Ever have a major problem......with your in-laws?

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punisherthunder

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Ever have a major problem with your in-laws?

Long.story.short. We toured our rental house after the landlord made repairs. My in-laws ventured to see it and were awful. They screamed, yelled, stomped, the floor and made both my wife and the realtor cry. For those outside my narrative, my wife got fired last month and we are being evicted after next week…

Point is, right now I hate them. They own a house of all things but it’s in a bad part of town and right next to an adult bookstore! :eek: And they want us to move there and not 30 miles away into the country. We need stability, especially my wife after all she’s been through. On the plus, she did receive her Masters Degree in Literature today!

But have you ever had a major problem with in-laws who behave like children and lie? I don’t know what to do.
 
I don’t allow either my parents or my inlaws to have enough control of my life to be considered a major problem. However, I have had minor problems with my MIL. In short, she has a different idea of how much say a grandmother should have in how their children parent their grandchildren. She thinks some say and I think none. I have to draw boundaries and stick by them. Sounds like your inlaws shouldn’t be along for any more house showings.
 
punisherthunder said:
Ever have a major problem with your in-laws?

Long.story.short. We toured our rental house after the landlord made repairs. My in-laws ventured to see it and were awful. They screamed, yelled, stomped, the floor and made both my wife and the realtor cry. For those outside my narrative, my wife got fired last month and we are being evicted after next week…

Point is, right now I hate them. They own a house of all things but it’s in a bad part of town and right next to an adult bookstore! :eek: And they want us to move there and not 30 miles away into the country. We need stability, especially my wife after all she’s been through. On the plus, she did receive her Masters Degree in Literature today!

But have you ever had a major problem with in-laws who behave like children and lie? I don’t know what to do.
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My first reaction was, why are you in laws touring your rental house with you?

Unless they’re paying for it they should have no (name removed by moderator)ut into where you’re living since you’re the one who will be residing there, caring for it, maintaining it, etc… The requirements are all yours, not theirs. They’re nothing but future guests in the home. And even if they’re paying for it, you need to set some boundaries about what they can have in terms of (name removed by moderator)ut (ie: their (name removed by moderator)ut should really be limited to cost, not the what and where). I love my in laws (and family in general), but they all only have as much say in my life as my wife and I let them have. We ran into this last week. My wife’s cousins and my sister were invited to assist with Baby Shower planning, and they tried to run roughshod with it. We quickly shut them down kindly but firmly.
 
I didn’t have any real problems with my parents or my in laws. They are/were all annoying in their own ways but not to any degree that disturbed my peace for long. You have to cut the apron strings when you get married and relate to your in laws the way you relate to any other adult in your life. Sometimes that parent/child dynamic encroaches on the relationship in a co=dependent way.
 
No. But I generally get along with nearly everyone.

My wife has had problems with *her *in-laws now and again, though. :rolleyes:
 
Sadly, mine passed away within the first few years we were married. So did my parents, so neither of us has ever dealt with ‘issues’ as it where. I would gladly have had some if they could have been with us just a bit longer…
 
I could write a book. My mom dealt with my controlling in-laws, but she was no better. We opted to move far, far, away.

It was real bad, with each set of parents telling us where we would be visiting for the holidays. So we bowed out and they had it out between themselves.
 
Dacinom said:
This is going to be hard for you, you are a good husband and your instinct is to protect your wife. However this is primarily her “battle” so to speak.

.
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I agree with this. As others have said, they shouldn’t have gone on the tour with you in the first place. I can’t help but think that your wife is the one who wanted them there.
 
punisherthunder said:
Ever have a major problem with your in-laws?

Long.story.short. We toured our rental house after the landlord made repairs. My in-laws ventured to see it and were awful. They screamed, yelled, stomped, the floor and made both my wife and the realtor cry. For those outside my narrative, my wife got fired last month and we are being evicted after next week…

Point is, right now I hate them. They own a house of all things but it’s in a bad part of town and right next to an adult bookstore! :eek: And they want us to move there and not 30 miles away into the country. We need stability, especially my wife after all she’s been through. On the plus, she did receive her Masters Degree in Literature today!

But have you ever had a major problem with in-laws who behave like children and lie? I don’t know what to do.
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I read your other update and wanted to congratulate you on your new home, and also, congratulations to your dear wife on getting her Master’s Degree!

I know that you have been under so much intense stress lately, but I am so happy that you have a new home, and that your wife has her Master’s! Both great news! 🙂

As for in-laws, yes. Mine were great at giving unsolicited advice.

One day my MIL became really upset and mentioned this to my husband–that we never took her advice, but that others did who weren’t her family. I don’t know what my husband said to her in response to that comment.

I agree with others though who said that these are your wife’s parents, and she will have to be the one to set the boundaries with them.

I would not have them in your rental house if they are going to behave so negatively. In their minds, they probably can’t understand why you don’t want to live in the other house that they have.
 
I would read “Toxic In-laws” and “Toxic Parents” by Susan Forward. Sometimes there are distinct patterns to behaviour that unfortunately you will not be the first to experience. Once you realise what is going on and how little you can personally do to change it you can decide your next move.

Adults reducing others to tears and screaming and tantruming is clearly not normal or healthy. You need to help your wife put some boundaries around your marriage and if necessary see your In-laws very infrequently if at all. It would be totally inappropriate to expose any babies or young children to this type of dynamic.

Being loving does not mean allowing others to abuse you, even if they are family.
 
Thank you everyone for the (name removed by moderator)ut.

She tried setting boundaries and they threatened to cut her off financially. Since we have been struggling since she lost her job, they have been paying $90 a month for our little miniature schnauzer’s heart medicine because he’s older and has a weak heart. 😦

And they told her if she moves to this house, they will no longer pay for his heart medicine.
 
Dacinom said:
This is the time to let go and to trust God.

The two of you need to eventually prepare to let go of your little dog, I don’t mean that in a cruel way but as a way to prepare in a healthy way to say goodbye for what will happen eventually whether or not your in-laws pay for the medicine or not.

Please do not blame them for not paying for the heart medicine, I know it is tempting to do so because your wife is emotional right now. You should never have asked them for money in the first place but you already knew that. You cannot live your lives being held ransom. I have had to make hard decisions in my life because I couldn’t afford things, it was hard but that is how life was. You cannot afford your pets medication, that is reality right now. You will have to take care of him as best as you can that is all you cannot put your marriage on hold that is not what marriage is. When you get married you leave your father and mother and cleave to your husband or wife.

Once you move it will be a long slow road but your wife will have to start setting up boundaries, as you say, with her parents. They sound like they can be very pushy, and mean really. Please be assured of my prayers.
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OP, I believe Monicad is spot on. Trust me, she comforted me with my MIL troubles until I wised up and got my husband to wise up.

In any case, money is one of the worst weapons to control other people. My husband insisted on not taking a dime from his parents because he knew that his parents would hold any loans over his head (he saw it with his brothers). While we had other troubles with in-laws, we avoided the money issues with them, as it could be used as a power trip.

Sadly, if your pet is up in age, I am not sure his/her welfare is worth the possibility of long-term marital strife. And sadly, your wife needs to address this, as it is her family.

I love pets, but your sacramental marriage will work to get you to Heaven. I feel so bad for your situation, but honestly it will help in the long run.
 
punisherthunder said:
Thank you everyone for the (name removed by moderator)ut.

She tried setting boundaries and they threatened to cut her off financially. Since we have been struggling since she lost her job, they have been paying $90 a month for our little miniature schnauzer’s heart medicine because he’s older and has a weak heart. 😦

And they told her if she moves to this house, they will no longer pay for his heart medicine.
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Wow! That’s cold. These are not people you want manipulating your life. I know you love your dog, but I would recommend almost anything over borrowing money from your inlaws again. Possibly even making an exception to my rock-hard rule about credit card debt.
 
I also agree with Monicad. The devil uses some people through money, to get a sort of evil control over another person. In our case my father-in-law owed my husband a substantial amount of money. Father-in-law said he would only pay it back if my husband divorced me. (FIL was anti -Catholic). We never divorced, he never paid the money owed, his son is Catholic, and FIL has gone to meet (?) Jesus. Not wanting to sound cold, but just to emphasize that some people never change.
 
My husband always tells me that money is a great servant but I terrible master. We live by that mantra.
 
Not to continue this saga, but things have gotten slightly worse.

MIL texted my wife such vicious messages over the weekend. The worst of which was
“I hope you one day have a daughter who breaks your heart as much as you’ve broken mine so you know what it feels like”.

We move this Friday and I sign the lease at 3pm. I chose 3pm because of the Holy Hour, so I’m hoping it helps us. But this situation has gotten so wild.

However, my wife has a major interview today, so here’s hoping…:o
 
They have shown you what they are capable of.

My advice to you is to do what it takes to be free of their money. Work a pt night job for a few months until you land on your feet-.do whatever you have to. Their behavior can be used as a strong motivator for you. How great will you feel when you don’t need their help?

I would also ask your dogs vet if there is a program or something that provides animals medication, or extended payment billing.

90 dollars a month comes to 3.00 a day. Throw loose change in a jar everytime you have some to offset this.

It amazes me that parents don’t realize that their behavior is so cruel. I would aviod contact for a while until you settle into your new place–right now you and your wife are beginning a new life and you do not need the stress.
 
punisherthunder said:
Not to continue this saga, but things have gotten slightly worse.

MIL texted my wife such vicious messages over the weekend. The worst of which was
“I hope you one day have a daughter who breaks your heart as much as you’ve broken mine so you know what it feels like”.

We move this Friday and I sign the lease at 3pm. I chose 3pm because of the Holy Hour, so I’m hoping it helps us. But this situation has gotten so wild.

However, my wife has a major interview today, so here’s hoping…:o
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Ahh-I was posting as you wrote this. You MIL has taken a page from my mom’s book. I could write a book about this-

Dangling money, cursing and berating when things don’t go her way your wife, and so on…
Chin up-have wife stop texting her until you settle in-remove emotion from the relationship for now.
Your wife and you need to focus on your new beginning, not be dragged through the mud.

Put the inlaws on the back burner, and resume contact when you are ready-not on MIL’s terms.

I am saying a prayer for you and your wife’s interview.
 
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