Evangelization technique gone awry

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Hello and thank you for taking your time to help me with this.

I have a friend who is an agnostic but was raised in a Christmas/Easter Catholic household.

Recently we were having a discussion about Catholicism and he asked me to give him my reasons for having faith and having converted. I had been hoping for a while that he would want to talk about it, but I felt like I was caught off guard when it came up and wasn’t sure of what exactly would be most helpful to say. I just started with a somewhat general “sometimes God just comes into your life and you stop right where you are…” This is a truthful explanation but he felt it was very general, and said “Everyone is always just trying to tell me about having faith and theyre not giving me any reasons. What really would make me want to have faith is if someone told me, ‘I prayed for my terminally ill grandfather not to die and then he lived.’”

So, influenced by this in the moment and because I really, really wanted to help him in his conversion by whatever reasoning I could give him, I think I made a really big mistake in explaining to him why someone should come to faith. Instead of first expanding upon faith and truth, I (without thinking it over) started telling him about all of the things in my life that buttress my faith – those “and then this happened, and I knew it was Saint so-and-so interceding for me in response to my prayers” types of examples. I knew that the thing he was looking for in that statement was, in a sense, cheap grace. And I am afraid that I went along with it and gave him the wrong idea of what grace really is.

He really listened to everything that I had told him and a few days later told me that he had still been thinking about what I had said. But then I realized that if I didn’t make faith the most important approach, and instead tried to give him more concrete examples that he didn’t have to make any personal strivings to understand, I most likely hurt him much more than I helped him.

I keep thinking about Christ’s parable of the seeds that fell into rocky soil, how they shoot up fast but then have no deep soil to grow in, and so die young. I am feeling really worried that I gave my friend a more ‘shallow’ approach and I didn’t encourage him to develop the ‘deep soil,’ which is faith and trust in God…

I have been texting him long messages like mad the last few days, trying to make him understand the context that I had left out, but I feel like it’s too late to try to explain it away…

So what should I do in this situation to rectify it as best as I can?

Thank you and please pray for him and for his conversion.
 
stop beating yourself up. You did the best you could do and thought of at the time and it came from your heart. Someone like him will never be truly satisfied with whatever faith based reasoning you give. Believe that you planted seeds in his heart and continue to pray for him. I would then back off of the topic with him for a while and let it be.
 
Hello and thank you for taking your time to help me with this.

I have been texting him long messages like mad the last few days, trying to make him understand the context that I had left out, but I feel like it’s too late to try to explain it away…

So what should I do in this situation to rectify it as best as I can?

Thank you and please pray for him and for his conversion.
He asked your for your personal. You gave them as far as you could. That was correct. Your mistake, if there was one, was to give a lot of reasons that were not personal - to you. Then the incessant e-mails. I think you should take things slowly, let him as the next question. If he doesn’t don’t press. Just stay off the subject for awhile unless he brings it up again. But then be honest and don’t embellish. 👍
 
Hello and thank you for taking your time to help me with this.

I have a friend who is an agnostic but was raised in a Christmas/Easter Catholic household.

Recently we were having a discussion about Catholicism and he asked me to give him my reasons for having faith and having converted. I had been hoping for a while that he would want to talk about it, but I felt like I was caught off guard when it came up and wasn’t sure of what exactly would be most helpful to say. I just started with a somewhat general “sometimes God just comes into your life and you stop right where you are…” This is a truthful explanation but he felt it was very general, and said “Everyone is always just trying to tell me about having faith and theyre not giving me any reasons. What really would make me want to have faith is if someone told me, ‘I prayed for my terminally ill grandfather not to die and then he lived.’”

So, influenced by this in the moment and because I really, really wanted to help him in his conversion by whatever reasoning I could give him, I think I made a really big mistake in explaining to him why someone should come to faith. Instead of first expanding upon faith and truth, I (without thinking it over) started telling him about all of the things in my life that buttress my faith – those “and then this happened, and I knew it was Saint so-and-so interceding for me in response to my prayers” types of examples. I knew that the thing he was looking for in that statement was, in a sense, cheap grace. And I am afraid that I went along with it and gave him the wrong idea of what grace really is.

He really listened to everything that I had told him and a few days later told me that he had still been thinking about what I had said. But then I realized that if I didn’t make faith the most important approach, and instead tried to give him more concrete examples that he didn’t have to make any personal strivings to understand, I most likely hurt him much more than I helped him.

I keep thinking about Christ’s parable of the seeds that fell into rocky soil, how they shoot up fast but then have no deep soil to grow in, and so die young. I am feeling really worried that I gave my friend a more ‘shallow’ approach and I didn’t encourage him to develop the ‘deep soil,’ which is faith and trust in God…

I have been texting him long messages like mad the last few days, trying to make him understand the context that I had left out, but I feel like it’s too late to try to explain it away…

So what should I do in this situation to rectify it as best as I can?

Thank you and please pray for him and for his conversion.
Assisi, remember that “faith” is a gift of the Holy Spirit, no amout of reasoning or explanation can give anyone faith.
You did the best you could by giving your own personal encounter with Holy providence, if the Holy Spirit chooses to start the spark of faith in your friend it is wholly upon His decision.
Stop beating yourself up just pray to the Holy Spirit for your friend that he may receive the grace.
And back down don’t try to force the issue, if it comes up from him then be ready to answer as best as you can and if you can’t well just say so, do not be afraid to say “I don’t know this” but I’ll try to find out 😃
God Bless!
 
You planted a seed or two, the Holy Spirit will water them.
He uses the oddest things to bring people to our lord.

I was saved by 1. reading The Silver Chair as a kid,
2. reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity when I was really depressed,
3. hearing the voice of God a few times.
I’m the type He had to hit over the head with a brick to get my attention. He is very merciful, has a plan for everyone’s life, and meets us where we are. The best you can do is pray for your friend, and don’t give him long lessons in theology if he hasn’t asked for them.
Those long quotes from the Bible & Catechism that people post? I never read them. But I will read a short comment about someone’s personal experience.
 
Hello and thank you for taking your time to help me with this.

I have a friend who is an agnostic but was raised in a Christmas/Easter Catholic household.

Recently we were having a discussion about Catholicism and he asked me to give him my reasons for having faith and having converted. I had been hoping for a while that he would want to talk about it, but I felt like I was caught off guard when it came up and wasn’t sure of what exactly would be most helpful to say. I just started with a somewhat general “sometimes God just comes into your life and you stop right where you are…” This is a truthful explanation but he felt it was very general, and said “Everyone is always just trying to tell me about having faith and theyre not giving me any reasons. What really would make me want to have faith is if someone told me, ‘I prayed for my terminally ill grandfather not to die and then he lived.’”

So, influenced by this in the moment and because I really, really wanted to help him in his conversion by whatever reasoning I could give him, I think I made a really big mistake in explaining to him why someone should come to faith. Instead of first expanding upon faith and truth, I (without thinking it over) started telling him about all of the things in my life that buttress my faith – those “and then this happened, and I knew it was Saint so-and-so interceding for me in response to my prayers” types of examples. I knew that the thing he was looking for in that statement was, in a sense, cheap grace. And I am afraid that I went along with it and gave him the wrong idea of what grace really is.

He really listened to everything that I had told him and a few days later told me that he had still been thinking about what I had said. But then I realized that if I didn’t make faith the most important approach, and instead tried to give him more concrete examples that he didn’t have to make any personal strivings to understand, I most likely hurt him much more than I helped him.

I keep thinking about Christ’s parable of the seeds that fell into rocky soil, how they shoot up fast but then have no deep soil to grow in, and so die young. I am feeling really worried that I gave my friend a more ‘shallow’ approach and I didn’t encourage him to develop the ‘deep soil,’ which is faith and trust in God…

I have been texting him long messages like mad the last few days, trying to make him understand the context that I had left out, but I feel like it’s too late to try to explain it away…

So what should I do in this situation to rectify it as best as I can?

Thank you and please pray for him and for his conversion.
Pray to the Holy Spirit.

“Dear Holy Spirit, I don’t know exactly what to say to this person, or what he needs to hear.
But you do. Put thoughts and words into my mouth, those that will help him. I don’t know what these are but I am going to rely on you to help me for only what comes from you will be good. I am putting myself entirely into your hands O Most Holy Spirit for guidance that you alone can help him. Thank you.”
 
I would say the fact that what you said impacted him so that he is still thinking about it days later is something to be happy about. You could have given him a great catechetical lesson on faith that went in one ear and out the other. What good would that have done.

I agree with the others that taking a step back might be the best thing to do now. Let him think on these things a little more. Give him time to process a bit. Then let him come to you with further questions.
 
Thank you everyone for your encouragement in this situation… I will take your advice and give it over to the Holy Spirit instead of any catechetical lessons that might struggle out of my mouth, unless he ends up asking for them by Holy Providence (:

Also, Linusthe2nd, I just want to clarify that I did not embellish in any way and was very honest (:

God bless
 
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