O
oldcelt
Guest
You are correct in some things, but it was not my parents, though they were insistent that I receive the sacraments as the Church ordained. It was the religious of that era who, to put it kindly, did not reflect their faith well. They openly discriminated against public school students and said that we were all damned. Oddly enough, I considered the priesthood late in my teens.My friend, I will venture a possibility. As a young boy you were subjected to a lot of discipline regarding the faith you were supposed to have, brought up by christian parents who thought innocently enough that they could pass on the faith by teaching and discipline. Faith can not be passed on it is a gift from Jesus Christ. We parents act as :The Savior accidentally. This usually goes against the grain in our young rebellious minds So what is supposed to be faith becomes and imposition, not something accepted, and especially so if we suffered for it. This builds a lot of obstinacy in us and may even effect our general behavior. Understanding what conversion really is, turning from sin and turning to God, accepting Him, repenting, and leading a new life of
grace we then can judge if we were really converted. We may have been, but we have not used the sacarament of reconciliation.
This stubbornness can be called “Hard Hearted” “Today if you hear His voice harden not your heart” I doubt if you were really converted, perhaps I’m wrong, and in any case I don’t judge you, its’ not my department. You did admit that you were stubborn with your wife. We all experience stubbornness in some form. We are born rebels. Thats why we have to be reborn. I believe you have resolved your life into a passified state, I do believe that God wants to bless you with a greater state of soul, one with Hope, Love, and Faith, and even joy. I know its possible because my own life wasn’t a happy one, and very lonely, I was orphaned and treated like Oliver Twist, and worse. God spared me the bitterness that naturally comes from this treatment, and it was done by His grace which gave me the understanding of what life is all about, and why certain things happen. So here is praying the best for you, and that you experience the Love God has for you.
I have a very devout Catholic friend who said I was blessed with an extremely analytical mind that is, in her eyes, also a bit of a curse. When I decided, after my divorce, to take my faith more seriously I devoured everything I could find. Gradually, I found what I view as the inconsistencies in the Abrahamic/Christian God.
By that time any angry rebel had, as you say, grown passive. I came here in 2005 at the death of John Paul II as something of a last ditch effort. Much of what I heard did not help the situation (a cautionary note when posters read a wavering Catholic member’s posts), but I think I was already out the door. I could no longer reconcile what I had been taught and what I had read and witnessed with a loving God.
While reading about the Founding Fathers of the US I encountered Deism and began searching it out. To me it makes a great deal more sense, though I don’t expect anyone else to accept that.
I remain here because of my enjoyment of debate and my continuing respect for many aspects of the Church. Spiritually, I am largely at peace even though my health is bad. At least now I believe that that is just a result of life on this planet. Not part of any eternal plan.
I think I will be able to rest.