.

I’d still visit them as much as you can get yourself to visit them…how frequently is up to your ability/capacity. And try not to resent them. They’re probably scared for you and your husband.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Thank you so much! Prayers are always appreciated.

I actually went to an evangelical college, Messiah College in PA, if you’re familiar. Pretty ironic, eh? I credit my Bible studying ability to them and so really, their fault I’m almost Catholic.

Lol, very cute!!! Have you read stuff from Scott Hahn? He is a convert too, you just reminded me of him with that comment… if you get a chance look into his books/talks/etc.

Welcome to the Church!!! I love converts, I think us “Cradle Catholics” have** a lot **to learn from you!!!

 

[eleutheria]

Also, buy and read “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating (who founded Catholic Answers). Then give it to your parents.

I have it and I’ve read it. My husband is making his way through it still, but maybe afterwards. I’m thinking of giving them something a bit more basic though, like Karl Keating’s* What Catholics Really Believe*.

 

[eleutheria]

Lol, very cute!!! Have you read stuff from Scott Hahn? He is a convert too, you just reminded me of him with that comment… if you get a chance look into his books/talks/etc.

Welcome to the Church!!! I love converts, I think us “Cradle Catholics” have** a lot **to learn from you!!!

I’ve read Rome Sweet Home, Lamb’s Supper, A Father Who Keeps His Promises and Lord Have Mercy. He’s great, isn’t he?? We do have similar backgrounds!

Thank you for the welcome!