Ever purposefully broken a religious object?

[embarrassed]

I tore apart a rosary and a holy card this weekend. I was so angry and frustrated with God. I even cursed at him terribly…Now, having gone to confession, I don’t really understand why I did it…I mean I know why…but it seems so absolutley abhorent to me. I broke two crucifixes about two years ago, angry at God for the same reason. (I have TONS of religious objects all over the place; it isn’t like I go to the store and buy a crucifix just to break it…not black mass style by any means) The reason why I got so angry at God is because it seems like I can’t stop masturbating. I know it’s my fault, and not God’s…but at the time it felt like I would fall…ask God’s forgiveness…His helping hand…and then he’d just say “Haha, just kidding!” and let go of my hand only to let me fall again. Okay, I know it’s my fault. I know I am a wretch for breaking the rosary and tearing the holy card, but how do I keep that humility. I know I will always be a sinful wretch before God; how do I keep pride from creeping in? I have to say that I love God as much as I can, which isn’t much…but it’s all I’ve got. Am I crazy for breaking religious objects? I have only done it twice before in my life. Its always a fit of anger and never premeditated. My confessor acted suprised and told me not to be so hard on myself for masturbating. I can’t believe I broke that rosary and holy card…it seems so terrible to me and I can’t believe I did it…man…what’s wrong with me? I feel like I need a psych exam or something. Am I crazy, or do normal people who are trying to love God get this mad at Him every now and then? I know it’s irrational…any advice?

 

[Nikhil]

Yes, don’t forget that God loves you. No matter what that is an indisputable fact. Let no temporary setback convince you otherwise.

I would say you have done a good thing by trying to discuss it here. Use it as an opportunity, or a release of sorts. I am not condoning abuse of religious objects but whats in the past is in the past. Now that you’ve let it out sit back and listen to Him talking to you.

The real danger you face when you are angry at God is the separation you place between yourself and the One who truly can save you. Don’t let this happen. Offer your struggles to Him. Place them at His feet and allow Him to take care of you.

While you are at it do an examination of conscience. Forgive all those who have hurt you in any way. This will be hard to do at first. But you must. You may want to realise that we truly can’t have any sense of entitlement to anything. Whatever we have is His gift to us. Always thank Him for it.

If you can get this far I can bet my last dollar that you will be well on your way to repairing all damage you may have done.

 

[embarrassed]

Thank you for your encouraging words; I know God loves me…it just alarms me that I could do something like that (break a rosary) and ever be secure in my love for God. Are we never to be secure? I dont think I will ever do that again…goodness what drove me to do that? My confessor seemed very shocked, but it was probably just my imagination making the worst of things. I normally am bursting at the seams wanting to tell everyone about the love of God…but this past weekend was so terrible. We are weak, sinful humans, eh? Should I stop thinking about a religious vocation because of what I’ve done?

 

[Nikhil]

Let me first suggest that you do not make a link between these incidents and your religious vocation. They are two separate things that need not be worried upon at the same time.

Clearly you can see that you acted impulsively and regret your actions. Don’t let this become more than it is. You were upset. You got mad. It’s over. See what I have said earlier again … anger at God separates you from the One who truly loves you.

Too many people agonize over trying to find something wrong with themselves. Truth is everyone is not perfect. You have to learn to deal with your weaknesses and emphasize your strengths. See where your anger come from. Work on forgiveness. You may want to find out a little bit on Inner Healing as well.

Hope this helps …

 

[jackpuffin]

Thank you; it does help a lot. I find myself always looking for things that are wrong about me and reasons why i am too sinful to be a priest; but you are right, they are seperate things. Thank you.

 

[blessedstar]

God loves you.

That is fact, undisputable.

God loves no more or no less whether you sin or not because God’s love is absolute and we need only look at a Crucifix to see this. Just as a mother or father’s love is not diminished by their child’s actions.

I was reflecting on an incident that occurred recently in my life. My tumble-dryer broke down, I tried to fix it, a woman armed with a screw driver and a severe bad mood because of course I didn’t know what I was doing and I knew I had no hope of fixing that tumble drier, but I gave it a fair go. I poked and prodded and finally had an adult tantrum and this is what you are doing when you break that Rosary and smash up Crucifix’s, you are having a mature tantrum.

I can’t say I ever broke a religious object or sacred item, but what I can say is that I have disrespected God by my actions in life and I am a sinner, so what? I am in the company of all the Saints because none of them were born saints, they all had to grow in holiness and they all grew by trial and suffering and in short, things not going their way.

The great good of God in your post is that you are tired of your actions, that is a huge step in growing in holiness. So many are dulled in conscience that they don’t even know what they are doing. You have the Holy Spirit working in you and you feel that and seek His direction and therefore are illuminated by Him in your soul.

You recognise what it is that plagues your conscience and in all honesty you are angry at your ‘self’ rather than God. It would be easy to say ‘God made it all too hard’, but what is really going on is ‘We are finding it hard to do’ Your spirit desires what is holy, but the broken self riddled with concupiscence which we all struggle with seems to be in the way of your holy intentions. St Paul wrote greatly about this.

I would urge you to love yourself and be patient with your ‘self’ because God surely is and God also sees your intent more clearly than you do.

Do not fall into the trap of self hate, this will not nurture the self to transform into the likeness of Christ, but impede it’s development setting it back.

You must recall the kindness and mercy of Jesus. The only harsh words Jesus has is for those who pretend to have faith and seem all that, but inside they are far from faith and for those who know their sin and have no intention of repenting. But Jesus is full of love, mercy and compassion for those who fight against sin even though they may fall, because their striving is in faith and their desire is love, that is to love God and their brothers and sisters.

Speak to your Priest for advice and pray with your life offering this struggle to Jesus.

You are a long way down the road, though it doesn’t feel like it to you and you will arrive if you persevere.

Purgation is always rough but it is part of the Narrow Road Jesus takes us on that leads to the Gate.

Pray, persevere and stop worrying

In my prayers for your religious vocation

 

[Pilar]

I would also like to offer encouragement to you. Thought I have not ever purposefully broken a religious item I have known of those who have - whether or not they ever confessed it, I do not know. The important thing is that YOU DID! And you seem to be showing true contrition for your actions - from everything I have ever read, that is what God wants. The biggest sin is to never come to Him with a contrite heart over our sins - to see the error in your ways and beg forgiveness is a blessing (even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes).

On piece of wisdom that I derived from some of my reading may be helpful to you. Our society focuses on what feels good now (i.e. expressing our anger for God, other acts you mentioned above, etc.) and says that satisfying your immediate need is what is most important. As Christians we are called to do what will not necessarily feel good right now - but will feel (and be) good later. This can be applied to the small things in life as well as the big (exercising is no fun for most of us while we are doing it - but how amazing does it make you feel later - plus you will live a longer and healther life). By denying ourselves the things that may feel good in the moment - we are acknowledging that what is to come is much more important. I struggle with this everyday but have found this concept helpful to pull me out of my worldly behavior and into the frame of mind that may (Lord willing) get me to Heaven one of these days

Hang in there and know that we are each given a cross to carry. Even those who from the outside seem perfect have a cross - we just may not be able to see it. It is in our attempt to bear our crosses that we see the face of God.

 

[beckycmarie]

I know God loves me…it just alarms me that I could do something like that (break a rosary) and ever be secure in my love for God. Are we never to be secure?

We often fail in our love for God by choosing to sin. Thinking that you can overcome any temptation on your own without prayer often results in a fall. That is one form of presumption. (Another form of presumption is leading a life of sin thinking you can pull off some sort of death-bed conversion.)

Instead of relying too much on yourself, realize you need God’s help to do any good, and pray to him for strength when you are tempted. Sin always begins with the thought. If the temptation persists, pray for the strength to overcome it. You’ll soon find yourself overcoming these temptations time and again.

 

[MarieVeronica]

I confess… that yes, once I did break a holy object… in anger. It was at about the middle of my “fallen away” time from the practice of the faith. About 5 years, before Our Blessed Mother reached out to me… and brought me Home.

Our family was literally coming apart at the seams, during that time… and I was extremely angry about it. I blamed God for everything… during those years. In a moment of sheer frustration… and anger… I broke the glass on a beautiful picture of Jesus… which was in my living room.

I confessed to having done this, just this year. And Father told me the same thing that everyone else is telling you. Jesus loves you. He loves me. He loves us all. I realized at that moment… how much He loves me. Because He forgave me.

It was also a good illustration to me… of how much sin hurts us. I have deeply regretted losing that portrait. But the lesson I learned, will stay with me… always. God bless.