after all the prayer that i have done, i have come to the realisation that everything that happens in life is god’s will… so satan does not figure into it… which means that even when something bad happens… it is god doing it… dont know how to explain it based on God’s will always happens in your life… just so confused nowadays that dont even feel like praying anymore…
Even Augustine, whose thought spawned many overzealous views of predestination and God’s sovereignty, would not attribute to God the cause of evil.
When speaking of the will, in, On Free Will (the end of bk. II):
We cannot but doubt that that movement of the will, that turning away from the Lord God, is sin; ut surely we cannot say that God is the author of sin? God, then, will not be the cause of that movement; but what will be its cause… Only hold fast to your pious opinion that no good thing can happen to you, to your senses or to your intelligence or to your thought, which does not come from God… all good is from God… Now that movement of “aversion,” which we admit is sin, is a defective movement; and all defect comes from nothing. Observe where it belongs and you will have no doubt that it does not belong to God
Now, we must be most careful not to attribute to God the cause of moral evil.
Even if you take Satan out of the picture-- there is still man’s free will. And when God created man’s free will, He ceded a portion of His sovereignty and allowed us to act freely, such that it is not God who wills, but we who will, when we will.
If this idea, that God causes evil, troubles you, then I recommend that you drop it as soon as you can. Remember that we can really only know about God’s own Self from Revelation, and not from reason. And God’s revelation-- Scripture, Tradition, and its interpreter, the Church, all reject the idea that God causes evil. This may be difficult, but take it on dark faith that God is good, and rid yourself of these problems!
-Rob
P.S. As for prayer, I recently read a book called, “Fire Within” by Fr. Thomas Dubay, which I enjoyed. He deals with the contemplatives and the deep infused prayer which God wants to give to all people who grow in holiness. I recommend this book if you want something to inspire your prayer life.