Ever make a decision based mainly on your emotions?

[Imryl]

Well you know my opinion on the matter… (STAY IN FLORIDA!)

Anyway…

I have moved away from places and then moved back. And well, … It’s never exactly the same as when you left. Expect that people you might have been close to in the past have “moved on”. I’m not saying that they won’t have the time for you, but they may not be as close to you as they once were. That may cause some amount of discouragement in you. Just something for you to consider.

As for your work not moving you back. Most companies have a minimum “wait time” before they will invest moving you back across the country. You may want to ask how long you would have to wait before you would be ALLOWED to request a move where they would pay the bill. They may never pay if they don’t have need of you there.

At my work, if you move, you must wait a minimum of two years before they will move you again. Unless the move is at their request.

 

[whatevergirl]

I made a decision purely based on emotion recently. We were about a month from our wedding day when my husband-to-be lost his job. That put me in quite an emotional wreck. Then he starts saying, “Well, without that job, there’s no reason to start out in PA (where neither of us has family), we could move near one of our families.” I just broke down completely over that idea … I guess I wanted some stability in our plans, and I had made all these plans for how we were going to make it in PA, we had looked at apartments, I had applied to jobs … and I was just mortally terrified of moving.

Well, my husband caved, we stayed here and now we each have jobs. As a teacher, I can’t move until the end of the year. At that point, he’ll finally be making some progress on his job – one he couldn’t keep if we moved back to the west coast, where I am from. So we really committed to staying here, and we’re pretty stuck if we want to change our minds.

Problem is, I want to change my mind. Without the paralyzing fear I had right before the wedding, it seems way more practical for us to be living near family. I’m expecting in April, and it sure would be nice to have some family support. I can’t stand the cold here, or the heat for that matter, and the long winters make me depressed. We’ve had a big falling-out with our only real friends in the area. So there is absolutely no good reason to live here, and lots to live elsewhere, but – we’re stuck.

My advice? Yes, emotions – especially the long-lasting kind, not the momentary panic kind – are okay to take into account. They tell us what we really want … something no amount of logical thinking can work out for us. I had a friend who was paralyzed about going out with a girl he liked because “wouldn’t that be just listening to my emotions?” But when it comes to what person to marry, what place to live, who to make friends with, we don’t have a whole lot to go on besides our gut.

So, when you weigh pros and cons, emotions go on the list. They can’t overrule other factors, but they are there all the same. My strong desire to be near family, I consider a valid emotion. Terror at abandoning plans isn’t quite so valid. So check them over. From your situation, I don’t see any reason not to move if the whole family wants to. However, if your husband doesn’t want to go back, hating the cold weather and all that, I have to say I sympathize!

Your emotions might be a little clouded because they have the tendency to imagine things were better back sometime in the past, and associate things that really aren’t related (PA and a happy time in your life). But they can help you see the desires of your heart.

I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is, anymore than the priest could, but I wish you luck. Remember to take the feelings of everyone else into account just as much as your own. Chances are, either choice would make you happy in the long run – so don’t be afraid.

*Hi sheila, thank you for your post here! So much to think over…you are right…I think emotions, when we don’t permit them to control our lives (ok, today, I feel this way, so we’re doing this, oops tomorrow I feel this way…and on and on) but help us to see the true desires of our hearts, as you say. I think you’re hitting the nail on the head too…I’m thinking back to a time, when I wish I could freeze it. My dh’s job going well, friends galore, parties, bbq’s, kids making snowmen and sleigh riding, one of my dear friends working side by side with me …

But, she left the company, kids probably wouldn’t build snowmen anymore, and my husband had a lot of ups and downs with his job in PA, honestly. (another thing that depressed him so much!)

In ‘‘talking this out here’’ and after confession today, I have come to the conclusion, that we as a family are not unhappy here. It’s funny, my son would lament about Florida…a lot, since we moved here. Meanwhile, he grew in confidence, and has developed a strong sense of ‘who he is,’ I guess one could say. He was rather shy, to a negative, in PA. He was younger, aging helped, but I think moving here stretched him. He could remain shy and have no friends, or come out of his shell, and see who he is. He did the latter, and he has grown in ways I didn’t see in PA. He stayed so boxed in with his comfort zone in PA. That might have had nothing to do with PA, but it was a reality. My dd was always outgoing, but moving here …my dh said we have grown in our faith, he thinks. He said, personally for him, he has grown in holiness and in his prayer life. I thought that was interesting. When we did the pros and cons sheet, lots of things came out…my family was like an open book…sharing their innermost thoughts. That said, my son said…well, Florida is not THAT bad. haha I said, aaahhh, all this time you have been complaining, now that we might move back…you are hesitant. He said…I’m going to be 17 next month mom, life’s different now. Oh really?

Thought that was cute. *

 

[whatevergirl]

Well you know my opinion on the matter… (STAY IN FLORIDA!)

Yes, I figured you’d say this. lol

Anyway…

I have moved away from places and then moved back. And well, … It’s never exactly the same as when you left. Expect that people you might have been close to in the past have “moved on”. I’m not saying that they won’t have the time for you, but they may not be as close to you as they once were. That may cause some amount of discouragement in you. Just something for you to consider.

*Yes, my dh has said this to me. He knows me too well, I guess. Hey, I think you do, too! Good points, though. *

As for your work not moving you back. Most companies have a minimum “wait time” before they will invest moving you back across the country. You may want to ask how long you would have to wait before you would be ALLOWED to request a move where they would pay the bill. They may never pay if they don’t have need of you there.

Well…here is the thing…my company moved me, at their request. It was a bit of both…my agreeing to move here. They paid the bill. There is no ‘business reason’ for me to move with this company back to PA, frankly. There really isn’t. I wasn’t surprised by the answer, but dh and I thought it was worth me asking. Since Disney doesn’t exist in PA, dh can’t ask for a transfer!

At my work, if you move, you must wait a minimum of two years before they will move you again. Unless the move is at their request.

 

[GratefulDad]

*claire…GratefulDad…1ke…dulcissima…annie…chevalier (thanks for the levity it helps) …and everyone else who took the time to reply…thank you!!

I asked one more person about this today…a priest who is my usual confessor. I decided to go to confession today, and in confessing my sins–one of them, was that I have been worried/anxious, etc lately…he said, why? I said…you have a minute? lol He said, yes. I explained the whole PA vs Florida thing (the nutshell version) and that while we are not unhappy here, I think that PA will always be home. Here is what he said…as I think his advice can serve to help us all when faced with tough decisions.

He basically said that when given a decision, we should always hold it up to the Light of God. That first and foremost, we are to follow the Commandments and the Church’s teachings. He said that that should be the FIRST thing we look at in our lives…’‘will this thing I’m deciding on, cause me to sin?’’ ‘‘will this thing I’m about to do, cause me to falter in my faith?’’ He said, what you present, sounds like it would not affect you either way, in that regard. He said, but when making a decision, we should always pray…and look for what God is trying to show us. He said, prayer isn’t a substitute for becoming passive though. He said that we have to weigh the advantages to moving back. He also said something very surprising…he said that if you feel God’s will was to bring you here, then why would God be asking you to return back? I didn’t say anything, I just listened. He reminded me of the passage Luke 9:62: Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”* He said that sometimes God’s will brings some suffering.

It was one of the best confessions I might have ever had. He said for me to be happy, and to count my blessings. He said, the devil wants us to think about negatives when we have followed God’s will…so that we can lose our way. Make sure you don’t forget to count your blessings, surely there are many in your life, and surely there are some here in Florida. (and he laughed)

I find priests’ advice to be so…inspiring.

What do you make of his advice? He didn’t tell me which direction to go, I don’t think anyone can do that for my family and me…only my dh and I can make the final decision.

One thing that comes to mind as a deterrent for moving back, is that my dh was not happy in cold weather…being cooped up for months, because of cold and snow. I remember those days…it was a big factor in me agreeing to be relocated with my company to Florida. So, I don’t want to bring him pain.

I do love where we have chosen to live, north of tampa…it’s lovely here…home-ie. And temps have dropped today to the 70’s.

Boy WG, That is pretty insightful. Sounds like you might need to buy a house while interest rates are low.

I do remember you writing a while back and a couple of thousand post ago, how you thought God was guiding you and your family to Fla. So the Priest comments are really interesting.

 

[GratefulDad]

*Hi In ‘‘talking this out here’’ and after confession today, I have come to the conclusion, that we as a family are not unhappy here. It’s funny, my son would lament about Florida…a lot, since we moved here. Meanwhile, he grew in confidence, and has developed a strong sense of ‘who he is,’ I guess one could say. He was rather shy, to a negative, in PA. He was younger, aging helped, but I think moving here stretched him. He could remain shy and have no friends, or come out of his shell, and see who he is. He did the latter, and he has grown in ways I didn’t see in PA. He stayed so boxed in with his comfort zone in PA. That might have had nothing to do with PA, but it was a reality. My dd was always outgoing, but moving here …my dh said we have grown in our faith, he thinks. He said, personally for him, he has grown in holiness and in his prayer life. I thought that was interesting. When we did the pros and cons sheet, lots of things came out…my family was like an open book…sharing their innermost thoughts. That said, my son said…well, Florida is not THAT bad. haha I said, aaahhh, all this time you have been complaining, now that we might move back…you are hesitant. He said…I’m going to be 17 next month mom, life’s different now. Oh really?

Thought that was cute. *

This is great self Revelation Whatevergirl. And thinking like a husband and man (you can always count on me to do that), I would bet you, your DH has grown so much in his, Holiness and Faith because he is not shoveling all that snow or doing all those other snow and ice type chores. He can spend all that time in contemplation and prayer. hehe And you can tell him I said so.

 

[whatevergirl]

My cat looks like a dead fly.

I did laugh out loud reading this…thank you, chev. Sometimes, a laugh makes all the difference.

 

[whatevergirl]

Boy WG, That is pretty insightful. Sounds like you might need to buy a house while interest rates are low.

I do remember you writing a while back and a couple of thousand post ago, how you thought God was guiding you and your family to Fla. So the Priest comments are really interesting.

*I know, I remember that. I still do believe it, that is why I think these ‘‘feelings’’ have been an unexpected surprise. *

 

[ac_claire]

What do you make of his advice? He didn’t tell me which direction to go, I don’t think anyone can do that for my family and me…only my dh and I can make the final decision.
*

I think it was excellent advice. I like what he said here:

…he said that if you feel God’s will was to bring you here, then why would God be asking you to return back? I didn’t say anything, I just listened. He reminded me of the passage Luke 9:62: Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

So WG…do you/did you think that it was God’s will leading you to move to Florida? If so, that’s something to think about and pray about. Specifically, why did He lead you in that direction at that time? For what purpose? Also, know that even if it’s crystal clear to you that it was God’s will for you to move to Florida, I don’t think that necessarily means that it was His will for you to *stay there *forever. The way I see it, that would be two seperate things. Maybe whatever was supposed to happen or be fulfilled or whatever has been already, and it’s time to go back home? He could very well be leading you to move back to PA now! (Like Imryl, my posts may be biased but in the other direction…because I’ve never been a Florida fan but I love, LOVE Pennsylvania. And Pittsburgh is a lovely city. )

It looks from your latest couple of posts that you might be leaning back to the “stay in Florida” position? lol. You’re right of course, that it’s something only you and your husband can decide. I sense that all this posting about it on CAF is your way of “thinking out loud” and trying to work everything out in your mind and heart. I pray that you’ll have the wisdom and discernment to figure out what the best thing to do is. :hug1:

 

[whatevergirl]

Thank you claire, what a sweet reply. We have much to mull over. I think that we’ll send resumes just to see how marketable dh/we are…I most likely, will remain with my job, should we move. It took a load off of my shoulders after hearing the priest’s advice yesterday…it’s not so much that God dictates our every move…He DOES want us to employ free will, and wisdom. He doesn’t want to say do this or that, but rather pray for His guidance. So, if we do move back or stay, I will KNOW that God guided us in the direction, but that we used wisdom to make the decision…and that is not a bad thing. I guess I was of the assumption that we just sit passively back in our chairs, waiting for signs form God. Yes, there are signs that can be revealed to us, but only through prayer…and through actively living our lives for Him. It helped me to not feel so anxious…either decision, I can now know that whatever we decide, it will be for the best. I didn’t expect so much from going to confession yesterday!

 

[CountrySinger]

I made the decision to not enter the convent based on emotion. I was accepted into the local convent to enter this past September, but I’ve always desired to get married (I was dating around during the discernment process). On paper, I SHOULD enter the convent: single, female, Irish, rapidly approaching 30, Catholic, no debt. I love the sisters at the convent, but something didn’t “feel” right for the last few months. Before then, it was home. I don’t know if it was God’s will, but it confused me.

 

[Janechantal53]

*1ke…I think those last questions in your final paragraph are worth me mulling over. DH and I were discussing it this morning…he asked…so, what are we going to do? It’s a bad thing to ‘‘feel’’ in limbo. I have weighed the pros and cons…we did that, last weekend, you are right. Pittsburgh came out ahead.

I am happy in my life…thankful to God for my family, my husband…my work. My husband’s work…There is this unsettled feeling here though. My husband thinks it goes waaay back, deep down inside, at the core of my fears…making a commitment. Buying a house, I’d say is my ‘‘fear’’ with Florida. My husband wants to buy…there are so many great deals right now, but I’m ‘‘fearful’’ of making a bad decision to commit to buying a house here in Florida, I guess. I also don’t feel ‘‘the same’’ about my job. That could be coupled with it all. I am happy in what I do, but financially, it’s not what ‘‘they’’ promised me…that could be due to the recession…and Florida is getting the blame for THAT…so, perhaps, Florida is getting blamed for the recession, and my company merged with another one earlier this year, so things changed considerably in corporate mgmt. Not bad, per se…but it’s just another change I’ve undergone. So many changes since 2007…I think our minds and bodies can only take so much change, does this make sense?

So, while I miss things about Pittsburgh, perhaps I feel by moving back, somehow, I won’t feel this unsettled feeling. My dh’s job has also caused us to literally have opposing schedules…I equate that to Florida, perhaps. Who’s to say that would not be the same way in Pittsburgh?

So, perhaps, I look at Florida as to blame for all of these changes, but overall, the move has not been bad. It has been good for us all, I’d say. The kids, included, although, dd says when she graduates high school…she is heading back to Pittsburgh to go to college. I think deep down Pittsburgh will always feel like home to us, whereas Florida doesn’t feel this way. There is that word** feel ***again.

So…in reading my words here, maybe I need to figure out the EXACT reason for my desire to move back. Maybe that is more at hand, than my reasons AGAINST Florida. Thanks 1ke…you, like my dh, help me think more logically. Sadly, if I didn’t marry my husband…I might never make decisions, and then where would I be? Thank you. :hug1:

Whatevergirl, It’s not a life or death decision you are talking about. As has been pointed out by others, God gave us emotions and they are valuable in decision-making. Maybe that’s how God speaks to you. He wants you to be happy and clearly Fl. is not where you want to be. Since you daughter is going to return “home” as soon as she can, you are obviously not alone in your feelings. I don’t know why you are struggling with this for so long. If we in good conscience make a mistake, God will turn it to our good. So, do not be afraid!

 

[whatevergirl]

Whatevergirl, It’s not a life or death decision you are talking about. As has been pointed out by others, God gave us emotions and they are valuable in decision-making. Maybe that’s how God speaks to you. He wants you to be happy and clearly Fl. is not where you want to be. Since you daughter is going to return “home” as soon as she can, you are obviously not alone in your feelings. I don’t know why you are struggling with this for so long. If we in good conscience make a mistake, God will turn it to our good. So, do not be afraid!

*I agree Jane…after speaking yesterday with the priest, it would seem that all this time, I have been wasting time on fretting over something that really as you say…is not life or death. That is a good way for me to think about this. It is also morally neutral, and when faced with choices such as these, either one might be fine, so long as we are living for God…and putting Him first. My daughter says that, but at the same time, she likes a lot of things here in Florida. Perhaps, we are just the most confusing (confused?) family on the planet. I have decided to take all of your advice here and the priest’s and pray, and just think things through. I am not unhappy here…just miss Pgh at times. Maybe that is all it really is…you know?

I appreciate your thoughts.*